I am a double agent I guess you could say...

So, a year ago I was caught in a triangle relationship. For seven months I was living in sin, I left for California to clear my head... realizing that after I arrived in there things still would be the same... no matter where, problems seem to always find their way back to the source. After a month of trying to clear my self and get right with God, I came back home to Washington. While back I actually felt a burning desire to seek God and to know Him and give Him the love that I have never given Him before. Sadly, about two months passed by and I was back with my girlfriend and back in my sinful ways... sexually pure I tried, but horribly I failed at doing so. As of today... I am still dragging to fulfill the will God has for me, but I feel so gross and vile because of this unreleasable sin. I see others and their affection towards Jesus makes me jealous... jealous because my relationship, my life is void of proof of the light of Christ living in me. I can't break my masturbation, porn, sex habit alone... I need help... I want to get right with God... I am tried of "trying", I want to actually do what I was made to do. I feel like Israel... Lip service... My atheistic lifestyle is torturing this soul that lives within... it wants to be free, free from the habits and the pain that it's brought into my life. I lose my train of thought easy, especially with devotion time... how can God know what I am going through if I don't communicate? All my devotion energy/time is being wasted filling my life with artificial joy. The real joy my heart longs for is the peace and the sweet voice of the Holy Spirit. I feel so far away in my relationship with Christ... I am on the moon and He ground asking, "what are you doing up there?''

If you feel trapped by your addiction to porn, there is hope and help available. There is a way to find freedom from pornography as well as masturbation addiction.

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