Accidently Trapped

When I was 9 my very trusted cousin sexually abused me. He convinced me that it was natural for guys to act in this way. Over the next year or two I lived with this concept. During this time I experimented with gay porn. I had this sexual tenson built up but I didnt what to do with it. At this time I still thought that these actions were normal. I eventually found out the truth and I was completely confused not only with my cousins intintions but with my sexuality. Being a pastor's son we had to keep it all under raps. I felt lost and hopeless. My interest in pornography had evolved into an addiction. Everytime I tried to quit and failed, the guilt grew. For four years I struggled with porn before I became a child of God. I would like to say that the day I accepted Christ was the last day I laid eyes on the poisoness pictures but I cant. I struggled with my addiction off and on for a couple of years afterwards. I now have a firm grip on the situation even though I sometimes slip up. As for my sexuality I still have homosexual feelings even though I would trade those in for straight feelings any day. I know God does not approve of that life style but i dont know what to do. I cant tell anyone other that God but He seems to be letting me figure it out on my own. Please keep me in your prayers! God Bless

dewde wrote on July 24th 08 at 07:37AM

Your story really moved me. Thank you so much for sharing.

peace|dewde
http://teensagainstporn.com

Eric wrote on July 31st 08 at 02:08AM

I share a similar struggle...homosexual inclinations and behaviors destroyed my marriage and pornography became an integral part of living a homosexual lifestyle. Trying to give up all of that and live as God would have me has been hard and is something I continue to struggle with. Keep the faith and try to overcome the abuses by your cousin and the ramifications....change is possible with God.