Looking to stay clean

I lost my wife three years ago. God took her home after a 2 year sickness. During this period I fell back into a pre-saved habit of using pornography (Text stories mostly).

While I've been doing much better lately, and don't think it's an addiction, I know that the only sin that has power is the sin that is unconfessed. So rather than take the risk of it being, or becoming an addiction, I'll treat it as one now and nip it in the bud. I'd hate to have it rear it's ugly head full strength when next I get super stressed.

I've come to realize that I have triggers. Things that would normally be OK but which lead me down the wrong way. I cannot take my camera to the beach for example as I have a tendency to take pictures of the wrong things. (I've already purged the house of all questionable stuff) I have to avoid things like the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated. Even have to be careful watching some women's sports.

After reading around on here for a bit I developed the courage to post this. I figure God has brought others through much worse than I've gone through and He's helped them stay clean so He'd also do that for me.

God bless you all.

John wrote on August 26th 08 at 04:57PM

two weeks totally clean!!

john wrote on August 28th 08 at 09:48PM

Bummer. Suffered a stupidity attack last night. No porn but bad thoughts that I didn't head off at the pass. Ended up self-abusing.

Figure if I'm going to be accountable I have to be open about things right?

Cost me two whole weeks. Back to one day (and counting)

John wrote on August 31st 08 at 06:04AM

stumbled again. No porn but still have to restart.

john wrote on September 14th 08 at 12:04PM

Made it to 2 weeks clean again!!!

Stuck in a hotel far from home but should be able to get through with God helping me.