KNOW THE PURPOSE

Maybe it's just me, but I still can't get to a place where I can comfortably use the word "gay" and "marriage" in the same sentence.

As a matter of fact, when it comes to referencing homosexuality, I don't like using the word "gay" at all because the original definition has nothing to do with one's sexual preference.  "Gay" has a very innocent word meaning "lively", "merry", or "bright".  Shoot, if anyone should be having "gay marriages", it should be HETEROSEXUALS.

So, when I read a commentary on yesterday about how on last Monday, in Los Angeles, homosexual marriage became legal, the first thing I thought about was the Word of God.  Aside from Romans 1 (which should scare anyone straight), I Corinthians 6:9-11 states pretty clearly God's thoughts on the lifestyle:

"Surely you know that the people who do wrong will not inherit God's kingdom. Do not be fooled. Those who sin sexually, worship idols, take part in adultery, those who are male prostitutes, or men who have sexual relations with other men, those who steal, are greedy, get drunk, lie about others, or rob—these people will not inherit God's kingdom. In the past, some of you were like that, but you were washed clean. You were made holy, and you were made right with God in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God."

Now, before I go any further, let me say that this message is for people who are Bible believers.  If you don't adhere to scripture, I wouldn't expect you to accept this kind of theology.  Secondly, this isn't meant to bash homosexuals.  I have family members who are, I work with people who are and actually, someone that I really enjoy talking is a lesbian (and we have really stimulating conversations on this very issue). 

Also, I think it's very interesting how we, as a Church, claim to be so repulsed by homosexuality while we're fornicating, cheating on our spouses, lying on tax returns and gossiping about our neighbor. If you take issue with sin, it has to be ALL SIN.  At the same time, no matter how "accepted" homosexuality has become, that does not make it right in the eyes of God (Matthew 7:13, I Corinthians 3:19).  Whenever I get into these kinds of conversations with homosexuals, one of the things I tell them to support my point is that there is no way that I, myself, would volunteer to live an abstinent lifestyle.  I love having sex.  I don't do it because THE BIBLE SAYS NOT TO.  So, with that said, do I think that you can be homosexual and love God?  Yes.  When I was fornicating and aborting as a result, I believed that I loved him (with what I knew about God at the time).  And, of course, God loves those who participate in sexual sin...we are all his children.

At the same time, since in the beginning was the Word, and the Word was God (John 1:1) and "All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness" (2 Timothy 3:16), if we want to show our love for God, we have to keep his Word.  I make the sacrifice to go without, not so much because I want to, but because I love him and the Word says not to.

I also work daily to abstain (I Corinthians 15:31) because I know that since the Enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10) and he's the father of lies (John 8:44), that he will manipulate ways to take my focus from what is rightfully mine.

This is where the REAL POINT of my blog comes in.

The title of the commentary I read was "Pardon Me If I Don't Throw Rice".  The author, Joseph C. Phillips, was talking about how homosexuals who strive to get married, have missed the purpose of marriage in the first place:

"The purpose of marriage is not the demonstration of love and faithfulness; it is not about coupling.  Yes, those are important elements of a successful marriage, but the purpose of marriage is the bonding together of a man and a woman for the purposes of bearing and raising children to be active and contributing members of society.  The state encourages marriage through the granting of benefits because societies have rightly judged that traditional child centered marriage is best for children, best for the state, and ultimately best for the culture.  No traditional marriage is not and has never been perfection realized.  It is instead the grander idea to which all societies have striven since time immemorial, which is to say until a couple of California judges decided they knew better."

I have also had this conversation with homosexuals.  Sex makes two people one (Genesis 2:24)...the woman and man's body were created in such a way to make this happen.  At the same time, when couples are joined in covenant, one of the main purposes is to be "fruitful and multiply". (Genesis 1:28)  How can two of the same sex do that?  And, even in attempting it, how do you do it while respecting the sacredness of your covenant?  In other words, you have to go outside of one another to create life.  Talk about confusion (something God is not the author of, by the way---I Corinthians 14:33).

On the flip side, if we all decided to become homosexual, who would procreate?  Get my point?  The Enemy hates us all so much, he is so jealous of the fact that we are made in the image of God (Genesis 1:26-27), that came up with a counterfeit way for our flesh to be satisfied in attempts to make humankind go extinct.  You can't "multiply life" in a homosexual lifestyle.  One way or another, some "heterosexualness", some going outside of the union, is going to have take place.

That got me back to the word for today, and believe it or not, it ain't homosexuality.  It's actually PURPOSE.  I think one of the reasons why so many of us are caught up into so much stuff is because we don't understand the true definition of this word:

Purpose: the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc.; an intended or desired result; end; aim; goal; to intend; design.

