<![CDATA[Teens - Confessions - XXXchurch]]> http://xxxchurch.com en-us Sat, 13 Mar 2010 20:51:15 -0800 <![CDATA[Desperately Seeking for a New Direction!!]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/desperatelyseekingforanewdirection.html This is new for me.. Im 19 and in college and I feel like I wear a mask. I grew up in the church and was the guy everyone pretty much liked, always serving and seeming so "perfect" at times. I started using porn at 16 and ever since than its grown into something I cant control. I would switch back from striaght porn to gay porn to masturbation and feel so guilty and disgusted I couldnt live with myself. When I started going to college, I felt free of porn , and temptation... BUT than I went home and failed every time. A couple of days ago I went beyond the fantasy and wanted something real, something I could touch so I met w this couple from this site who invited me over and it went too far. I drove home that night crying and wanting to kill myself i was speeding ready to die and something stopped me, Ever since that night I cant even look at porn the same its like a numbness that it disgusts me but now I feel so ashmaed and I cant sleep and I cant talk to anybodu and I feel like Im living this lie and I feel so low and I know God forgives and He loves and I hope that He can for give me...

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/desperatelyseekingforanewdirection.html Sat, 13 Mar 2010 20:51:15 -0800 <![CDATA[This is difficult.]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/thisisdifficult.html It's taken me a LONG time to get to the place to admit this. I feel alone in my addiction. My confession is that I'm addicted to masturbation... I guess I mostly feel alone in this because I'm a girl... everyone makes it out to be like girls never have to deal with this stuff, so I guess that's how I'm feeling... This addiction has been a problem for approximately 5 years I guess.

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/thisisdifficult.html Sat, 13 Mar 2010 20:50:17 -0800 <![CDATA[The curse]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/thecurse.html When I was probably 4 or 5 years old I discovered masturbation and had no idea what it was or that it was wrong but just that I liked it and that I began relying on it. It has cursed me since then (I am now 19) and only developed from there. It turned into a soft core porn addiction only lately. How do I have the strength to tell a boyfriend that I only want to peck on the lips but don't have the strength to tell MYSELF to stop? Only two people in this whole world (and God) know about this and one of them I no longer talk to. I feel dirty, ashamed, like the scum of the earth. I feel alone and like a sick pig. I love the Lord Jesus with all of my heart and want to serve Him and I have been drawing closer and closer to Him lately. I have gotten involved with an awesome group of Christian college students who love the Lord and yet I could never tell them my secret because they would think I was such a pervert. I am disgusted with myself and have no one to go to. I heard about this website and decided I had nothing to lose and it is somewhat encouraging knowing that I am not the only person out here. Especially a girl. That is hard to come by. I don't really know what else to say but that I don't really know where to go from here but that I know I want to stop so that I can be sexually pure again for my future husband. I hope I can find some accountability.

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/thecurse.html Sat, 13 Mar 2010 20:49:48 -0800 <![CDATA[I NEED SOME HELP]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/ineedsomehelp.html I have been a christian for all my life. I keep strugleing with this on and off problem that keeps occuring. I have known of porn sence 8th grade. My brother introduced it to me. I regret it so bad it has changed my life. I always feel the urge to look at it and it makes me so mad when I do it. After looking at it I pray to god and say sorry. It was really bad 2 years ago where I was watching it everyday and masterbateing to it. Somehow I was able to stop the habit but now it has reoccued and I feel like it is comeing on really strong so I figured I would ask for help before it got way out of hand. Please help me and give me advice

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/ineedsomehelp.html Sat, 13 Mar 2010 20:49:06 -0800 <![CDATA[Now stay down!]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/nowstaydown.html ...uh-oh. Here it comes again...here comes that disgusting urge to gratify my sexual desires via the internet. After I screw up, yet again, all I hear ringing in my ears over and over are the words I would imagine Satan saying after my parade of sin is through, "This time, stay down!". It's so loud and shameful that I usually can't even find the courage to cry out to God for forgiveness! I don't ever want my perfect, loving, beautiful Lord to know the disgusting things I've done. But, he already knows. Sometimes, I find myself laying in bed with my comforter over my face crying and screaming, "Why! Why did I do it again?!". But, the truth is, I did it again because I ignored that still small voice in my head. I chose not to listen. I decided at that moment that my desires were stronger, so, I shamefully gave up the fight. Then, I wake up on Sundays and go to church and pretend everything is perfect. And the fact that I even think that I'm worthy after a display like that to walk up on that stage and lead others into worship makes me sick! I shouldn't even be aloud in the same room as God! I feel like I'm drowning. I feel alone. I know I'm not...but, I feel as if I am.

