Men - XXXchurch

Tempted By The Fruit Of Another

Steve-Oh — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 08:15:29 -0800

There is not a day that goes by that we are not tempted with something. We are tempted with sweets,we are tempted to buy things we really don't need and this time of year tempted to cheat on our taxes. I bet if you look back over your day you used the words " I was tempted to.." you fill in the blank. I never realized how much I use that phrase until recently. There is nothing wrong with temptation, until you give in to it, you haven't done anything wrong. You still have the option of doing what is right.Resisting temptation for some people isn't a problem because they don't try to. These people simply do what they want, when they want and how they want. This is what the people in the porn industry, the swingers the sex addicts want you to believe. That they can do all this things with no consequences.

Temptation starts with a harmless thought or desire that entices us to do something that we are not supposed to do. Then next the initial thought is then entertained and explored. We contemplate committing the sin. After entertaining the thought, we commit the act of sin to fulfill our cravings and desires. In the early chapters of Genesis Eve was tempted to eat the fruit that had been forbidden to eat by God. Eve then entertained the thought, if I eat the fruit I will gain the knowledge of God. She justified the sin. How often do we do that? We say to ourselves "no one is perfect" "I didn't know it was wrong" or "God will forgive me, so I might as well do it". Then after Eve spent time thinking about it she committed the sin. Right after committing the sin Adam and Eve both hid from God. After committing sin Satan wants us to feel so guilty that we alienate ourselves from God.

If we are going to defeat temptation we must stop temptation from going past the first stage. We are all going to have tempting thoughts and desires, however, we must not entertain those thoughts. If we do, then chances are we will commit the sin.To resist temptation we must predetermine in our minds that we will not give in to the temptation. No matter how desirable, alluring,appealing,tantalizing, or inviting the sin maybe, we must not commit it.

Fortunately we have examples of those who responded correctly to temptation in the Bible. Abraham refused to accept a reward for service to King Of Sodom after a battle in Genesis 14:22-24, "But Abram said to the king of Sodom, 'I have raised my hand to the LORD, God Most High, Creator of heaven and earth, and have taken an oath that I will accept nothing belonging to you, not even a thread or the thong of a sandal, so that you will never be able to say, "I made Abram rich." I will accept nothing but what my men have eaten and the share that belongs to the men who went with me - to Aner, Eshcol and Mamre. Let them have their share." The best and most important biblical character to study in response to temptation is Jesus Christ. Three of the four gospels talk about Jesus' experiences with Satan in the desert. Luke 4:5-8 describes it this way: "The devil led him [Jesus] up to a high place and showed him in an instant all the kingdoms of the world. And he said to him, 'I will give you all their authority and splendor, for it has been given to me, and I can give it to anyone I want to. So if you worship me, it will all be yours.' Jesus answered, 'It is written: "Worship the Lord your God and serve him only."'"

Jesus became man and lived as a perfect example to us. Hebrews 2:18 says, "Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted."

If you are going to attempt to live a life that is pleasing to God, you need to learn how to handle temptation. If you try under your own power to resist temptation you will fail.We are told time and time again in scripture to rely on the strength of God. Eph 6:10-11 says * “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.” When we are tempted, we need to go immediately to God in prayer and ask Him to help us resist the urge to commit the sin. Everyday we battle temptation, and at times we lose the battle. But we must keep fighting and fighting to defeat it.

Lets review, To resist temptation…

A. We must understand what temptation is.

B. We must predetermine in our minds that we will not give into the temptation and sin against God.

C. We must rely upon the strength of God to help us overcome temptation.

1 Corinthians 10:13 And God is faithful. He will keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you cant stand up against it. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you will not give into it.

Steve Oh
LoveJesus.LovePeople

Your True Nature

Brian — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 19:11:24 -0800

This blog comes from a good friend of the ministry; Joe Dallas. Joe has a big heart for men that are struggling with the issue of sexual sin. I know what he has to say here will help many and shine some light on a very dark subject.

"To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, Thou can not then be false to any man." - Shakespeare’s ‘Hamlet’

“I can’t help being who I am!”, my client screamed. We were in the middle of our third counseling session together, and he was contemplating his decision to stop using pornography and prostitutes. His sexual behavior had become such a primary part of his life, though, that leaving it behind felt impossibly unnatural. “It’s my nature as a guy to want this,” he argued. “If I stop, aren’t I just trying to be somebody I’m not?”

As a Christian man struggling with sexual temptations, you may be asking the same question. You may, in fact, be considering a complete abandonment of the faith instead of abandoning your behavior. The immediate payoff for such a decision is gratification. You will no longer be denying yourself the “right” to do what seems natural to you. And that may really seem more important to you than Christianity itself. But then, what is your concept of Christianity? Did God promise you that, having been converted, you would be finished with personal struggles? Was there anything in Christ’s teaching implying total fulfillment in this life? Is Christianity a religious form of therapy designed to ensure the happiness of its followers? Does it make you angry to even ask these questions? If so, you may have forgotten that the core of our faith is the Person Jesus Christ, and the expression of our faith is a life of service to Him, not ourselves.

Jesus made this clear: “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.” (Matthew 16:24).

The core of our faith is Jesus Christ. The expression of our faith is a life of service to Him.

Regarding our attitude toward this primary but overlooked aspect of Christianity, Francis Schaeffer, in his book “True Spirituality”, comments:

“It is not a matter of waiting until we no longer have strong sexual desires, but rather, when we are surrounded by a world that grabs everything, we are to understand what Jesus means when He talks about denying ourselves that which is not rightfully ours.”

