Over the last year and a half we have been hard at work on some new XXXchurch resources. The first was a new book called Pure Eyes - A Man's guide to Sexual Integrity. Steven Luff and I worked on that. Steven then wrote a workbook that goes along with that book and put together 15 video teachings that make up the new X3pure program.

We just launched the all new and improved X3pure site. We have three new workshops on the site and one that is coming soon for parents. I am going to post 3 blogs explaining each workshop. Head on over to X3pure to see for yourself.

Men's Workshop

X3pure is the first online, confidential, streaming-video solution for dealing with sexual addiction. This workshop provides you with the absolute fundamentals for understanding compulsive sexual behavior whether it is with masturbation, pornography use, extra-marital/pre-marital sex, strip clubs, or prostitutes. Easy to understand and accessible, this 30-day program can be logged onto from any Internet-connected computer at any time.

Workshop Outline

Developed by seminary-educated, sexual addiction group leader, and author Steven Luff, this program walks you through our “Sexual Sobriety Map” – a clear explanation of the recovery process from “unwanted sexual behavior” to the “pursuit of contentment.”

Unwanted Sexual Behavior

This two-part section provides a broad over-view of what will be accomplished throughout the program. Its ultimate destination is to answer the question, “Am I really addicted?” Central to this part is the introduction of our “Sexual Sobriety Map,” an at-a-glance tool for locating yourself throughout your recovery process and beyond.

White-Knuckle vs. Real Change

Since change is obviously at the heart of over-coming sexual addiction, the first of these two parts delves into the question “What is Change?” and provides a thorough introduction to the two types of change available for the recovering sex addict: “white-knuckle” and “real.” The cornerstone of real change, which is our goal in recovery, is confession and accountability, which is discussed in the second part of this section.

Understanding Physiology

One of the least known aspects of sexual addiction is its physiology—that is, the way the brain has changed in using sex as a drug and how to we can change it back. This section has three parts detailing a portion of the brain called the reward system. These three parts cover what that system is, what happens to the reward system when it has become addicted to sex, and what it will be like changing the reward system back into its normal state.

Abstinence

This section addresses the very goal of this program: going sober from your unwanted sexual behavior and staying sober. There are two parts to this section that will help you in creating a victorious environment for yourself as well as building an “escape plan” for when you are triggered and want to use your unwanted sexual behavior. These two parts detail what we call our “Sobriety Sheets.”

Acceptance of Conditional Love

For the sexual addict, the root of the addiction is having experienced, or currently experiencing, conditional love. Conditional love is being loved or shown attention and affection only if a person behaves or acts a certain way. Conditional love, in all of its many forms, can cause a sense of anxiety that leads the sex addict to act out. This section helps you locate when and where conditional love exists in your life in preparation for our culminating section.

Pursuit of Unconditional Love

If conditional love is the root of sexual addiction, our goal in recovery is the conversion of conditional love into unconditional love. In four powerful parts, this section breaks down this conversion into our “Recovery Targets”: 1) Psychological Examination of Feelings; 2) Seeking, Establishing, and Engaging in Community; 3) Truth, Trust and Territory; and 4) Development and Exploration of Genuine Faith.

 

If you type in the word "confessions" when you check out you get $10 bucks off.

My friend Anne Jackson's second book, Permission to Speak Freely - Essays and Art on Fear, Confession and Grace releases today. I've asked her to share one of the essays from her book with you. Anne decided to share seven essays on seven different blogs, this being the 5th. To read the rest of the essays, check out the links at the end.

Anne is also giving away a copy of her book to two commenters, chosen
at random, on Friday. So check out the question at the end and leave a
comment to be entered to win.

You can pick up a copy of the book here. It is a great read. We shot a video with Anne a few months back. I posted it below in case you have not seen it.

To read the First Essay CLICK HERE - Donald Miller's Blog

Essay #5 – Shattered Pixels

As you saw from my playground experience earlier, I run when hurt
hunts me down.

I put the blame for the pain I was experiencing from the
“relationship” with this youth pastor on God and began to run from my
faith again. God and I were through. He obviously didn’t care about
me, so I didn’t care about Him anymore either.

To help numb the pain, I began experimenting with a lot of things that
weren’t healthy for me.

A little alcohol.

Some pills.

And pornography.

I know, I know. Porn is a guy’s problem. Girls—especially teenage
girls—don’t look at porn.

And the last place you would expect to see porn is the living room of
a former pastor, right?

But during these “dark years,” between a portrait of my family taken
at Christmastime and an old, broken, dot matrix printer sat a computer
screen. The place where I typed book reports and instant-messaged my
friends became the doorway to an endless amount of forbidden fruit—and
even more amounts of guilt.

Still in culture shock from our move to Dallas, and now with an
awakened sense of myself sexually, I began to notice the provocatively
lit neon signs loudly proclaiming XXX and FULL NUDITY. On the way home
from school on my bus, I overheard two boys talking about looking up
images of people having sex online. Ignited teenage hormones combined
with the new technology of the Internet proved to be a dangerous
combination.

Late one night, after my parents and younger brother had gone to bed,
I logged on and did an online search for “sex.” I had no idea that
typing that one word into a computer would lead me to an addiction I’d
fight for years.

And it wasn’t just a physical addiction either. Viewing these
outwardly flawless women fed the huge emotional need that was left by
my dad’s withdrawal and the youth pastor’s rejection. Through the
fantasies I would have by looking at that computer screen, I would
find love and affirmation.

I graduated as planned my junior year and moved out a few months after
my seventeenth birthday. Now I had my own apartment with my own
computer, and all the freedom in the world.

I would go to work (now the manager of the Christian bookstore), come
home, and look at porn almost every night. Soon my porn binges started
affecting my performance at work and my relationships because I
wouldn’t get any sleep, and when I was with friends, I would secretly
obsess about how soon I could be home and when I could get my next
fix.

What’s a girl to do?

Of course, I never mentioned my struggle to anyone. Looking at porn
was typical, even expected, for men . . . but a girl? A girl who likes
porn? I often questioned my sexual orientation.

If I was straight, why did I like looking at naked women? So was I
gay? Or bisexual?

Or was I just perverted?

I hated the pattern I had fallen into. I think I knew it was wrong. At
least I realized
anything that caused this much obsession couldn’t be right.

But I couldn’t stop.

The addiction went from online to offline. When something as dark and lonely and
shameful as a sexually oriented addiction has a grasp on you, you do a
lot of things you’d never in a million, billion years dream you’d ever
do.

