Need To Be Accountable

I am a Pastor in a small town, population 450. I used to be addicted to alcohol, cocaine, heroin and spent over ten years in jail until Jesus came into my life 14 yrs ago. I am self-employed in the Counselling field and travel Mon-Fri. I live in hotel rooms and have access to the internet through my laptop.
My situation is perfect to be involved with porn. I can be alone when I want to. I can cancel appointments to spend the whole day alone if I want to and no one will argue with me if I do. I have been addicted to porn for 7 yrs. now.
I am filled with the Holy Ghost and speak in tongues. I was recently ordained June 29/08. Until this writing, no one but God and I know about my addiction.
I have not had sex with my wife for about 8 yrs. now. We are commited to marriage and there is no way we will get a divorce. We love each other and know sex is not a necessity to staying together.
I kept telling myself I can quit on my own. I would make new commitments to God, only to break them time and time again. I am tired of this merry-go-round. God is faithful to me. He blesses me, forgives me and loves me. And I turn around and abuse His forgiveness and take advantage of His love.
I need an accountability partner. I need to get this out in the open. And to turn from it for good. Is there anyone out there who can help me?

Katie Rhodes wrote on July 25th 08 at 02:36AM

Thank you for taking this step. Take the next step. Don't stop.

I'm not your accountability partner, but I want to encourage you, you are on the right path when you are willing to confess your sins to your brothers and pray for each other, that you may be healed. Grace and peace to you from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ!

"Father God, teach my brother what he needs to know today. Lead him to higher ground. Help him to stay humble and teachable, so his weakness can be a platform for Your power to be perfected. Let grace and joy sustain him today. Heal his relationship to his wife. Lead them to the help they need as a couple, in Jesus' Name. Help them make the changes they need to make to set straight paths before their feet. Surround them with strong, faithful, compassionate family in Christ. Thank You, Father God, for choosing the weak and the foolish to become citizens of heaven as we receive the righteousness of Jesus by faith. Forgive our many idolatries and heal our hearts from straying. You proposed this Covenant and we have accepted: we are sinners, You are the Savior. Change us, for Your Name's sake, and in the process, help us admit our humanity and our continual need of Jesus."

Anthony wrote on August 14th 08 at 09:16AM

Hello. Thank you for sharing your confession and I do believe strongly in God's power not only to give us strength to stop sexual addictions but also to fee us from it in ways that we cannot fathom.

I am wondering why you and your wife have not been sexually intimate for 8 years. Was that a typo? I completely agree that sex is not what keeps a marriage together, I found that out within the first month of my marriage.

I think the Bible does give a simple truth to you. In 1 Corinthians 7:5 Paul writes to husband and wives in regards to their sexual lives with conjugal rights,

"Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a LIMITED time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

I hope and pray that you are freed from this addiction but I also hope you notice some of the simple Bible truths for husbands and wives that help enormously.