Why can't I stop?

Ever since I was a kid in high school, I've had a problem with porn. I guess it started when I just couldn't fit in with anyone at school, so I started to wonder what it was that they all seemed to think was fun. Biggest... mistake... ever. First time I saw it, I was hooked, and I couldn't get off of it until my parents caught me. Even then I had managed to keep it hidden, till my mom told me that it didn't just effect me, but the people around me. In the job she works in, if her boss ever found out about the pornography, she wouldn't be just fired, but blacklisted from this type of job as well. I managed to get off of the porn, but I kept going to youtube and kept on looking at intimate videos... mainly lesbian. However, I finally put my foot down and tried to get unhooked... but I just couldn't get myself away from it. One or two days go by, then I go right back to it, even with an accountability partner. It's like I just can't stop. Why can't I stop? I want to stop, I really do want to stop, but it's like something forces me to go back and look. I'm starting to feel like I'm beyond saving... even though I haven't given up yet on trying to stop.

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