My boundaries crumbled and I began sexually experimenting, at times
with men I barely knew. One night when I was almost eighteen, I
remember going to a cute guy’s house. He was a junior in college, and
I had met him only a few days before at a local Waffle House. Aside
from a few mental snapshots, I don’t remember anything from that night
except having a drink and waking up fuzzy, alone, half dressed on his
couch. He was nowhere to be found; I dressed and went home. I never
saw him or heard from him again.

I don’t even remember his name.

By the time I was twenty, I settled down a little bit and was engaged
to someone I had been dating for over a year. But during the months
leading up to the wedding, my old habits came back with a vengeance
and I began seeing another man behind my fiancé’s back—and I got
caught. After the wedding was called off, I rebounded by becoming a
serial dater. I always needed to have a man in my life in order to
feel worthy.

According to everything I had seen, to be accepted and loved meant to
have a sexual
relationship, and what girl doesn’t need to be accepted and loved?

For years this addiction held me tightly in a dark embrace, and
somewhere inside me I knew it wasn’t the life I was intended to have.
I knew it was wrong. And as I got older and began to rediscover my
faith and my purpose and identity in Christ, I knew I had to break
away from the safety I found in my morphed perspective of sex.

As twisted as it was, it was familiar. And that familiarity brought me comfort.

But I knew I needed to let it go.

I confessed everything I could remember to God, even asking Him to
cover the things I had forgotten or didn’t want to bring up because I
was so ashamed of them.

I took my computer out and placed it in the Dumpster by my apartment
and refused to have Internet at home for the next several years. It
helped me break that cycle.

That confession and resulting penance seemed like it was good enough.
For the time being, anyway.

------
People are still surprised that women struggle with pornography and other sex related addictions. Does it surprise you?

To read essay #6 on Catalyst Website CLICK HERE

The movie "Middle Men" just came out across america. I just read this interview about the guy who the movie is about that Luke Wilson potrays in the movie. Really interesting..

Article can be found here or posted below.

He’s definitely not a household name, but if you’ve ever bought anything over the Internet, Christopher Mallick has had an impact on your household. If your purchases include an occasional picture of illicit sex or gratuitously naked people, that goes double.

Mallick is the producer and inspiration for the highly fictionalized new film, “Middle Men,” which covers the early days of Internet porn as seen through the eyes of businessman Jack Harris (Luke Wilson). Harris makes millions and gets in way over his head after meeting up with a couple of drug addled fools and geniuses (Giovanni Ribisi and Gabriel Macht), who, in the process of selling dirty pictures, have developed a way to safely and securely collect credit card numbers over the Internet so they can sell dirty pictures.

In real life, the one-time chief executive of Paycom pioneered the technology that makes buying anything from a DVD to a raincoat to a monthly membership in ButtBusters.com easy, safe, and more or less confidential. He is said to have many outrageous and hilarious behind-the-scenes tales that provided background for the fictional film.

“Middle Men” is actually just the start as Mallick appears to be very serious about the film industry. He’s got more projects coming along the way including films with writer/director George Gallo and a documentary about former porn people, “Exxxit: Life After Porn,” directed by Bryce Wagoner and written and produced by “Middle Men” co-writer Andy Weiss.

I met Mallick during a recent press day at the L.A. Four Seasons. There was a last minute change in the planned location of the room, from the second floor to the first floor, where we were to talk. When I arrived, I found Mallick — who is apparently slightly camera shy (that little picture to the right is it as far as available online photos are concerned) — in a wheel chair, wearing a leg brace, and, I am told, the company of a bodyguard, who apparently was so good at his job I didn’t even notice he was there.

Christopher Mallick: Sorry for the bum leg here.

Premium Hollywood: Did you have an accident?

CM: I did. I tripped and broke my knee and my ankle.

PH: Ooh. I sprained my ankle recently and that was bad enough.

CM: It’s not fun.

PH: Okay. Obviously ["Middle Men"] is largely based on your life experiences. I’ve read on the Internet that you were telling a lot of hilarious stories, but they all were off-the-record, they couldn’t be told. I need to know what we can talk about, on the record.

CM: Anything you say with that recorder is on the record.

PH: That’s very true. Of course, I’m presuming that you didn’t actually cover up the murder of a Russian gangster.

CM: (Smiling) Not as far as you know.

PH: Or [accidentally] got involved with underage…

CM: No. We were actually very instrumental in stopping a lot of child porn. We were one of the original funding entities for a large web group that’s out fighting for children’s rights and protecting children on the Internet. We’ve actually worked with the FBI. We had an office with the FBI within our office and we actually recovered children as a result of some of the work that we did.

PH: That’s very good. I’m trying to remember the name of that organization. Believe it not I’m actually aware of them.

CM: ASACP…

PH: I actually interviewed there once.

CM: Really. It’s Joan Irvine [who's] the woman who started it.

PH: So, as much as you can, tell us, what is the real story of “Middle Men”?

CM: I think generally as you see it in the film it’s portraying my life fairly accurately during a 5-6 year period in terms of what happened to me economically, socially, in pretty much most of the areas of my life. Of course, George Gallo and Andy Weiss, who wrote the script, exaggerated certain things and made things far more interesting and more cinematic than just a guy sitting down and saying, “Hey, guess what happened to me?” or what I did. So, I think that it’s based on a true story, but it doesn’t mean it’s all true. A lot of the characters are composites of people I’ve known and some made up out of whole cloth by the writers.

PH: So, to try to sort of tease things apart…One thing that was interesting to me about the movie was that the Luke Wilson character… he’s a straight arrow, but he does work with [sketchy individuals]. First we see him with the character played by Robert Forster, who loves to kneecap people. Later on, he doesn’t seem too nervous about getting involved with this very scary Russian gangster [played by Rade Serbedzija]. Was that something that you would have been comfortable doing?

CM: You know, I’ve had a wide and varied set of experiences in my life. I learned a long time ago, especially from my father, you can deal with all sorts of people. It’s what you do in your dealings with them. You can deal with gangsters and not break the law. People do it every single day, all over the world. If you have a store in New York City, somebody’s picking up your trash. Those guys may or may not be affiliated with some other industries that may or may not be illegal. Does that make you a part of organized crime because you’re paying someone $500.00 a week to pick up your garbage at your 500 square foot store in Soho? I think the answer is “no.” It’s just part of your life. I sort of view things that way. It’s what I do is what I’m responsible for. I don’t feel like and I know certainly that I haven’t done anything to my knowledge that’s illegal. But I’ve dealt with some rough guys and I’ve dealt with some very professional and nice people and everyone in between.