Ironically, then, abandoning the faith in a quest for personal happiness may well be the way to sabotage that very quest. Remember, if you are a believer, you have experienced the rebirth described in John 3:16, which is not easily shrugged off. You were given the seed of God Himself: “Having been born again, not of corruptible seed but incorruptible, through the word of God.” (1 Peter 1:23). That being the case, it is questionable whether you will ever be happy in a backslid-den state. The dissatisfaction you will feel apart from fellowship with Christ may well outweigh whatever dissatisfaction you’re experiencing now as a struggling Christian.

I am who I am… I can’t be at peace unless I’m true to myself.

You might argue, “But I am who I am. That’s my nature, and I can’t be at peace unless I’m true to myself.” I would argue the same point, changing the noun. You are indeed who you are—a Christian. That’s your nature, and you can’t be at peace unless you’re true to yourself.

Hungry Like The Wolf

Steve-Oh — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 12:16:11 -0800

Over the past couple of weeks I have had my head in several different books. While I was reading one book in-particular I came across an amazing story of how the Eskimos sometimes deal with predatory wolves. What the Eskimos will do to protect their family is someone will go out and hunt down a rabbit or squirrel. The hunter then takes a two-edged knife and dips it into the animals blood. They then allow the blood to freeze on the knife blade. Once the blood is frozen they then bury the handle of the knife in the ground firmly and leave the blood covered blade exposed.

During the night, a wolf will get a wiff of the blood in the air and locate where the sent is coming from. Once the sent is located the wolf begins to lick the blade. The frozen blood and ice cold blade begin to numb the wolf's tongue as he continues to lick. After a few licks the wolf slices his tongue on the blade and begins to taste his own warm blood. Numb to the pain the wolf begins to lick harder and faster. Without realizing a thing the wolf slices his tongue to shreds. By the time the wolf realizes what has happened, too much damage has been done and he slowly bleeds to death.

I must admit my stomach turned a little when I originally read this story. I would say this is pretty accurate description of what happens to us when we look at porn. You may have started off with things like Maxim,Stuff or Victoria Secret catalog. As beginners we get a taste of the high impact pleasure and slowly start to integrate fantasies, images, and desires into everyday thoughts and behaviors. Eventually you are into hard-core porn and trying to find someone other than your spouse on Craigslist to meet for sex. You guys know what I am talking about. I hear it all the time. Sex with my wife does not seem as exciting as what I see on dvd or over the net.You think you can find that thrill with someone else. Well bubba let me tell you something. YOU ARE NOT GOING TO FIND IT! You think you may have found it but as you continue down this path of destruction you will get numb to what gets you off and move on to something else. Just as the wolf slowly died, so is your ability to have a meaningful,loving intimate relationship with your wife and family.Porn by its very nature isolates an individual-making him more intent on satisfying selfish needs even at the expense of his marriage, family, financial stability, and career.

We can't change our past, we can change our future. In the upcoming days or even hours you will face many moments of decision. Sexual temptation is dangerous. What starts as a thought will turn into a look, followed by lingering thoughts, which can quickly become actions. Be careful this week and don't allow yourself to become numb to the sexual dangers around you. It maybe flirting in the office, watching something you know you shouldn't, getting on websites searching for sex dates. You need to make up your mind now that you are going to make the right decisions. Deal with each one at a time. When the battles come...WIN!

Steve Oh
LoveJesus.LovePeople

War Of My Life

Steve-Oh — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 08:38:34 -0800

After hearing all the rants about John Mayer's interview with Playboy I wanted to read it for myself. I was not at all shocked at John's answers. Todays culture is filled with sexuality. We have porn but we also have all the shows and music that reference sex. We have the internet and our phones were we "sext" each other. I will have to give John an "A+" for honesty. Most of us would have just stumbled around the questions. I want to take some time and discuss some of John's answers.

One of the first things John said about porn is "I am a self-soother...BTW pornography? It's the new synaptic pathway. You wake up in the morning,open a thumbnail page, and it leads to a Pandora's box of visuals. There have probably been days when I saw 300 vaginas before I got out of bed." John said he is a self-soother. I would call that selfish. I am not trying to be hard on the guy but that is one of the ways porn affects us. It forces you to be selfish. When you are watching porn or looking at 300 vaginas you have started a process that will not be over until you "release the tension." It would be safe to say that this release is a solo effort 99.9% of the time.

John went on to talk about how porn effects relationships. He said "You’re looking for the one photo out of 100 you swear is going to be the one you finish to, and you still don’t finish. Twenty seconds ago you thought that photo was the hottest thing you ever saw, but you throw it back and continue your shot hunt and continue to make yourself late for work. How does that not affect the psychology of having a relationship with somebody? It’s got to". John is telling the truth. We can't stop with one photo. I know before in the past when I have looked a porn I would see something I liked and thought to myself you know I bet if I keep looking I can find something that I like better. Could your relationships end up the same way? I have someone I love now but wait a minute I think I like what I see over there better. Should I gamble and see what happens? This sounds too much like an unhealthy lifestyle. Never satisfied with anyone or anything. John even said that at times when the porn is not enough and he will make up back stories in his mind. He also said about relationships that "When I meet somebody, I’m in a situation in which I can’t run it because another person is involved. That means letting someone else talk, not waiting for them to remind you of something interesting you had in mind". This comment came after he was talking about having unbelievable orgasms on his own. He said "they always end the way you want them to end", yet another selfish comment. Mayer also admitted to running a filmstrip in his head during sex. In his own words he is more comfortable in his imagination than with actually human discovery. Sexual relationships are more than just the motions. Healthy relationships are tough and take time and effort on both parts. No matter how busy you two are, there is always an excitement when you do something together, when you share your precious time. Play a sport, eat at a restaurant, watch your favorite movies together. You will feel the magic of love and connection that you have with each other.

