Enough is enough...

By User Submitted on Sat, Oct 4th 08 at 09:35PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I know the Lord has led me here to both confess to others and to Him. Ever since I was a small child, I have experimented with others (both male and female) and myself. As I got older, pornography began to play an important role in my life. I began to have homosexual tendencies and relationships. My father had an extensive library of videos and magazines so, my exposure to porn began when I was young. I was addicted then and I'm addicted now.
Now I'm married with 2 teenage sons and I am still drawn to pornography. I am guilty of replaying scenes from porn I've seen in my mind while making love with my husband. I know what the Bible says about lusting after others in my heart is also adultery. It makes me guilty and shameful to know I commit adultery on a regular basis.
I go through periods when I "do good" and avoid porn for a while but then I fall right back down to where I was.
I find it frustrating that Christian women seem to not be allowed to have this problem much less talk about it. My husband is a member of a men's group at our church and it's acceptable for the men there to discuss this problem. All I know is I hate it. I hate the guilt and shame. I hate how filthy I feel afterwards. I want the cycle to end. I need Jesus to lead out of this wilderness and into His Light.

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Jon wrote on October 5th 08 at 06:34PM

hey wassup your not alone i do the same thing too like avoiding porn for on day and go back a week later but keep reading your bible scriptures like 1John 1:9 and Romans 8:! and 13-16 and try putting up a filter maybe that will help ya

Erin wrote on October 14th 08 at 12:39PM

Yeah, its acceptable to have a mens group to talk about their problem with them porn, but the womens group talks about baby showers and what to wear for a feast. If you brought up the subject of porn you are looked at as if you were mental and absolutely abnormal. Its always made me insecure because when other people talk about their problems, I feel I'm the only one struggling with my problem. If only people could understand that porn is not just a guy thing.
Anyway, wherever we are in our addictions, its always a long road to healing. We make the choice to view porn. And its a very hard choice to choose not to view it. I can't believe how strong the force is. But the question is, how to turn back around and walk away?
From my experience, I had to start at the bottom. And that was not getting on the internet period. Even when I read my Bible, I still thought of masturbation. But I had to keep asking for forgiveness even though I didn't feel like God really forgave me. Maybe you need to just get away from the world. Like go to a state park with no TV or computers and just relax on your own. Its a long road to healing, but it can be done. Plus it does take a lof of praying, even if you get tired of it. You gotta get back up and keep going no matter how far down you really are.

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