No matter how much I enjoy the physical pleasures of sex, I have to accept the fact that it's purpose goes beyond that.  Indeed, that is a huge part, but it's to be for the pleasure of a man and his wife (I Corinthians 7:3-5).  It's to bring oneness and to create more life.  That is how God created and purposed for it to be.  Now, I can find all kinds of things to justify why I want to do what I want to do anyway, but just because I do doesn't mean that I should. 

As a Bible believer, I have to look at marriage in a similar fashion.  As a matter of fact, a big part of the reason why I am still single is because even as a heterosexual, I am still asking God to show me his purpose for it.  Time is revealing that it's not just about my liking some dude.  It's not just about getting someone to share the bills.  It's not just about me being sick and tired of sleeping alone.  Marriage is honorable (Hebrews 13:4) and I believe that one of the main purposes that it serves is to be reflect God, Christ and the Holy Spirit's union in the flesh.  As much as I may want to get married, as a Bible believer, doing it just because "I want to" is not enough.  Doing it because God has called me to it is what will please the Father.  As Paul said, marriage is a gift (I Corinthians 7:7). The thing about gifts is that you don't have to manipulate or fight to get them.  THEY ARE GIVEN TO YOU.

So, I'm with Joseph.  I'll save my rice for the real gay marriages. (I will have to find a way to use that later.  I just love it!)  In the meantime, I will continue to ask God to show me purpose over pleasure.  One breeds death, while the other brings forth life (Romans 8:13)

God's purpose for me is life (Jeremiah 29:11).  That's what I will choose.

***For more on Joseph's blog, go to: www.eurweb.com/story/eur44716.cfm

Anjanette wrote on June 27th 08 at 05:05PM

Amen!!!!!!! I loved it. It is as though you were riding with me in my car this week.

Derlin wrote on June 29th 08 at 01:35AM

Thanks for the article. It reminds me of John Piper explaining why he's a pastor: for as long as God's purpose to make His name known can be best fulfilled in that position. You, and I, and every Christian single person needs to be willing to remain single until God's purpose to make Himself known can be best fulfilled through marriage.

I've heard the argument that marriage was meant for child bearing, but is that all? Is there no other reason? Saying marriage is only for child rearing seems to diminish marriage for those who can have no children. Should those who know they can't have children not be permitted to marry?

Peaceful_Journey wrote on June 29th 08 at 06:16PM

Hi Shellie, I am new to the site and just wanted to give you props on this article. It has blessed me on so many levels, as I struggle to live a godly single life. I especially like the part where you said that a person does not have to fight or manipulate for a gift (marriage). That takes a load off my mind when I have all these ignorant people telling me that the reason I'm not married is because I'm not "doing enough". I am thankful to God for your work and hope that you will continue. It's nice to know that I am not the last single Chirstian lady on earth. There is hope for me too. Ps. 91 to you, sistahgurl!

Aline wrote on June 30th 08 at 05:45PM

You were really iluminated in this article. I really love it! I can't explain to you how much I agree with every aspect you said here. And about the marriage, I think you might be the first one who has ever agreed with me, even if I couldn't have ever explained myself in that way, even if I couldn't have ever know why it was in the first place.
See, my friends are always asking me why I don't have a boyfriend, why I keep rejecting some guys, why I'm still single; but I couldn't find an appropiate answer for that. Now, thanks to you, I know why, and I think is exactly that: God's purpose for me hasn't been revealed yet. I know he has it, I know he'll show it to me eventually, but it's not the time yet. I'll pray to God to make me see the purpose over the pleasure, to make me serve him in every aspect of my life! May your words help as much people as they can! Amen!

no wrote on July 4th 08 at 04:52AM

First of all, you said you have a friend who is a lesbian. Even the fundamentalist Christians shouldn't have a problem with gay women. IT DOESN'T SAY A WORD IN THE BIBLE ABOUT GAY WOMEN. It is clear that man/man love is an "abomination" according to several parts of Scripture, so if you believe the bible, then homophobia against gay men is understandable. Homophobia against gay women is created by humans and is not defined in the Bible. It stems from the hated and oppression of women (and especially women's sexuality) which has been systematically created by MEN who use religion to pray on people who don't actually read their Bible that closely. LONG LIVE THE LESBIANS!!!!! and for that matter, i have no problem with gay marriage. It's not my business and it isn't yours either, people. Christians need to pick their sources carefully. Are you going to listen to your ministers, who are NOT God, or are you going to listen to the words of the Bible as your sole source? Where in the Bible does it have a problem with women who want to marry other women? And if you are progressive enough to believe that men and women are equal (something early church followers DID NOT believe) then men and women each deserve the same rights for marriage. It shouldn't matter who they want to marry. Anyone who has a problem with this is a bigot, albeit a religiously-motivated one.

p.s. I'm a straight male.

