Men - Confessions - XXXchurch

found God through darkness!

User Submitted — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 20:52:31 -0800

I'm Matthew I have been addicted to porn for sometime now and I actually got into gey and bi porn at a young age after getting so into it I found places where I could watch men in the sexual acts though I never actuall got into it I have let other guys touch me but never actuall got into the sex as I enjoyed the watching soo much that that was all that mattered to me to watch guys in sexual acts oneday I finally admitted to my father that I was Bisexual and that I was happy but then even though I did all those things still prayed to God for forgivness and tried many times to turn away from all those things I did manage to stay away for months at times but still ended up right back where I didn't wana be! so this day that I told my dad about it I was fine and ready to go out and tell the world what i was and that I didn't care but then something happened to me and I started to pray like i never prayed before I told the Lord I was done with being a sinner and that I wanted to be his servant please take me as i am as a sinner and all that I have done God came back to me he restored a peace in me and a happiness and joy within me and I can clear say I love the lord more than anyone or thing on this planet I can honestly say that Sex and all those thing s i was into have not gone from my heart and soul there are times when I am reminded by memories but i stand strong and say GET BEHIND ME SATAN! ! !! and i renew my mind and one thing revealed to em in the last few weeks GOD was there all the time and I just never reached out fully like I did that day and I am glad I did cause only thing that gets my attention now is the blessing's I recieve AMEN thank you Jesus! !! ! !

why do i keep failing

User Submitted — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 20:43:04 -0800

so i have been into this junk for around 9 years, i got my first taste of porn when i was 9 years old, i was riding my bicycle to this bridge and i was looking over the side of the bridge and i saw a magazine, i hoped over the rail and picked it up, the instant i picked it up something inside me dropped and i knew i shouldn't look at it but i wanted to look so bad, i made the terrible choice to take the magazine home, i hid it in my closet and would look at it almost every day, I look back and think how my actions now would be different if i had left the magazine behind, the magazine wasnt like a victorias secret magazine it was a 'hard core' magazine, i eventually was so sick i burned the magazine with our trash but i then found porn on the internet and the internet has been the main source for me up to now. The thing that really gets to me is that i didnt grow up in a bad home, i grew up in a great home, both parents were overseas missionaries and my entire family is heavily devoted, I have also grown in my faith alot and i am going to a 2 year bible college in the fall, but all throughout the 9 years i have seen pornography it has been in my life, i have tried almost everything and i still end up going back to porn in the end. i got the x3 watch software but my accountability partners aren't themselves devoted to stopping yet. there are so many more things i could bring up but i guess what i want are you guys to pray for me. my name is Davy and i need your prayer. Thanks

fed up

User Submitted — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 19:59:32 -0800

for 3 years i was bound by the addictive chains of pornography. i was miserable. i cheated on my girlfriend, i lied to my family and friends. but no one knew, i kept my tracks covered. when i came to college, my life was flipped around. i met people who struggled just like i did and made it out of it. through prayer, friends and accountability, i defeated the chains satan had put on me. Glory to God.

today, in the most stressful week of my semester to date, a friend reminded me of the awesome power of God. i felt his peace that surpasses all understanding.
then, with out warning, i was attacked and fell into the same trap i suffered in for so many years.

my body physically hurts with pain as i feel the heart of God break. im fed up with losing these battles.

please pray for me, as i reach out to you for them.

i thank you for what you do, the help you give.

to God be the Glory forever and ever

alex

To My Future Wife

User Submitted — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 11:51:06 -0800

Hey guys -- In my battle I have decided to write a letter to my future wife. It's one of my greatest motivators to stay pure. Maybe this will be a blessing to some...maybe it's a good idea to do. It was therapeutic for me and I just wanted to share with you all my goals regarding a future marriage. Anyway, feel free to leave comments if you maybe think I should add something or take something out. God Bless

