More confessions of a pastor

By User Submitted on Sun, Sep 21st 08 at 12:57PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

My story is much like everyone else's... It's not even close to surprising to hear all the confessions because so many of us have injured minds and wounds that need to be healed. I started looking at pornography in the fifth grade and was hooked instantly. In middle school I discovered how to override the child-block on my dad's satellite dish and was watching the most vile, hard-core porn available by the age of 12. At the beginning of high school I got "serious" about my relationship with God, which only added to the shame when I couldn't kick the habit - I was completely addicted. I actually considered LITERALLY gouging out my eyes at one point because I hated them so much. Now I'm almost 27 and I wish I had. Every time I think I've FINALLY found total healing, I stumble. I went months this last time without falling, but my wife went out of town and I fell. It doesn't help the shame that I'm a pastor. Going through Bible school hiding my addiction, praying that God would take it away hurt so bad. Then I had a long season that I thought I was free. I had been stalling accepting a job because I thought, I can't be a pastor until I get rid of this first. When I thought it was out of my life I took a youth pastor's job and was doing really good for a long time. I've been pastoring for about a year now and I'm starting to wonder if I should quit. I've fallen three or four times since becoming a minister. I'm scared that if anyone found out I'd be shamed and fired. But I don't want to stop helping young people. I just want to stop looking at porn. God, is there any hope for REALLY having a pure mind and NOT falling ever again? One can only hope and pray.

-- Brian. Youth Pastor.

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Thornd Syde wrote on September 21st 08 at 06:48PM

Dear Brian,

I will be standing in prayer with you in this battle.

Isn't it funny that the temptations do not die after marriage; no matter how attractive one's wife may be. I thought it would get easier to resist afterward!

I can empathize with your situation as an ex-children's pastor and a long-time/current recurring porn addict. God used Craig Gross at my church this morning to soften my heart to repentance...yet again.

Knowing that we have wives who will be hurt, and a job in jeopardy (I work for a Christian org), make it that much harder to take the steps necessary. These same things, however, make it all the more important to confront this head-on -- and NOW!

I sincerely admonish you to find an accountability partner. Most/all[?] (self included) who have confronted this issue will recommend this as it is usually, if not always, found that the battle can not be fought without a close accountability relationship. This is where I have erred in the past and intend to quickly remedy.

I intend to follow up this post with an e-mail to my church elders to start the process of accountability and eventually to confess, again, to wife.

I love you my brother and know that this can AND WILL be overcome through Christ.

Feel free to e-mail if you wish: syde_thornd at yahoo dot com

ray wrote on September 28th 08 at 06:22AM

HI WOULD LIKE TO SAY THAT I KNOW EXACATLY WHAT ITS LIKE TO TRY TO AVOID PORN,YET MY BOSS SAID TO ME AT THE END OF ( 2004 ) AND BEGINING OF ( 2005 ) THAT HE AND THE OTHER BOSSES WILL BE PHYISICLY CHECKING THE COMPUTERS THAY WOULD NOT BE LEAVEING IT ALL DOWN TO THE MANERGER OF THE COMPUTERS AS IT WOULD NOT BE RIGHT OR FAIR TO LEAVE IT ALL DOWN TO ONE PERSON,YET MY BOSS HAS NOT DONE WHAT HE SAID HE AND THE OTHER BOSSES WILL DO HE HAS LEFT IT ALL DOWN TO THE ONE MANEGER OF THE COMPUTERS.WHICH IS TOTALY WRONG I HAVE SPOKEN TO PEOPLE IN OTHER COMPONYS, DO THAY JUST HAVE ONE PERSON WHO CHECKS THE COMPUTERS PHIYSICALY THAY SAID KNOW THAY HAVE MORE THAN ONE TO MAKE SURE THE JOB IS DONE RIGHT TO PROTECT THE COMPONY AND EVERY WHO USES THE COMPUTER ROOMS AS ITS ONLY RIGHT DOES ANYONE ELS THINK ITS TOTALY INCOMPERDANT OF MY BOSSES NOT TO HAVE CHECKED PHIYICALY AS THAY SAID TO ME AS NOT ALOT HAS BEEN DONE IN 2 YEARS SOME THING HAS BEEN SAID ABOUT PEOPLE LOOKING AT PORN, YET THAT IS ALL YET THE COMPUTERS HAVE NOT BEEN CHECKED WELL AS THAY SHOULD BE LIKE I SPOKE TO ONE OF MY FRIENDS IN A COMPONY NOT ASSOICATED WITH THIS COMPONY MY FRIENDS ARE TOTALYL SHOCKED THAT THE BOSSES HAVE NOT DONE WHAT THAY SAID THAY WILL DO BY PHIYSICALY CHECKING THENSELFS AND NOT LEAVEING IT DOWN TO ONE PERSON, TO CHECK HOW TOTALY IRISSPONSIBLE OF MY BOSSES. MY FRIENDS HAVE SAID NOT TO CHECK WEEKLY AS BY BOSSES SAID SO WHATS GOING TO HAPPEN WHEN THAY FIND OUT ALOT OF PEOPLE HAVE LOOKED AT PORN OVER THE YEARS YET THE BOSSES HAVE NOT DONE THERE JOBS AND HAVE LEFT IT DOWN TO ONE PERSON TO CHECK WITH TOTALY KNOW BACK UP FOR HIM ITS WRONG, SO WHAT DOES ANYONE ELS THINK ARE MY BOSSES INCOMERDANT FOR NOT CHECKING AS THAY SAID THAY WOULD TO ME ( PLEASE POST YOUR REPLY ) THANK YOU RAY

Tom Hilti wrote on September 28th 08 at 11:52PM

Hey Ray! Get off the crack and buy a home computer so you can surf naked! Have you ever had a coherent thought?

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