Ben wrote on July 7th 08 at 06:13PM

This is a response to No, who posted on the 4th of July. Read Romans 1:26-27. The context of the chapter is the sin of the world manifest in the form of idolatry. Sexual acts between two women are clearly described as unnatural, and shameful. Scripture does speak against lesbian sexuality. This is also interesting because of the time when Paul wrote it. Paul wrote when homosexuality and feminine sexuality were rarely if ever written about. The fact that he did mention female homosexuality means that he went out of his way to do it. Like he so often did, he stepped out of the norm for the literature of his day.

We also have to learn to properly interpret the verses that only mention male homosexuality. Every time we read Scripture we need to ask, what is the intention of the writer? Scripture was not written to us, but it was written for us. Read all of Romans 1, all of 1 Corinthians 6 and you can get a better idea of what Paul was writing about. Homosexuality is wrong because it is a perversion of God’s intention for sexuality in marriage as it is laid out in Genesis. That is why pornography is wrong as well as masturbation. These things remove sex from the relationship between a husband and wife. Why do you think that God would prohibit men from homosexuality, and not women? If what you wrote is true, if we can trace the aversion to lesbian behavior to bigotry, why is it that most of the verses written against homosexuality are only written in the masculine?

If we hope to let the Word of God be our guide, we must learn to read it with discernment, and stop reading for what we want to hear. Scripture clearly tells us that homosexual acts are against the will of God.

WD wrote on July 8th 08 at 01:52PM

This is in response to No, dated from July 4th.
Actually, the bible is pretty clear that sex with a women is also wrong.
Please note:
"For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due."
—Romans 1:26-27 (NKJV)
Unless I am blind after studying the word for over 15 years, this says clearly.....women having un`natural desires. Hmmm.
And another:
"Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God."
—1 Corinthians 6:9-10 (NKJV)

Pretty simple examples here. Homosexual DOES include women as well.

In fact, it mentions HOMOSEXUALS and sodomites! Homosexual includes both women and men.
Sodomites refers to men.

Its all really simple.

What I find even more disheartening, is that when one disagrees with this lifestyle, we are called bigots? Its not about bigotry, its about taking the bible at its word, and realizing this is what the word says.
This last statement is taken from christian answers, and its pretty simple for those of us who follow the word of God.

The following from christiananswers.net:
Marriage is a fundamental social institution that does not exist just for the emotional satisfaction of two individuals but for the greater good of the community which stands under the blessing or curse of God. Societies that put emotional fulfillment before right actions and principles will soon give way to a multitude of addictions and deep corruptions and collapse. God will judge any society that institutes same sex marriages.

I also believe that God will judge a society that permits adoption of children or the use of sperm banks by same sex couples. His Word stands over society and when it is deliberately flaunted in the name of progress and enlightenment, then it is not light but deep darkness that results. We cannot bend the principles of God's Word to suit vocal minority groups. While some nations may enact laws permitting these evils, the true church of God must stand resolutely firm and never allow the sanctioning of same sex marriages by Christian clergy. No church that takes the Bible seriously can sanction a union between homosexuals or lesbians.

Shellie R. Warren wrote on July 9th 08 at 07:31PM

@Anjanette. Thanks for backing me, ma. I see you all were pretty busy (on this issue) while I was away. :-0

Shellie R. Warren wrote on July 9th 08 at 07:36PM

@Derlin. Good pastor quote. :-)

As far as your question, no, I don't believe that the purpose of marriage is *just* to bear children. As I stated in the blog, I feel that it is to reflect the union between God, Christ and the Holy Spirit. There are many people I know who are very happily married and desire no children. I think God is just as much a part of and pleased with their covenant as the people I know who are married and with children.

As a matter of fact (and somewhat off of the subject), I find parenting to be just as much of a calling as marriage. I wish more people would consult God on *if* they should conceive.

Again, just because one *can*, that doesn't automatically mean they *should*.

Shellie R. Warren wrote on July 9th 08 at 07:41PM

@Peaceful Journey. Hey! Welcome to the site and thanks for the encouraging words. Girl, I don't know why people miss the scripture that says they are to MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS (I Thessalonians 4:11)!

When you get a chance, go to the archives and check out the love letter that God wrote me several weeks back. He's got you.

Oh, and thanks for the promise scripture. Will hold it close for sure.

Shellie R. Warren wrote on July 9th 08 at 07:43PM

@Aline. You sound strong. Keep me posted and I will do the same. Maybe we can come to each other's weddings...someday. :-) THE RIGHT DAY. God's PURPOSED day.

Shellie R. Warren wrote on July 9th 08 at 07:50PM

@no. Well, it looks like BEN and WD handled this one for me (and rather extensively, I might add...thank you).

