broken...
I struggle with my sexuality and sexual needs. I masterbate, though I know I shouldn't. I pray about it, I give it up to God and promise myself Iwont do it again. I always seem to go back to it. I drempt the other night about being with a friend,a girl. I woke up scared for myself. where was this coming from, why do i think these things. Ive been with a guy long ago before i was a christian, i was not interested in him but rather the needed to be needed, to be touched, to have physical affection. I still have that need today. I keep promising myself I won't do it anymore then eventually i do it again. I look at porn on the internet, i tell myself no, even when i am doing it I know i shouldn't be and part of me wants to stop but I repress it and ignore it until it all hits me and i feel guilty and ashamed. then i delete my browser history and cover my tracks with some software so nobody can find out about it. its scary, of all the things I can withhold myself from this is one that I cannot do on my own. the bible says nothing clear on masterbation, i deceived myself into thinking it was neutral, not good but not a sin. I know its wrong. I have not confessed this to anyone yet, though I have tried to I have not gotten up the courage adn the shame is overwhelming. Not shame for the act itself but shame for failing, failing myself, failing god. I feel like since nobody else knows about it that I should punish myself for my fialures. Lord Jesus please help me. I need you to free me from this destructive addictive sin that I am entangled in. I give it up to you fully. Lord I declare that you are my God, that you are bigger than this and that I trust in you to bringme through this. Bring people and resources into my life to help lead me back into your loving arms and into purity of heart and mind. I need you, I need your forgiveness for this. I have lusted, I have fornicated, I have sinned. Jesus forgive me, heal me and make me new.
I totally know what you are going thru. I went thru this already. Get back at me so we can talk. Jinsatx210@aol.com
