Ild rather DiE!

Those are big words i know! but i can not live with this guilt, I am a man of God i pray i read my bible, i love the lord with all my heart, he uses me to reach out to the lost, I have many responsibilities at the church, I have been addicted to pornography and masturbation for a long time about 5 years now! It makes me hate myself after all God has done for me i still partake in this disgraceful act! I need help! Im too ashamed to talk to any one because i have too much responsibilities on me i am too ashamed to say anything to even a guy in church thats like a brother/friend/father to me it has gotten that bad, so bad i dont even want to go to church because i feel so ashamed i really want to stop but the desires control me, about 5 months back i stopped for about 3 weeks but then it came back and was harder than ever! this is the first time im ever mentioning anything about it to any one, im so ashamed i can even put my name down or my main email address! This is making my life so depressing, but the passion that burns the will to do it when it happens its almost like i lose control! i cant even walk past a girl now without thinking or looking lustfully! I need help i cant continue to live like this! I would rather die than continue with this! God help me please! help me! I need your help! i cant do this on my own ! i need your help lord please look at my heart lord please! i need your help father please heavenly father, king of all kings! i need your help! :(

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