Addiction

Hi

I have been struggling with pornography addiction for about 15 years. I was exposed to pornography at a young age, and from then on it was just a downward spiral into addiction.

It is only recently that I realized that it is really an addiction, with all the symptoms of addiction. There have been times that I have justified it as normal and natural, and I have never really found it to affect my day to day life. I have been a christian for a long time, and in some why I never thought that my addiction was affecting my spiritual life. I realized that the guilt I would feel because of my sin would drive me away from God, thus I simply accepted his forgiveness.

A while back I read Mere Christianity by CS Lewis, and although it hardly mentions addiction, it opened my eyes to the way my pornography addiction was eroding my soul and driving me away from God.

I now know that I have to get free of this addiction, not because it is ruining my life, but because it is ruining my soul and driving a wedge between me and God. I know I can only do it with God's help, in fact my own effort is useless. I also realize that the process of overcoming it will be like breaking a real addiction, like drugs or alcohol. It can only be done "cold turkey", and there will be withdrawal symptoms. I have just started the process, and already I feel the devil moving in with seduction.

The one thing I know I must do is to tell a good friend - to get accountability, and to have someone to talk to and to pray from me. This terrifies me, because of my pride - it just feels embarrassing to bring this foul thing into the open.

I know this is a long journey in front of me, and that there are many men going through the same thing. I know that I will have to fight the lust every day for a long time to come. I also know that Jesus is in it with me, and that makes victory certain.

Good luck to all you guys out there trying to beat this, it's a hard road but God guides the way.

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