Q&A
Why, when the report is sent to the accountability partners, do we not receive a copy of the report?
If those who have a problem could see what everyone else sees, then maybe they would have their eyes opened as well.
Sorry it is just the way it is set up. You can use one of your e mail partners as your own. Then you will get the report as well.
Hi,
I attend a Church which you visited a little while back and really enjoyed your service although at the time I thought that my husbands porn episode was behind us and that your sermon didn't really apply to me any longer - Was I wrong!
A couple of years ago I accidentally found out that my husband had been watching porn on the Internet because I was looking for something in my computers history.
I was absolutely horrified, hurt, angry, I felt sick! I'm sure you have heard from many women how awful they feel. I threatened to get a divorce if he continued and told him how I had figured it out.
I often use the history button to go back and find things that I look at online and from tome to time it has been deleted. I asked my husband why it is deleted and he said it is to make the computer run faster. I only realized now why he is deleting the history because he is looking at porn again (or more likely, he never stopped.)
A few weeks ago I decided to add your X3watch to my computer, I wanted to find out if he was still looking at porn. Unfortunately he is.
I got that same sick feeling, went cold all over and got really angry, hurt, etc, I wanted to blow up at him, but instead I prayed about (just a little prayer, since I have been trying not to think about it too much, it just grosses me out, I don't ev
en want to talk about it.) It has taken me a few days to be able to write this email and has been hard to look at him, be nice to him, be around him...just pretending that nothing is wrong.
I have been really upset about this and so wrote an email to you asking how to aproach my husband to talk about this in the correct manner, I planned to wait for a response before addressing him about this. Unfortunately last night I was upset with him and couldn't hold my tongue any longer, I told him that he needed to stop looking at porn, he admitted to it after lying about it and so I was crying and he just kept saying that he didn't want to talk about it, words went back and forth, crazy talk of divorce, custody of the kids, having me commited because I was making a big deal of nothing (this was just probably all talk to take the spot light off of him), needless to say that I fell asleep crying and he just ignored me.
This morning when we woke up he was trying to be all nice to me and acting like nothing had happened. I told him that we needed to talk and he again refused and then said that he would talk about it later (the usual response to get me to drop it.)
I realize that blowing up at my husband and threatening him is not going to work, he is not a Christian and is pretty much against Christianity, so I don't really know how to approach him about this. He doesn't think this is a big deal, where as I feel like I have been cheated on and so much more.
I know that I need to talk to him about this. Do you have any advise on how I should approach this matter and what I should say?
I love my husband and I want our marriage to work.
Thank you for your time and God Bless!
Jackie,
I am so sorry to hear all of this. I know this struggle is devastating for you to face.
First of all, do you have anyone who you have told who can support and help you through this time? This is crucial for you in this time.
Second, the hard factor is that he does not see anything wrong with this and that he is not a Christian. If you two have different faith perspectives, there will most likely be a conflict of interest.
Regardless, we are here to help.
Please refer him to our site so he can read up on how porn can affect people's lives - both those viewing and those affected by someone who views. I hope he can see that Christian or not.. it hurts your feelings, makes you feel less worthy, it is him lusting after someone other than you which is cheating, most likely affects your sex life, marriage, relationship and more. Porn is very addictive. The struggle is so common, especially among men, and can be very hard to overcome. He might not see the need to overcome because he is caught up in the addiction. It begins to control one's thought process. He might be in so deep that he doesn't see the need or ability to overcome?
Please pray that he does see what this is doing to you and himself. Pray he would see the need to heal. Please seek to communicate in a calm way as much as possible. I know this is so had but it is the best way for someone to receive communication during conflict. Ask that he would hear out how it makes you feel and is affecting your marriage and explain that you love him and want a marriage with mutual respect and honor.
Also, it might be helpful for both of you to go to counseling with someone who specializes in marriage and sex addictions to work through this with a professional.
Please check out x3pure.com as well. this is our 30 day recovery program and could be useful to both of you. Also, for you, please see partnersforpurity.com for support in your current situation. There are other great resources on our site as well.
Please let me know if this helps and how else I can help you in this time. You are not alone in this.
phylicia@xxxchurch.com
Hi my names mike im 16 and i have been struggling with sex and pornography for quite a while. I've been getting closer to God and enjoy his presence. Many have seen a difference in me since I have been closer with Christ. But I have an extreme problem with lust. I feel I am being a hypocrite and a liar when I look and pornography and masturbate. I view porn less often than before but the problem is that I STILL DO!!!! i mess up and ask for forgiveness but then i find myself in the same place. I know lust and sex is wrong but sometimes it just feels so good to me. For example i feel that if I go and have sex with this or that girl it will make me feel great. I feel that if I dont do stuff like this i will be missing out and not having fun. I know this is wrong and I pray that God will change this mindset of mine.
if you have any helpful advice i would deeply appreciate it thanks,
God bless,
mike
Dude lust is a lie. It seems like fun. It seems like the thing to do. But it is a down right lie. The truth is sex is a beautiful thing. A thing that God intended for you and your wife. Be strong. Get accountable to someone. You can do this.
I am married and, I was wondering if someone could tell me if it is a sin to relief myself in the shower, if my wife is pregnant and it is hard for her to have sex when she is 7 months pregnant? If I was not thinking about anyone else other than her or no one at all while I was doing it? Would just be doing it for physiological reasons? I have struggled with this and would like to have some input on this. because I don't want to be sinning if it is, I just didn't ever have anyone to ask it this is sinful or not. I would like to know if this is something I should not be doing Thanks for your time.
