A STRONG SPIRIT OF LUST
I have known about XXXChurch.com for a couple of years since they were featured on 20/20. Even then I had a problem with lust but it got worse. This is not a problem that just started, this has been going on since I was a small child.
When I was six, I was molested by another child that was a few years older than me and I never spoke up about it. Now that we are both adults he is in jail for sexually assualting someone else. I feel awful about it. Then when I was nine years old I stole Playboy magazines from my grandfather on my mother's side. When I was 12, I stole pornos from my grandfather on my father's side. When I was 16, I was taken advantage of by a classmate after school, which resulted in an unwanted pregnancy. I lost the baby a month later. It was from that point forward when I lost my mind. Everything that could go wrong did and I even wanted to commit suicide because I just didn't like myself. I began questioning God's existence.
Now I am 26 years old and I can add porno to my resume. I try so hard to avoid it but I have never seen or felt true love and I believe that's where the addiction came from. I am not sure but I know that what I am watching in pornos is not love but it's solely lust. I don't have sex like I use to (thank God) but I want so badly to be delivered from this and I know that XXXChurch is my only and last resort. I feel a sense of hope and I believe that if this ministry can't do it, nothing will.
I am a daughter of a minister, so I don't have anyone at my home church to confine in. I stopped going to my home church two years ago because the people are like most Christians you bump into these days, mean and judgemental toward others, so I don't have the support group that I know I will receive from positive Christians like XXXChurch. I feel a since of love and understanding here and I just ask that you will pray for me. I want this confession to turn around and become a testimony. I don't like this sin and I want and need to be delivered; it's been haunting me for years.
Thank you for your time and I am believing in this miracle healing.
God bless you.
There are two things that you need to know. The first thing is that this isn't your fault. Abuse is a terrible thing and it destroys children in such a terrible way that I cannot begin to express the anger that I have against child molesters. Who you are today is not a result of your own actions but is because of the stain that others have left on your life.
The second thing is that even though others have tried to break you, God can and will restore you. Time and again we read that God has compassion for the widow, the orphan, and the foreigner. Doesn't that mean that today He has an equally great compassion for those who were abused as children? I have no doubt that His wrath will be awaiting those who hurt you when they stand before Him and that He will meet you with love and understanding.
At the same time you're right in identifying that you have a problem. I'm not ashamed to say that I do to. I know that Jay and Wil gave you some good advice but they seem to have missed the source of your brokenness which has nothing to do with you but with what others forced you to do.
If you want to become healthy I encourage you to confront your past. Maybe that doesn't mean you have to speak with those who hurt you but it does mean that you need to share what happened to you with someone; whether it's a private counselor, a good friend, or someone else that you can trust.
Three summers ago a girl I worked with shared such a similar confession with me and I was honored that she trusted me so much to tell me about her past. I'm bringing up her story because she went through something very similar to what you went through and God has restored her and made her whole again. I promise you that He will do the same for you as you turn over your past to Him and let Him guide you to those who would honor you as a woman of God.
You are a beautiful woman of God and I promise you that He is always faithful. His love is unfathomable and heals all wounds and covers all transgressions.
(I would lift up your head as you cry,
Wiping away your tears until they were gone;
My beautiful sister God is calling you home,
And He will give you peace and rest)
I encourage you again; find someone to share your past with and let them help guide you through it so that you can find the peace that the Lord gives to the brokenhearted. Find someone who will teach you how to put this burden on He who can bare all burdens our Lord Jesus.
Most importantly, God bless you. I said it before but I believe that you are truly special. I pray that God would send you an angel to forever keep and protect you, one who is precious to and ever on the mind of God.