PH: Of course, in the entertainment industry, aside from the adult industry, there’s a long tradition of [involvement by organized crime].

CM: The entertainment industry is made up of saints. All we do is tell the truth 24/7, and when we leave our offices, we go home to our families, and then we give money to charity. That’s it, that’s all that happens with these guys.

PH: Well, tell us one of your favorite stories that you actually can tell.

CM: I think the terrorist plot in the film [in which G-Man Kevin Pollak recruits the Luke Wilson character to gather intelligence on Middle Eastern bad actors] while it’s a little askew from what happened [is one]. An interesting story is right after 9/11, CNN ran a list of the [hijackers] and people who had tickets who they suspected of being [hijackers]. Back then — this is ten years ago now — we recorded it and I took it into one of my partners and said, “Let’s run these names through our database.”

He said, “You’re crazy.” “Let’s just see what happens.” We had a hit and it was a guy that subsequently was arrested. One of the [hijackers] who went down with the plane had bought a membership to a site with an online check. We traced the check to a bank in San Diego, called the FBI, who was down the hall from us, and said, “We have a hit.” These guys are apparently sitting in an apartment, ordering pizza and porn on their way to meet Allah…I have a great deal of respect for anyone’s belief, but that takes it a little far. [Anyhow], they found the check, went to the apartment, found the phone record, found the cell phone number that one of these guys was using. One of the would-be bombers in Chicago was holed up in the Hyatt in Downtown Chicago and the FBI raided it, on CNN, and arrested this guy. I think it helped in some other things. So, that to me was one of the more interesting aspects of my career. It was always the same story. No one had ever bought online porn. No one ever used their credit card to buy anything. I would go into a car dealership, for example, and I would have my company logo on my polo shirt or whatever. I’d see the salesman. They look at the shirt, they look at the name of the company, and then you’d see a light go off. Then they’d realized, “Oh, that’s the name I see on my credit card bill.” I think the terrorist story and things like that sort of speak to what the movie is based in, which is hypocrisy. Everybody’s saying one thing and doing something else. For me, the theme of the movie is hypocrisy, and redemption.

PH: Speaking of being honest, I have gone to certain sites…

CM: No, say it’s not true.

PH: And seen ads for the movie.

CM: Yeah.

PH: You guys are advertising — or somebody’s advertising — really heavily on free porn sites.

CM: I think it’s the porn community. Because, to my knowledge, we’re not writing any checks. Paramount certainly isn’t. But I think you’ve got people that see this is a movie that’s going to promote their business and promote traffic. The trailer is pretty amazing. So, we’ll see. I have seen e-mails from people saying, “Hey, what’s this about?” As far as I’m concerned, great. Those people buy tickets. The same guy whose going to “Toy Story 3” is going to come to “Middle Men.”

PH: One of the things which is not specific to porn is that you and your partners really did revolutionize e-commerce. This is a huge part of our economy now.

CM: I think it’s something everyone takes for granted. Kids now, and even people my age, you forget when you couldn’t by something online. The technology that was developed as a result of this business and being able to do things in real time. You’d go to Amazon when they first started and you’d buy something and they’d say it’s going to be shipped, and then two-days later you’d get an e-mail saying your credit card’s been declined, because they weren’t doing real-time transactions. This business, because of the volume, set up all the fraud parameters for Visa and Mastercard… The money that is generated from this industry is put back into a lot of technology and research and development by the people developing the content. And it’s for one purpose, to keep more of the sales than they had in the past. It’s evolved to the point where we worked actively with Visa and Mastercard for setting up rules for how e-commerce would work and what they would allow and what they wouldn’t.

PH: But now you’re a movie producer.

CM: I am.

PH: One of the things we want to talk about before I forget is the documentary, “Exxxit” with three Xs…

CM: “Life After Porn”

PH: What is the story on that right now?

CM: It’s going to be released in October, I believe, in New York and L.A., maybe a few other markets and then we’ll do a day-and-date video-on-demand release through a distributor that we’re working with. We’re getting pretty good feedback on it. We think it’s very interesting. We’ll have a press screening or two for it and have all you guys come out. It’s a very interesting account of what happens to these people who were actually performers, actors, however you chose to characterize it.

PH: Are you in the film at all?

CM: No. It’s all “BC”: “Before Chris.”

PH: Can you name any big names that we might know who’ll be in it?

CM: 15 or 20 including Mary Carey, Houston, Nina Hartley, Asia Carerra. Their stories are amazing and heartbreaking and interesting. As odd as it sounds it’ll tug at your heartstrings if you have them.

PH: Oh, that’s not so odd.

I read somewhere awhile back that “women marry men hoping they will change….and that men marry women hoping they won’t”. I think of that almost every time I look in the mirror….and I heave a heavy sigh.
When Papa Bear and I decided to rebuild our marriage from the ashes of ground zero, I knew, in theory, that the journey would be long. Still, I wasn’t prepared for what seemed like an abundance of failures and setbacks along the way. “I found porn, again!” or “I caught him in another lie!!” I moaned to God, wondering how long this pain was going to continue. That is, until one day I was emoting to a friend and she quoted something she’d first heard from her grandmother.

“People grow like trees,” she said. “You can’t watch it happen; you look back on it and say, ‘Wow.’ But, to see anything at all, you have to look year by year and stop looking day by day.”
It’s been over four years now since I’ve started viewing my husband as a tree. But today, when I got in the car, I turned the key and heard rockin’ praise music blaring through the speakers….and all I could say was, “Wow.” Even though he’s had a heart for worship for awhile now, gratefulness spawned a flashback to the years of pleading and praying I took silently to my Savior….asking Him to give my husband a passionate hunger for the things of Heaven.
When he teaches our children about God….”Wow.”

When I look at him and see that….He’s sorry.
He’s faithful.
He picks me flowers.
He preaches the gospel.
He mentors.
He prays.
He feels.

And when I see that he has somehow become the sane one in this relationship….
“Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow!”
I am floored by the well-watered growth rings he has gained in the past four years. He’s not a perfect man. Good thing; I am not a perfect woman. As a woman who has longed for growth and change, though, it is easy for me to get caught up in wanting more….instead of reveling in how far he’s come (how far we’ve come). But the truth is, his current failures are only evidence of his continued need for a Savior. The rings reveal who he is. And you don’t count rings every day.

