Addicted to porn, and didnt even think I had an "addiction"

Wow, where do I start? Well first and foremost im so glad for this site, that I didnt even know existed till recently. I guess I always thought of someone with a " sexual addiction" as someone who needed to have sex with another person every single day. Yeah I liked sex, but no way was I doing something like that. What I was doing was way worse. I have struggled with online porn for Years. I guess you could say I got my first look at it finding my dads Playboy Magazines and looking at those girls thinking" Man, thats soo hot, i wanna do that so guys will like me too"....Over the years, i became obsessed with erotic stories, erotic fantasies, and then whoah, when I saw my first porn video of 2 people having sex, I gotten into an addiction of wanting to be WATCHED just as those people were in the movies... From then it escalated to medical fetishes, when I was 18, I would undress in front of a window knowing that my neighbor was watching and getting off on that...and of course the masturbating was there all along too.. But again I was just " getting off" and having fun, so was it really an addiction I thought???.. When I began to realize it WAS was when, I would think " umm, if my fmaily or freinds knew I was into this , they would be shocked. Also when I would skip certain outings, not take phone calls, even skip some of my fav tv shows so I could " stay on the computer"...it also got to the point where I would email naked photos of myself to men just to hear " I was hot or pretty bec I didnt feel that way about myself.What Ive realized is that My addiction really stems from me not loving myself and feeling that I need this self gratification for me to feel worthy.. I am fully giving this over to God and want to love myself and realize Im better than this, and guys will like me for who I am, I dont need to show my body for someone to love me..... Has anyone struggled with these specific issues before?

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