(PORN) JUNK MAIL...AND TIME

OK,

Can I just vent for a moment or two? (Thanks)

I've been pretty open with you guys (and gals) about the fact that I myself am a porn addict in recovery, right?  And while my personal "porn of choice" wasn't Internet pornography (although I did tend to download erotica from time to time), I must admit that I find it rather interesting and ironic that now that I blog for a porn ministry, I see more porn ads than I ever did when I was an addict. (Sent directly to my shellie@x3church.com account.)

For instance, in the past 24 hours, these are some of the emails I received (I'm sharing with you the subject headings):

The giant rose from my boxers

Are you swinging for the home run

You can now tear her apart (how romantic)

Safe and potent enhancement pills

And ironically, Save 90% on watches! Visit replica store

Yeah, I don't really get it, either.  As a matter of fact, on some days, I get more watch advertisements than I do porn and so today, I decided to put some deep(er) thought into it.

I remember when I was an avid porn participant.  Although I did have my hard core stash, because XXX stores are not where "good girls" go, I preferred to get my fix through cable.  Just last night, I was writing a devotional and comparing certain cycles that we all tend to become a part of to that of a hamster running in a wheel in its cage.  Ultimately, it doesn't get the hamster, anywhere...but worn out.

That's what my porn cycle was like.  I would watch it for 10 minutes, masturbate, feel guilty, fall asleep, wake up, watch ten more minutes, do it again, fall asleep for longer and before I knew it, two hours (give or take 20 minutes), two hours that I will never get back, were GONE!  It reminds me of a quote my friend, Tim Alan Gardner said in his book "Sacred Sex" (get it, please get it!): "It has been said that a man (or woman) seeking to satisfy his (or hers) sexual cravings with pornography is like a man (or woman) dying of thirst lusting after salt."

Say a word!  Say a word!

Looking back, porn never satisfied me.  As a matter of fact, that's why/how I became caught up in it.  One look, ten stares, three flicks and it still was never enough.  Hmph, when you look at it that way, porn is a pretty bad rap.  It makes billions of dollars every year and never even satisfies us.

What a waste of money.  What a waste energy.  What a waste of TIME.

Ahhh...ah-ha! So maybe it's God allowing me to receive the watch advertisements to counteract the porn ones that I've been getting.  Maybe that's his way of reminding me how such a waste of time it would be to even open up one of those things to see what it has to offer. 

Afte all, don't get it twisted, ya'll.  Just because I'm delivered, doesn't mean that I don't get tempted.  I often tell people that deliverance is nothing more than operating in foresight, and in this case it would be accepting the fact that when I get "Now it can get harder than ever" emails, it would be best to just delete it and move on so that I can devote my time to things that will actually satisfy me. :-)

Speaking of, if you are a woman battling with porn or the partner of someone who is, I was honored to do an interview with Porn Addict Hubby.Com this month.  Feel free to check it out at www.pornaddicthubby.com/XXXChurch.html.

Until next time, hang in there ladies and gents.  When it comes to abstaining from porn, take it from me, it ain't easy, but it's better.

chris wrote on April 21st 08 at 05:20PM

and you might start getting a lot more spam posting your full email address on the internet like that... :)

Shellie R. Warren wrote on April 21st 08 at 06:40PM

@Chris. It's posted anyway. I take it as a lesson to share. All good. :-)

David McDougal wrote on April 22nd 08 at 02:35PM

Ok, since choosing to join El Clinto in the golf even this year, I have commented to my wife on a daily basis the increase in porn spam that I am getting. I am used to the 300-400 emails about which 60% are spam a day. Recently though that 40% has gone from 15-20% porn related to about 80% porn related.

I guess since I am using X3watch to keep my accountability partner up to date with me. I am also using safe-eyes to keep the bad sites all the way Satan needs to find some other way to hit me with my weakness. Thank goodness that I only have to look at about 1-2% of the spam emails that are porn related due to HEAVY filtering that I have setup.