He’ll bear good fruit…when that fruit is in season. And he’ll continue to prosper and grow, but not necessarily in the direction I might point him. After all, he’s a tree, and trees must grow toward the Son.

Psalms 1:1-3 Blessed is the man
who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
or stand in the way of sinners
or sit in the seat of mockers.
But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law he meditates day and night.
He is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
Whatever he does prospers.

Places is a natural extension of Facebook’s core functions as a social network. Rather than turning Places into a game, like Foursquare, by including elements of user competition, Facebook is looking to Places as a way for users to get more real-world benefit from their network of Facebook friends. Though I am not yet able to test Places (test-drive coming soon) I have done enough reading on it to discover a few facts and a couple of things parents and privacy-minded adults should look out for.

Places is currently only available for use on Smartphones though it will likely be rolled out for Facebook’s desktop version as well soon. I see no reason why someone carrying a netbook or laptop won’t be able to participate shortly. It is an opt-in service, meaning it has to specifically be chosen and interacted with by the user. No one will simply begin sharing their current location without their knowledge, which shows that Facebook is learning from past mistakes about being too liberal with user data.

People that participate in Places will be able to check in at a location and share their location with their network of Friends. So Johnny and Suzy are friends, and Johnny checks in at his local coffee shop and Suzy gets his status update that he is there. Meanwhile, Johnny on his smart phone sees a “Here Now” screen displaying which of his friends are at the coffee shop.

There are two specific measures people can take to lessen the chances of sharing their geolocation data with too many people:

• Don’t allow friends to check you in. Places has a feature where one of your friends can check you in at a location without your knowledge. This just jumps off the screen as a bad idea, especially for younger users.
• If you use lax privacy settings (Share info with everyone) and use Places you are going to automatically included in the Here Now list, and it will be visible to everyone who uses Places. I would choose stricter settings and if you are really concerned about your data, opt out of this altogether.

Pure Heart: A Women's Guide to Sexual Integrity

Chapter 10 - Purity (Broken Beginnings Made Whole)

"No More Bitterness"

After I read her eulogy, Candice and I spent some time discussing what got us to a place where we were so spiritually schizophrenic when it came to our sexuality. One of the things we both admitted was that our tainted past had a lot to do with it. I won’t speak for Candice, but as for me, it really got me thinking, both about my sexual abuse and sexual misuse.

How we are going to end this chapter is a bit di!erent from the other ones. This will actually require your participation, more than your monetary donation to the book (thanks again) and your reading it. When I finally got to a place where I was saying, “God, I want your best for me. I don’t want to live a compromised life anymore,” I was startled by what he led me to do. He called me to a Past Fast.

What’s that? Well, I’ll explain in a minute, but for now, let me quickly express just how powerful it is if you remain open to really wanting to get free from the sins that bind you. From personal experience, I know that it can be really dificult to move into your future when you haven’t fully dealt with your past. Part of the reason I was “insane” (doing the same thing while expecting a di!erent result) is because I didn’t take a time-out to really see what I was doing. The Past Fast helped me put some of the ghosts that were haunting me to rest. For me, the top three were:

1. the person who molested me

2. a guy who told me that I was too unattractive to be in his family (although for years he told me he loved me and didn’t mind sleeping with me)

3. a girl who introduced me to lesbianism—probably because someone had done the same thing to her—and who was also not the nicest person I’ve known

For years I harbored bitterness, almost to the point of malice, against these people, but God continued to gently yet firmly reveal to me that malice is not a characteristic of a follower of Christ (1 Cor. 14:20; Eph. 4:31; Col. 3:8; 1 Peter 2:1). Yes, a part of the reason is because we are called to love even our enemies (Matt. 5:43–44), but an even greater part of the reason is because when we don’t forgive, when we don’t choose to release the past, it keeps us bound to the spirit of those people and what they did to us—like a sick prison sentence.

Order your copy of Pure Heart: A Women's Guide to Sexual Integrity , please visit Amazon.com and get your copy today. You may also download a copy now at www.eyesofintegrity.com

Eyes of Integrity: The Porn Pandemic and How It Affects You
Chapter 7 - A Safe Work Place

"Brazen Use"

Porn use at work is now so widespread that just about every company has a monitoring system in place. According to a 2008 Nielsen online study, 25 percent of employees with internet connections use them to visit porn sites, which is up 23 percent from the previous year.1 A recent survey found that employees spend an average of 1.86 hours per eight-hour workday on something other than their job, not including lunch and scheduled breaks. Based on those averages, employee time-wasting actions cost U.S. employers an estimated 544 billion dollars in lost productivity each year.

More than half (52 percent) of the 2,706 people surveyed admitted that their biggest distraction during work hours is surfing the internet for personal use. For the record, other distractions cited by respondents included socializing with co-workers (26.3 percent), running errands outside the office (7.6 percent), and simply spacing out (6.6 percent).

A national survey of U.S. employees who have internet access at work found that 24 percent said they’d used a company computer for romantic/sexual purposes. Twelve percent said they’d accessed sexual content from a workplace computer, and 12 percent had forwarded sexual content to other employees while at work. Six percent had engaged in sexual instant message sessions while at work, while 10 percent
had used an o"ce computer for online dating.

Some unsuspecting internet users get lulled into a sense of security and confess that, because they have never been warned or gotten caught, they think they are okay. Nothing could be further from the truth. You may feel safe surfing at work, but the truth is, if your company
is monitoring your internet access, you’re putting yourself and your job at risk. All online traffic, both incoming and outgoing, is monitored, a “firewall” is in place for security purposes, and all traffic is registered. Created to prevent hackers, firewall logs list all connections and actions.

Here are some reasons you may not have been caught yet: many IT directors don’t feel that it is their job to “out” people who violate company policy. Either they have not been empowered to blow the whistle, or the person they have to out is their supervisor or superior. Imagine having to let the cat out of the bag that the CFO is dabbling in porn. They know but aren’t telling anybody. Other IT directors and system administrators don’t have the time to review individual usage reports.

Each day—or in some cases, each week—reports are run and directed to the administrators, who review them either electronically or manually, looking first for hacking attempts. This is when porn websites that have been visited may be discovered. An accidental discovery of an employee’s secret use of porn sites may result in the loss of his or her job.

