Being Honest with Myself

I was 5 years old the first time I saw a pornographic photo. I was at my baby-sitters house and in the bathroom right next to the toilet were magazines. I picked one up and it was hard-core to say the least. Like the video of Noelle I have never forgotten that photo. Years later when I was 11 I masterbated for the first time and scared myself with my body's reaction. It was so strong. I tried not to do it anymore but all thru Jr High and High School and College I masterbated. I didn't have sex until I was 18 and that choice was taken from me by a boy I had just met. I went a little nuts after that and slept with many guys over a period of a few months. I am now 40 and my need for orgasms can be so strong that I feel like I'm going to die if I don't have one. I can't think clearly or process anything until I have one. In the car, the office, home...I just pray and pray and I still can't seem to get past the overwhelming need I have. If my husband hasn't made love to me in a few days I go nuts and then I just have to masterbate. I hate it. I want to be pure in every way. To not think about sex, orgasms, hoping my husband won't be too tired from working all day to love on me that night is so hard. Porn...sometimes. Mainly though it is the actual orgasm. Any advice? Am I a sex addict?

Pornography addiction is a serious problem, and we want to help. We have helpful free tools like accountability software to aid your recovery from addictions to porn and sex addiction.

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