My now ex-boyfriend

My best friend (who was also my boyfriend) told me last summer that he was addicted to porn. I was hurt, but I told him as long as he was trying to get clean I would stay with him and support him. A month ago, he told me that he was doing stuff in chat rooms. I asked him if he was trying to break the habit and I got a vague answer along the lines of "I'm still trying, but I think it's a losing battle". I broke up with him 2 days ago, and since then I've talked to him twice about it, and we've agreed that it's best if we stop being friends. He was going to propose to me soon, and porn has ripped us apart.

All I've heard from my parents and friends is that it's not my fault. I know it's not my fault. It's his fault. I have been supportive, I've prayed for him, I've encouraged him to find someone to be accountable to, I've done everything I could think of!

Now he's asking me to pray for him while we're apart. I don't really want to. At times I feel alot of compassion for him, because he's going through this also, but most of the time I'm mad at him. Is what I'm feeling normal, and how long will it take to stop hating him?

Anne wrote on June 16th 08 at 07:30PM

... I think I understand what you're going through. My boyfriend and I have been best friends for 4 years. When we got into a relationship 1 yr and 8 months ago he stopped looking at porn. Then the day he bought my engagement ring (I went shopping with him), he looked at porn that night! I didn't find out until we went to church and the pastor asked if he had gotten the e-mail he sent. Apparently my boyfriend didn't trust me with the issue, even though it happened a week or so ago, and took it to other people. Not that I think going to the past was bad, but he tried to hide it from me. I don't know what to do. I've already told everyone that he got the ring. I thought we were ready for a lifelong commitment and now I'm not sure. How could he look at porn the night he bought my ring. I thought that was the best day of my life. I thought we were so happy and everything was perfect. Now the entire memory of it has been ruined for me. I feel like I was living in a facade of happiness. I had no idea what was really going on. Do I want to marry someone I don't know? I have no idea what to do...

Anna wrote on June 16th 08 at 07:45PM

it's supposed to say going to the "pastor" not going to the "past." And this wasn't the only time he got himself off to porn on the week of buying my engagement ring...

Jane wrote on June 17th 08 at 09:23AM

That stinks. What are we supposed to do? I love my ex more than I love myself, but is it right to subject yourself to this abuse over and over again?

I also have issues to work out with myself, but I wish that porn wasn't a factor in our relationship.