PORN'S HUMAN TOLL: PART 1

On October 5th, 2006 I answered my cell phone to the sound of a girl in tears. It was one of the girls who had modeled for me. I knew right away what the problem was: someone she knows found her photos online. She begged me to do something to get her off the internet, but there's really nothing I can do. The companies who own the copyrights will not remove them. I know this from experience.

When interviewing models I'd tell them it's very likely someone they know will find them. But no matter how often a model hears this, she either doesn't care or never thinks it will happen to her. Yes, perhaps someone else will be found, but not me. My dad doesn't even own a computer. My uncles would never be surfing porn sites. Etc. Etc. Etc.

On top of being told verbally, models have to sign a five page release that makes it clear what they can expect. For some reason it seems the more they are warned, the more they want to pose. I guess that's just human nature.

That particular morning, the girl told me some of her friends found her photos, which somehow led to her father finding out as well as her employer.

Donny, my dad found out. I didn't think he would. He never looks at porn! My uncle found me and told daddy about me. Now he doesn't want to talk to me. He says I've shamed my family. Oh my God, Donny. There has to be SOME way to get that stuff off the internet!

My boyfriend is telling me he's going to leave. He doesn't want to date a porn star and I don't blame him. But Donny, I am pregnant. I can't be without him. I need him so bad right now, especially with everyone else mad at me. I hate this. I just want it to stop. I'll pay ANYTHING if you can just make those photos go away. PLEASE! I am BEGGING you to do something!

She breaks down crying. I can do nothing for her. I feel like crap. Yes, it was ultimately her decision but it's something she never would have done had she not met me...


The model herself never thought posing was that big a deal and couldn't understand why everyone made it out to be one, but her life was ripped apart by this. So was the life of her family. She ended up losing her job and her boyfriend over it. Was her family, friends, employer too hard on her? In my opinion they were, but does that knowledge help her when her life is in shambles? Of course not. And this is just a mild case.

This has happened before, of course. Eventually the whole incident will blow over and settle down. But it illustrates exactly what I mean when I tell people that I have little personal attraction to pornography. When asked why I can say this I reply with something like, "When I see a pornographic image or video, instead of seeing what the model is doing in the photo or video I see her two weeks after it was shot. The money has been spent and she's crying on the phone asking that her photos be removed because her family has found out and are telling her that she's shamed them."

I used to reconcile these problems by reminding myself that the model had been warned and made her own decision. Even so, it would take a very cold person not to feel her pain. I take responsibility for the part I played.

It would be easy to lay the blame for her pain and suffering on the people around her, who should love her instead of judge her. But in the real world it doesn't really matter what OTHER PEOPLE should do. We can't control other people. We just control ourselves.

Models lives are ruined every day by being involved in porn. Of course there are ALWAYS ways to rationalize it and say it's not wrong. Human beings are really good at coming up with ways to make it okay to do whatever it is we wish to do.

I've witnessed the brokenness first hand. I've seen the light die in the eyes of many models. Those girls are our sisters. Our daughters. Our friends. Every one of them is special.

That, my friends, is why I can't look at porn. That is why I attempt to look every woman in the face, instead of sizing her up or looking to see if she has a nice butt. I don't look men up and down when I meet them, so why am I tempted to do so with girls?

The story I shared tonight is tame. I have plenty to tell. They'll get progressively more graphic. Stick around. I want to strip away the fantasy of porn from your mind and replace it with reality. Each Wednesday I'll share a little more.

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Let's get real.