Growing out of "this" is harder than I thought

I am addicted to porn. I can't help it. Even attending a Christian college and attending chapel services every wednesday and sunday has not prevented me from combing the internet for even the slightest glimpse of nudity. Our internet is filtered, but I have found ways around even that. My addiction started in the 7th grade. I was depressed and lonely as this was my 2nd year in public school. I was overweight, friendless, picked on constantly at school, and hopeless. I had no faith in God or myself and even thought about suicide on multiple instances. School was hell on earth for me because I went to school to feel ridiculed about my weight and my inability to stick up for myself. There was one day where i even sexually assaulted a girl in the middle of my tech class. She told on me and I confessed and spent three days in ISS. I went to therapy for a month, but I felt nothing. Porn was the only way for me to feel good and was the one thing that was a constant in my life. I have been caught several times when I was younger, but over time, I have become very good at fooling people. I don't know why I feel this urge or why its so hard to pull away from but I can't even look at myself in the mirror without thinking about what an animal I am. I have lied to my parents, my friends, and my girlfriend about it and have buried it so deep its like I don't know how to talk about it. Sometimes I just want to fall down on my knees and shout to God, "I'm addicted to Porn! Help Me! Somebody PLEASE HELP ME!" but instead I shuffle along the hallway, slip into my room, and masturbate. Its time to stop. I cannot deal with this any more. I'm better than this and God deserves more than this. I feel like I'm living a lie, and I can't live that any more. If anyone has any advice for me, I'm in desperate need..

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