March 9, 2010

To Whom It May Concern,

I don't know you yet, but I love you. If you are reading this, then you already are or will become my wife. I have happily thought about you for a long time now and figured I would share my thoughts of how I feel
about you. You see, following Christ has been my first priority for some time now. As of right now, you are solidly in second place :). Look at it as being first place among humans. Way to go! So why am I writing this note to you? How can I love you without seeing you? Well dear, allow me to explain myself.
I don't know you yet, but I am preparing myself for you. I see the a glimpse of the kind of man God wants me to be for you and the kind of man I am now and I know that I have work to do! So everyday my promise to you is that I will work to be the kind of man you deserve and the kind of man that can be worthy of your love. The kind of man who can love you unconditionally. The kind of man who will protect you and honor you. The kind of man who will serve you until the day he dies. The kind of man who will lead a family spiritually. The kind of man who will sacrifice everything for you. It becomes easy when I love you as much as I do.
I don't know you yet, but I am staying pure for you. Every action I take, every muscle I move, every thought that goes through my head, and everything I say must honor God the Father. You were made for me by God
himself. I was made for you. Nothing will get in the way of that HOLY union that He has put together. It's just you and me. I am awaiting you as God promises me he has you on deck. No temptation, nothing that can be offered to me in this world can match how important you are to me.
I don't know you yet, but I can't wait to be with you. I can't wait to make you feel like the most important of God's creations. I can't wait to pursue you after I meet you. I can't wait to make you feel loved. I can't wait to make you feel safe. I can't wait to fulfill God's promises in our lives together with you. I can't wait to have our first date. I can't wait to ask you to be my bride. I can't wait to meet you at the end of the aisle. Most of all, I can't wait to spend my life with you.

I don't know you yet, and I can't wait to meet you.

Love,
Yours

Hit Rock Bottom

User Submitted — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 20:50:42 -0800

I've been a Christian all my life, leader in the different churches I've congregated over the years. My problem is I've been addicted to pornography for over 20 years now. Started on my early teens, that escalated to soliciting sex to prostitutes in the 90's, then I got married 4 years ago and thought my problems were over, but my porn addiction continued to the point I can't have sex with wife because even when she's a beautiful woman she's not appealing to me anymore, she's been surprisingly patient, she knows about my problem, sometimes we have arguments about it, then we forget about it, until we have another argument. Last nightI hit rock bottom, she caught me having phone sex with another woman, she's really upset and even when she's giving me another chance she says she doesn't trust me anymore. I really want to win this battle, I've been praying to God for years to help me with this but I'm still struggling. Please have me in your prayers and any advise you can provide will be welcome. God Bless You.

a dog returning to his vomit

User Submitted — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 20:50:17 -0800

Strangely, I feel closer to God than ever, yet am in the midst of a battle I know only God has the power to heal. The sexual drive is a wild, untameable 'wild horse' as another user on here put it. In fact, as John Eldredge says in his book 'Journey of Desire', God's creativity is wild and untameable, just look at the animal kingdom.

Fact is, when the sexual drive comes over me, as an unmarried virile young(ish) man ;) it is very difficult to control. In my past I was a drug addict, and whilst on crack indulged in grotesque sexual acts with people I didn't find in the least attractive, the dirtier and seedier the better. Of course, now, with the Holy Spirit of God living in me, what was once exciting in its seediness is now filthy and unclean. Thankfully, the purity of Jesus has taken away my shame. But I still struggle with one thing, that is, part of me, my sinful nature, wants to revisit all those ways I used to live.

Recently God showed me his immense power, and set me free from this for a season. I know He can do it again. So please Lord, I am in a place, that again, where I would rather have no sexuality at all than continue with the struggle of desire. Release me, set me free, and anoint me to do your will in power, and prepare me for the wife you have for me. Your child an warrior. Amen.

Can someone help

User Submitted — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 15:09:56 -0800

I'm a masturbator and want to repent of my ways. I have been on masturbating since more than 3 years now. I discovered it when I was 18. Now I'm 21. For whatever reason I haven't stopped.

