A BLAST FROM THE PAST
I've been doing a bit of writing. Not one to be mysterious, I'll flat out tell you what I'm up to: I've begun the process of writing a book. Today I was browsing through the blog I used to write while producing porn. It still exists, I just have it password protected. While browsing I stumbled across a blog entry from January 5th, 2006. It was titled "Jesus Loves Porn Stars". I thought you might find it interesting to read something written by the "old" Donny, particularly because it embodies some of the thoughts I had at the time about XXXChurch.
Here's what I wrote (just so you know, I didn't edit the language I used):
Awhile back the Christian anti-porn website xxxchurch.com interviewed me. Many Christian types have said xxxchurch.com is itself a little too close to porn to be doing "God's work". I can definitely see how that point of view could be formed. The founders of the site claim God told them to try to save those of us in the porn industry and to help men who are "addicted to porn". Supposedly God did this by whispering the simple word "porn" into their ears one day. Most men, when those voices in their head start bringing porn to mind, will simply jack off and be done with it. But these guys couldn't face the fact that a personal relationship with "Santa Claus For Adults" (aka Jesus Christ or God) didn't relieve them of the male obsession with sex. They decided the voices were telling them to start attending porn conventions. Perhaps this would help ease the guilt they have for finding porn attractive? At least in their minds they could feel better attending porn conventions if they're telling the believers back home that God wants them there, and not only does he want them there but he wants other Christians to donate money to pay for them to be there. Great racket! :)
So today I am walking the halls of the AVN show, meeting various pornstars such as Ron Jeremy and shaking the hands of friends, when what to my wondering eyes should appear but a gigantic penis called "Wally the Weiner".
This thing must have been 25 to 30 feet tall. It stood erect over the entire area. And the balls were clearly made out down below. The slogan beside this gigantic cock said something like "Do you have the balls to stop looking at porn". That big yellow chart you see at the bottom right of that photo was a board where people were supposed to sign their name if they'd vow to stop looking at porn for 7 days. At the time I was there it looked like 31 people had signed.
Anyway.. Wally the Weiner turned out to be an attraction to a booth for XXXChurch.com. It was located right beside the booth for hardcore bondage site producer Cybernet Entertainment, who run sites such as (edited out) and (edited out). I found that mildly amusing for some reason.
Now, I personally don't believe these two men are doing any good whatsoever. Those who take one of their New Testaments or sign their yellow board will likely change nothing about their daily lives, but what they ARE accomplishing is exposing the Christian girls who came with them to give out Jesus Loves Porn Stars shirts to unbelievable amounts of porn. If those girls have led sheltered lives up to this point I'm sure they're almost overwhelmed at the moment. Every day when they come to their booth they must pass dozens of other booths with large flat screen TVs playing just about any type of porn you can imagine at nearly rock-concert volumes. I'm sure these people are "prayed up" when they enter the showroom floor but you can bet the videos they're seeing on a daily basis are going to stick with them for some time to come. And it's not like they can avoid it because one would have to close their eyes and plug their ears not to see it all.
I asked the staff members how they're being received by members of the porn community. The answer is that they're being very well accepted by almost everyone who comes in contact with them. I pointed out how ironic it is that the adult industry is so much more accepting of them than Christians are of us "sinners". They had to agree.
Belinda took one of the Jesus Loves Porn Stars shirts. She said she'll wear it during our next photo shoot.
AND HERE'S ANOTHER ENTRY FROM MY OLD BLOG. This was dated March 6th, 2005.
It reads:
Yes, I'm speaking of Christians again. The majority of them are hypocrites. My religious upbringing, combined with my current occupation, brings me into contact with Christians on an almost-daily basis. It's amazing how many of them ask for free passwords.
I've also had Pastors admit to me that they surf the adult sites when alone in their office. I don't know why they think this is something that will endear them to me. These same pastors have gone on to do sermons about the dangers of pornography not long after talking to me. I know because they've invited me to attend the service. "Donny, I'm going to do a sermon on pornography this Sunday and I'd love for you to be there." Sure, buddy, I'll be there. Would you like me to stand up and give a testimony about our conversation on your surfing habits?
And you don't even want to get me started on those dear saints of the church that think they need to save me from my sins. I see the look that starts appearing in their eyes when we talk about photographing naked girls. One of these dear saints visited my office. The two of us were alone. He asked me if I'd show him some of my most recent work. I did, of course. He then told me that I shouldn't be doing this for a living, "But can you go back to that last image. I think I know that girl."
None of this is bullshit. It annoys the crap out of me. But to be honest with you, it annoys me when ANY male lectures me about what I do for a living. My statement to them:
If you can honestly tell me that you've never looked at porn than I'll listen to what you have to say. Otherwise please realize that you contribute to the "demand". Without that demand, there would be no supply.
Michael
www.the-confessions-of-a-porn-addict.blogspo
What are your thoughts now that you reread those, expecially the first one?
Thanks for being REAL, because the church needs to get real about it!
Again, I'm not saying what was shared wasn't genuine, it certainly seemed so to me ... it just didn't really address anything, directly. "Here are some facts ... some 'inside' info ... some personal experiences (all certainly valuable) ... so people shouldn't be involved in this - have a blessed day, & there's some software you can download to hold you accountable."
It's almost as if Christian men feel that if they say "porn" in a group setting ... the doors of sin have been blown off their hinges & grace can now, abound.
I think it's most-excellent that any Christians are genuinely extending love to those involved, in the porn industry. I simply, see no Christian men genuinely involved in accountability. Neither being open to holding others accountable ... or being genuinely held accountable. I'm sure there are some; but I haven't encountered them. Most of my closest friends & family were those involved in senior level ministry (pastors, etc). Over the last 10 years or so ... I have really been blown away by the utter lack of substance, in this area of Christian men's lives. Clearly, there has existed a "don't go there" posture, in most of these men's lives. I don't know if it has been simply, anxiety of confrontation (the subject matter) or issues in their own lives. I recall being at a marriage conference once, whereby the men were all bussed to a different location for one portion of the exchange because it was to be so "hard-hitting". We move to the isolated location ... a few throat cleared expressions of how destructive lust & pornography can be ... an offer for some misc flyers & leaflets on sexual sin ... back on the busses to rejoin the ladies.
Glancing back over this ... I no doubt had expectations for the Porn-n-Panckaes deal that weren't part of the intended effort. Obviously, there exists some measure of frustration on my part.
Man ... I will choose to believe they are predominantly my unique experiences; but I do not see Christian men, in any great numbers prepared or willing to address this immense area of unhealth, in the body of Christ, today; least of all, those men in positions of leadership.
When we're called in for a Porn and Pancakes event, the intent is to start a discussion. It has to start somewhere. What we do is open the doors for discussions to occur. We can't possibly stay in every church for the weeks, months, even years it would take to do the porn issue justice. That's up to the churches who sponsor "Porn and Pancakes".
Personally, I'd like to develop a program that extends for the long term to help people. The problem is that it costs money for us to stay anywhere that is not our home. Personally, it costs money to be away from my business where I support my ex-wife and child. I am not sure how many churches can afford to keep us around long term.
Porn and Pancakes serves the purpose for which it was created. There's only so much information that can be covered in the few hours we have there. If you have any suggestions, though, we're all ears. We often change things up based on feedback.
Thanks for commenting.
- Donny -