What can we learn from Mr.Mayer other than some killer guitar skills? Class we see that pornography is misleading and can be dangerous to current and future relationships. We have learned that porn is self serving.Experts say men who frequently view porn may develop unrealistic expectations of women's appearance and behavior, have difficulty forming and sustaining relationships and feeling sexually satisfied. A recent study also shows that 30% of porn viewers (magazines,movies,internet) admit to sexual behavior that disrupts their lives. Men become like computers, unable to be stimulated by the human beings beside them just like John said "when I meet somebody, I'm in a situation I cannot run..". In a 2003 study (I know it is 7 years old) two-thirds of 350 divorce lawyers said that the internet played a role in divorces in the past year (2003) with excessive interest in online porn contributing to to more than half of such cases. One lawyer said in the study that "pornography had an almost nonexistent role in divorce seven or eight years ago." I guarantee the stats from this survey have drastically changed in the last 7 years. How is porn affecting your life? How is it affecting your relationships? How is it affecting your daily life?

I want to leave you with one of the saddest things I read in this interview. Here is part of the actual interview. They were asking him about his album and the changing moods he has on the worst night of his life.

MAYER: Yeah, Battle Studies is that feeling between 10 p.m. and two a.m. when you have this wild level of arousal and optimism. It’s about the things people do to each other during those hours. I have wasted four hours of my life refusing to masturbate and believing that somehow the phone would ring and I’d get a call from somebody I hadn’t talked to in years.

PLAYBOY: The phone will ring and your life will change?

MAYER: Yeah. It’s like looking for a fix. I’ll spend four hours not even putting anything into motion, just believing somehow it’s going to come my way.

John your fix is Jesus. To the men and women reading this your fix is Jesus. Jesus will see you through all your struggles. Not just porn and marital problems he will see you through all of them. He never said that he would make it easy. Life is not easy. Jesus is our advocate John 2:1 says " My dear children, I am writing this to you so that you will not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate who pleads our case before the Father. He is Jesus Christ, the one who is truly righteous." One of my favorite songs is "Thought The Fire" (not by Chaka Khan) this song reminds me that I am not alone in my struggles and you aren't either.

So many times I've questioned certain circumstances
things I could not understand.
Many times in trials, weakness blurs my vision
then my frustration gets so out of hand
its then I am reminded I've never been forsaken.
I've never had to stand the test alone
as I look at all the victories the spirit rises up in me
and its through the fire my weakness is made strong.

chorus:
He never promised that the cross would not get heavy
and the hill would not be hard to climb.
He never offered our victories without fighting
but he said help would always come in time.
Just remember when your standing in the valley of decision
and the adversary says give in
just hold on, our Lord will show up
and he will take you through the fire again.

Steve Oh
LoveJesus.LovePeople

I'm A Liar

Steve-Oh — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 17:41:30 -0800

Just the other day I was listening to the radio and a song came on that I had forgotten about. The song was "Liar" by Henry Rollins. While I was riding down the road rocking out the lyrics began to hit me in the head like a hammer. With phrases like "everything I say is everything you've ever wanted to hear so you drop all your defenses and you drop all your fears and you trust me completely I'm perfect in every way cause I make you feel so strong and so powerful inside you feel so lucky" and in the second verse I believe it is he says "I'll hide behind a smile and understanding eyes and I'll tell you things that you already know so you can say I really identify with you, so much and all the time that you're needing me is just the time that I'm bleeding you
don't you get it yet?" Powerful! When it comes to sexual purity and pornography are we really honest? Do you tell your wife or girlfriend about your Internet or dvd adventures or do you tell them what they want to hear?

When it comes to lying I am reminded of King David in 2 Samuel as he embarks down a dark path. During this time King David had sent all of his men into battle. Here is where I believe the problems begin. David should have been on the battlefield with his men. Instead he was at home just hanging around. Isn't that how it starts most of the time for us? David, I assume was bored. I say this because the scripture says that "when evening came David arose from his bed and walked around on the roof of the king's house". Ok it is evening and David is just getting out of bed. His men are fighting for their lives and here David is sleeping all day. Who can relate? While David was roaming around he saw from his roof a woman bathing (naked) and she was HOT! David was now David the lusting voyeur. He thought to himself I need to find out who this women is. So David sent and inquired about the women. David soon found out that her name was Bathsheba the wife yes wife of Uriah. Long story short David sent for Bathsheba. By the time he learned that she was married,remember David had already let lust get its nasty little hooks into his heart, and his lustful desire outweighed his good sense and integrity.Lust can do that to a person -- yes, even you, if you allow it to dwell long enough. The bible goes on to say the did the deed and then she later sent word that she was pregnant.