Porn is another issue. I have been on and off watching porn since I was 14. However I can manage to go without porn for months with God's help. Porn I can control myself with. But masturbation is a horse that I can't tame. I mean the most I've gone is 2 weeks. And recently It's been getting harder.

Is anyone in the same boat?

Can you give me some Scripture verses that can help me to overcome. Or can you just stop what your doing and pray for me. Thank you guys.

I'm Having a hard time, even with things so great

User Submitted — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 11:13:52 -0800

Hi,
I'm turning 20 soon, I met the girl of my dreams, and it really seems like I will be getting engaged, She's a great christian girl who has brought me closer to God, and reminded me how much I need Jesus back in my life. However prior to this, I'm a virgin and I'm okay with that most of the time, but my biggest problem is urges to move past that, though originally and still for the most part want to wait until marriage, my problem though has been for a long time, and i've realized this is that i use this as an excuse to watch pornography, and i don't feel any better after watching it, i feel dissapointed, like i let myself down, God down, the people around me down, and her down. I really want to overcome this. I have so much going well for me in my life, that I really do not want this to hold me back, but for some reason, i keep slipping back, thinking "one more time couldn't hurt", but the truth is, it does hurt, it hurts me to think about, and its gotten to the point where the images repeat in my head, i'm sick of seeing them, i'm beyond tired of this problem i have, and I ask God for help a lot. But i keep making mistakes.

Godpowered hardwork

User Submitted — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 09:59:44 -0800

I`m 29 years old, son of villagechurch leader in Norway...and very grateful for this website, and all the comments and confessions that`s helpful for so many!!
I`ve had my struggles too, and for many years I was trying to stop this monster from eating up my life.Many failures followed my path. A good friend of mine had the same problem, and we knew there`s so many others out there. Last year I got married, but realized that even a wonderful marriage to a beatiful women didn`t do the trick on this problem,although it had a tremendous impact on my life in general. But now I needed to fight harder, cause I wasn`t the only one hurting anymore.
SO, after some more failures I decided I`ve had enough!!
After some crying, along with my heartbroken wife, I called my friend and told him it HAD to happen this time. We decide to be accountable to each other, call every week for a checkup, and pray for each other EVERY morning.
IT WORKS!!!
Now it has been working for about 6 months, but not for free! It`s GOD POWERED hardwork, but the strength is building up, like it is with any workout. But there are some crucial points:
NEVER let go of Jesus

PRAYER DO have the POWER like the Bible tells us

ACCOUNTABILITY is CRUICAL

KILL ANY thought that MAY have the wrong motive

STAY in FULL ALERT for ANYTHING that may get you started

TV, Music,TV(most of it promote unholy attitudes and nonbiblical ways of living), and again TV, magasines, commercials, people in the street-in the church-at work etc.
Ask yourself: are you having the right motive looking at/listening to this??? If not: DON`T!!
Keep your focus straight

The strength is in JESUS, and we remain strong when He remains IN US!! JESUS IN US=STRENGTH to be like Him!!

Letting it Out

User Submitted — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 09:38:13 -0800

I like the thought of opening up and pouring out my soul to other people, to other men that know too real the struggle that occurs with pornography, masturbation, the world of fantasy and the blurring lines of reality. I love to think that other men, though they feel in bondage, can encourage one another, look at me and my chains, and say, "brother I know what it's like."

I'm thinking of the movie "The Christmas Carol" and Scrooge's business partner Jacob Marley (I think that was his name). I'm thinking of the giant chain that is around him and how he looks so weary, so exhausted, so utterly spent at pulling that chain with him wherever he goes. I think porn is kind of like that for all of us. A weight, a burden, something that no matter how hard we try, we just get entangled more and more. In our own strength. But then something else is offered.