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/nowstaydown.html Sat, 13 Mar 2010 20:48:51 -0800 <![CDATA[what matters?]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/whatmatters.html its not that late. only 1.30am.
but my eyes are heavy and dry. i just had to write something tonight. get it off my chest and even if no one reads this and even if no one replies it wont matter cos its still there in front of the light.

i feel like a failure. i feel like i will never beat this. i feel like life has ripped me off and i get annoyed because i wonder why dont other people i know struggle like i do?

God has seen it all. I believe in Him absolutely. but i really dont make a good job of following Him and choosing Him when it counts. but i love Him. I love my God so much.

I know it isnt a 'click your fingers' cured kinda addiction, but knowledge although a weapon isnt a saviour.

im not going anywhere really with this and im not really confessing anything sorry but im sure its easy to tell im struggling.

'my flesh and my heart faileth but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. psalm 73.26

blessed assurance.blessed truth.become realitly.

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/whatmatters.html Sat, 13 Mar 2010 20:44:46 -0800 <![CDATA[I'm going to be stubborn!]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/imgoingtobestubborn.html Hello, I'm a Junior in High School, and I"ve dealt with masturbation ever since I was in 8th grade. I have fought this addiction for so long, and often times I gave up. I officially gave up for a year, which I'm not proud of. I have recently decided to grow up, as in stop cussing, stop wearing baggy clothes that make me look like a hobo, fixin' my hair in other ways besides bed head, learning how do laundry, ect. Just grown up things. I even decided to start dating, and I already have a girl in mind. Just this sudden change came upon me, and I made a list to start changing myself, almost entirely. One of the top things I want to check off of my list is: Stop masturbating! Like I have said, I would fight this all the time. Just when I am about to start thinking I'm free, I see a girl walk by and I'm at it again. I think: "What's wrong with me??? Why can't I control this? What example am I making of myself for my kids when I get older? What would my girl friend think? What would my wife thinK??? I need to stop! No, I HAVE TO STOP!" And so the battle continues. But today, I've decided that I'm going to be real stubborn about this, and actually get prepaired if I start feeling like I'm going to have a relapse. From recent experience, I've learned that family, friends and God are good accountability for me. But just thinking about this girl I REALLY like is like another motivation for me to get better. And so, I AM GOING TO GET STUBBORN! I WILL CONQUER THIS, AND I WILL BE SOMETHING BETTER THAN ANYTHING I HAVE EVER BEEN BEFORE!

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/imgoingtobestubborn.html Sat, 13 Mar 2010 20:41:44 -0800 <![CDATA[Owning Up]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/owningup.html I have an addiction. I need to face that. I have always been the Christian guy in the church that all the parents see and say "I hope my son is as great as you some day..." and i can think is how sick and disgusting my mind really is. If only they knew what i have done while i'm alone... These images are stamped on my mind and it's hard to look at a woman without a sexual thought running through my mind. I have multiple accountability partners, the X3 Watch program sending my websites to my mother, and bible verses all over my computer station, and yet i find myself back here again and again feeling the shame and guilt. I know i need to end this, but i just can't shake these desires to lust after these images. I'm tired of it. I want my mind to think pure thoughts again. God i NEED you right now, I Have An Addiction. It is bigger than me, but nothing is bigger than You. Move in my life and help me die to you. In my weakness You are glorified and You are strong. I NEED You Now.

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/owningup.html Wed, 10 Mar 2010 20:01:00 -0800 <![CDATA[I need support and help.]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/ineedsupportandhelp.html My name is Isaac, and Im 16. Ive been a christian ever sense I was little, but I just now got serious about it like a year ago or so. Ive found a group of friends that have been amazing as far as help and support go. Previously, when I didn't take christianity seriously, I hung out with some people that weren't exactly good "friends" They were very obscene in their language and actions, they were disrespectful towards others, including me, and all together, they just were not good people to hang out with. These people were in public school, I am homeschooled now, a freshmen, and these new friends I have made are homeschoolers as well. They are all strong christians, and to make a long story short, they are just great people, and have made a strong contribution in my life, and have helped me with my relationship with jesus. I have fixed a lot of my problems, but I still struggle with my addiction to porn. I started watching internet porn a few years ago, and I just cant seem to stop. Ive never told any of my new friends that I watch this stuff, Im afraid they won't like me anymore. Out of this new group of friends, there is this girl I really like, she has probably been the one that has helped me most with my issues. Everytime I watch porn, she pops into my head, and I feel terrible about what Im doing, but I still cant seem to stop. I need prayer, encouragement, and advice. Please help. Thank you all.

