Proverbs 31 mom except for secret habit: Help!

I'm a 43 year old mom who has been aware of porn since I was a kid and I guess "addicted" to it since I was a teenager. When I was a kid, my stepdad had porn magazines around all the time and he thought it was hilarious to show them to my sister and me and say "some guy's gonna do this to you someday"--my sister & I would say "eeww, gross" and he would laugh like it was a big joke. Needless to say, I would sneak peeks at his magazine stash whenever he wasn't home and then masturbate, probably starting around age 9 or 10. I think the routine exposure to porn as a kid warped my sexuality, as it was seen as no big deal to look at it. From the time I was 15-21, porn was a regular part of my life, as I had a 30-year old boyfriend who was always bringing home videos and magazines to show me. I got to the point, and still struggle with this, that I could only be interested in sex if I viewed porn first. I'm married now, and no one would guess that when I'm home alone, I struggle not to go get on the computer & look at porn. I am a Christian, do not drink or smoke, so this is like my only "vice"--but I am disgusted with it. I feel so abnormal, as women are not "supposed" to be interested in porn, and like a failure as a Christian when I view it. I try hard to be a "Proverbs 31" type wife & mom, but looking at porn hardly fits into that picture! Prayers and supportive comments would be appreciated!

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