I want to quit.

I have been addicted to pornography since I was 8 years old. My brothers would stay up late nights and watch HBO and Cinemax movies and I joined the club. As we grew, I became known as the "goody two shoes" and was basically banned from watching such things by them, and as they went into teen ages, they got their own rooms and began to watch it alone. I would sneak into their rooms when they were away and watch their movies. It became even worse when I got my own computer in my room. This has been the worse hindrance to my walk with God and my life as a whole. It has twisted my idea of sex and my view of the sexual dynamic between male and female. I have remained a virgin and have not sought companionship as I am too ashamed to tell a woman I am addicted to pornography. It has destroyed my life and made me shamed to even be friends with people because I think it is written on my forehead and they will know. The biggest thing to me is that it seems that this will never leave me, and when I feel sad I will watch it, when I am hungry, i will watch it, when I am lonely, I will watch it, and it becomes my god, the comfort that is "here and now" instead of a God that always seems distant because of my shame. I wish He would just zap it away, but it never happens that way...

Jon wrote on July 12th 08 at 03:14PM

hey sounds familiar to what i go through like the feeling lonely part i use to be that way in fact i still feel tempted to look but i installed a filter and made up a password and now i don't look anymore

mr_cwt123 wrote on July 13th 08 at 06:45PM

In so very many ways it is good to be reminded of what I keep telling myself and telling otheres. "We are not alone in this fight" " We are not alone in the fight for faithful and moral FREEDOM" I feel exactly as you do. If I come home from work and I am depressed, I live alone so I get that way a lot, I try to fight it but sometimes I fail and end up on line for hours and don't even know it until something breaks my concentration and I relize what I have been doing. Then I become desgusted with myself for having given in to the temptation. I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. Keep up the fight we will over come this.

Asd wrote on July 14th 08 at 06:53AM

I just made up password for sites i been visiting long time i just was reading about pornogracy
and i looked up that im addicted to that
and i just got disgusted myself.

Im done wish me luck.

Mr.ft wrote on July 14th 08 at 10:41PM

hey budy i know how do you feel,i was in ,im from mexico and i just want to share something with you. few weeks ago i read in a book that jesus is looking,needing YOUNG people like you and me,young people that can be able to die to their own,and serve god with a body and a mind pure and free sin, i know that you are not a perfect men,but jesus needed you to help others,it is why you are passing throug this,so i encorage you to be strong and every time that the sin comes just ask streng to jesus,today i tried to masturbate myself, and im telling you the true i didnt do it.i felt jesus feeling that need of my body...
god blees you brother..
it is not that bad.remember that is bigger the one that is in your,GOD

jland wrote on July 17th 08 at 12:29AM

Dude I'm with ya , just remember what God told Paul.... My Grace Is Sufficient, your weakness shows My strength. Even the greatest Apostle struggled with sin. sounds like your heart is repentant and you will defeat your sin through our Lord Jesus Christ, dont give up!