vengance

My husband had an online affair along with a porn addiction and when ever he is away at work I am tempted to cheat on him... I know I have forgiven him and I love Jesus and that is why I'm on this site trying to get help. I haven't talked about this to him and I wonder if I should, or if I do would I be opening a can of worms on myself. I love him very much but some how I want to hurt him back? I have distracted myself with staying around other Christians when ever he is away, because I'm so mad at myself for wanting to hurt him I keep away from the computer, and when I am on it I focus on Jesus... He is the only one who has been able to help me. I am glad that we have worked things out, but I just don't know why I am like this... Am I scared of losing him? of being alone? Growing up I was the girl who had boyfriend after boyfriend, and I was never without a boyfriend.... I always had the company of a male, since he is always gone, I wonder if that is my problem... When I go out to the store other men try to get my attention and if it is an attractive man I don't cut the conversation short, I'm getting too close to the fire and I'm scared of getting burned... forever in a fire that is never quenched... I would not be able to ever forgive myself if I would take it to another level... Someone please give me a word of advice, encouragement, I really need it.

humangirl wrote on August 20th 08 at 02:15PM

please don't do it. it will make you feel awful. you will have to live with you're choice; and it is a choice. god sees you and he knows you've been hurt and betrayed. he's hurting with you. know that he is your loving father and he just wants to hold you and while you cry. you are a daughter of the king, and you walk according to his ways; so veangence is his and it's his battle. don't fight where you're not supposed to. you do need to find your identity in christ and not a man. not even your husband. he is your partner in life, you are not him he is not you. continue to seek out people who love god, and find a bible believing counselor who you trust. this is an attack from the evil to destroy your marriage and to destroy you with guilt, shame, lust, anger, and hatred. don't let him win. get in the word and use it when those thoughts come to you. those are not your thoughts. when a guy approaches you, and you know he's flirting tell him to have good day and you must be about your business. have your strategies ready because our enemy always will. god is strong where we are weak remeber this

lovegirl wrote on August 22nd 08 at 10:54AM

I have lived similar things you have, and I have a question for you??...did you have an absent father??.....The more I think about all the issues I have, the more I believe the issues go back to the father-daughter figure......Is that your case?