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/ineedsupportandhelp.html Wed, 10 Mar 2010 19:59:08 -0800 <![CDATA[I have sinned ....]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/ihavesinned.html I have fallen again into a vice that comes into to my life nearly every day ... I wish to be free but somehow i cannot ...The vice of masturbation and pornography have a grip on me, but i will keep fighting the battle against it .

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/ihavesinned.html Wed, 10 Mar 2010 11:52:06 -0800 <![CDATA[I need help and advice]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/ineedhelpandadvice.html I do not know how to begin but to say sorry to God. I am sorry for knowing the things I've done are sinful, but yet i still repeat the actions even though i said i want to repent. I know it's hard to not give in to temptations. But i totally gave in. I started looking at pornography since the age of 12. For 5 years have i been struggling, trying to repent but the longest period without porn was only 3 months and that was a long time ago. I need help and advice as well on the action i've commited 7 months ago and i've been doing this thing on and off with my girlfriend for a few weeks. It's premarital sex. I don't know how to explain. But i just need help. Please to those who think they can help me.

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/ineedhelpandadvice.html Wed, 10 Mar 2010 11:51:46 -0800 <![CDATA[My Struggle With Homosexuality]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/mystrugglewithhomosexuality1.html I am an 18 year old male who has been struggling with homosexuality for several years. I am not sexually active but have a constant battle raging in my mind. I have looked at gay porn only a few times. I am now being accountable with my dad, and good friend.

When I was 5, a neighbor boy sexually forced himself on me and since then I have been confused. I have gone to counseling and had pastors pray for a deliverance. I feel like I am improving but then there is always a bump in the road.

My friend and I have been challenging each other to quit masturbation. Both of us have quit porn but masturbate frequently. I have been at the 4 times per day mark but am trying to stop because I think it can only be fueling my homosexuality and sexual impurity.

I am involved in church leadership and desperately want to be pure before my Lord. Any ideas on who or what to do to get out of this problem?

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/mystrugglewithhomosexuality1.html Wed, 10 Mar 2010 11:50:05 -0800 <![CDATA[Sometimes I'd rather be dead.]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/sometimesidratherbedead.html I have had a problem ever since i can remember... ever since I hit puberty I've been very uncomfortable with my body. I've always felt like no one could ever love me or that I was ugly or that no one would ever want to have sex with me. I remember first looking at porn and masturbating as a release and escape from everyone who could and never would want to love me. Over periods of time I've come to hate myself, truly and purely. I have been raised a Christian and I love Christ a whole lot ,but I feel as if I let him down every time the temptations become to great. I feel as if sometimes when I lose the battle I'd rather be dead ,because of how much I hate living in chains... because of how much pain these things cause. Ever since I started this I've been lying to my parents ,and its gotten to the point where they have given up on me ever not looking at porn and masturbating. Above all else the one thing that hurts more than anything in the entire word is that I can't stay pure for my girlfriend... The one person who means more to me than anything, the one person who does actually love me. It is so painful, and some damaging that I would do anything to rid myself of this affliction.

can anyone help me, can anyone give me hope...

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/sometimesidratherbedead.html Mon, 08 Mar 2010 07:53:34 -0800 <![CDATA[Confusion]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/confusion.html When is going to be the last time that I watch/do this? How many times am I going to "repent"? I guess I don't know what true repentance is. I am a christian and know Jesus died for my sins. Pornography has remained fairly dormant in my life for the past years, but recently hit hard. The devil is given me false hope that this picture or video will bring you the satisfaction that you need. I need Jesus more than ever. I do not want to go on with life, clinging to this stuff to bring me "satisfaction". I have been down this path before, but I haven't let God fully take over because deep down I still want it. How can I let go of this sin. I have so much to give to the world and this sin is keeping me from expressing it. I need to realize that I don't need to look at that girl and it's going to be o.k. if I don't look at pornography. I am just to stubborn to realize how much better off I would be without looking at porn. It is progressive, as I've known for years. When am I going to realize it fully? I love God and I know he has a plan for me and this sin in my life. I just want to take that first step and deny sin from my life. Pray that God takes control.

