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I admit
I admit that if I had a wife who was closed minded and thought sex was dirty, and we did not have the ability to have a good sexual relationship, I would turn to porn also. Wives need to ask the question, why does my husband turn to porn. 90% of the time, it is their ONLY sexual outlet.
Survivor wrote on December 5th 08 at 07:16AM
Not all men turn to porn. Many of the stories here describe people that came into the marriage already addicted to porn. My story is different. I was molested at five, became a real life blow up doll at five years old for a teen who was looking at porn. Porn touched my life because no one was willing to deal with his questions and curiosity. Face it, porn just plain stimulates. We need to quit pretending it doesn't with our youth. No one reacted once it was made known, everyone ignored him and blamed me. The parents even told their children that they could not play with me, a little five year old. Unbelievable. To this day the person who used me is still chained to porn. I went on to believe the lie that I was not worthy of protection, friends, nor capable of protecting myself. What a heap of lies for such a little one to buy into.
Fast forward to my 20's. I got married to a good man. Not a perfect man, but a good man. I finally felt safe and opened up to trust I had never allowed. I also started dealing with the things of the past and I took comfort in the fact he would respect my need for space. I can go as far as to say I relished the fact that I could say no and it was respected. Control of my space and body was a novel concept. But I did not stop to think how that rejection would hurt him and he was paying for what others had done to me. Praise God, the Lord was faithful and has brought that message home to my heart. I also came to realize I had tried to make my husband my savior. He's not, he's human. My Father in heaven's Son is my savior!!!
My husband, during that time, turned to porn on occasion and that really played with my fears and trust. I have always fought with a core thought that I was a magnet for people with deep dark secrets that wanted to play them out. That was not true, I had learned the role of victim and those with dark secrets continued to play them out on me from age 5 through 16. After the initial summer at age 5, I experienced inappropriate actions by two doctors, an eye doctor, a UPS carrier, and the janitor at the elementary school. The fear that my husband was turning into one of them almost ruined us.
Yes, there are women who struggle thinking sex is dirty and disgusting. Our first experiences were. I have been on a journey for several years and through truly reading scripture, not just believing the hype, God created a union between a husband and wife to be a beautiful thing. Unfortunately the wetness after sex triggered memories of the fear of a little five year old, stole many years of that enjoyment from both my husband and I. The Lord has been faithful and brought me through a great deal to a time in my life in which I enjoy being with my husband. I think that is incredible and amazing and shows God's grace and mercy.
I am so much more than a depository, a receptacle of a male's lust. I never deserved that message and the young man mixed up and curious deserved information about sex. I can't change how my story goes, nor how people reacted or didn't react. Nor change the time stolen from my marriage. But there is so much more to God's word about sex than you should feel ashamed by it. Most know enough to be dangerous. Movies, stories, and news articles depict Christian women as prudes in this area. It taints God's vision of marriage and sex. But it feeds the reality of some of our experiences.
Pastors yes there are women who struggle with sex, but I hope sharing my story allows you to have compassion as to why they might not provide and assist them in understanding God's view of sex. The world distorts it and sometimes people act out on others. My husband was patient and tells me it was worth the wait. I also don't see myself as worthless anymore. I can see myself as someone worthy of love. I was hurt because of porn and that turned into what made my husband turn to porn. Help families break the chain with compassion and God's word.
Bless all of you!!! Quiet and pretending church is a bubble of perfection is hurting so many. Please, as pastors, deal with these issues.
Thank you,
Survivor
Fast forward to my 20's. I got married to a good man. Not a perfect man, but a good man. I finally felt safe and opened up to trust I had never allowed. I also started dealing with the things of the past and I took comfort in the fact he would respect my need for space. I can go as far as to say I relished the fact that I could say no and it was respected. Control of my space and body was a novel concept. But I did not stop to think how that rejection would hurt him and he was paying for what others had done to me. Praise God, the Lord was faithful and has brought that message home to my heart. I also came to realize I had tried to make my husband my savior. He's not, he's human. My Father in heaven's Son is my savior!!!
My husband, during that time, turned to porn on occasion and that really played with my fears and trust. I have always fought with a core thought that I was a magnet for people with deep dark secrets that wanted to play them out. That was not true, I had learned the role of victim and those with dark secrets continued to play them out on me from age 5 through 16. After the initial summer at age 5, I experienced inappropriate actions by two doctors, an eye doctor, a UPS carrier, and the janitor at the elementary school. The fear that my husband was turning into one of them almost ruined us.
Yes, there are women who struggle thinking sex is dirty and disgusting. Our first experiences were. I have been on a journey for several years and through truly reading scripture, not just believing the hype, God created a union between a husband and wife to be a beautiful thing. Unfortunately the wetness after sex triggered memories of the fear of a little five year old, stole many years of that enjoyment from both my husband and I. The Lord has been faithful and brought me through a great deal to a time in my life in which I enjoy being with my husband. I think that is incredible and amazing and shows God's grace and mercy.
I am so much more than a depository, a receptacle of a male's lust. I never deserved that message and the young man mixed up and curious deserved information about sex. I can't change how my story goes, nor how people reacted or didn't react. Nor change the time stolen from my marriage. But there is so much more to God's word about sex than you should feel ashamed by it. Most know enough to be dangerous. Movies, stories, and news articles depict Christian women as prudes in this area. It taints God's vision of marriage and sex. But it feeds the reality of some of our experiences.
Pastors yes there are women who struggle with sex, but I hope sharing my story allows you to have compassion as to why they might not provide and assist them in understanding God's view of sex. The world distorts it and sometimes people act out on others. My husband was patient and tells me it was worth the wait. I also don't see myself as worthless anymore. I can see myself as someone worthy of love. I was hurt because of porn and that turned into what made my husband turn to porn. Help families break the chain with compassion and God's word.
Bless all of you!!! Quiet and pretending church is a bubble of perfection is hurting so many. Please, as pastors, deal with these issues.
Thank you,
Survivor