When David found this out he did like most of us would do. He tried to cover up his sin and shift the responsibility to someone else. David called Uriah back from battle and told him to go home and wash his feet. Uriah did not go home. He slept at the door of the king's house. When David heard of this he asked Uriah "Why did you not go home?" Uriah answered "My men are camping in open fields. Why should I go to my house eat, drink and have sex with my wife? Uriah just told him "I ain't doing it." David sent word back to Joab, the leader of the king's army, to put Uriah in a place where he would be killed. Although he did not know why the king had ordered Uriah's death, Joab obeyed his king's command, probably under the assumption that the king had good reason, and that perhaps Uriah had somehow been disloyal to the kingdom.After Uriah was killed David brought Bathsheba in to be his wife. David thought he was safe. The only living person who knew the entire truth and could testify against him was Bathsheba, and and her silence was probably motivated by fear for her own life. There also were some men who served the king, who had partial knowledge, but they remained loyal to the king -- even when he was wrong -- and were probably compensated for their silence. All of his bases were covered -- or so he thought. He only overlooked one small detail: you can't hide your heart from God.

The story goes on but I am going to stop here. The lies we tell always end up catching up with us. I remember when I was a kid and lied about many things. There was one time when I was in middle school and I got some progress reports sent home because my grades weren't so hot. Mom asked me if I got any and I told her "No!" When it came time for the progress reports to be returned I didn't turn them back in . Of course the teacher called home and told mom and dad that I got one. I was a nervous wreck for days. I had this pain in the pit of my stomach.The guilt was killing me and that was over a progress report. Imagine how David felt he was covering up adultery,pregnancy and murder. The same thing happens when we cover up porn. The guilt builds up as we are consuming it.The more we lie the easier it becomes. We begin to figure out how to lie about more things. How many of you hide the cable bill when you have rented porn? Do you have a post office box or email address your wife does not know about? What are you lying about?

Do yourself and your family a favor. Stop lying now! Now is the easiest time to do it. You wont believe how free you will feel and how much easier it will be to overcome porn when you are honest about it. A wise man once said "I cannot tell a lie." Make that your motto today.

In closing here are a few verses on lying..

Psalms 31:18
Let their lying lips be silenced,
for with pride and contempt
they speak arrogantly against the righteous.

Psalm 52:2-4
Your tongue plots destruction; it is like a sharpened razor, you who practice deceit. You love evil rather than good, falsehood rather than speaking the truth. Selah. You love every harmful word, O you deceitful tongue!

Psalm 119:29
Keep me from deceitful ways; be gracious to me through your law.

Proverbs 12:22
The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful.

Proverbs 12:19
Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue lasts only a moment.

Steve Oh
LoveJesus.LovePeople

White as Snow

Jimmy Smuda — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 15:32:15 -0800

This past winter in NYC we were blanketed with almost a foot and a half of snow. My daughter and I went out to play in the easily pack able snow. It was pristeen white. Beautiful, not a blemish, not walked upon (and thankfully no yellow snow). We began to make huge snow balls and throw them around.

We found a spot by the curb where snow began melting, and obviously it was slush. Muddy, dirty, nasty slush. So we began throwing the pure white snow into the nasty mess. Then we began something very very unique. We stopped throwing the boulder sized snow into the dirty nasty water. We began gently placing the boulder sized snow into the murky water.

A fascinating thing occurs. What ends up happening is the dirty water slowly begins moving its way up the snow. Depending on the size of the snow ball, depended on rate the murky water completely engulfed the beautiful snow. If it was a bigger snow ball, it took longer, if it was a small snow ball, it took seconds (side note: this is a great analogy to use with kids on how sin can slowly take over)

The bible says this in Psalms 51:7 as a prayer “Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; Wash me, and I shall be whiter then snow”. Hyssop is defined as a small bushy plant of the mint family. A wild shrub. The prayer of the Psalmist here is that God would wash him whiter then snow. Have you ever seen snow in an open field, untouched, so white that it was almost blinding? That should be our prayer.

Sometimes what we do is we pray out of this guilt of the action. We don’t want God to necessarily wash us, we want Him to merely forgive us, and move us past our guilt. This is the way the slow process of the murky water can devour us. Slowly. Because were not looking to be “purged”. Were looking for God to “just’ say its OK. Which He does. But true, honest, victory will come, when our hearts say enough, and our souls cry for to be restored to the whiteness which God desired them to be.

Keep fighting

Jimmy

Monkeys,Chickens and Dolphins Oh My!

Steve-Oh — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 08:27:17 -0800

Hurry please! Someone call PETA because today millions upon millions of animals will be viciously assaulted. A recent report shows that the animal assaults are up, especially when it comes to dolphin flogging, monkey spanking and chicken choking. An intelligence report shows that these crimes are being committed by one handed terrorists. The shocking part is they believe 95% of the worlds population is part of this one handed terror cell.

Ok..you got me don't call PETA. The other day I heard someone make the comment about spanking the monkey and I told him I was calling PETA. Of course I knew what they were referring to. Masturbation. There I said it! Masturbation,masturbation,masturbation. Why does the church hide from this subject?Why is it such a "touchy" subject? (pun intended) I get frequent questions from youth about masturbation being a sin.The church talks about adultery, fornication and marriage why not masturbation?

Today we talk about masturbation.Is masturbation a sin? There is no where in the bible that says don't masturbate. What we need to do is break the situation down. We have to get in the scripture and find the principles related to sexual issues and apply them to masturbation.