Porn online is not the only thing to avoid. Spending time on gambling sites, chat rooms, social networking sites like MySpace and Facebook, and blogs unrelated to work content can all be considered a lack of productivity, which is grounds for termination.

To Order your copy of Eyes of Integrity: The Porn Pandemic and How It Affects You, please visit Amazon.com and get your copy today. You may also download a copy now at www.eyesofintegrity.com

Pure Eyes: A Men's Guide to Sexual Integrity
Chapter 7 - Grab Your Shovel

"Daily Prayer"

As you understand the true nature of Scripture, your prayers will have much deeper meaning to both you and God. In following God’s scriptural expectations for you, you will have the confidence and certainty of heart to ask God openly for the blessings he promises his followers. Conversely, when you have failed to meet God’s expectations as revealed through Scripture (and you will!), you can boldly come before God in prayer to accept the forgiveness he so generously provides.

So how does all of this play out in practice? Many men feel as if they have lost so much ground with God that they have no right to pray to him. Sometimes they feel they don’t know how to pray “correctly” or “fervently enough,” and it inhibits their connection with God.

Please don’t put so much pressure on yourself! God wants to meet you right where you are. He wants to talk with you, he wants to show you his love, and he wants to listen to you. Like the lover in Song of Songs 2:14, God wants to “hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.” Isaiah 30:18–19 reads: “Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him! O people of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you.”

If you don’t know how to approach God in prayer, simply come to him as your loving and caring Father and thank him for all he has done and ask him for what you need. You can pray something like this: “Lord, thank you for being my Father. Thank you for being a good God who cares for me and loves me. Thank you for sending your Son Jesus Christ to die on the cross so that I could be made free. Thank you, Jesus, for dying for my sins. Lord, I give you everything I am—my talents and my sins. I freely submit to you and ask that you give me strength today to make the most of what you have given me and resist and overcome temptation. In Jesus’s name I pray, Amen.”

Your goal in prayer is not to pray perfectly or correctly (because there’s no right way), it is just to acknowledge that God is your Father and that you are after his will. Open yourself to his leading by the Holy Spirit and remind yourself that God is in control of your life, not you. And most of all, ask God for his direction and deliverance—he wants so much more for you than you want for yourself. “Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time
of need” (Heb. 4:16).

Be sure to pray daily, and you may want to pray many times a day to keep you aware of the fact that God is near and is
ready to help you

To Order your copy of Pure Eyes: A Men's Guide to Sexual Integraty, please visit Amazon.com and get your copy today.
You can also download a copy of the book for $10 at www.eyesofintegrity.com

Just when you think you heard it all.....

A lot of people multitask while driving, for better or worse. I think this is a scenario which would fall under “worse.” 36-year-old Colondra Hamilton was pulled over for a tinted 2008 Pontiac. And what police found inside was shocking.
 
Officers allege that after pulling her over for a traffic stop, they noticed that Hamilton, a Cincinnati woman, had her pants unbuttoned along with a vibrator in her lap.

After police questioned her, Hamilton allegedly admitted to masturbating while driving as well as watching a porno movie that was playing on the laptop of her friend sitting in the car’s passenger seat.

In addition to charges of “driving with impaired alertness,” Hamilton was also charged with possession of drug paraphernalia after police found a “broken piece of crack pipe” in her purse.

Here we are with an excerpt from Chapter 2: "Sex: In and Out of Purpose". Each chapter opens up with a poem, or a prose, or a comment from someone I know...or letter from a xxxchurch.com reader. To be honest, when you get the book (and you are going to get the book, right?!?), you'll see that I really could've just enclosed the "praise report of waiting until marriage" vs. the "what did I do to myself?!?" letter from a reader for this blog. Truly, God is not the author of confusion...and sin causes A LOT of it. But, I decided to use this part instead. Something tells me it just might intercept some plans this weekend (wink). Here's to hopin'...and prayin':

Sex: In and Out of Purpose...Pg. 38

Not too long ago I watched a movie on Lifetime about women and sexual addiction. (I don’t know why Lifetime is called “Television for Women” when most of the characters in their films appear to be, uh, psycho.) Surprisingly, this movie
was actually pretty good. When the main character finally went in for treatment after sleeping with hundreds of men, her counselor told her that sexual addiction was a form of self-loathing. According to the therapist, sex addicts hate doing
it—the kind of sex that includes random partners for random reasons, not the sex act itself. And because of how doing it makes them feel, even if it is just a temporary fix, it helps them escape the guilt and selfcondemnation. And the cycle continues.

You’re not an addict, right? You can count the number of partners you’ve had on less than two hands. All of the guys you’ve been with had the title of boyfriend. Shoot, you may even be a virgin who doesn’t do that . . . just the other
stuff. Yeah, I hear you, and all I have to say to that is, if you are engaging in sex, any kind of sex, outside of God’s will for your life, I wouldn’t be so sure about labeling yourself a virgin.

I recall a famous television therapist saying that an “addiction” is anything that takes us away from our normal way of life. John 10:10 says that Christ came so that we could live life in abundance. Romans 6:23 tells us that the wages of sin is death. First Corinthians 6:9–10 assures us that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of heaven. Do you know who’s included on that “righteous-less” list? Fornica-

Pg.39

tors, adulterers, and homosexuals (v. 10). Are you willing to risk an abundant life on earth and eternal life in heaven just to “get some”? If the answer is yes—and it’s not just your words but your actions on this earth that will determine that—then an addict is exactly what you are. You are willing to risk your
eternal life for a quick fix.

Unfortunately, so many of us are using sex to . . . well, let’s stop right there for just a moment because that is a message in itself. So many of us are using sex. We are not (just) enjoying sex, we’re using it to make us feel good about
ourselves. We are using it as a distraction from the inner and external issues in our daily life. We are using it to get or “keep” a man (heads-up: sex will not keep a man. I’ve tried numerous times!). But that’s just it. In God’s perfect design,
sex was never meant to be used in an abusive sense. It is to be embraced, celebrated, shared between two committed, covenant partners. A husband and a wife.

When we do what we want, when we want, without going to God about why he wanted us to do or not do something, we find ourselves in a compromised state at best, and at worst, a very dangerous one. The reason sex exists is to bring a
husband and wife together as one mind, one body, and one spirit.

The second purpose of sex is to replenish the Earth through this act (Gen. 1:28). And because it was an instruction given to mankind in the Garden, I will go one step further by saying that the third purpose of sex—which, when you really
think about it is probably the first—is to honor and worship God. God told us how we should have sex, and any time that we follow his instruction, it is an act of obedience to him. First Samuel 15:22 tells us that it is better to obey than to
sacrifice.

