HEART ABSTINENCE

WHEW!

OK, my mother often says that you cannot effectively clean an entire house at once.  You have to do it one room at a time.  I think when it comes to spiritual growth and progression that God looks at our lives the exact same way.  As I've grown closer to God, I have realized that it's not him that pressures us to change.  Convicts us, yes.  But pressures us?  No, we let flesh handle that all on it's own...and it's usually not the most effective kind of therapy.

I'm starting that off to say that if you have several areas of addiction that you are working through, do not get overwhelmed.  If you smoke and drink, pick one and start there.  If you read erotica and watch movies, trying letting the movies go and then moving on to the books.  Now, I'm not saying that going "cold turkey" is impossible, but from personal experience I can attest to the fact that taking one day---and addiction at a time is more probable.  After all, when the Word says that "Love is patient" (I Corinthians 13:4) and that we are to be "Anxious for nothing" (Philippians 4:6), I believe this also applies to the steps of recovery.

With that said, let me share something with you that God told me the day after he wrote me my love letter (the blog post before this one).

As a writer, I guess it's an occupational hazard that I journal quite a bit.  Well, as I was telling my Father about what a crappy day I was having because spring is in the air and I wanted to indulge in some "illegal activity" (sex...which is for married folks), I found myself thinking (via writing) about why God would care so much about fornication since he is a spirit and it's an act of the flesh.  Of course, again, he took me to the beginning, Genesis and reminded me that it is the act of sex that actually unites flesh; not just the flesh, but the heart.

This is where it gets good.  For many, many months, I have been abstinent, but there has been a guy who has been (whether consciously or unconsciously) the object of my affection for many, many years.  As I found myself getting ready to throw a temper tantrum about how faithful I had been to God without seeing the "fruit of my labor" (yet), he took me to this scripture:

"And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ This is the first commandment."---Mark 12:30 (NKJV)

GOD: Shellie, you get props for saving your body (and yes, I do believe that God speaks to his children in ways that they understand), but what about your heart?  I need that, too.  That is when I will consider you totally abstinent and faithful to me.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOW.  To be honest with you, I never really thought of that way until now, nor do I feel guilty about just coming up on that discovery.  As long as you stay open, willing and obedient, God will lead you to where you need to be WHEN YOU NEED TO BE THERE.  Obviously, God felt there were bigger fish to fry this time last year and the year before that...and the year before that then getting me to become "heart abstinent". (Trust me, it wasn't too long ago because I would have scoffed at the possibility of being physically abstinent.)  But, I must admit that when I repented of letting a man have access to me in a way (even emotionally) that he should say vows for, it was like a weight was lifted off of me.  I don't know what God is going to do about "that man", but I know that my heart is lighter now that I have totally left it up to the Father to handle.

So how can I be sure that God told me that?  Well, that's the best part.  This past weekend, I went to see Prince of Caspian.  When I came out, a girlfriend of mine that I haven't spoken with in a couple of weeks left me a voicemail that said, "Shellie, I have a quote that made me think of you.  I don't want to leave it on your voicemail because I think I am meant to read it to you so call me as soon as you can."

When I returned her call, this is what she said:

"A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that only a man who seeks him can find her."

Double WOOOOOOOOOOOOOW, right?  I told her the "50 words or less" version of why I knew that was a confirmation and she said, "Don't you just love the divine way of things?"

I really do.

So, what does this all have to do with you and your struggles?  I dunno.  I really was just sharing my praise report (because even advisors have battles, sometimes bigger than you can imagine!), but I guess this also serves as a confirmation for some of you, too.  If you are feeling convicted about releasing a habit, maybe ask God if you should try giving him your heart first.

More and more, I am coming to see that where the heart is, the body will follow.

...much easily than when it's in the reverse. :-)

ryan wrote on May 22nd 08 at 12:06AM

thanks. a lot. its amazing what God reveals to you when you're in need. this was really insightful and helpful.

Tamara wrote on May 23rd 08 at 01:53PM

Shellie,

You're so right! It's all about keeping our heart in the right place. For me recovery is so much easier if I really just let it all go and focus on my relationship with the Lord. Somehow, everything stays in place. My mind, my heart, and temptations don't become real temptations. The Holy Spirit is faithfully there keeping and guiding me one step, one day at a time...

Don't get me wrong I still have to manage my input...it's all about boundaries. And sure some days are easier that others. But as I continue to prepare a ministry for women struggling with sex addiction, it helps me to know it's not about me any more. There are so many women hurting and they don't even know they are hurting! I want so badly to reach them with the love of Christ to heal their deep pain within. Blessings to you and XXXChurch!

Terri wrote on May 26th 08 at 07:50PM

I will consider this...and if anybody is quitting smoking...I'm proud of you and I thank you for making the air more breathable and making things smell better-because the cigs really do stink up everything. Every thing. Appreciated.
Now is a great time to stop smoking....kudos to everybody that's quit already!

Shellie R. Warren wrote on May 26th 08 at 10:40PM

@Ryan. It is, indeed, amazing to see what God will tell you when you call upon him. :-)

Shellie R. Warren wrote on May 26th 08 at 10:42PM

@Tamara. Yes, boundaries are good, but the crazy (in a good way) thing is that when you guard your heart, boundaries are instantly set! Gotta love it.

Shellie R. Warren wrote on May 26th 08 at 10:45PM

@Terri. I personally am proud of someone who kicks ANY unhealthy habit, but yes, I too am grateful to anyone who makes the sacrifice for the sake of at least my lungs. :-)

madeline mcguigan wrote on July 27th 08 at 07:05PM

i LOVE this blog. i think i'm gonna save it, print it out, and tape it somewhere where i know i'll constantly notice it.
everything you said is SO true (even about God saying props occassionally).
i've struggle with an addiction to pornagraphy and masturbation. cold turkey does NOT WORK.
you start slow: if you view it every day...start cutting a few days of viewing time out of your week...eventually you won't NEED to view it at all!
i promise.
and thank you so much for your encouraging words!!!

freeindeed wrote on July 31st 08 at 01:29AM

A word in due season! This is just what I needed to hear. I remember thinking physical abstinence was impossible. But now I have that down pat, I have the accountability partners, I know my limits and how to guard myself, etc. God has strengthened me to be pure physically. But my heart has been lacking. I realize that God wants access there, too, so that He can show me how much He loves me. I am also fighting many battles and they have all seemed like too much for me. I need to let God fight some of my battles (instead of taking them on in my own strength) and just rest in Him for a while. Your advice to take things one at a time was a great reminder and encouragement to me! Thanks, Shellie! God bless you.