God created sex.He created it for procreative purposes,intimacy purposed for husband and wife. God designed sex and we were created with sexual urges.His desire for us is to use them in the way they were created to be used.Lets go back to childhood for a minute. Remember the seesaw? The seesaw is designed for 2 people on one each end working together. Have you ever attempted to seesaw by yourself? It just don't work. It may be fun for a minute or two but after that you realize that I need someone else if I am going to make this work. In layman's terms you can't play with yourself. God knows that sex is powerful in creating intimacy and there had to be some constraints on how it was to be used. He said to save sex for marriage. Sex is a good thing! The only way to keep it a "good thing" is to follow God's guidelines.

People say that masturbation it a relief of sexual pressure.It will only relieve those desires for a short period of time. As time goes on you are creating a deeper desire for sex which will lead to more masturbation. You will be enslaved to a sexual high. As a result I can guarantee you will be using other things than your hand to get the job done. Why do you think there is such a huge market for self stimulating devices.In John 8:34 Jesus declares that all who sin become a slave to sin. Once again is masturbation a sin? What are you thinking about when you are masturbating. I doubt very seriously your mind is blank. The bible teaches us that we are not to look lustfully at each other. Job said "I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl. Then Jesus really breaks it down for us in Matthew saying "You have heard that it was said,Do not commit adultery.But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart"

Sexual immorality begins with a thought.These thoughts can come from anywhere. You don't have to be looking at porn for these thoughts to come on all you need to do is walk through the mall and pass the window at Victoria Secrets,stand in line at the grocery store looking at the magazine covers,and you have to admit to these next two even National Geographic and the bra and pantie section of JC Penny catalog. We were kids once. You know what I am talking about. If we don't deal with our thoughts our thoughts will take up resident in our heart. 1 Cor. 6:18 says, "Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body.The Greek word for "immorality" is porneia which means illicit sexual intercourse.The English word "pornography" is derived from this Greek word. (I stole that one, I am not that smart)

God never demands the impossible from us. We are so weak within ourselves that it may seem impossible, but He will equip us with His holy power to overcome any sin, if we ask in faith. In our weakness we tend to say that God tempted me. God does not temp us the book of James says "Don't let anyone under pressure that gives into evil say, "God is trying to trip me up." God is impervious to evil, and puts evil in no one's way. The temptation to give in to evil comes from us and only us. We have no one to blame but the leering, seducing flare-up of our own lust. Lust gets pregnant, and has a baby: sin! Sin grows up to adulthood, and becomes a real killer." (Message) There is also good news for you when you are tempted the bibles says "but when you are tempted,he will also provide a way out so that you can stand under it."

With all that said is masturbation a sin? The bible does not say but, it does say the things that go along with masturbation are sin. The goal of the Christian life is to be pure in your thoughts and actions. Masturbation under certain circumstances may not be sinful, but the desire to remain sexually pure and holy should move you to avoid it. Giving into masturbation can have some serious spiritual consequences and mastering your body and mind can bring spiritual benefits.1 Thessalonians 4 "Learn to appreciate and give dignity to your body, not abusing it, as is so common among those who know nothing of God." Don't give up. Self-control takes time and effort. You may slip from time to time but remember Jesus loves you and he will be faithful to you. You will win! Just as salvation is received by faith so is deliverance. He is faithful in what he has promised.

Steve Oh
LoveJesus.LovePeople

Piece of Me

Steve-Oh — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 18:37:29 -0800

This weeks blog is going to be a little different.I hear from people all the time who are hurting and reaching out. Many times I will respond back via email and try to give some words of encouragement. Most of the time the advice I give was given to me during my times of struggle.Instead of trying to come up with come catchy title and theme I decided to share some things from my life. Events that have led me to where I am today.

When I was age 9 I was sexually abused by someone in the church. This guy would show us pornographic material and abuse us.It wouldn't always be at the same time.Sometimes he would just show us pictures and other times it would get physical.To this day I cant get some of the images our of my mind. But that would not be the first time I encountered porn. It was about a year before in elementary school. My best friend's dad and older brothers had a stash. My friend would go in and rip out a few pages fold them up and smuggle them into school. They were always hidden in the inside pocket of his Members Only jacket. Then at recess we would head to this huge tree away from the teacher and he would pull out this torn,folded and worn out picture. All we could do is giggle and laugh. But one thing was certain even at that young age. I wanted more. It was up to our friend to smuggle newer pictures in. The guys loved recess. As the years passed and I grew older I still struggled with wanting to see more naked bodies. I believe that some of this desire came from the abuse. As time moved on in my teen years I can remember me and my buddies going to the video store looking through all the movies trying to figure out which ones might have nudity. We got pretty good at it. Even if it was nothing more that a boob shot we wanted it. I remember another time me and a bunch of my buddies when to one of our friends house and spent the night. His parents were on vacation so we had the house to ourselves. We ordered pizza and he pulled out all his dads x-rated movies. We stayed up all night watching them.I thought porn was nothing more than just a fun guys activity. Watching porn led to wanting to see the real things.By the age 18 just looking at magazines and watching movies wasn't enough. I wanted to see the real deal. From that point on we started going to strip clubs. I thought I was the stuff. Here I am looking like Paul Blart thinking these women had the hots for me and my buddies. They only had the hots for us as long as we had the money. What started off as a one time look on the school playground had turned into more. What was next? Who knows.