Bob
Bob, to be honest this is a gray area in my opinion. I am not married yet nor do I have any idea what it is like to be in your situation. I would say, while it will be tough, if God called us to be pure while waiting for our wives, then He would probably call you to wait until she is ready. Once again this is a tough one. I would say talk to someone in a pastoral role around you. And of course seek this in prayer. The fact that it is weighing on your mind tells me there is some level of guilt, so for this sake I am going to say that maybe you shouldn't.
The Safe Eyes filter is fantastic! But I am wondering how to 'filter' or hold men accountable for all the other ways they can access porn, separate computer, DVDs, etc? What kind of accountability needs to be in place to cover all areas? Also, how does a significant other respond to partner who tells her "just believe me" "you have to trust me". Of course this trust has been violated and the partner does not understand the steps necessary and time to recover and rebuild trust. I would like to put your response in his hands.
Thank you!
There is no real accountability in these areas. I mean unless you have surveillance everywhere he goes, then you will not know if he is going to get porn from the local adult video store. This is where you need to use your senses. Look. Take a look around. It is your house too. See if he is hiding porn. That is the tougher part of getting actual physical porn as opposed to internet porn, It is hard to hide the real stuff. Also you know him. You can sense what he is doing. If you get the vibe that he is looking at this crap, call him out on it. Sadly he might lie. But you know him better than anyone.
This is a tough one because the answer is....that there is no answer. While we have internet filters, we cannot stop someone from going to buy porn. That is where he needs strong people around him who will ask the tough questions and not be afraid to call him out when he is lying.
I HAVE HAD PORN PROPLEM THOUGH THE YEARS I DON'T BUY IT OR SEEK IT OUT BUT IN THE PAST WHEN SHOWN IT I CAN'T STOP LOOKING ABOUT 3 MONTHS AGO I WENT ON A MENS RETREAT AND WE TALKED ABOUT IT AND PRAYED ABOUT IT AND I HAVE CHANGED NOW i HAVE A CATHOLIC CHILDHOOD FREIND WHO SENDS ME TONS OF CLEAN JOKES AND STORYS ABOUT GOD ONE DAY THE NEXT IT WILL BE XXXXXXXX RATED PICS AND VIDEOS WHEN I SEE THEM I DELETE THEM HOW DO APROACH HIM AND TALK TO HIM ABOUT THIS WITH OUT HURTING OUR FRIENDSHIP?
Dude you just need to be straight up with him. Don't comprimise your purity for his feelings. It is stuff he doesnt need to be looking at either. You got to be honest.
I was wondering if the free version of x3watch still monitors myspace activity?
I've spent quite a bit of time trying to find information regarding what is considered "questionable" according to the software with no success. It would be helpful if that information was available. But I am primarily interested in the myspace question.
I plan to buy the Pro version soon...like not too long after I find a job and don't have to eat rice all the time anymore.
Thank you and God bless.
X3 watch monitors key words. So yes. Eventually if you are seeking out porn on myspace there will be key words that come up. So I would say yes it will.
When did you realize that porn was wrong? When did you decide quit?
I think in each of us there is this feeling of shame while viewing porn. This is why its embarrassing to even talk about porn with people. I decided to quite when I got fed up and asked God to walk with me through the healing process. This doesn't mean it is magically gone. This means getting loved ones around you, praying, and getting serious about recovery. Once you get fed up and mad about your addiction you will recover. Not until you are serious.
What is the appropriate line in A marital relationship.
I have struggled with a porn addiction since I was 12 years old.
I wanted to know what sex was, comments people made and many other things. I never had that father son talk to explain things in life and I felt ashamed in away when friend made fun of me. They made it out to be as common of information as 2+2.
Now I am very happily married and we both have a similar addiction brought on by childhood injuries.
Now we are trying to understand an appropriateness to this relationship. We don't really lust for others, but take it as a educational view point. We are new to where we live now and have not found a church that seams to work. Most don't agree with some of our belief in family or homeschooling.
So now we want to better understand a marital relationship.
Is it wrong to stop in the day and fantasize about my wife? Is it wrong to see each other and lust for one another? Is it lust or love?
Man thinking about your wife in a sexual way is a beautiful thing. As long as it is her and in a form of love. Sex is a crazy thing. It can be beautiful and damaging all at the same time. I would say viewing porn together is not a good thing. I would say this is possibly damaging. Thinking about your wife sexually is not lust. If it is done out of love for her. Make sense? I would suggest however that you should rid your relationship of porn. It can only be damaging in my opinion.
For some time now we have been stumbling around trying to figure out how to help our son. He has been addicted to porn for a couple of years. We have worked on Internet guards, trying to have talks of understanding and accountablity. Right now we are missiionaries in Mexico and his life is much different than before and he is sucluded in some ways. He really wants to be free from the addiction, but is just to weak right now to resist. How can we help as parents more effectivly and are they ways that you can help us as a family walk through this?
Thank you!
There is no easy answer. I have been addicted to this junk myself. I can say that I couldn't do it without people around me, but also the big kicker was that I had to get sick of it myself and decide to overcome it. He must get to this point before real healing can begin. Stay with him. He can do it with the strength of the Lord, his family, and his own determination. Hope this helped. Be blessed.