A gift of confession. We can share with each other the honest struggle to remain sober and to not take another drink of the fountain that promises us whatever we want. We can be open, honest, raw, and real to each other and to say, "hey fellas, it's been a tough day." I know that no temptation has seized except what is common to man, and that God will always provide for us a way out of it. Sometimes it's easier said than to see the truth of that Word, but to remember that the Word is truth then we know, it's a law and it's how it is. We do have the inner strength to beat this thing, but it's through God and honesty with each other and ourselves.

Dear friends, I want to leave the porn thing behind. I don't want to live in it any longer, because, well I want to be a man of God more than anything. I want to be a good husband and daddy (when the time comes because I'm still single) but I know this is something that could easily divide and destroy any relationship. I appreciate you listening and letting me get some of the junk out today. Thanks fellas!

Apologies to all Women and to God

User Submitted — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 11:14:42 -0800

I started looking at pornography when I was about 12 and am now 21.

I have tried to stop on countless occasions, even trying to wean myself off it by looking at less hardcore stuff, masturbating less often etc. None of it work. I am not the same Christian I was all these years but one this is the same: I WANT IT TO STOP!

Now I would like to confess to you and to God that I have willingly engaged in the viewing of pornographic content and promise to overcome it with the help of God and I apologise wholeheartedly for this sin. I submit myself to you Lord, that you may fill me with the Fruits of Your Holy Spirit, that I may have the necessary strength and resilience from you that will help cure my addiction.

God has given me this verse a few too many times for it to be coincidence:

"In whatever you do, do it wholeheartedly unto the Lord and not unto men or yourself." Colossians 3:23

Pornography is the opposite of this. It is doing wholeheartedly unto yourself or others depending on your situation.

I would also like to all women as I now know that pornography IS offensive and degrading towards you. It is a result of my unfaithfulness and willingness to give into temptation; I cannot change my past but if I could I would. Most of all if I do get married (if that is part of God's plan for me) I would like to apologise to my future wife for these actions but I trust that God will bring me to a place of healing to the extent that I may help others with the same problems I am going through.

Lord, I give myself wholeheartedly to you, let me be a pen in your hand, help me and others to overcome our sex/pornography addiction. I hope more people will submit themselves fully to you and begin the journey, the one that I am starting now to a place of comfort, forgiveness & love.

God Bless
Niall

Where am I?

User Submitted — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 11:35:18 -0800

I have struggled with pornography since my freshman year of high school. I am 21 years old now and have been trying to defeat this addiction ever since I began college. I've seen brief success at times but I inevitably fall back into this garbage every time.

Sometimes I wonder if I really do "hate" this sin. Often, I align myself with Paul's words in the book of Romans where he talks about how our "bodies are bound to sin while our souls are in direct opposition", but still find that the sin continues. It seems that with every "slip-up" I become more disconnected with myself, fearing I've "done it this time".

I'm just tired of feeling so out of control and powerless. I don't want this sin to be so pervasive in my life anymore. I know I will never quit fighting but will God ever quit forgiving?

So much more I could say, however, I have a business law test in 2 hours.

Tired of the new/old

User Submitted — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 11:34:40 -0800

After having problems with porn for years, through a good accountability group and God's grace I found myself winning the war...just in time to meet my future wife. God delivered me so I could go into our relationship having worked on the baggage and no longer actively being a porn addict.

Things were good for years--she's beautiful and our sex life was everything I could've wanted or prayed for! But in recent years, it seems that complete and total victory I enjoyed for years...has been eroding.

Now sometimes it seems there is little left. I'll have weeks and months of being "clean"...and then despite having an incredible sexual relationship, i find myself falling. Weeks or months will pass again, but seemingly sooner or later, I have a down day, am sick and weak, or just muddled in my head--and then I find myself where I shouldn't be again!

We have a good, honest relationship. Early on especially, though it hurt, I told her everything. But that's gotten so much harder to do! God listens to my agonized, frustrated confession, and boom--as far as east from west. But as wonderful as she is, she's still human. Surely she gets tired of hearing how weak I am, of getting hurt at the unintended slight to her as a beautiful, desirable, and fulfilling woman.