I could go into so much more, but I am not. I don't want you to think that I am proud of my actions. I am not, I'm ashamed! Just like many of you. I have had a false sense of what sex is suppose to be like. Women were objects for pleasure and that was it. I am happy to say that I have learned so much over the years. What have I learned you ask? That is an easy answer. I have learned that I can do nothing on my own. I have tried so many times. I can only over come my struggles through a relationship with Jesus. Jesus has helped take away my desires. But I have have had to do some work too. I have had to take responsability for my actions. The bible talks about this in 2 Peter when it says "For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge;and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins". It does not say that Jesus will fix it all. Although he will help it says "make every effort to add to your faith". How can we help ourselves? We put measures in place to insure that we don't look at porn.Put your computer in the family room, download programs like X3 Watch or Safe Eyes.Have people hold you accountable.Get rid of any movies and magazines you may have. Don't just put them away in a box. Destroy them before they destroy you and your family. Find a good church get involved. There are a lot of really good churches out there that are not afraid to tackle the issues of sex and pornography. I have a lot to say about churches being afraid to cover those issues but I will save that for another blog.

I want you to know that I pray daily for those who struggle with porn addiction. I know your stuggles. To go along with the stories above my father lost his church due to a struggle with pornography. God has restored him. My prayer for him is that one day he will be able to share his story with you guys.I hope I have written somethings that you can relate to and use in your own life.

Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the LORD with all your heart,and do not rely on your own understanding"

Steve Oh

LoveJesus.LovePeople

Words Of MLK

Steve-Oh — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 06:38:26 -0800

Pornography affects everyone. It does not discriminate against race, creed, sex or national origin. Porn doesn't care if you are young or old, handicap, gay or straight. Porn crosses all barriers. The porn industry makes nearly $97 billion a year worldwide. The industry has made these profits off films that cater to the desires or many. This money has come from the richest white man to the poorest black man. It attacks our natural desire for sex. The industry knows and understands our desires better than we do. They are pumping films and websites out as fast as they can. That is why there are over 4.2 million pornographic websites up today. Over 100 new websites will be launched before I finish this blog.

Every year on the third Monday of January we celebrate the life of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. During this day we are to remember his fight for freedom, equality, and dignity of all races. Dr. King made the statement that “Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability, but comes through continuous struggle. And so we must straighten our backs and work for our freedom. A man can't ride you unless your back is bent.” This quote is filled with so much truth even when it comes to addiction. We understand that things are not going to change by themselves. Things change when we decide that we have had enough and want out. We cannot stay bent over allowing our addiction to overpower us. We must stand up straight and keep focused on our goal of freedom. Just as Dr. King urged us to be transformed so did the Apostle Paul, in his letter to the Church in Rome, he made the statement that is little heeded in our pleasure oriented, self-centered world. He said, "Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be TRANSFORMED by the renewing of your MIND." This is not a quick fix. Transformation requires something out of you. Notice that the key to transformation is in changing your MIND. You see, this particular problem stems from the fact that you are able view porn as object of your pleasure. Transformation comes by changing your mind on this. The problem is our view point. Being it is football season lets look at it this way. A receiver is down field and about to catch a pass when the safety comes in and fights for the ball. Both men hit the ground and the safety has the ball. One of the referees calls it an interception while the coach on the sidelines saw the ball hit the ground before the safety had possession. The coach then throws his red flag to challenge the call on the field. The ref goes over and looks through his little view finder and sees from a different view point that that the safety did not have possession of the ball and the call on the field is then overturned. We need to do this in our lives. Some people see porn as harmless. That is when we need to throw out the challenge flag, step over to the view finder and see our actions from a different view. See it from our wife or girlfriend’s viewpoint or our kid’s viewpoint. Sometimes we have to see things from a different angle so we can begin transforming our minds to a different way of thinking. "If we are to go forward, we must go back and rediscover those precious values - that all reality hinges on moral foundations and that all reality has spiritual control." MLK

The battle of addiction is tough. We can’t do it alone. Ecclesiastes 4:9 says that “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work” We have a great benefit when we work together through support, encouragement, and strengthening one another. On this day of remembrance of Dr. King let us not forget that we are all created in the image of God. All of us are a fallen people. That porn affects us all. If porn has a hold on you I urge you to get help today. Take the first step, “Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the staircase." MLK

The Cleansing

Jimmy Smuda — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 19:31:02 -0800

Read anything in Leviticus. Preferably Leviticus 14 for reference before reading this article

OK, so you've done the deed. Maybe Internet, maybe you have your secret stash of DVDs (or you’re a lot older and still own the... gulp VHS) Now what? Most of us know exactly what’s running through our minds. "Again! I did it, AGAIN"! So now what do we do? Here we have made yet another promise to stop.

We've turned our heads when they needed turning. We turned the channel when it needed turning. Most importantly we thought we turned our hearts when they needed turning. But here we are again, in our weakness.

So where does one go from here? Let me tell you what helped me. When I was a teen (say 17) I began to hate porn. But I couldn't win. I tried alone and of course failed. I then hated the failing more then I hated the porn. So now I have the hate of failing, and the hate of porn, which led to of course, the absolute hate of me. I realized I couldn't help myself, if I hated myself. I knew I had a plan on my life and kept hearing that God forgives, and has even bigger plans for me then I could imagine. I wanted these plans. I knew I hindered these plans if I kept falling.

So THIS was my foray into Leviticus particularly chapter 14. It talked about the infectious skin diseased person desiring to be healed. Now I knew I didn't have a infectious disease, nor was I going to find a lamb to sacrifice (before you feel the need to correct, may I say it for you. JESUS! There, enough said).

