I have a problem & It's hurting me & my relationship

I'm 19 and since I was about 14 or 15 I've struggled with porn & maturbating...

Since I was 15, I have also gone farther physically than I ever wanted to. I think that watching porn took the sinful feeling away from being physical with someone. it made it seem like it was okay or not a big deal, but really I ended up hurting myself more than I could imagine by letting go of values & accepting porn, masturbation, & sexual acts into my life.

I'm a christian & I don't want to be like this anymore. For the longest time, no one knew & no one suspected anything. And being a good girl, most people think that this stuff only affects guys, but that's not true. Now, I've told my best friend & my boyfriend & it's hurting my relationship. He doesn't look at me the same way & I don't want to hurt him or myself anymore.

I've been sexually active w/ my boyfriend since I was 17. I never wanted to be but I think that because of my addiction, it pushed my values aside. I've also never been able to fully enjoy it. Partly because of the guilt from having premarital sex and also because the porn has completely taken any enjoyment away from physically being with my boyfriend.

I wish I could take it all back & start over. I know the porn is wrong & I know the sex is wrong. I have a problem & I just want to fix it.

passion project wrote on July 18th 08 at 10:47PM

You're still beautiful. Live from your position of how crazy our lord is about you. Not your condition, the enemy is a big fat liar. You are free in Jesus...I want to share to you my friend's quote

"A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man needs to seek Him first to find her."

Fire Warrior wrote on July 21st 08 at 10:19AM

hey way to step up for God. don't think even for a second that He doesn't love you. His arms are and always were reaching out to help you. its awesome that you have the courage to swallow your pride and shame and return back to the light.
keep fighting sister