Growing out of "this" is harder than I thought

I am addicted to porn. I can't help it. Even attending a Christian college and attending chapel services every wednesday and sunday has not prevented me from combing the internet for even the slightest glimpse of nudity. Our internet is filtered, but I have found ways around even that. My addiction started in the 7th grade. I was depressed and lonely as this was my 2nd year in public school. I was overweight, friendless, picked on constantly at school, and hopeless. I had no faith in God or myself and even thought about suicide on multiple instances. School was hell on earth for me because I went to school to feel ridiculed about my weight and my inability to stick up for myself. There was one day where i even sexually assaulted a girl in the middle of my tech class. She told on me and I confessed and spent three days in ISS. I went to therapy for a month, but I felt nothing. Porn was the only way for me to feel good and was the one thing that was a constant in my life. I have been caught several times when I was younger, but over time, I have become very good at fooling people. I don't know why I feel this urge or why its so hard to pull away from but I can't even look at myself in the mirror without thinking about what an animal I am. I have lied to my parents, my friends, and my girlfriend about it and have buried it so deep its like I don't know how to talk about it. Sometimes I just want to fall down on my knees and shout to God, "I'm addicted to Porn! Help Me! Somebody PLEASE HELP ME!" but instead I shuffle along the hallway, slip into my room, and masturbate. Its time to stop. I cannot deal with this any more. I'm better than this and God deserves more than this. I feel like I'm living a lie, and I can't live that any more. If anyone has any advice for me, I'm in desperate need..

If you feel trapped by your addiction to porn, there is hope and help available. There is a way to find freedom from pornography as well as masturbation addiction.

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