I've Done Horrible Things & I'm Only 16

I was 14 the first time I performed oral sex on anyone and it was an 11 year old boy. I'm sure you're already wondering "what's wrong with this girl?” Well, I should tell you that I'm a boy and having sex with that 11 year old was the biggest mistake of my life.
But instead of stopping there, I went and had sex with that boy two other times and three times with his oldest brother (13 years old) and four times with his other brother (11 years old). So by the time I was 16, I had performed oral sex, at least, 10 times.
But it didn't end there, I tried using porn (the "p" word) to satisfy these homosexual urges and that eventually led to masturbation (the "m" word). But unfortunately, I continued having oral sex with those boys as well as viewing the "p" word and doing the "m" word.
So, by now I was really in a horrible place. There would be times when I couldn't fall asleep until I did the "m' word. Or other times I would feel a really strong urge and it would almost control me.
I’m telling you all of this because I feel my life spinning out of control. It began when I was 14 and it's continued. But it ends TODAY because I’m taking back my life. I’m not gay, I never was gay and never will be gay. I refuse to give in to the devil and sin anymore, it's ruined my life and I’m only 16. I believe in God and I know He will help me to prevail over all of this because He knows I’m done living that life and ready to begin a new one.
I should also thank my best friend because he showed me this site and has helped me more than he will ever know. He helped me to become a stronger Christian and without him I may still being doing those things I had done before.

Derek wrote on August 19th 08 at 02:41AM

Hey bro, im glad you made the decision to turn away man. and thank God for your friend who supported you. God will be there to help you overcome. there is power in repentance! =)

J.D. wrote on August 20th 08 at 02:42AM

I feel priviledged to have read that, to be a part of your incredibly strong desire for freedom.

Perhaps Ephesians 6:10-20 might be of help to you. In times when prayer doesnt work and you feel distant to God, notice that before prayer comes the putting on of spiritual armor, the first of which is the belt of truth. The truth is that you are made in the very image of Christ, created and redeemed, delivered and sanctified, and justified before the eyes of Christ.

2 Timothy 4 says that Jesus Christ has a crown of righteousness which he himself will put on your head.

Congratulations, and remember that in your struggle against sin, God has already won the war for you.

Roger wrote on September 7th 08 at 06:41PM

Dear "I've done horrible things..."

I am so proud of you for making your decision to change directions. There are two paths in life, one toward God and one away.

You turned. You are on your way.

When you plan to go on a trip, you have to pack some things so that the trip works out well.

On your path to recovery, you need to start by putting good things into your head. God's Word is one thing. Find some podcasts that are positive and help your journey.

GET NEW FRIENDS !!!!!!!! You are who you hang with.

You hang with a gang, you'll become a member. You hang with druggies, you'll become an addict. You hang with whores, you'll get a disease. You hang with dimwits, don't expect to be bright. You hang with losers, don't expect any prizes.

When I worked with gangs, I used to ask them, "Any of your friends dead?" Lots of hands went up. Then, I'd tell them, "That is where you are headed. Dead."

If the ship you are on is sinking, you're not going to survive. So make a choice right now to get away from your "friends".

I tell sex victims to put space between them and the nasty place. You CANNOT go to one of your "friend's" house and be safe. Make a choice to move away from them and move toward God and God's people.

I'm so glad you shared your story. If there is anything you need, come back here and ask. I get emailed any time someone posts where I have put a comment.

Keep coming back. We're here for you.

Breckin wrote on September 21st 08 at 05:54PM

Thank you Derek, J.D. & Roger. Your comments have really helped in my struggle. I'm sorry to admit that i have fallen back into these habits twice now.
The second time was just today, but half way through something just hit me. . .It was GOD who hit me! And as i sat there with this boy, i just began talking about God and how this was a sin. Then i got dressed and said to the boy, "I ask that Jesus forgives our sins." and then i left before anything could happen.

J.D. wrote on September 21st 08 at 06:15PM

Amazing! I'm thinking of a scripture that says we are to flee lustful temptations, and thats exactly what you did! I can imagine that God is greatly pleased by your abrupt and wholehearted turn from sin toward his presence. Don't get hung up on the times you didn't, but look forward to the future, for you can't change the past, but you can learn from it. May God bless you.

Roger wrote on September 21st 08 at 07:29PM

Breckin,

You have to make a first step. Doesn't matter where you make it from.

If you're going to head to the light, wouldn't your first few steps be in darkness? Good job.

Read Proverbs 7 over and over. The door to sin is not at the harlot's house, it's at the top of her street. Do all you can to avoid her street.

I'm proud of you for choosing to change your thinking. Hold onto those thoughts, they will guide you forward.

Praying for you.