Spam + Porn = scurge of the internet!

SammyK wrote on April 23rd 08 at 11:09PM

That's what I love about Gmail. I don't know how they do it, but they magically filter my mail so I only have to see about one spam message every month or two.

ritahk wrote on April 24th 08 at 12:04PM

I also struggled with the same problem. But one day I went to Godtube.com and watched a video which talked about settingcaptivesfree.com. There is a course there named Way of Purity. I enrolled there 9 days ago. And now I'm 9 days free from the sin of pornography and masturbation.

Basically what I learned there so far is that there will never be satisfaction that could be derived from filling our lusts. Our hearts can only be filled by the Living Water that Jesus offers. Our lives should always reflect the glory of God. How can we do that if we serve two masters, God and lust? We can't live a double life. We have to commit ourselves to God's love, which is more than enough for us. Now, Jesus through his cross has bridged the gap between our sin and God's mercy, so that we will not suffer the consequences of our sinful actions.

From the 9 days that I started the course, I still had temptations, but my will to counter those is stronger because I draw my strength from God.

I've started to remove the temptations that are hindering me from radically changing. Also I'm looking for accountability partners to help me.

Shellie R. Warren wrote on April 24th 08 at 06:05PM

@David. I feel you. Since porn via the Internet was never really my thing, the spam annoys me more than anything. Plus, the subject headings are rather corny. Sin is so senseless...and on some levels, even silly, ain't it?

Shellie R. Warren wrote on April 24th 08 at 06:08PM

@Sammy. Yeah, I have a Gmail account, but a little (perhaps unknown) fact people tend to overlook is that Gmail does not totally delete emails from their database.

While I'm thinking about it, another thing to keep in mind is that you can never permanently delete a membership with Facebook once you create one.

Ah...the ups and downs/joys and sorrows of technology.

Shellie R. Warren wrote on April 24th 08 at 06:37PM

@ritah: You are light years ahead of most. Nine days in recovery is worth its weight in gold! Keep us posted on how its going for you, OK? OK.

Celaine wrote on April 27th 08 at 03:13PM

At My church Revival Christian Fellowship in Menifee, CA we just concluded a series on temptations entitled Forbidden Fruits. On the first day our Pastor (Pastor Gary Galbraith) gave out a cell and asked the congregation to text what temptations we were dealing with in a single line and then he would address the top 4 in each sermon in the following weeks. The top 4 were 4-food, 3-money 2-substance abuse and #1 Lust/Sexual temptation which was today. He gave our congregation this website and let me tell you its a life saver for me, someone who struggles with the temptation to look at internet porn. This is the most shameful horrific thing I struggle with and can talk to no one about it out of sheer embarrassment. I want to make full use of this site and have an accountability partner that this site offers. This is so awesome. Please pray for me that I can overcome this temptation and be FREE OF IT in Jesus Name! Thank You, Celaine

Di wrote on April 27th 08 at 07:53PM

Most of the things written for recovery involve not having sex... I never have sex... I however do have an addiction to erotica and as a result masturbate. I barely even talk to men. I'm sure there's a question in there but for the life of me I don't know what it is.

Shellie R. Warren wrote on April 28th 08 at 09:20AM

@Celaine. Well, know what? You say you are too embarrassed to share this with anyone and guess what? YOU JUST DID...with A LOT of people, so you have more courage than you think you do! Congrats on that.

We will definitely keep you in prayer. Remember, the Word says that we don't have if we don't ask or we don't get because what we ask for is not good for us (James 4:2-3). God will and is honoring your request to break free from this...just rest in him and trust in that, OK?

Keep us posted.

Shellie R. Warren wrote on April 28th 08 at 09:29AM

@Di. Correction: You don't have sex with others; you have sex with yourself. Is the question how to stop? If so, my question would be what led you to start.

