Struggling, But I Want it to be Cleansed from my life.

Listen brother to my words. I don't know what individual steps you are taking in Christ to get free, but I would like to share some of mine that set me free. Yes free. I'm free no longer to be tempted, turned on, or intrigued. I had been crying out to the Lord for roughly 10 years. Constantly in pain from hurting him and defying him. I would do the same as you. I would fall then cry in my heart for his forgiveness. This is a good sign. It shows you have a genuine desire to get free. But I will be honest with you. The road ahead may or may not be difficult depending on the specific circumstances of your addiction. In the circumstances of mine I learned the most powerful tool against the devil and my addiction. This weapon forged against the enemy is heavily fought and suppressed in the community and churches everywhere. It's confession. Now please understand me, I'm not speaking of just confessing out loud to God privately nor am I speaking of only writting in to an anonamous blog. I'm speaking of the scriptures; confess one to another. We've all heard and read it, but few of us ever practice it. Why? Because the devil has convinced us of embarassment. And don't get me wrong it is embarassing. But thats the point. It sets you free because you expose yourself to his light. You come walking out of the desert of darkness into the father's brighly lit bonfire. Once you do this everyone circling in the darkness, afraid to aproach, will potentially see you. You will even finally see yourself. That you are naked and disgusting before him. However, God's light will shine on you burning away the chaff and then he will reach out and cloth your nakedness because he loves you. He wishes to cloth all, but few will follow your example. Fortunatly some will. They will see you be courageous and take a stand before him. They will be encouraged. Now the question is who should I confess to the moment I screwup? Well you'll have to ask God who he wants you to tell. Beleive me the more embarassing the better. Would you like to know who God chose for me? Alright I'll tell you. My future fiance. Oh yeah it was embarassing. I can't even begin to tell you how embarassing. What was worse was the last boyfriend she had got mad at her one night because she refused to sleep with him and watched a porno right in front of her and did the deed. Oh yeah not good. When she found out she was horrified. I cried. She got mad. Real mad! But I trusted the Lord and she suprised me by forgiving me. I was shocked. From then on every time I messed up I went and told her. (I giving you the short version) I messed up big and small, but in the end she gave me a safe place to confess and God's unfalling love was in her. She forgave me everytime. The more I confessed the easier it got. The more the addiction died. It became weaker and weaker. Until finally I was on the edge of being free, but then I hit a plateau. I just couldn't finish the last leg of the race. Then God called me to do something that scared me nearly to death. He told me to go take responsibility for something I did in my deep past as a kid. I had to apologize to two people I convinced to be sexually active with me in my childhood. A girl and a boy. These were at diffrent times, not together. I was shaking literally in place when he told me I would have to tell them I was sorry. I thought oh God please no, no not that. Anything but that please. What it came down to was I had to be willing to obey God's commands to be free. I had to have a will that said, "What ever it takes I'm going to be free!" Later it made obvious sense, it was his commands that I broke that got me into this mess in the first place. So in the end I trusted the Lord that these two would forgive me and if they didn't then I knew God would comfort me somehow. Well I'm happy to say that they did! In fact one of the two kept thanking me for apologizing. I was blown away. He told me that what we did had haunted him eversince it happened. Now I don't know if you believe in demonic oppression, but I definitly do. I'm not kidding, as soon as I finished apologizing to the last of the two I felt this THING slither out my neck from the right side. It spoked the crap out of me! But after that moment I felt a huge weight disappear. Just like that it was gone. What I'm trying to tell you is that these things can hold on indeffinetly unless we are willing to expose them and ourselves to God as he specifically commands us. I'm not saying your road will be like mine, but it might. Look im not lying to you it was the scariest experience of my life, but I would gladly do it all over again. Silence and secrets are DEADLIY! Confess to the one God chooses for you. They will act as his representative just like my fiance. And believe me you'll know your confessing to God and not them. The tears will prove that I speak the truth. All I have left to say is do not be afraid. Obey him and you'll get out. If you don't obey him when he instructs you on how to get out then you will hold on to those THINGS swimming around on the inside. God got me through it. He can get you through it too.

P.S. = read Psalms 25 over and over again until your free. It helped me on my journey. Also I recommend you go to audio-bible.com and try listening to it as well as reading it.

Love you brother. May Lord lead you out of darkness as he did me. AMEN.

Jesblood, what a great story or recovery. Thank you for sharing.

What you're telling the "STRUGGLING..." confessor is that you can't do this alone. You need a person or group to be accountable to. This sin is a sin of secrets. The more we are out in the open, the safer and freer we are.

My advice to "STRUGGLING..." is that prayer alone will not get you out of this. Only God can make a seed grow. Our job is to prepare the soil for God's Grace to work. If you wanted to have a garden, you'll get nothing by kneeling in front of a patch of dirt and praying. You have to take action. You have to get a shovel and turn the soil, fertilize it, water it and then sow some seeds. God will do the rest.

But even after the seeds sprout, you need to tend the garden. This is not a "Whew, I beat that, I'm done" process. You have to understand that you will always be vulnerable. You have to make choices to defend yourself against it.

I'm not telling you to give up prayer. Prayer will give you strength when your "gardening" becomes hard and you want to give up. I'm telling you that you have to make a choice to DO something different.

The journey to freedom from porn needs you to be proactive.

The biggest challenge to anyone suffering from porn is that it is too easy. It's RIGHT THERE. Put space between you and the nasty place!

If the computer is in your room, ask your parents if you can put it in another room where you can't hide.

Proverbs 7 teaches to stay off the bad girl's street. Once you turn on her street, even though you haven't gotten to her yet, you're done.

Unless you have a specific assignment or project you are working on, do not open your browser. Sin happens in small steps. Don't make it difficult for yourself by treating the first temptation to "just check out a couple sites". Just looking is a lot closer to just touching than the safe place of: "no browser open."

I know that if I woke up tomorrow and couldn't find a browser on my computer that would kill about 95% of my chances to fall. Know where and when you fall. Avoid those steps.

You CAN do this. Just make small choices to do the right thing along the way. We're here for you.