That good accountability I mentioned? Scattered to the four corners of the world--moved away, moved away from God, or wrapped up in family life. I really need some more resources, and while I never want to stop pursuing total honesty with my wife, I also think I apparently need some extra help, either locally or...online? Does that exist/work?

But I know God is good. I've experienced the lasting years of unthinking victory--victory I probably took for granted. Never again: when God sets me free, when it's months and years instead of days or weeks since I've fallen, I will assuredly be thanking Him day and night for getting this deadly monkey off my back!

Your True Nature

User Submitted — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 18:29:11 -0800

Here is a blog from a friend of ours; Joe Dallas. Joe Dallas has an amazing heart for guys who are struggling with sexual addiction. His words have helped so many men get to their feet and take the first step to putting an end to their issues.

"To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, Thou can not then be false to any man." - Shakespeare’s ‘Hamlet’

“I can’t help being who I am!”, my client screamed. We were in the middle of our third counseling session together, and he was contemplating his decision to stop using pornography and prostitutes. His sexual behavior had become such a primary part of his life, though, that leaving it behind felt impossibly unnatural. “It’s my nature as a guy to want this,” he argued. “If I stop, aren’t I just trying to be somebody I’m not?”

As a Christian man struggling with sexual temptations, you may be asking the same question. You may, in fact, be considering a complete abandonment of the faith instead of abandoning your behavior. The immediate payoff for such a decision is gratification. You will no longer be denying yourself the “right” to do what seems natural to you. And that may really seem more important to you than Christianity itself. But then, what is your concept of Christianity? Did God promise you that, having been converted, you would be finished with personal struggles? Was there anything in Christ’s teaching implying total fulfillment in this life? Is Christianity a religious form of therapy designed to ensure the happiness of its followers? Does it make you angry to even ask these questions? If so, you may have forgotten that the core of our faith is the Person Jesus Christ, and the expression of our faith is a life of service to Him, not ourselves.

Jesus made this clear: “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.” (Matthew 16:24).

The core of our faith is Jesus Christ. The expression of our faith is a life of service to Him.

Regarding our attitude toward this primary but overlooked aspect of Christianity, Francis Schaeffer, in his book “True Spirituality”, comments:

“It is not a matter of waiting until we no longer have strong sexual desires, but rather, when we are surrounded by a world that grabs everything, we are to understand what Jesus means when He talks about denying ourselves that which is not rightfully ours.”

Ironically, then, abandoning the faith in a quest for personal happiness may well be the way to sabotage that very quest. Remember, if you are a believer, you have experienced the rebirth described in John 3:16, which is not easily shrugged off. You were given the seed of God Himself: “Having been born again, not of corruptible seed but incorruptible, through the word of God.” (1 Peter 1:23). That being the case, it is questionable whether you will ever be happy in a backslidden state. The dissatisfaction you will feel apart from fellowship with Christ may well outweigh whatever dissatisfaction you’re experiencing now as a struggling Christian.

I am who I am… I can’t be at peace unless I’m true to myself.

You might argue, “But I am who I am. That’s my nature, and I can’t be at peace unless I’m true to myself.” I would argue the same point, changing the noun. You are indeed who you are—a Christian. That’s your nature, and you can’t be at peace unless you’re true to yourself.

Joe Dallas

Please Pray for Me

User Submitted — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 10:54:44 -0800

It is good to know that there are others out here that will be praying for me. I want this additiction to end and can't do it on my own. Only through the Grace of God.

thanks,

i masterbate and watch porn

User Submitted — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 10:54:03 -0800

whenever i seen to go online with my computer i seem to go on to porn sites and masterbate.do you know any awnswers or practical help that i could use thanx alex gods love to you all on this page .

determined!!!!!

