How do you & I get past the pain...

I have found for me that the key to this is 'forgiveness' and 'mind renewal'.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that the offense didn’t happen; it means you are choosing to release the offender from the debt owed to you.

Forgiveness really isn’t for the offender as much as it is for us.  When we choose to forgive an offender; an un-repentant offender at that, we are the ones who walk in victory over the offense.  Forgiveness is necessary in order to bear our own fruit which we know comes from the Spirit of God.  See Galatians 5:22-23.

I love this quote from George Herbert on forgiveness: "He that cannot forgive others, breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass if
he would ever reach heaven; for everyone has need to be forgiven."

Forgiving someone often doesn't come overnight- however, if we are faithful to seek God in this, He will be faithful to deliver.  We must also renew our minds daily by the washing of the Word as instructed in Romans 12:2. This is crucial because when we have been hurt and or wounded it is so easy to follow the way of the world which would include revenge and retaliation.

There is a powerful audio message on "How to be transformed" by Pastor Jeff Colon of Pure Life Ministries found at their website.

There is also a powerful audio message from biblical counselor Rose Colon of Pure Life Ministries on "The Patient Mercy of God."

Be blessed!

kathy wrote on April 28th 08 at 03:13PM

Forgiveness was the easy part for me. It is the continual renewing of my mind that is the ongoing work. Waking up every morning and feeling alone. Married, but may never get to experience oneness or intimacy with my husband. I run to the c.d. player to start the praise music and get into the Word before satan has a chance to play games with my thoughts. My theme is 'Just don't go there' because it only causes more pain and is usually a little out of focus.
Will this ever end? Will my husband ever turn from fantasy and turn towards me? I will never know. But I do know that my Heavenly Father adores me and longs for a deep intimate relationship with me!

Michelle wrote on April 28th 08 at 06:42PM

@kathy,
My heart goes out to you because I know all too well what that feeling is of "being" a married woman but not "having"a marriage. I am encouraged by your testimony that you know God desires to have that intimate relationship with you. Knowing that and living that though can be hard at times. I want to encourage you to check out Partners for Purity on the web. cut and paste this link into your browser:
www.partnersforpurity.com
God bless you.

Kathy wrote on April 29th 08 at 02:26PM

Thank you Michelle,
We have hidden ourselves for many years and now finally I think we can get help. Partners for purity is an answer to years of prayer and maybe my husband can get help at higher-calling.com.
Your blog is so helpful to the hurting! Thank you for taking time to share from your heart and respond to others each day.
God Bless you!

Michelle wrote on April 29th 08 at 06:16PM

@Kathy,
You may never know the impact that your second comment has made on me today. THIS is exactly what it's all about... giving others hope and encouragement in the midst of it all... this is my service to God. Thank you so much for taking the time to tell me what this has meant to you. It is not always easy to write. It is never easy to relive the pain- but I considered the cost a long time ago and it is for women like YOU that I continue to do what I do which is share what GOD has done for me even in the midst of the storm!
God bless YOU too, Kathy!

Isabel wrote on May 23rd 08 at 02:48AM

Forgiveness is the only way that has helped me to move forward and renew my trust and love for my husband after discovering his addiction to Internet porn, although it has not been easy. I experience times when I wonder if and when we will revisit the issue of Internet porn. I try not to let the fear of being betrayed once more sour my heart. I pray for wisdom and strength and trust that God is in control. I sincerely appreciate reading your words of hope and encouragement. Thank you, Michelle!

Michelle wrote on May 23rd 08 at 06:47AM

Isabel,

I am grateful to know that my blogs are encouraging you! God will give you the strength, the patience and the mercy but you have to enter into His heart to receive that which means you need to seek Him. Stay focused on God and not your fears. If you study the Scriptures about His promises for you, I assure you it will cast out all fear because that is what perfect love does!

CB wrote on June 18th 08 at 09:50PM

ok, so my husband not only has "had" issues with porn, but went so far as to "plot out" cheating on me, and we're going to have a baby boy in august!

i thought he may have been doing something online, so i made up a Screen name on myspace, and email, and pretended to be a highly interested female, with ofcourse the males ideal female body, he fell directly into my trap, and corrosponded with "her" "me" until i finnally told him look its me, you've been caught! yeah we're talking to a pastor and dealing on our own, but how do i forgive this, and stop feeling so much resentment,anger, and so unloved?
we had plenty of these issues while we were dating as well, and i just dont know how to get past this, i thought it was only the porn, and evedentlly it isnt!

please help!