The Hidden Life
When did porn begin in my life? I honestly do not know the answer to that question. This is a battle I have been struggling with for as long as I can remember. I do remember though that it started out low grade. As a kid I came across a magazine, I believe it was a sports illustrated swimsuit edition, or something like that. I just remember the picture I had was of a woman in a bathing suit and my battle was underway. I hid the magazine from my mom under my dresser and would pull it out at night to do my thing, then return it to it's hiding place. As time went on I found out about other magazines that women were wearing nothing. Then finally I came across the internet. Little by little my life was being consumed by this never ending struggle of pornography.
As time passed it was just a matter of time until my mom found out what I was meddling in. Eventually she did and denied my access to the computer for quite some time. Though in the mean time I found out I was able to access the internet through my phone. I spent many nights on my phone accessing pornography sites but that came to an abrupt stop when my mom received my phone bill. After spending countless nights on my phone my bill had reached over 1000 dollars, and this was right around the time I was about to buy a car. My car shopping came to an end when I had to pay my mom back, and my mom broke down not knowing what to do to get me to stop this habit. Time went on and I still snuck it in here and there. When college time came around I had been very interested in a Christian University and was hoping it may be an end to my problems. After applying and getting accepted I moved in to school. With strict internet rules in place I was masturbation and pornography free for three months. Honestly those were the best three months of my life, I didn't have to worry about hiding this anymore or carrying around a burden on my back I was truly free. Though it all started up again when I found ways around the system and started accessing it when my roommate was not around. I sought help from my RA, RD, and the school counselors though I was still hooked. I sit here tonight writing this biography of my hidden life as a broken 18 year old man. I want this to be over. I am tired of hiding, I am tired of grief, and I am tired of hurting people close to me. I have looked for many help sites and have heard much about XXX Church and am hoping that you will help me though this phase of my life.
-Jesse
Good little site to help set you free. Check out the destruction and freedom stories there.. VERY eye-opening.
Peace.
It's a war. You are in a war, so get your guns and fight.
I wish I could impart something but the only thing I can impart are words.
Since you do not enjoy being bound by watching these will you choose to do the right thing?
The pull is there and the flesh is there. The Devil is also there. The spirits of lust are there. They provide all the lustful thoughts and you take the bait.
Are you a Christian? If you are, you can pray through the power of the Blood of Christ and be delivered. Ask God to cover you with spiritual protection. "And by the blood of the Lamb and word of their testimony, they overcame the Devil." - REV 12:11
After this, it's your choice. It's a mental game. You have to choose to quit. You have to. Every time you get those thoughts, you have to say NO.
Join a fellowship in your school- Christians. 'cause the world will pull you right back into it.