I did know however I had a disease, and I needed a cure (and cowbell was not an option at that point). So I began a silly cleansing process that I really believe was pivotal in my healing. When I "did the deed per say, I felt immediate shame. Instead of wallowing in that shame, I immediately ran to daddy. I didn't hide from him. I didn't run from him, I ran to him.

I brought my gift of immediate repentance. I then would jump in the shower. I would then go through a pseudo cleansing of myself. Time after time I would symbolically wash myself clean. I would take that shower time to pray, and speak my heart to God of how much I hated my own weakness. I would cleanse myself completely. It was a modern day Leviticus experience. The most important thing I would cleanse is my heart.

I would acknowledge that I could not take back the act, yet beg God to remove the visuals. I can say confidently I have been clean for a very long time now (over 10 years). There was a time when I thought that was impossible. I also believe by my act of cleansing showed God my heart continually, and kept me close enough by my efforts, to give him the reason to bestow his grace upon me.

You are beautiful people, and I hope this helped someone.

Be encouraged.

Jimmy

Wisdumb

Steve-Oh — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 11:41:20 -0800

If we are honest with ourselves we are a bunch of know-it-alls. We know everything from how to grill the perfect steak to the best route to take on a trip. We have everything under control. I am talking to myself here too. I tend to get a little arrogant about things from time to time thinking my way is best. If you don't believe me just ask my wife.Why do we think that we know what is best for us? I call this way of thinking WISDUMB. Wisdumb is our selfish mindset fueled by our selfish desires. I repeat wisdumb us our selfish mindset fueled by our selfish desires. The bible tells us in Proverbs that "God gives out Wisdom free,is plainspoken in Knowledge and Understanding.
He's a rich mine of Common Sense for those who live well,a personal bodyguard to the candid and sincere."(Message version)

When it comes to the issue of pornography. We think we can handle it. Because come on who knows us better than us right? We are in control. The movie or chat room can be shut off anytime we choose. We got this! Dude, we don't have this! That is our problem we think we have it all under control. We KNOW-IT-ALL! It says in Proverbs 3 (message version) "Trust God from the bottom of your heart;don't try to figure out everything on your own.Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;he's the one who will keep you on track.Don't assume that you know it all.Run to God! Run from evil!Your body will glow with health your very bones will vibrate with life!" Those verses are full of truth. One of the things that I think stands out here is the part where it says "your body will glow with health." How is that you ask? When porn is the issue or any other addiction you have guilt. There is a news story my wife and I have been following over that last year and a half about a murdered young wife and mother. The police had no leads. The husband was a nice looking clean cut business type guy. Just the other day they picked him up and charged him with murder. I didn't recognize him from the picture. He had let himself go his hair was nasty, he just looked bad. Why did he look bad? GUILT! Guilt will destroy you mentally and physically. That is why we need to step back and re-evaluate our situation. We need to let God take control. While I am on a roll in the book of Proverbs I will also hit you with this verse that fits right in "God's wisdom will rescue you from the Temptress— that smooth-talking Seductress." It also goes on to say "Discretion will watch over you, and understanding will guard you, rescuing you from the way of evil from the one who says perverse things,[from] those who abandon the right paths to walk in ways of darkness,[from] those who enjoy doing evil and celebrate perversity,whose paths are crooked,and whose ways are devious."

This is a new year many of you have made resolutions to quit looking at pornography for good. That is a great goal. I applaud you and celebrate your decision. What I want you to know is that we cannot do this through our own WISDUMB we need guidance from above. We need the WISDOM of our heavenly Father who wants nothing but the best for us. In James it says "we should be quick to listen,slow to speak." As I said in the beginning we think that we are the kings of knowledge. We know something about everything and want people to be quick to listen to us. We just need to sit down, shut up and listen to the knowledge and wisdom that God has for us.

Steve Oh
LoveJesus.LovePeople

Rules Of Engagement

Steve-Oh — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 18:44:12 -0800

I am willing to bet a ton of cash that quite a few of you guys out there proposed to your lady over the Christmas holiday. You went out spent I believe it is 2 months salary on a ring, planned an extravagant proposal over a romantic dinner or under the Christmas tree. There are a million scenarios here but you get the picture. Now I want to ask you a question. Are you prepared to get married? Really, are you ready?

I have read numerous blogs and talked with several women over the years and there is one common theme when it comes to porn and marriage. That is your future wife (fiance) finds out you look at porn, she asks you to stop because it makes her feel miserable. The guy always says "I will quit, I promise" those are mostly empty words. When we make those empty promises it begins to cast doubts on our promise of fidelity. If we continue to consume porn after marriage it violates the exclusiveness of the marriage commitment. It says in Hebrews 13:4 "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral." Viewing Internet pornography or engaging in cybersex or porn in any form is a short step to taking cheating to the next level.Marriage is just not about sex and as I have stated before sex is very emotional to women. They want to be the apple of your eye, your princess, your one and only. When you are sitting in the next room with your wanker in your hand how do you think that makes her feel? Something that was created to be beautiful and intimate has turned into her feeling like some advanced blow up doll that is only good for one thing if that. She already feels inadequate, you are just adding to her grief. Porn is a dangerous thing to bring into a marriage or even relationship. Porn is not reality! It is fantasy!What you see on the screen is not what you are going to see in the bedroom. When you are focused on your wife and willing to meet her needs physically and emotionally your life in the bedroom will be so much better than any movie you can shake a stick at (pun intended).If you are about to get married and look at porn..give it up NOW! I am talking to single,married, all guys!