I will leave it there for now, but as someone who also battled with masturbation, while I know that it's a controversial subject (both in and out of the Church), let me just say this: God created you (in the sexual sense) for your husband. Not for you and some random dude (or girl) or even you and yourself.

Sex is to make you one with your God-given mate. What appears to be happening with you is that "sex with self" is isolating you from others...that can be just as destructive as being promiscuous. You are already "one with yourself"...because God made you a whole individual. If you are broken in some areas, God can help you heal those places. But sexual activity is to bring about oneness without someone else, with your spouse. ANYTHING LESS THAN THAT is not sex the way God created it to be.

Feel me?

Jamal wrote on May 6th 08 at 10:13AM

Ladies, I know that I shouldn't have read your comments because I am a man. I was just curious to know whether or not women had the same issues as men. I feel a need to share a revelation that God gave me when He led me to this sight. I first shared this with the men and I would like your insight.
I thank God that He lead me to this web site. I am a single man who had left his church and his faith for about 10 months. Letting resentment for others and having a lack of faith in God to bring me a help mate festor in my heart lead me away. Because of that, addiction to sex and drugs ruled me. For me, sex and drugs went hand in hand. They were killing me and for a while I didn't care. I now look back at the debauchery I partook in and realize that I wasn't just hurting myself, I was emotionally and spiritually hurting the women I was with. The empty looks on their faces after the fact is enough to make one cry. I was a part of breaking down their self worth. That is not what God wants. I am so ashamed of what I did. I let my sexual addiction hurt those women. It's no wonder why so many women have low self esteems. We let our sinful lusts and desires take over instead of realizing what the true nature of sex is for in the kingdom of God.
Since I have been back in church, I have been delivered for the spirit of resentment and drug addiction. It has been going on three months now. Coming to this web site, I believe I am now delivered from lust. It is not by chance that the Lord lead me to the site. I have been letting Him work on me ever since my return. Today He caused me to look back and have a revelation about my past behaviors. It's not what He wants in my life or in the future life with the woman He has planned for me. I am a Christian and I am to practice this Christian life thoroughly.
For any man who reads this, let me put a picture in your mind that may help you with the struggle of lust. (It is actually not a struggle when you know who you are in Christ.) If you feel compelled to either have meaningless sex, look at porn, or even look at a woman in a lustful manner, always try to remember these things. You are lusting after a woman who is a child of God. If you are about to have sex with her, think about where her mind might be. She may not know who she is in Christ and the only reason why she is doing it is because of a lack of self esteem, a lack of self worth, she may have been abused in the past and that is how she is working out her emotional problem, or that is the only way she knows to feel wanted. They are all negatives. It goes with the same for the women you see in porn. They have spirits too.
God created Eve for Adam as a help mate and a spiritual partner to help eachother glorify God. Think about it.
If you feel that you beaten by this addiction, remember, "We are more than conquerers because we are in Christ Jesus and He lives within all of us." The fight was already faught when He died on the cross and was resurrected three days later. The battle is not yours, it belongs to God and the battle was won. So praise the Lord. We are free from all sin. You just have to receive it.

Shellie R. Warren wrote on May 6th 08 at 12:06PM

@Jamal. I just want you to know that I NEEDED THAT MESSAGE today. When you are on the "front lines of battle", you can end up being more concerned about reminding others than being reminded. I appreciate the insight that you have shared. Sometimes it takes the process of losing *and* restoration to really understand the true value of something, even when it comes to sexuality. Stay strong and thanks for the encouragement. Truly.

Anjanette wrote on May 20th 08 at 05:46PM

A word in due season. It was exactly the thoughts that I had last night after being tempted to go a sight. Keep up the good work. Who knows maybe I'll see you on the front lines.

Shellie R. Warren wrote on May 21st 08 at 02:59PM

@Anjanette. I met you as soon as you sent me this comment. Spirits don't need a body to connect. :-)

Another thing to keep in mind next time you are tempted, BTW...