Letter to myself:
To the addict in me. I’m tired. I’m very, very tired. However I’m not sure you get it. I’m not giving up. I haven’t yet and I can’t. This thing is so much bigger than you. It’s bigger than me. This faith is lifestyle that requires giving up everything for Jesus Christ. Don’t you get it! God didn’t design me to be addict to anything but Him. He didn’t design me to have same sex desires or even remotely to constantly crave pornography! I don’t like sneaking around. I’ve wasted so much time, money, effort even tears on you. You think your going to win but it’s funny.. I don’t want you to and you don’t have a choice. My life isn’t for you. My life is to bring God glory. I’m going to have a wife and children one day, and you are the only thing standing in my way of happiness. I hate being depressed. I hate feeling disgusting. I hate breeding evil. I hate feeling like I don’t have control thus I hate you. But you haven’t won. You don’t control me because you wouldn’t want me to even write this. I know you want me to give in. I know you want me to just run away and live a life that gives in to you, so you can indulge. Your a terrible person, there’s nothing good about you.. but I’m seeking after good. You don’t fit in to my church, to my family, or even my friends. It’s true I’m tired but you know what keeps me going? I have a God, a Church and friends that keep fighting when I’m tired. It’s true there have been times that you have gotten the best of me and you’ve robbed alot from me… but I believe that when your finally dead and gone all that time will be restored and the battles will be worth it. You cannot have me or my life and that means.. you have no life yourself. I can’t wait for freedom. I’m saying good bye to you although I know your not just going to leave willingly. You’ve been around me for years, even when I was innocent, a child and you just happen to be around the corner. You make me feel alone in this world but that’s not true. I chose not to believe your lies I believe in a Holy lifestyle, that’s radical and new. I won’t give in forever. I will fight and you will lose! So pack up and get ready to leave, you don’t have much longer because I’m choosing the directions not you. I know you will bother me again very soon, but you know what your so full of it that isn’t even funny. I don’t even like looking at that stuff anymore. It doesn’t even feel the same, I only feel like it makes you shut up for a few mins.. I don’t want that. My life will be soooooo much happier without you. I have a plan and this time I want to stick to it. I’m challenging myself with help to go 30 days without porn. Yeah, you heard me! I’m determined and I know I can do it! I’m going to be helped by the Holy Spirit, My prayer partners, my filters, and XXX Church. I don’t have to rely on just my will power. I’m changing my mind to believe that Christ is enough and enough is enough. I’M DONE WITH YOU, I HATE YOU FOR WHAT YOU STOLE you have no authority! Leave me alone,
Ryan
Letter from my sex addict:
Ha, ok… sure I heard this before. I’ve seen this before. You find some kind of cute little plan, some kinda “help” and soon enough it becomes too hard, you reason with yourself and you find your way back to me. Sure you might feel bad for a few mins.. but don’t you remember what usually happens a few mins after? You go right back to the same crap. Besides, you know it feels good, you know you like it, and you know you can never win. How many people said they would help you just to ditch out on you? How many accountability partners do you have to go through? You don’t have anyone. A wife huh? Yeah sure.. how long has it been since your last date? Your not into that, your into me. You know what you like. Your living a lie. Let me know when your “done” trying Ill be here in the back just whispering until you cant handle it. Laughing all the way, The Addict.