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/confusion.html Mon, 08 Mar 2010 07:52:23 -0800 <![CDATA[wont go away]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/wontgoaway.html hey
im a 16 nearly 17 year old guy. my dad is one of the pastors at my church.
i have struggle with porn for may years but has become a major problem as of lately. i am constanly looking at it and even when i attepmt to put barriers in place to help me from doing it i go around them or just ignore them. my thoughts are sometimes consurmed with what i have seen.

it has been effecting the way i am to women as i cant have a friend relationship with any of them it seems that i always have to try to get with them which is really annoying since there is this girl that i really like and want to have a relationship with her that will last. but i cant act normal around her because of what i do.

it is starting to bring me down and im not copeing i am always down and i just want to get out of it. help me please

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/wontgoaway.html Mon, 08 Mar 2010 07:51:19 -0800 <![CDATA[I can't stop.]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/icantstop10.html I just can't stop. Sometime i go for a couple of weeks and sometimes i can only go for 30 min. I need to know what to do and i don't want to tell people i know.

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/icantstop10.html Mon, 08 Mar 2010 07:50:40 -0800 <![CDATA[Jesus Set You Free]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/jesussetyoufree.html I honestly don't know where to start. I accepted Jesus into my life very young, so I have grown up in a church atmosphere. Growing up in high school wasn't easy, I wanted to be cool, but also be good with God. I remember first looking at porn, it was a way for me to fight the urges of being a teenager. it also helped me escape the hardships of the time. It wasn't easy being in high school. Losing friends and depression is a lot for anyone to deal with, especially if your still growing up.
I started to look at it again after a couple years passed. It tore me up because I was changing my ways to connect more with my Savior. I prayed for help and for awhile I felt alone and with no hope. I went on a trip with my family and my parent asked me if I still look at it. I thought there for a second and realized this was the answer to my prayers. So I was honest and said I needed help with this issue. I decided it was time to talk with our pastor. I met with my future High School pastor. He was the answer to my prayers. I confessed my struggle and set up the X3 watch. We met up often and just talked about God, life, and etc. Eventually I cooled it down.


Porn left a nasty stain behind. I started to view things differently. I started to have bad thoughts about God and life in general. Porn is evil, no questions asked. It takes God's greatest gift and turns it into a perverted show. This effected my thoughts and relationship with God.
I went on a missions trip to serve the Kingdom of God. I thought those thoughts were from the enemy. In reality it was my insecurities. Besides giving them up to God, I gave it to Porn. On that trip, I found out more about me and what I needed to do. "Love thy neighbor, as THY SELF."
Coming back I thought I was going to put into use all of the lessons I have got from the trip. I would love to say I haven't looked at it since, but I have. I still stumble every now and then. Jesus has set us free from the power of sin, but I chose to still give in. I hope my story will help to NEVER start watching or to stop. Jesus loves you and wants you to stop because he knows what is best for you. I hope and pray you and I live in the freedom that Christ has freely given us.
Thank you and God Bless.

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/jesussetyoufree.html Wed, 03 Mar 2010 11:18:24 -0800 <![CDATA[how do i tell someone i know?]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/howdoitellsomeoneiknow.html i have realised i need help here. i have been looking at porn for a while and i feel im being told by god to tell someone i dont wanna hold off i just need to know who to tell and how to because i know i cant be intimate with god if i have this lookiing over my shoulder. Prayers for me to quit would be the great the most i can manage with masturbation is like 2 days tops but i know i have to fight it prayer would be great guys thanks...

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/howdoitellsomeoneiknow.html Wed, 03 Mar 2010 11:17:21 -0800 <![CDATA[This horrible thing so many call fun]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/thishorriblethingsomanycallfun.html well i am a preachers kid still a kid. when i was about eight is when my brother who is now a marine (oorah!) accidently clicked on something that was not as many would call appropriate. ever since then the first chance i get thats what i do. the longest ive gone is about a week. im not proud, im not happy, im not satisfied. it is a trap and this trap is really good. youd question why we are allowed to put it on. technically i shouldnt know any of the things that i do. i cant even look into my parents eyes without feeling guilty. i give them attitude because i dont want to see them i love them i love my lord i just need to grab on to that and hold it. you got to love the things you do have because after a while they leave. and i dont want to see my parents go and i have seen one thing and that is how fast my faith in God is fading i need scriptural verses and advice e-mail them to me if you got them. please i need this help. prayers would be appreciated too.