Have sex within covenant? You are being obedient.

Have sex outside of it? Yes, one way or another, you will have to pay a sacrifice.

Hollywood’s big wigs are waking up to the purity and simplicity of young love. The new Rob Reiner movie, Flipped, is just that. "Flipped" is a movie that explores the return to the simplicity of first love as a teenager along with great family values, in a story that everyone can relate to.  

Rob Reiner and actress Madeline Carroll will be featured on a live video chat this Thursday, August 26 at 7pm ET on Facebook as well as on the home page of XXXchurch.com

RSVP on Facebook: bitly.com/flippedlivechat

Plot:
When second-graders Bryce and Juli first meet, Juli knows its love. But Bryce isn't so sure. Girl-phobic and easily embarrassed, young Bryce does everything he can to keep his outspoken wannabe girlfriend at arm's length... for the next six years, which isn't easy since they go to the same school and live across the street from each other. But if Juli finally looks away, will it be Bryce's turn to be dazzled? Flipped takes Bryce and Juli from grade school to junior high, through triumph and disaster, family drama and first love, as they make the discoveries that will define who they are - and who they are to each other.

Directed by all In the Family star ROB REINER (director of such films as: When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless in Seattle (Meg Ryan), Misery, The Princess Bride, Rumor Has It, The American President, and A Few Good Men).

Callan McAuliffe will play Bryce while Madeline Carroll will play Juli. Aidan Quinn and Penelope Ann Miller will take the roles of Juli's parents, and Kevin Weisman has been given the role of Juli's mentally disabled Uncle, while Shane Harper and Michael Bolten will play her two brothers. Anthony Edwards and Rebecca De Mornay will play Bryce's parents, and John Mahoney will take on the role of his Grandfather.

Even though my heart's desire was natural and normal, a desire for purity for my husband and unity in our marriage- I had made his sin an idol in my life.  Doing the things God had called me to do to strengthen my own spiritual well being fell by the wayside and serving others did too if it wasn't convenient for my husband's schedule.  

According to my life application study Bible, we often think of idols as statues or stones or wood pieces when in reality an idol is anything natural that is given sacred value and power.  If your answer to ANY of the following questions is anything or anyone other than God, you may need to check out who or what you are worshiping. 

1. Who created me?
2. Whom do I ultimately trust?
3. Whom do I look to for security and happiness?
4. Who is in charge of my future?

God speaks clearly about idols in the book of Isaiah.  Ironically, it is one of my favorite books of the Bible.  He says this about the person who trusts in idols in chapter 44 verse 20 "He is trusting something that can give him no help at all. Yet he cannot bring himself to ask "Is this thing, this idol that I am holding in my hand, a lie?"

It is a lie for us to think that all the externals we put in place will keep our husbands from wandering off the path of righteousness.  We are not God.  Only God can make the change required in a person's heart to keep them.  This is a heart issue and only an encounter with God can change a person's heart.

There is more power in prayer than there is in idols.

Sometimes Craig gives us homework. It trips me out too (LOL). It seems that for the next several weeks, I will be posting excerpts from chapters of my new book, my "second born": "Pure Heart: A Woman's Guide to Sexual Integrity".

If there's anyone who's been reading these for awhile, then you know that title is soooooooooooo not my style/personality/choice. Personally, I wanted it to be named, "Eyes Opened. Legs Closed" (and I'm waiting on Craig to make some shirts with that on it...HINT...HINT). Yet, before I copy and paste a couple of paragraphs from the first chapter, let me show you how God operates...a lot of the time; how, indeed, his ways are not like ours...most of the time (Isaiah 55:8).

Timing is something. Today, I received a book review of my "firstborn", "Inside of Me: Lessons of Lust, Love & Redemption". That was a book written six years ago. When I public speak, I sometimes share that when I got the first copy of the book in the mail, my boyfriend, at the time, had just been...intimate with me that day. Hmph. A book about the lessons I've learned on lust, love and redemption and clearly, I was still learning them.

During the time between the two books, I knew there was some stuff I needed to work on. Abstinence, for more than 10 months, was on top of the list. A prayer request that I had, after celebrating my first year of abstinence, now, almost three years ago (it'll be four years of no sex in January and one year of no masturbation in October) was that the Lord, even after all that I've done, would make me PURE and that I would become a woman of INTEGRITY.

And again, what's the title of the book? One that I had absolutely no say in?!? Yeah. God is indeed hilarious, at times. (LOL)

So, there's my James 5:16 for the week. A little background on why I am sharing a few of the paragraphs that I am today. There is a songwriter that I have a lot of respect for by the name of Hallerin Hill. He once penned a verse that said, "He didn't solve the problem the way you thought he would. He chose a different answer, but it was twice as good." Sometimes, life doesn't go the way we planned...but the plan is still a good one. Here's a teaser of the first chapter. All of the excerpts won't be this long, but I wanted to give you the gist of where my head was...years after "Inside of Me". I hope you dig it...oh, and will buy it. Thanks. ;-)

In the Beginning...Pg.16

This book? Prayerfully, it will pick up where Inside of Me left off—for both the writer and the reader—because the funny thing (not in the “ha-ha” but the “aha” kind of way) is that in the intro of my first book, I listed all of the reasons why sex outside of marriage was not a good idea. And all of them were dead-on. But it wasn’t until 2007—that’s right, three years later—that I actually stopped having sex for good. Well, until I get married, that is. Hey, I’m obedient, but I’m not a nun. Not by any stretch of the imagination (and I have a big imagination!). I mean, I got mad respect for the apostle Paul, but I have no desire to be like him when it comes to his quest for singleness (1 Cor. 7:8). I love the single life, but not enough to be single (and celibate) forever.

So yes, that means I desire to be married. And when I do, I hope to remain so until death parts me from my mate. While sex is not the be-all of marriage (believe me, I’ve heard enough war stories to know), I did once hear a wise married man say that good marital sex is 10 percent of a marriage and bad marital sex is 90 percent of a marriage. The bedroom tends to set the tone for the rest of the house, whether married or single.

