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I just want this pain inside to stop
I am a pastor and have been addicted to porn since I was a teen. Ever since we purchased a computer, it has been a whole lot worse. I have found that lust is crippling me and my ability to minister effectively. I know I am forgiven by the grace of God, but I also know that I can not continue to live like this. I have to stop. Pray for me and for my family, because if this doesn't stop it will tear us apart.
Luke wrote on November 6th 08 at 05:12PM
I know how you feel. I am right there with you. I think the thing that will help but the thing I least want to do is acknowledge and accept that I am an addict, in the most blatant form, and then openly seek help. I know of a sex addicts meeting in my area, but I am not going because I am afraid to have to tell people what I am doing on the nights that it meets, and I am afraid to tell my wife I need to go to it, but going it is only making it worse, and it is showing me that I still value myself more than God and my wife.
Luke wrote on November 6th 08 at 05:19PM
In the previouse comment there is a mistake, I meant to say that not going to the SA meetings is showing me that I still value myself more than anyone else, even God.
Pastor G wrote on December 12th 08 at 05:27AM
Fellow Pastor, I understand your struggle. I truly do. I understand the web of lies and the mask wearing and the shame and guilt that goes through the soul when we stand and proclaim freedom in Christ when not just hours before we were viewing porn.
If the computer is the area of temptation for you, there is lots of help. X3 and Covenant Eyes are both great programs for your computer. Also, make sure there is someone you can trust that can keep you accountable - preferably someone NOT in the church you serve (sometimes these people can turn and burn you - happened to me).
Satan devours lone, wounded pastors just like lions devour animals separated from the group. Being alone with your sin is the bullet in the chamber...remove the bullet and the gun is something you can deal with. I pray God's Spirit leads you to accountability and gives you peace in the midst of your storm.
If the computer is the area of temptation for you, there is lots of help. X3 and Covenant Eyes are both great programs for your computer. Also, make sure there is someone you can trust that can keep you accountable - preferably someone NOT in the church you serve (sometimes these people can turn and burn you - happened to me).
Satan devours lone, wounded pastors just like lions devour animals separated from the group. Being alone with your sin is the bullet in the chamber...remove the bullet and the gun is something you can deal with. I pray God's Spirit leads you to accountability and gives you peace in the midst of your storm.