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/thishorriblethingsomanycallfun.html Tue, 02 Mar 2010 11:37:16 -0800 <![CDATA[I'm Still Drowning]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/imstilldrowning.html I'm almost seventeen, and I've been immersed in porn since I was about eleven. It was out of some stupid curiosity because my mother forbid me from taking sex ed, and I was too shy to ask her about the birds and the bees. One Google search later and all my afternoons from then on were completely occupied.

What makes this exceedingly hard for me is that, for one, I'm a teen GIRL struggling with something that most GUYS do. I read "Every Woman's Battle" and it didn't apply much to me, because I was (and still am) a virgin, and I don't go throwing my emotions at every guy who comes my way. I've never traded sex for love and I've never been so insecure in myself that I'd give it for that ego stroke, either. It's just the physical, primal desire, and it won't go away.

Now I have a boyfriend that I'm falling for, and the more time I spend alone with him (on the phone at night; fortunately I can never really get him alone), the farther I push our borders. He's more embarrassed about our conversation topics than I am...which, at the time, makes me feel great and powerful, but afterwards, I feel like a slut. He told me he'd never guessed I was so "naughty." That was a huge reality check for me, and even though he suggestively assured me that he was fine with it, I still felt terrible.
And last night, I told him I'd be fine having sex with him, and he agreed. Now I'm terrified of the time where we're alone and I allow myself to seal the deal. Beyond that, I told him I masturbate, so now he knows he wouldn't be corrupting me in any way.

I've been battling a carnal sex addiction for almost six years, now. It's slowly diverged from pictures and videos to chats, internet mic sessions, and now to very VERY inappropriate phone conversations. I love my boyfriend more than this...too much to jeopardize our relationship just because my body's frustrated. I know that I would allow myself to sleep with him in the right circumstance. And I know that if that happened, I would break up with him. And I know that if THAT happened, I would be heartbroken, and so would he. Both of us would feel confused and taken advantage of.


I'm scared to ask my women pastors for help, because I doubt any of them would understand. Sure they grew up with temptation, but definitely not like this. I feel like a guy because it's not even about the emotional satisfaction of it, it's PURELY physical, otherwise I would be able to keep my boyfriend and I's borders a little more solid.

Last night I let him talk very dirty to me while I masturbated. He was completely aware of everything I was doing. Today I faked a stomach ache to stay home from school, because I don't know if I could bear seeing his face. I don't hate him, but I know he'd ask me what was wrong...and I wouldn't be able to bring myself to tell him. I don't ever want to hurt him.

I've grown up in a Christian home and love Jesus very much, but it's so hard to stay focused! I really need advice...I pray, but all it does is make me cry and I get very upset. There's no relief or miracle epiphany that makes me suddenly have no sex drive. I haven't lost faith in God, but I have almost lost faith in myself. Someone showed me this site, and I want all the books and workshops, but I can't afford any of them. I'm so angry with myself.

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/imstilldrowning.html Tue, 02 Mar 2010 11:32:24 -0800 <![CDATA[I have fallen]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/ihavefallen.html For my entire life I have always done the right thing. For my final essay in highschool and two essays in college I have written about the distructive habit of porn and how it eats away at a persons soul. I stand so strongly against it but underneath the "good girl" exterior I feel disgusting and hurt. A few years ago I saw porn for the first time, I thought it was gross, immoral and wrong. But for the next few days I kept looking at it. After I did I felt gross and sick to my stomach. It only happens once in a while where I will stumble upon something and it leads into more. Seeing it makes me numb and puts me in a trance, just to see what is going to happen next. Recently I have discovered cyber sex. Although its not watching something I also find this to be able to ruin minds. I tried it, and then I tried it again. I really dont get aroused by things like this, I for some reason, I enjoy having the power to control how someone else thinks and feels, without them knowing it is me. I have not seen porn is over a year and just last week after I tried cyber sex, I watched porn tonight. I see how distructive it is and I dont want this to continue. After doing cyber sex for the first time, I told myself I would not do it again, but the next day I feel back into the trap. I dont want this to continue. I hate it, and I hate that I started doing that. I am a virgin and have planned with my heart and mind to wait for marriage, and I feel like this is tearing away at my heart. Im scared that if I continue down this path bad things may happen. I dont want that. Please keep me in your prayers.