Pg.17

The Beginning . . . of It All

Sex isn’t just about what we see on so-called reality television shows or our favorite romantic dramedies (thank the Lord!). Sex is about joining two human minds, bodies, and spirits together. It is one of the ultimate forms of communication between a man and a woman—ideally, husband and wife. The truth is, whomever you have sex with, you become joined to . . .forever. I once heard a man say that they don’t pay prostitutes for sex; they pay them to leave. According to 1 Corinthians 6:15–16, that man was delusional. It may be by floss
or it may be by tightly woven rope, but every single individual you have sex with, you become linked to from that moment forward. That is the main role sex plays: connector.

Like so many women (and while I think men can benefit from reading this, I am writing to my spiritual sisters), I didn’t really understand the true role of sex in life. My mom told me about the birds and the bees at a fairly young age, and my
Christian educational upbringing pretty much beat into my head that sex outside of marriage is not something that “good girls” do. Looking back, I guess they meant single good girls, because aren’t married women “good girls” too? (That was not a rhetorical question; we’ll get to that in another chapter!) But even with all of the “book knowledge” I had on the issue, I still didn’t really get the purpose of why God created sex or what he desired for his daughters to experience in that area.

And so, on my current quest for sexual fulfillment—from spiritual perspective first—I figured why not go to the first woman documented in the Good Book? The Woman (she wasn’t called “Eve” until after sin—Gen. 3:20). The Woman
was brought to Adam. See that? As much as we quote this section of Scripture and say many a man may find a good wife (see Prov. 18:22), Adam didn’t actually find his; he slept, while God planned his future (Gen. 2:21–22). Wonder what
the experience was like for the Woman? How did she feel being created from a man and then seeing him for the first time? Well, I won’t speak for her because I hate it when people speak for me, but if I were to put myself in her shoes, as a
Words of Affirmation person (because you have read Gary Chapman’s The Five Languages of Love, right?), if Adam had been my husband, he would have earned major points for praising me on seeing me: “And the man said, ‘Now, this
is someone whose bones came from my bones, whose body came from my body. I will call her “woman,” because she was taken out of man’” (v. 23).

What is “Sextortion”? Sextortion is when teens send nude pictures or videos of themselves via text messaging or the Internet and then are contacted by someone, often pornographers, that tell the teen they will spread their images all over the Internet unless they create more explicit photos or videos for them. Federal prosecutors say this new crime is on the rise and the main victims are teens.

As if we didn’t have enough to worry about as parents. Now we have to add sextortion to the pile. But knowledge is half the battle. And now you know about it. So please talk to your kids about it. Not only are there legal issues they can face (including jail time) if the participate in sexting but now they could get pulled into the seedy world of pornography via sextortion. It’s bad enough if they sent a nude picture or video of themselves to someone at school but just think if they’re blackmailed into sending nude pictures and videos of themselves to a complete stranger. That is a terrifying prospect. 

Steve Oh

LoveJesus.LovePeople

First off, let me just say this: Confronting the elephant in the pew is easier than you think. It may be soul torturing if you are struggling with it yourself, but it is something you need to do - for your own personal health and for the health of the church. 

With this in mind, the Word: "As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received," Ephesians 4:1. 

Some of us are just plain not living up to the calling we have received. I know some of you may be hearing from me that I am being too rigid or am too conservative; that I am not voicing this with a heart. Please hear this: It is because I have a heart that I am saying these things - we pastors need to own up to what we have been called to be. Not flimsy on the tough stuff in life. Not soft on tackling our own garbage. Not shy from the things that make others blush. 

Maybe this is a gripe. Perhaps it's a call to action. Either way you look at it, this is the Word of God spoken into the hearts of man: "Live a life worthy of the calling you have received."

Never heard from her, but did hear from another porn star who wanted out that read the letter on Facebook. Here is something I just read about Montana and a video clip.

For Montana Fishburne, losing her virginity was a little like choosing the red pill in "The Matrix." Once she tasted the body, she could never go back.

Lawrence Fishburne's wayward 18-year-old daughter is opening up about her first-ever foray into the world of porn, telling E! News in an exclusive interview that she viewed making her own X rated tapes as liberating.

"I'd say about 16. I lost my virginity and the whole sexual world sparked my interest," Fishburne tells E! News anchor Giuliana Rancic.

And while she said she can see how Kim Kardashian's sex tape launched the reality star's career even though Kim didn't want it released, the difference is Montana really does want to do porn, not just to break into showbiz but because she really likes it.

"I think it was just wanting to explore sexuality," she added. "Cause I know it's such a big world I was just like, wow, well since I like sex ... I wanted to see everything that I would like, every kind of fantasy I would like and porn is a way that I could explore that."

Fishburne's reportedly not a total stranger to commercialized sex. Last year, the aspiring adult film star was busted for allegedly prostituting herself but reportedly cut a deal with prosecutors who dropped solicitation and prostitution charges in exchange for her pleading no contest to misdemeanor criminal trespass and entering a work-alternative program.

It would seem porn's a better (not to mention safer) bet career-wise.

Fishburne's adult video debut, aptly titled "Montana Fishburne," is being released by  later this month.

© 2010 E! Entertainment Television, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

DAY ONE

Just wanted to send an update on the Ohio strip club outreach. After much prayer, we felt the Lord calling us to spend all weekend with the girls. We arrived at the club at 12:30am and met outside by the local church protesters. We said, “hi” as  we passed them to enter the club, but didn’t communicate any further. We were greeted at the door by the girls and they welcomed us in with open arms! There is a total of 7 girls who work there (but only 6 were present). They brought us into the dressing room where we spent the next 2 hours sharing Jesus’ Love with them!!! They were sharing the pain they were experiencing through this church and telling us disappointing things that have been said to them.

We continued to let them know that God Loves them and that is not the heart of Jesus. Surprisingly enough, they were totally open to hearing and receiving all we had to say. We thought that they were probably so turned off by the church that they might cringe at the very mention of Jesus…. but it was quite the opposite. These precious women were hungry and told us that all of the hateful things said to them didn’t seem like something God “who is suppose to Love them” would say. The girls thanked us repeatedly for coming and were very touched by the gifts, love, & gesture…. this outreach was MORE than amazing!! It was a total God-thing!

We established great new friendships with the girls and they realized that the Love of Jesus was a gift for them! Tomorrow night we will be returning with dinner for the girls. We are planning on being there from 7:30-9:30pm Eastern time (4:30-6:30pm Pacific time). Please pray during this time because we are certain something even bigger is going to happen!! After leaving the club, God pressed upon our hearts to offer them the free gift of salvation (now that they have received His Love). We are so excited to see what God is going to do; we can’t wait to go back!!

