Unsure of what to do...
I am engaged to a wonderful man. We get married this July. However, I know that he has struggled with porn before. It was really bad in high school. When we began dating in college he said he wasn't looking at it.
Then one day about 7-8 months after we began dating, he felt so sick from keeping this from me. He told me that he had messed up and looked at porn again - just once. I was crushed. We had a long talk and after crying and talking it out, we moved on. I asked him every once and a while if he had looked at anything or etc. He would always be honest and appreciate the fact I was asking.
I didn't ask for a while and then found a XXX accountability report in his email with very questionable sites on it. I'm afraid to ask him because I don't want to know. That sounds naive but it is really because I don't know what to do. I want to support him and help but I don't even know what to do. I feel so confused and lost.
I love him. I know its a struggle. How do I support him while I am feeling hurt at the same time?
You can close your eyes and the things going on around you are not effected by your decision to not acknowledge them- they are still taking place.
I want to encourage you to get help now in dealing with this together. You may need to put off the wedding for just a bit longer- I wish I had done that. Here I am six years later- legally separated and still suffering the greatest heart break of my life.
Ignoring this will not make it go away.
Please get help and some intervention now on this side of marriage.
Pure Life Ministries (www.purelifeministries.org) offers a one time emergency counseling session for $25. over the phone. I think this would qualify as an emergency. Please, for your sake as well as your future husband's sake- get the help you both need in dealing with this.
For you- check out Partners For Purity (www.partnersforpurity.com)
I know you are afraid. I know you love him and want to believe that marriage will make this all go away. I know you are hurting.
You do not have to go through this alone.
I was at the base of my addiction when I wed my wife 11 years ago and I wish I had control of my self before we did marry. I took all the love and trust in our relationship and threw it out the window by not taking care of it. Now I am repairing that part of my life with her.
I see your love for him by the fact you came here looking for away and sometimes we don't like what we hear but, we have to act on what is right. Even if that means placing a hold on the wedding for a bit. This is not something you want to have on your plate as you take your first steps as a married couple.
You guys can do this together and cut this sin off at the knees. Also make sure you help yourself as well. Even though you do not struggle you have been effective by this as well. Kind of like second hand smoke. My wife and I will be praying for you guys. Brian Mac
