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out of control
I'm not sure what else to do at this point. I've been a slave to lust since puberty. For a long time it was pornography and masturbation. Then I got married and thought all my problems would go away. In less than a year they had worsened. Then I tried out a "massage parlor". I still made myself believe I wasn't that bad because I wasn't having "real" sex (thanks Bill Clinton).
Now I'm completely out of control. I have every reason to beat this. Wife, children, ministry that will all come tumbling down, and yet the slope has just become more and more slippery. I have now found the "erotic" section on Craigslist. It amazes me that prostitution can be illegal and yet so easily obtained on the Internet. I just visited one tonight. I can't afford it, but I can't seem to stop. How will it all end for me?
I have no way out now. I pray God will take my life in some merciful way (car accident, something). My wife and children will move on and never have to know about my shame. I would rather die than have them have to face that. And yet I can't stop. We can never underestimate the power of sin rooted so deep in a life.
Kent wrote on October 7th 08 at 09:45PM
DON'T take your life!
God has amazing plans for you!
I pray that he gives you hope to beat this!
You can be the furthest into your sexual sin that you have ever been, but that distance is nothing in your Father's eyes - God can reach down, pick you up and clean you off.
So many times I have thought that there was no hope, and I've had thoughts of my own death to save the people around me from knowing. It's not justified or right. You know you need to fight this. You know you need to tell someone. Now do it. God will be with you every step of the way.
I've been struggling with porn recently and have been for a really long time, yet every time I've fallen through and felt so guilty, I've heard this quiet voice saying, "Dude, you've got to confess. Get out now while you still have a chance." And even though I feel so dirty, God still forgives me.
When I was dating in high school, I thought my addiction/tendency would stop, but it kept getting worse. I had found an amazing girl, but I felt so guilty and never told her about it. A month later I broke up with her, and it was destructive and harmful and it broke her heart. She didn't understand, but it was because the Devil had swallowed my conscience.
I'm only a college student, so you might not feel you should listen to me, but I urge you to. There are so many people that are blessed to know you. If you died, then how could your testimony be revealed? How would that glorify God? How would that comfort your wife and kids?
Do the honorable thing and tell someone that you trust. Tell your wife. If you think you can, tell your kids. Live up to your mistakes.
BEAT THE DEVIL INTO THE GROUND and flush every horrible thought that pops into your head. God will help you beat this and overcome your challenge. But you have to take the initiative.
Despite my not knowing you, I love you and am praying for you.
Read that Bible diligently and listen to God's voice.
Romans 6:5-14, Galatians 5:1-15, Ephesians 2:8-10
-Kent
God has amazing plans for you!
I pray that he gives you hope to beat this!
You can be the furthest into your sexual sin that you have ever been, but that distance is nothing in your Father's eyes - God can reach down, pick you up and clean you off.
So many times I have thought that there was no hope, and I've had thoughts of my own death to save the people around me from knowing. It's not justified or right. You know you need to fight this. You know you need to tell someone. Now do it. God will be with you every step of the way.
I've been struggling with porn recently and have been for a really long time, yet every time I've fallen through and felt so guilty, I've heard this quiet voice saying, "Dude, you've got to confess. Get out now while you still have a chance." And even though I feel so dirty, God still forgives me.
When I was dating in high school, I thought my addiction/tendency would stop, but it kept getting worse. I had found an amazing girl, but I felt so guilty and never told her about it. A month later I broke up with her, and it was destructive and harmful and it broke her heart. She didn't understand, but it was because the Devil had swallowed my conscience.
I'm only a college student, so you might not feel you should listen to me, but I urge you to. There are so many people that are blessed to know you. If you died, then how could your testimony be revealed? How would that glorify God? How would that comfort your wife and kids?
Do the honorable thing and tell someone that you trust. Tell your wife. If you think you can, tell your kids. Live up to your mistakes.
BEAT THE DEVIL INTO THE GROUND and flush every horrible thought that pops into your head. God will help you beat this and overcome your challenge. But you have to take the initiative.
Despite my not knowing you, I love you and am praying for you.
Read that Bible diligently and listen to God's voice.
Romans 6:5-14, Galatians 5:1-15, Ephesians 2:8-10
-Kent
Maksim wrote on October 9th 08 at 11:39AM
Dear brother!
