I don't know where to start
Hey, well as my title stated, I don't know where to start. I'm seeking freedom from porn. I'm 23, unmarried, and I love God with all my heart. There is one thing that never seems to leave me no matter how much time passes.
I've been using porn for many years. It is Satan's strong hold on my life. There have been times when I've been able to stop looking at it for weeks, and even months, but it always comes back to me.
I wish I could find a good accountability partner that I trust. I tried one friend, he was cool at first, but I think he got tired of me not being able to break free from this.
I thank God that he hasn't stopped convicting me about this. There have been times when I was able to numb Him out, but He always comes back.
I've been doing good for some weeks, then it hit me again. I've used it like three times in the last four days. That's how it is with me. I will go a couple of weeks or longer with no problems, then the temptation will become overwhelming and not stop for a time. I want to be free from this because I long to be clean and the person that God wants me to be, and who and what I am is not what He wants me to be.
I've known for a long time that I cannot overcome this on my own. I've taken many steps to stop, read books, cried my heart out, you name it. There have even been times when I prayed that if I were never going to overcome this, that God would take my life because I didn't want to live like that. By no means am I suicidal, I just hate living like this.
I long to be intimate with a wife one day, and when I use porn, that is all I want. I think I have decided that I don't want to get married until I haven't looked at porn for many years, because I want the person who I marry to know that I'm marrying her to be with her and enjoy life with her, not to actually get to do it instead of watching it.
It's like this, I need all the help and prayer I can get. I'll be fine for a few days, then I'll have a day when Satan will not leave me alone, no matter what I say or do. So I'm asking for prayer. I don't know what else to say.
Thanks
I understand how you feel. So I pray over you right now and anyone else dealing with this and declare freedom from every addiction in the name of Jesus. You have been set free when Jesus died for you on the cross 2,000 years ago. You are no longer bound by these things. Jesus not only took up your sins, he took all your infirmities, addictions, hurts, and problems. Know that the devil has no authority over you unless you give him authority. Rather, you have authority because a) you're seated in heavenly places b) Jesus has been given ALL authority, which means the devil has NONE! c) everything is under the feet of the Christ, and since we are the body, everything is under us also. You are a beloved child of God. And no matter how much you might feel like you are failing, God still loves you.
I know one way that might help is just to go and seek God recklessly. Read the Word, pray (without ceasing), worship, visit Christian websites (like this one, or ibethel.org, Jesusculture.org), read Christian books. Keep the worship music on whenever and wherever you can. Just fill yourself with God and the things of God. Once we see God's beauty, what the world has to offer us is ugly. Pursuit the Lord like never before. Then keep pursuing Him. Ask God to consume you. Ask for God to possess you and ask for grace. And x3 watch definitely helps.
I found this just a few days ago. Someone wrote down their dialogue with God, asking God to explain Song of Solomon to him. This is Jesus' reply:
"Love for Me will become a consuming fire in you. My love is not something you can trifle with or take lightly. If you say ‘yes’ to Me it will consume your whole life[18]. I will not awaken love in you until you give Me permission, but believe Me, when you do say ‘yes’ to Me things will never be the same again. You will never be able to go back to what was[19]. Once you have tasted the new wine of My love the old will never satisfy. Be warned, you will be ‘ruined’. Religion will not satisfy, the world will not satisfy, for when love is awakened in you it will cry out for Me. You will become love sick for Me and only I will satisfy. Do you want to be like this? Do you really want this? Do you want a passion, a consuming fire burning within you? Think carefully. No, do not think. If your heart, your soul, your spirit cries out ‘yes’ then say ‘yes’, and I will come and awaken love in you. But that is why I warn the daughters of Jerusalem not to awaken love until it pleases, for there will be no going back to that which was before."
A recent revelation I had is that God, the only one and true God, the God of the universe, came as a human to save me, a sinner, someone that did not deserve any of His love, grace, mercy, goodness, etc. And He washed me clean. He is SO loving and generous to give me His Son, but also the gifts, the Holy Spirit, and even authority, and eternal life. So the LEAST I can do is to obey and worship. Not that works will save me, but because it is out of our free will to love and obey Him.
I believe God will help you overcome, and only He can, and with God, all things are possible.
hope that helps a bit
God bless,
sam
(email me if you want samd_viper@yahoo.com, i would like to hear from you)
thanks for sharing.