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/ihavefallen.html Tue, 02 Mar 2010 11:27:38 -0800 <![CDATA[Change]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/change1.html I am turning 18 in three days and i dont want to live like this anymore. I have told myself in the past "I'm done, no more, stop." But no matter how many times i tell myself to stop i just cant. It feels like it is a part of my life now and i just cant live without it.
I have been struggling for so many years and i just want it to be done with. I have been going to a Mormon church and that has caused it to get worse. I'm not going anymore now and am hoping to go to a Christian Church not far away.
I never read the bible, I dont pray, and whenever I even get close to doing so I get attacked. By what I do not know nor care. I feel as if i'm about to cave in and there wont be anyone there to cast a line. Thats how it has been my entire life.
I grew up with the assumption that liking boys was okay considering I grew up with ALL girls. I never had a father in my life, and the one i have now doesnt even try. I cant stand being around him and that causes me to want to be bad.
I really just need to have someone to talk, to vent, to cry to. I never knew something could hurt worse than a physical pain and i have had my share or cuts and bruises. But the cuts and bruises I can never seem to mend are those on the inside.
I have had countless times when i wanted to run away and i am getting to the point where i am going to do it. I know that running wont make the urges away because i have already tried it one. I really need some help before i do something i regret. Again.

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/change1.html Tue, 02 Mar 2010 11:26:00 -0800 <![CDATA[Struggling.]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/struggling18.html Alright so I begin. I started to view pornography ever since seventh grade. I went on daily and watched it and "finished the job." As the years went on, I started to lust over real women, and it got so bad that I caught myself lusting over my own family members. Sick I know. It continued to be a daily battle up until church camp last year. I went a week without porn and right when I got home, you guessed it alrighty, I went into the shower and did it again. After that week, I tried limiting what I viewed and trusting in God with it more, but to no avail it didn't help. Recently, I have gone two weeks without the act of masturbating, but I still viewed pornography and after two weeks I masturbated again. Early this morning, I viewed porn after having a great lesson about King David and Bathsheba at church last Saturday, and today I looked at porn than got some lusting done at the gym. I'm at that point right now where I'm giving up on my faith and thinking, I can live with this my whole life and still follow God. Having accountability partners hasn't helped me at all, and I feel like God is never listening to me... My mind plays tricks and its being lied to. Whatever information I can get will help. Thanks. And God bless.

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/struggling18.html Mon, 01 Mar 2010 10:58:57 -0800 <![CDATA[trying to ignor the problem ]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/tryingtoignortheproblem.html I masterbate not constently but I every 2 or 3 days I and I don't ussaly look at porn but all admit that I do occasionally, Im a Christian I feel like such a hippocrite saying that but its true,and when I first started to get the feeling I'm addicted when I started masterbating to much I was telling myself I'm not that bad my friends are worse, but my heart tells me different, I feel like God has been telling me to talk to.my parents about it,but I have a single mom and a grandma and a grandpa but he's not usaly around, I feel alone in my mind and my thoughts and dissturbed I hate what I do because I know I sin , and I feel like I'm going to get punished for what I do and Gods angery with me, I feel like crap and I hate myself,I used to be real close with God but I pushed myself away I want to be back the way I was,pray 4 me that God will forgive me and help me to overcome this iv been trying to stop but I take 1 step foward and 2 steps back, I feel like I will let down my parents if I come out with this, help please

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/tryingtoignortheproblem.html Mon, 01 Mar 2010 10:58:40 -0800 <![CDATA[Holy to depravity]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/holytodepravity.html I was a very strong christian until i became entangled with this problem. i'd read through the whole Bible and even decided to memorize the book of James. I was overconfident in myself. I was the good kid, all smiles and kind words. I started off with a victoria secret catalog that i found when i went to get the mail. bam i was hooked. i hid it under my nightstand. porn was hard to come by in my house. victoria was as close as it got. But every now and then i would get oppertunities at friends houses and relatives. I thought it was harmless i wasn't hurting anybody, i didn't see that i quit reading the Bible. i felt to guilty to ever pray. as time past it took more and more to get my motor going. My mind was getting very deprived. The people i stayed with many nights had HBO on their tv. That jumpstarted my depravity. I couldn't count the time waisted on porn that i could have spent doing something productive, sleep lost. I went from a constant smile to being depressed most of the time. I went from entergetic to an whatever attitude. Its hard to imagine one thing causing so much destruction. Now i leave for boot camp in a week to start a new life my problem having yet to be solved. Hopefully i can find the strengh to overcome the problem when i start my new life.

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/confessions/blog/holytodepravity.html Mon, 01 Mar 2010 10:57:59 -0800