My confession.

Hello my name is Shaun. And I have been struggleing with pornography ever since high school started. When I first saw it I was in fifth grade. I was at my aunts house after school waiting for my mom to pick me up. I was watching cartoons on the tv and flipped thru the channels to another cartoon station. But as I was flipping thru channels I came across a adult program. The feeling I got thru my body was weird because I was a little kid that saw a naked woman for the first time. The thoughts that were running thru my head was "this feels wrong but why can't I stop looking?". So from that day on that image stuck with me. It was like it was stamped into my memory. But when I got addicted to pornography I was in 9th grade when our family got our first computer. And what urged me on were of course the girls at my school. Some of them would talk about what they did with their boyfriends. So me being a virgin still I got curious one day when I was home by myself and came across websites. Then I quickly became addicted to masterbation and pornography. Thinking nothing of it for the first two years, I thought it's what guys do. But at the end of my sophamore year in high school I somehow became closer to God. I got saved again when I was sixteen, thus building a true relationship with God. So one Sunday at church we had a speaker named John Bevere come and talk about the end of time and when Jesus coming back soon. In the midst of that I got scared cause I didn't know if I was gonna make it to heaven or not. So I got saved again and this time really meaning it. I asked God to have His way in my life and to separate the truth from the lies. And one thing that got my attention was my addiction to pornography.

So thru my junior and senior years in highschool I would slip and fall here and there and right after I viewed pornography I would automatically guit this guilt inside of me. So I would tell a friend/leader at my church what I was struggleing with and tell him about the guilt that came quick right after I was done viewing. He told me that was the Holy Spirit on the inside of me telling me what I did was wrong and weren't of Gods ways. And now today these temptations would happen randomly and sometimes I would walk away from it with the help of God and other times which is most I would fall. I know deep done and it also says in God's word that He still loves me even when I mess up. So the other night I asked God to show me in His word how to get out of this and to send help. And He has but whenever I mess up I feel so bad and that I'm so unworthy of His forgiveness. So one night as I was flipping thru the bible I came across Micah 7:8-10 which says
"Dont enemy crow over me. I'm down, but I'm not out. I'm sitting in the dark right now, but God is my light. I can take God's punishing rage. I deserve it I sinned. But it's not forever. He's on my side and is going to get me out of this. He'll turn on the lights and show me his ways. I'll see the whole picture and how right He is. And my enemy will see it too, and be discredited yes disgraced! This enemy who kept taunting "So where is this God of yours?" I'm going to see it with these, my own eyes my enemy disgraced, trash in the gutter."

As I read this I immediatly thanked Him for comfortaing me. So today yes I still struggle and I would like for you to pray for me too and I will also pray for others who are in the industry and the ones who struggle also like me. This is a confession and also a helping hand thank you God bless.

-Shaun

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