Are you addicted?
There are good addiction tests all over the web that can help you determine if you have unhealthy sexual behavior. We are not going to attempt to reproduce those here, but will offer this simple definition and challenge:
If your life is being controlled by your sexual desires and activities, instead of YOU being in control of them, then you have a sex addiction and should consider getting help.
Questions you can ask:
Here are a few questions you can ask yourself about the symptoms of sex addiction and its stages:
- Has a pattern of behavior (which we'll define as "acting out"--for example, looking at pornography), gotten out of control?
- Has your acting out increased in frequency since a year ago?
- Has your acting out increased in intensity since a year ago? (For
example, maybe a year ago, you were enticed by a swimsuit magazine, and
now are not.)
- Have you tried to stop the "acting out" in the past, but not been successful?
- Has your acting out intruded into your financial life? (Have you spent your savings on prostitutes or pornography?)
- Has your acting out intruded into family life? (Have you, on many
occasions, spent valuable family time away from your family indulging
your sex addiction?)
- Has your acting out entailed personal, professional, or legal risk?
(If you have looked at porn on the job, had sex with a prostitute, or
had an affair, you have most likely created significant risk.)
Here is another way to evaluate:
Every Christian man and woman is in one of these three groups:
TARGETED
Every Christian man is "targeted" by Satan. Just like every young man
is a target for cigarette ads, because every young man is a potential
smoker, so too, every Christian man is succeptable to sexual sin. Your
walk with God, your faith, your ability to lead a church, your ability
to be a strong husband and father, your ability to be a man of honor,
are all under attack by sexual sin. If you are not "Tempted" or in the
"Trenches" (see below) beware that you are not moving in that direction.
TEMPTED
Men in the "Tempted" group are men who are already seeing sexual sin or
sexual temptation impact their life in some way, have recognized that
it could be a significant problem if not dealt with, and/or have
recognized a propensity to struggle with lust or sexual compulsivity.
Most men fit into this group. Most men are somewhat regularly hit with sexualized messages (TV, magazine stand, movies) and often are exposed to pornography without their consent (SPAM, etc.). If sexual temptation is dealt with, is out in the open (via accountability relationships, etc.) then often it can remain just that, a temptation. But in many cases, just as our bodies, if left alone, will naturally decay--i.e., our bodies, on their own, don't get "fit"--so too, your sexual purity will naturally decline without specific work to stay pure and move towards Christ.
TRENCHES
Men in the "Trenches" are men whose lives are in some large part, being
controlled by sexual sin. This could be in the form of Internet
pornography, an extra-marital affair, or other behavior. Maybe at one
point, the problem was limited to the occasional viewing of a
pornographic email or quickly viewing an inappropriate banner ad--but
has now escalated into hours of pornography consumption per day. Being
in the "trenches", is by our definition synonymous with addiction.
Other common symptoms of sexual addiction include behaviors that have
caused or could cause legal, employment, or financial damage (seeing a
prostitute, looking at pornography on the job, and using your family
savings for online pornography are all examples of this).