It seems that davil has really hooked you up, but don't let him take you and your life! God is much greater than that and He has loved you so much that He wants to pardon you more than punishing you.
There are simple yet hard too steps on the way to healing. You need to stop doing these things you are punishing yourself for now, confess them to your wife (yes, the whole idea of this makes you scary, but being a man means being responsible for what you do, and also it'd be much worse if she'd know that by accident) and establish accountability first of all with her, and with someone whom you know you can completely trust and rely on.
I know that I have suggested hard things in your present condition, but, dear brother, cleansing doesn't start secretely, in the darkness. "No man, when he has lightened a lamp, covers it with a vessel, or puts it under a bed; but puts it on a stand, that they that enter in may see the light."
I'll pray for you, brother! You are not alone in this battle, and there's salvation and solution for you, brother!
God bless you!
It seems that davil has really hooked you up, but don't let him take you and your life! God is much greater than that and He has loved you so much that He wants to pardon you more than punishing you.
There are simple yet hard too steps on the way to healing. You need to stop doing these things you are punishing yourself for now, confess them to your wife (yes, the whole idea of this makes you scary, but being a man means being responsible for what you do, and also it'd be much worse if she'd know that by accident) and establish accountability first of all with her, and with someone whom you know you can completely trust and rely on.
I know that I have suggested hard things in your present condition, but, dear brother, cleansing doesn't start secretely, in the darkness. "No man, when he has lightened a lamp, covers it with a vessel, or puts it under a bed; but puts it on a stand, that they that enter in may see the light."
I'll pray for you, brother! You are not alone in this battle, and there's salvation and solution for you, brother!
God bless you!
Steve wrote on October 9th 08 at 01:37PM
Man i understand my father was a minister and was caught looking at porn and lost it all (God did see fit to keep the family together) I have had sexual troubles from pron to even looking at the adds on Craigslist. But i have cried and prayed that GOD would stop me when these things arise. I dont know about you but i find the hardest when im home alone with idle hands. (no pun intended) but God has answered my prayer. The last time i went to get on a site the phone would not stop ringing or someone would show up at the front door. I know this is God working and i will add you to my prayers and pray God delivers you from your desires. Its hard i know but dont give up. Christ aint given up on us so lets not give up on ourselves.
out of control wrote on October 19th 08 at 01:38AM
i guess its been about two weeks since i posted the original confession. things are worse. i've now basically emptied out our bank account on this addiction. its crazy. i get less and less pleasure and yet it drives me to seek it more and more. i appreciate the comments posted. this is the first time i've looked back at it since i wrote it. appreciate the prayers. pray for an act of god. if you knew my life you would be so disgusted. devoted wife, absolutely beautiful kids. every reason to stay pure and yet a complete failure. my pride wont let me get help i guess. there is no one i can talk to. i am all alone in this. i honestly cant think of one person in the world i can trust with this. i am alone with my sin. alone.
Kent wrote on October 19th 08 at 03:03AM
Stay STRONG.
You are NOT alone!
That's what I thought.
You have to tell your wife.
And you have to tell her now.
It's not worth it.
Stop paying for it when you don't need it.
We will keep praying for you, and thank you for confessing it.
You are so loved by God.
It hurts when you do this to him.
Imagine how hurtful it will be to your wife, someone who is not perfect.
You are so loved.
Show your love by stopping.
This addiction will hurt you more than anyone else, but you have to ask for forgiveness and move on from this.
It will be like ripping your identity out of your skin.
But you know you must do it.
Read your Bible.
We will be praying for you the whole way.
-Kent
You are NOT alone!
That's what I thought.
You have to tell your wife.
And you have to tell her now.
It's not worth it.
Stop paying for it when you don't need it.
We will keep praying for you, and thank you for confessing it.
You are so loved by God.
It hurts when you do this to him.
Imagine how hurtful it will be to your wife, someone who is not perfect.
You are so loved.
Show your love by stopping.
This addiction will hurt you more than anyone else, but you have to ask for forgiveness and move on from this.
It will be like ripping your identity out of your skin.
But you know you must do it.
Read your Bible.
We will be praying for you the whole way.
-Kent
