When and where did i go missing?

i dont know who i am anymore.

i, a 15 year old girl, have been struggling with porn for 5 years now. i cant even process it...5 years.and porn hasnt been my only problem. this past year i got into cyber sex...and even phone sex. as a matter of fact, i did it today. i got back from a camp that i said was "life changing" exactly 7 days ago. on the 2nd or 3rd day i was back, i was at it again. cyber sex and porn. when at the camp, i went to the campus book store and found a book written by Craig. its the one talking about the xxxchurch. i am so thankful for this place and this confession wall. im thankful that here is a place we can talk about this stuff, because we need too. i need to.

i can remember the first guy i had cybersex with....ive had it so many times i cant count. i know how to talk a guy up..i know all the right things to say, and what to do..its sick. ive had phone sex with a 35 yeaar old man, who told me that he just wanted to make friends...and while i knew that was junk i didnt care. i wanted it as much as he did.

the thing about it is...im a christian. i gave my life to christ 5/17/07 in a hotel swimming pool at on of the biggest christian teen retreats ever. i go to a church of christ priavte school. i know all my books of the bible. im currently reading a shane claibore book that makes me want to go hang out with homeless people. i know all about Jesus and his love and expectations for me..but i still want to look and do what i want to do. i feel bad after i see porn...but the next day there i am again. im leading on two..maybe even 3 diffrent lives. 1 is my "church life", the goodie two shoes..2-my life with friends...and 3 my life when im by myself.

i need prayer....alot of it. please pray for me and im going to pray for everyone else on here.

the_backgrounder wrote on June 30th 08 at 05:42AM

My prayers are with you...
Blessings

the_frinigin wrote on July 2nd 08 at 05:20AM

hey i would love to here more of ur story and be there for you. i can really relate to ur situation so if u need some help please email me (head the subject missing) so i know its not a virus :)

Ill be praying. stay strong.

thatonegirl wrote on July 5th 08 at 01:13AM

hey, i totally agree with the person above me.
every word they said is what i feel. i'm your age, same problem. i'd love to hear more of your story.
contact me anytime, my email address is coolchyld12@hotmail.com

my aim is
OhMyGoditsLYANNE