User Submitted — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 10:52:55 -0800

Hello xxx church i know about you about 3 years ago ive been christian since 6 almost 7 and i dont even how everyhitng starts one night i just start watching porn again and never stop since that moment, at beginning i didn't hat internet at home so masturbating wasn't that often but since i had internet boy hard thing to deal with, well im a young mam who knows about God and how wrong porn is but yea i easily slip to that area, i wanna come clean so i have decide to come clean tonight is somebody is out there this is my confession i wanna stop doing this i know it is a fight as the guy from white collar sideshow says! but is a fight worthy to fight for, i im not planning to runaway from God, every year that i live i recognize how important God is in my life and i want it everyday in it! but i believe and know that pornography send me away from him and his will to my life, i need help i know that i cant just do it by mi hand i had try so many times and failed!! but God is my life i had decide to try it once again to fight to come clean to praise God with my body mind and soul i want his divine will to come true in my life! i accept recognize that i have a problem with pornography but not longer will rise upon my life the battle has begun! som prayers will help in anyways and advices to how a 23 years old man christian can fight effectively against this?

struggling

User Submitted — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 10:52:10 -0800

I am a sophmore in college and i have grown up as a christian my whole life. I firs was introduced to pornography when my parents got divorced and i found out that was the reason my parents split up. I didn't really know what it was but i fiured if my dad sacrificed his family for it, then it must be worth it. That was a lie from the enemy. Eversince then i have off and on struggled with looking at it and masturbating. I have gone through the workbook and program on xxxchurch but am going through a real rough patch. It's been tough to even be able to worship because it feels like im in a spiritual desert. I believe God can help me but the problem is that i struggle with reading God's word daily and i don't have an accountability partner. I need to kick this addiction for good before i get married this august. If have an accountability partner i know i can do it. Can someone help me out?

One thing, just one thing.

User Submitted — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 10:51:18 -0800

This is my first time with the xxxchurch confession. I have just recently started to look at pornography and other various "soft core" things. Its really all the same, it ends in the same result, lust and sin. I have been battling with lust and masturbation since I was about 12. It sucks. I have had my ups and downs, but recently I have had nothing but having lows. I pray for forgiveness every time I mess up in one way or another (or both) as I am sure most other christian men do, then i mess up again not to far down the road. I need to get past this, I need to focus on the more important things. I need to focus on God. I think one thing that would really help, is to know people are behind me (whether they are anonymous, xxxchurch members, whoever). Just to know people believe in me would do more than I could ever hope. If you are reading this, please tell me your thoughts and anything motivating that you can say! Thanks! May we bless God with our actions and thoughts!

Almost

User Submitted — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 10:49:37 -0800

Im 25 and married and yet Ive struggled with porn for years, and Ive recently been doing what I call purity exorcises where at first I abstained from all sex and impure thought for like a week... then I can be with my wife and such... and for like a month now Ive been like 100%, hardly had a impure thought hit my mind doing, awesome in my walk with God pure!! and then tonight I went after porn. Ive been doing so well for months. I am VERY frustrated with myself right now. Please if any of you would, pray for me. Thanks alot.... Will.

I can not go on

User Submitted — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 20:28:36 -0800

Hello everyone!

I am 23 years old, I have problems with gay pornography I am from Spain, I need some help, I have tried lots of things to leave that bad way of life. My Pastors knows this and they help me praying for me but sometimes I see myself watching Pornography and I think I am the worst in the world, I can´t give my hand to anyone around me, I can´t go up my face to God. Lots of times I asked him for help. I can´t go on with this.

Thoughts

User Submitted — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 20:28:09 -0800

I am addicted to porn and thoughts about sexual activity. I have been trying to quit for awhile. It's been something that I have always struggled with. I go to church, I am involved in my ministry and even lead my college group. I am currently applying for a new leadership position, but I can't have this in my life. I am confessing because I know that things in the dark MUST be put into light.

This is my confession. I hope that at least this first step is a step closer to Him.

I can't faulter now...

