Should I be a leader?
I was introduced to poronography and sex at a very early age. My father was caught molesting me when I was 6, and it had happened as long as I can remember before that. At the same time he would bring me into his room to look at pornographic matierial while my mother was at work. Later in life i was again molested by my step-father around my 7th-11th grade years of school. Also during this time poronography was very available at my house. To this day I struggle with the temptations of pornography, and lose the battle every once in awhile. I struggle more with masturbation. I have never been in any sort of relationship with a male because it scares me to death. I am just beginning a relationship with a guy, and its bringing all these emotions ands feelings back that i have managed to depress for many years.
At the same time I am a youth group leader, and part of the worship team at my church. I am very active and involved with many things that take place in my church, and at the moment feel that I should not be, due to the fact that I am struggling with masturbation.??? I have tried to fight this for so long, and right now, its winning? HELP!
Thankfully I always come back to the truth - that God loves me no matter what and I'm not tainted goods. Though the devil would love to make me think so and sometimes succeeds in doing so. I just reflect on this: David from the Bible liked a married lady so much that he sent her husband to the front of the battle to get killed and then immediately hooked up with his wife. That’s crazy. That’s messed up. But God still saw something in David. Matter of fact, God called him a man after his own Heart.
You have gone through far more than most. I have friends who have been through what you have. One in particular runs a ranch for kids that have been abused and are difficult to deal with. She turned being abused by her grandfather into an amazing story, an idea to help others that have been hurt. She is an incredible leader. She still even struggles today with a lot. But God is amazing.
We guys struggle with masturbation a bit differently that you ladies....So I'm positive it’s not my place to discuss it. I hope that you find someone here that can shed some light on the subject.
The devil wants you to stop searching so badly...just never give in and never stop being true to your heart’s desire. God Bless.
"We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do, it is no longer I that do it, but sin living in me that does it.
So I find this law at work. When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delighted in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wreched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God---through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin."
This talks about the sinful nature if you keep reading Chapter 8 talks about living in the spirit. People struggled with things even back then. DO NOT GIVE UP!!!!! God Bless You!!!