DAY 2

We do believe that we are suppose to talk to the pastor (as of now) because God can change things around through Love. Please pray for wisdom and discernment and that every word spoken out of our mouths is only from the Lord and not our flesh. We want to bring the heart of Jesus to this pastor and to the church as well. I thought that we were here for the girls, but maybe God wants to use us to help bring His Love to the church as well. Thank you very much, as always, for your prayers and support!!

Tonight is one of the greatest nights in our lives!!!! We brought pizza to the Foxhole for the girls and also brought some for the church protesters too. The church was not there when we arrived so we left their pizza in the car. We went into the club and were blessed by flowers & cards from the girls!!! We had such a wonderful night with them. God spoke into us and then we spoke into them. It was so not us, which made it very supernatural. Two of the precious girls gave their lives to the Lord and a few rededicated their relationship with Him!!! Yea God!!! We just LOVE these beautiful girls with ALL of our hearts and pray a special blessing on them and their families.

When we left the club, Pastor Bill and some of the men from the church were there. We were so happy to see them and give them the pizza that we had brought for them. We were able to share with them a little about our ministry and the heart God has given us for HIS precious daughters. They were excited about us being there and the Lord gave us a really special heart for these men… it was the same heart He gives us for the girls!!! We just loved them! He gave us a chance to pray together and pray for Pastor Bill which was a huge blessing! Pastor Bill invited us to their church tomorrow and is going to allow us to share what God can do through HIS LOVE and AMAZING GRACE for the entire service!!!

We are so excited!!! We invited the girls from the club into the church to be there as well, and prayerfully they will accept and the heart and LOVE of Jesus will not only transform the church & the girls, but the community as well! Praise God for what HE is doing and continues to do!!!

DAY 3

Praise, Honor, and Glory to God for what HE DID IN WARSAW OHIO TODAY!! Anny & I were invited to speak to the church this Sunday at The New Life Ministries Church. We were met by our beautiful new friends from the Foxhole Strip Club. We exchanged huge hugs and were so excited to see them again. We also got a chance to meet the strip club owner Tommy and give him a gift! We invited the girls into the church to listen to the message God had given us to give to the church, but said that they did not feel welcomed in and as much as they wanted to go inside, they didn’t.

Anny and I showed up with nothing but the Holy Spirit and the Love of Jesus and were able to share our testimony, stories, and hearts with this beautiful church. God Rocked the House!! Tears were flowing, repentance, grace, and forgiveness was taken place, and the Heart of the Father and His Love was being released to His Church. After Anny prayed an amazing prayer, we invited the church to help CHANGE THE FACE OF CHRISTIANITY by standing with us and truly LOVING God’s Beautiful Girls just as Jesus would. The entire church stood with us and God was PLEASED!!!! There was an overflow of the Love of Jesus onto His people, who were now ready to take that same Love and pour it into their community beginning with the precious dancers.

As the church left the building, they became Jesus in Flesh and the Love of the Father poured out all over these girls as they began to Love them, hug them, and seek forgiveness from them!!! Our Sweet Lola was broken and afraid to trust the church. Pastor Bill Hugged her and held her and promised with all his heart he was not gonna fail her. He prayed for her and it was AMAZING!! I saw my beautiful Lola Smile from ear to ear for the very first time!!!

This whole community was touched and reached today because they received the message Jesus had for them, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Pastor Bill and Strip Club Owner Tommy allowed the Love and Grace of Jesus to heal their relationship and they made peace with one another! They are going to have lunch on Wednesday! Praise be to God and we give Him all Honor and Praise for what HE DID here in Warsaw Ohio this weekend!!! The VICTORY HAS BEEN WON!!! THE WAR IS OVER!! PRAISE OUR LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST!

We will be at a church in Dallas for the weekend (still TBD what church) and doing lots of stuff around Dallas that week. We have 7 billboards rented around the city and will have the blue elephant and many other suprises.

Anyone want to go to the game? We are giving away a trip to the Superbowl plus hotel for two nights ( Saturday and Sunday) and a front row seat with us for all the PornSunday festivities at the church that weekend. Your football seat won't be front row...sorry.

Here is how you win.  Sign up the most churches for PornSunday. The person who is responsible for signing the most churches of for National PornSunday will win this.

Tell everyone you know about it and then have them sign up and when they sign up @ www.pornsunday.com make sure they put your name and your email on the question that says "How did you hear about PornSunday?". That is all.

The contest ends January 15th, 2011. So get at it.

Tweet, Retweet, Facebook, and most importantly Myspace this message.  Just messing... just help spread the word. See you in Dallas....

2011 Porn Sunday Trailer Promo from XXXchurch on Vimeo.

Register your church FREE at
http://www.pornsunday.com

Marsha and I are sharing insights from the Pure Life Ministries 2010 Conference we went to this past weekend.

One of the last sessions we went to at the conference was a couple’s session by Jeff and Rose Colon.  Both Jeff and Rose are active in the counseling ministry of Pure Life Ministries.  They talk every day with men, women and couples who are struggling with sexual sin.

In crisis, all we see is the crisis.  All we see is the pain and the consequences.  It’s hard to get a “bigger picture” of what’s really going on.  That Colons reminded us that bigger things are going on when we are suffering with the consequences of an addiction.

It made me think of some key questions that I need to be asking God:

Q:  God, are your goals for our marriage?
So often, we think the main goal for our recovering marriage is to get back to normal.  Or our larger goals may involve career moves, travel, our children, and retirement.  God may have other things in mind.  We need to look for His goals for our marriage.  We were reminded that our goals may not be God’s goals.

Q:  God, how do you want us to serve others?
Marsha and I were reminded that our recovery is not just for ourselves.  God wants us to recover and get healthy because He wants us to serve other people.  He wants to use us to help others who are struggling with addiction, but much, much more.

Q:  God, what are the things we’re afraid of?
Fears can be paralyzing.  Sexual addiction recovery has put me and Marsha face-to-face with many fears.  Many of these fears involved loss and change.  I lost my job.  We lost our ministry.  Moving to North Carolina was very costly.  It’s easy to get overwhelmed with our fears.

And three years into our recovery we still experience fears when:

    * When we have an argument.
    * I have a sexual slip.
    * When we have a setback in our intimacy.
    * We have times of discouragement and depression.
    * I became unemployed.

After the conference, we spent time talking about our fears.  We were reminded that God has taken care of us during this recovery process.  He has never failed us and has always provided for us.