User Submitted — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 19:23:16 -0800

Hey, my name is Ben. Since grade school, I was constantly teased and bullied by just about everyone in the school, but boys and girls. In 9th grade, the teasing increase to verbal sexual harassment, and people constantly accused me of being gay because I didn't have the nerve to ask any of the girls out. I started to look at porn when I started to think that I would never have a relationship with anyone because I was too scared to even ask the girls for their last names. I kept looking at it right through high school, even when the teasing stopped. It's been more then 4 years since I've graduated, and I still have problems with porn. It wasn't your normal porn either. The stuff that I looked at and searched for were... stuff on rape. It's like that kind of stuff excited me the most.

Now, I have told my pastor about this, AND my parents, and they are all helping me in several ways, AND I have downloaded the XXX watch software from here. I've even managed to kick the looking at porn habit, so I've made progress. However, I just can't keep myself from masturbating, and I remember everything I have looked at as if I just saw it an hour ago. The temptation to go right back to the porn is getting stronger all the time, and I have to stop... but I keep on slipping up and end up going right back to masturbating.

There's more. This is something I haven't told anyone yet... until now. When ever I'm alone at home, I start to think that maybe I can get away with looking at the porn one more time, or I could go to the library and find a book or two to read, or look around for a store around where I live that might sell X-rated movies, and I know there is one around here. The thing is... the voice that is making those thoughts doesn't sound like mine. It's as if someone else is in my head and is telling me I can get away with it again, I just have to be more secretive. This has to be a demon of lust, and I fear that I might not be able to resist it much longer... and every single time I pray, I feel like there is a wall of resistance within my brain and around my heart to keep God from answering me. I know full well that he will never forsake me... but I can't feel his presence anymore.

when will I stop

User Submitted — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 19:21:50 -0800

I'm a 20 sophomore in college . I started watching porn at a very young age like I stumbled upon it while in elementary school. I didn't know what it was at the time then a few years later i came back to it and started masturbating. I haven't been able to stop since then and lately its been an every day thing . May not porn here lately cause one of my roommates put a filter up blocking all pornographic sites . Thank the Lord . I thought my urge to masturbate would die out since that happened but it hasn't it has actually gotten worse . since he blocked that I had started getting on chat rooms and becoming a totally different person that what i once was and hope to become again . I finally deleted my screen name and took that off of my computer because it was consuming my life . I feel so dirty and bad after masturbating and chatting with those girls , but i couldn't stop . Now that both are gone i still have trouble with quiting masturbating . I just can not seem to quite . It frustrates me so much . I get so down on myself after i do masturbate . I want to quite so bad cause i know that the person doing all that is not the true me . This is the best I could do i hope this will do i just feel like i had to put this out there i was fixing to pop . This may seem all jumbled up together and i'm sorry for that but it just came out . Please pray for me that the Lord can defeat this sickness and that I will let him .

It's been alog time coming!

User Submitted — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 19:20:54 -0800

I am a 56b yr old man han have had problems with sexuality most of my life. I was in the 3rd grade when i was caught by my father looking at naked women in magizines in the local supermarket in Spokane WA where i grew up. My next sexual encounter was at the hands of an older male student and male school janitor in Grade school, in Montana. It was only days ofter that that i stuffed it down so far that I would not remember it again till 1992 while watching an Oprah show that was on all the major networks that night. When all of a sudden the memory came spilling back into me like it had just happened and i cracked up for a awhile and started smoking alot of pot to cover it up and it just wasn't working very good and i would have to go hide and cry till i could cry no more. but everytime the memory would surface the tears would start up and there I was stuck between humiliation and rage, and just wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. This was not all because those years between the incident and the new found memory i was slowly becoming very promiscuis I started having sex when i was 17 yrs old and it just went on and on and i just wanted some one to hold me and comfort me and have alot of sex with. This went on until about 1972 when i had my first homosexual encounter in the Spokane WA bus depot. an older man should me the ropes. All i Knew was that it felt good, it was a man, which kind of made me sick to my stomach. I was suddenly thrust into the life of a toilet tramp for the next 13 years untill 1986. I was already on my second marraige which was beginning to fail. (to be continued)