The only other thing I have to add, is that yes, I agree with you that a person has the right to do whatever they want. However, just as the homosexuals protested to make it legal, I too have the right to speak against it. As previously stated, if you are not a Bible follower, I wouldn't expect you to agree and I am OK that you don't.

As far as believing that men and women are equal, I do believe that: EQUAL BUT DIFFERENT WITH DIFFERENT PURPOSES. Actually, that part of your argument further illustrates my point. One thing I've never understood about homosexuality is how if two of the same sex want to be together, why do there still appear to be "roles"? I think it's because even homosexuals know that it's the *differences*, MAN AND WOMAN, that make a covenant partnership work.

OK, enough of that. Thanks for your passionate response though. Hope you'll come back some time.

Shellie R. Warren wrote on July 9th 08 at 07:52PM

@Ben. Good lookin' out. Great points. Especially the part about making the Bible say what we want it to (I still struggle with that one).

Thanks for making the time.

Shellie R. Warren wrote on July 9th 08 at 07:54PM

@WD. You got a blog? If not, start one. :-)

Tom Altman wrote on July 10th 08 at 06:33AM

I love the post. Thank you. Here's my take:

I think the Church needs to quit recognizing gay marriage. I could care less what laws the land are adopted - there are many laws which seem to go against scripture from time to time. If two men or two women want to live together and form a civil union, reap the benefits of insurance and 401K's woo-hoo for them. If the same couple want the marriage sanctified by the church - then it seems like it's a different issue.

As a pastor friend says - anytime church and state are brought up together it is taboo - Oh Yea, except marriage. Then, a pastor is about the only one which can bridge the gap.

Great dialog!
:) tom

Colin wrote on July 10th 08 at 11:42AM

I'd like to mention something to any homosexual Christians that may be reading. I write this mostly as a response to actions in the Presbyterian church, which deleted from its requirements for Deaconship (is that a word) that a man be celibate in singleness or faithful in marriage. It was largely viewed as a way to allow gays and lesbians to have a place among others in the church leadership.

I have a friend who is gay, and who is also a Christian. He argues that the Lord views homosexuality and heterosexuality equally, a claim without any backing, but one that I'll entertain for a moment. He STILL has premarital/nonmarital sex with men.

I don't understand why certain churches (Anglicans also come to mind) have begun to approve not only of homosexuality, but also of the sexually promiscuous behavior of homosexuals. If God really does view these two forms of love as equal, then they should also be subject to the same constraints. Even if homosexuality itself is not a sin, (again, a dubious claim) premarital and nonmarital sexual relations certainly still are. If you are gay and a Christian, you're still subject to the same rules all the rest of us are.

Jeremy wrote on July 10th 08 at 02:28PM

Well the simplest reason for the biblical definition of marriage is, that woman was taken from man (rib) and God fasioned her from it, making one into two. That is why the bible says the two shall become one... the rid comes back to the man making them one unit again. Two ribs and two man can never become one under Gods eyes for this reason.

White Dove wrote on July 10th 08 at 05:00PM

Shellie, you are such a hoot! BTW, my given name is also Shellie, but with a EY, lol!
If you visit my blog, leave me a note. I have your colomn on RSS feed, because its brought me such peace! So many ppl struggle with Porn and sex addiction, and you brought me hope and understanding from all sides of the coin.
Wishing you blessings from the Great Spirit!
http://redandnarrowroad.ning.com/profile/WhiteDoveNativeAngel

In the name of pasta wrote on July 16th 08 at 05:54PM

Have a problem with gay marriage? THEN DON'T MARRY ONE! Why the hell would you care if gays can marry or not? They have absolutely nothing to do with you and your marriage!

Btw its sad it's 2008 and peohiple like you can be so easily accepted even though your calling for the deprivation of rights of other people, wch is completely unamerican, ignorant, and insane.

Shellie R. Warren wrote on July 20th 08 at 07:16PM

@Tom Altman. I TOTALLY AGREE. Thanks.

Shellie R. Warren wrote on July 20th 08 at 07:18PM

@Colin. Whew! I don't know if I expected this to bring about such a tizzy! You made some really good points. I, too, have often wondered why homosexuals who claim to be Christians feel like not fornicating is something that doesn't apply to them, but as one of my favorite quotes goes, "Sin is senseless." I appreciate your insights. Thanks for stopping by.

Shellie R. Warren wrote on July 20th 08 at 07:20PM

@White Dove. Ah, you're a "Shelley", too? Did you know our name was Hebrew and guess what it means? "Mine. Belonging to Me." (An Israeli friend told me.)

Merry Christmas! Have fun with that revelation!

Shellie R. Warren wrote on July 20th 08 at 07:21PM

@In the name of pasta. Long story short, if you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything. I took a stand and I'm sticking with it. But, thanks for your passion on refuting my right to my opinion. :-)