Porn gone too far
I started to get into porn at a very young age. It first started with looking at my dad's photography instruction books. In one of them was a few pictures of nudes. I began to fantasize about them. i was young, maybe 11. Then we got the internet. I would go out late at night or in the early morning to look at pictures on the web. I got caught once when I printed out a picture and hid it behind our washing machine. The next day we got a new washer and my dad found it. We had a little talk, but I kept going out at night to the computer. It didn't really get bad until I went to college. There I had my own room, my own computer and plenty of free time. My friends didn't care, some of them encouraged me. I looked at porn for hours, masturbating and fantasizing about these women. Transferring colleges, I moved out onto my own and looked at porn when I got up in the morning, before I went to bed, whenever I was bored. I was addicted. When i got a real Job and a car I could use, I started to go to sex shops to buy porn. I always did it at night, or when I had some time that I would not be bothered. Then I met the woman who would become my wife. When I met her, I stopped looking at porn for a few days, I had a real person to fantasize about. But it came back. She, being a devout Christian, made me think about what I was doing as being wrong. I thought it was my life and I can do what ever I want to do, whenever. I ended up confessing to her when we were engaged, but the addiction had me trapped. i stopped for a few days, would get back on, and go to confession. This lasted for a few weeks before I stopped confessing, and it became a dark secret that split my life in two. I was living a devout life on the outside, but in private, I was a sex addict.
After being married for about a year, I really lost control over my cravings. Every second was drawing me to look at porn. It escalated so much that one night I started looking at prostitutes and I picked one up, and committed the sin of adultery. That was the turning point for me. I felt the most guilt I had ever felt. But I kept it a secret. A few days ago I told my wife. We are going through the process of getting our lives back together, and we hope that we can come out of this together. Porn ruined my life.
After confessing to my wife, I confessed to my priest, and he recommended a few sites to get back on track with my life. XXXChurch was one of those sites.
You can overcome this. Anyone can. Have faith, trust in the Lord and when it gets tough, call on His name for help.
You're not alone.
