So done with all of this...

So, I feel weird confessing to a computer, but I have to do something. I used to live and work with a tight community of guys, and we'd all help each other out with this. But, since my wife and I moved, she is pretty much my only accountability on this matter. I just can't seem to find that close relationship where it really sticks, you know.

Anyway, I am a pastor and I still struggle with porn and masturbation. I've been falling roughly once a week for the better part of the last two months, and I just can't take it anymore. I have Covenant Eyes on my computer and it sends a detailed report to my wife every couple weeks, but I'm becoming so bold in the moment that I just don't even care. I go and look at horrible crap and I know in the back of my head that she'll see it all, but I just can't stop myself. I tell my wife every time this happens, and she's as supportive as she can be, but it's obviously very personal for her and she can only understand so much about this.

It has to be done...it has to be! I just can't keep this up. I totally binged today and spent most of my day in the church office looking at porn and masturbating...I suck!

In the aftermath of this whole nightmare, I was praying, journaling, and mourning about this whole thing with Hillsong's new album in the background. I could almost hear God say, "just listen," as the song "The Same Power" was playing. Somehow, for the first time I can remember, the implications of the indwelling Holy Spirit for struggles with sin hit me square between the eyes. The same power that created the earth, rose from the grave, and CONQUERED SIN actually lives within each one of us. That means I can seriously say "NO" to each and every one of these temptations because the holy power of God lives within me. This same flesh that longs to do these atrocious things also houses incredible power that has already beaten sin.

The voice that says: "you can't do this, you'll be back next week" is full of crap! This time it has to be different! This time I'm relying on the power of God that lives within this broken and fragile flesh.

Wow, that was longer than I expected, but thanks for letting me get that out. I love your guys' ministry and am so grateful for it! Keep it up!

vhen wrote on October 21st 08 at 10:38AM

friend, i don't feel i have the right words. i am only in my third week of purity. but i am in setting captives free 60 day purity online course. all praises to God this course was brought in my life. now i want to quit for the glory of god and not my own gains of ridding the quilt in my life.
please check it out. you are in my prayers

wayrb wrote on November 16th 08 at 11:52PM

Please check out www.theophostic.com. There is always a hook, pain in our lives, that we are "medicating" with porn. I know this sounds simple, and in reality you do need support to help. However, Jesus can reveal His Truth to you personally to the pain that's driving you.
When we're hurt badly, we will always believe something about ourselves. Satan loves to come in with a lie instead, and that's what drives the pain. This ministry does no more than help you find that pain, and then ask Jesus for His healing truth.
You can locate some people doing Theophostic in your area. Check it out, please. You can view a taped live session. I was present in the training audience when it occurred. You'll be amazed.

Rich wrote on December 7th 08 at 08:41PM

PRAY for the HOLY SPIRIT to give you the GIFT to Stop Porn etc.. He will give you the GIFTS and you will be surprised how easy it is. PRAY SEVERAL TIMES A DAY.

Most men into Porn--have the DEMON of PORN and LUST. You must get this DEMON DELIVERED. Book by DEREK PRINCE-- "" THEY SHALL EXPEL DEMONS "

also book by FRANCIS MacNUTT--"" DELIVERANCE OF EVIL SPIRITS"" both of these men are experts--doing this for 50 years. MacNUTT is with CHRISTIAN HEALING MINISTRIES--JACKSONVILLE
www.christianhealingmin.org