I am not in any way a marriage counselor or claim to know it all. I am just a guy who has leared from my mistakes and from mistakes of others. If you are a husband or engaged here are a few things a pastor I respect alot had to say about how to honor your wife/future wife..

Honor her maritally. Take a wife honorably. Establish right priorities, and be a one woman man—absolutely faithful to your wife.

Honor her physically. Be strong for your wife, not against her. Be protective of her and present with her.

Honor her emotionally. Be emotionally present and intimate. Take her on dates.

Honor her verbally. Speak honorably to her. Speak honorably of her, when she is present and absent.

Honor her financially. Provide for the financial needs of your family, organize your budget, and be generous towards your wife.

Honor her practically. Consider her needs and how you can serve her.

Honor her parentally. Be “Pastor Dad” by shepherding your children (praying with them, teaching them about Jesus, reading the Bible with them, etc.).

Honor her spiritually. You initiate and lead prayer, Bible, chats, church attendance, etc. Take responsibility for your church.

Until next time

Steve Oh
LoveJesus.LovePeople

I'll Be Home For Christmas

Steve-Oh — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 10:48:58 -0800

Over the next week or so many of us will be off work and spending more time at home. With more time at home and possibly more time to ourselves we may see more opportunities to look at porn. You need to start now planning your days in advance. We all know the saying about "idle hands". I know some guys who need to plan ahead. Why? Because they can't handle being alone with the computer or their phone. One of the other things that can get us over the Christmas season is the gifts that people get. Lets be honest here for a minute, we as men are going to at times revert back to being a 14 year old boy. We are going to see how far we can take some of our gifts. I remember one year I got a BB gun for Christmas. The gun was designed to be pumped up to 10 times then fired. What did I do? After about the first hour I decided that I could pump it 15 times then 20 and so on. Eventually I would put so much air in it I could hardly get the pump to go back. Unfortunately the same things will happen this year. But it wont be the BB gun, its going to be all the electronic gadgets that we get or that our kids get. Some of the gaming systems that you hook up to the Internet. Someone will wait till their family is in bed go to the living room and see if they can pull up porn with the XBOX or the Playstation and yes even the Wii. While we are on the subject of gaming systems. Last year some friends of mine got a deal on a Nintendo Wii from the pawn shop. They gave it to their kids. One day his wife came in the room and the kids were looking at porn. They had no idea what they were looking at but their mom shut it down and waited to dad to come home. When dad got home he took the Wii and found that the hard drive was full of porn. It can be done. As far as other gifts go we have cell phones that can pick up porn, mp3 players that can have porn flicks downloaded, and it can even be a simple as a pornographic card someone received they want you to see. It will be everywhere.

This Christmas season remember, don't put yourself in situations that you know maybe hazardous to your recovery process. You know which family member is going to try and show you something you don't need to see. You also know your limitations during alone time. Keep your self in check. While you are home for Christmas keep yourself safe, accountable, and most of all porn free.

I wish you a very Merrry Christmas!

Steve Oh

LoveJesus.LovePeople

How To More Then Conquer

Jimmy Smuda — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 06:46:24 -0800

Every read the scripture in Romans chapter 8 that said we are “more then conquerors “. Now think about that and wrap your tiny little brain around it. “More then conquerors”. Because being a conqueror isn’t enough? Why would I need to be more then a conqueror? Isn’t being a conquerors enough in itself? Apparently not.

See as men we can conquer “moments”. We can conquer a “situation’. We can be horny as all get out and still not give into pornography for that ‘moment’. We have in essence conquered a moment. But, we may not be prepared to be more then conquerors. We may look at a woman (and or man) lustfully, not allow our mind to wander extensively and say to ourselves we have conquered that moment. Then 2 days later completely fall flat on our faces, drowning in our own lustful thoughts, actions and perversions.

So how does one become more then conquer? Is it a pill? Is it “another” rule? So many people search the scriptures, not searching for answers, but searching for another rule to abide by, or another “do or don’t” list to follow. Yet they are not searching for the root of who they are in scriptures. Right after it says “we are more then conquerors” the beauty lies in the following words. “Through Him who loved us”.

There will not be a pill; there will not be a sermon, a conference, a book, or an author who will reveal the “magic secret” of how to quit an addiction to pornography. No pastor, no friend, no spouse can give you the final answer that puts you over the edge to complete victory. All these things are simply “help mates” (and much needed might I add).

Complete victory comes when we can say we are more then conquerors, and being more then a conquerors is understanding we can only be such a thing when we realize it is only through Him who loves us.

God loves you, and has given you the power to be more then a conqueror.
Keep fighting

Jimmy Smuda

Validate Me

Steve-Oh — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 09:21:51 -0800

Question! Why do men risk everything for sexual gratification? Some people say its just " a man being a man". That is just a lame excuse to keep from dealing with the issue at hand. There is a long list of men that are wealthy, powerful, successful, you know the types with out me calling any names. You have seen them on TV making apologies to family and friends for their mistakes. Some of these men have lost everything just for what I refer to as self validation.

Lets start from the beginning. All men need to be validated in some way, shape, or form. We validate ourselves on the things we accomplish. Every man wants to be a HERO! We want to be applauded and cheered for a job well done. We don't like losing and being dismissed. If we want to be a HERO and get the applause then why is there so many lonely women and fatherless children in the world? It goes back to validation. We feel that sometimes we are failures as a husbands and fathers. So we go and self medicate ourselves with selfish and destructive behavior. To most men sex is a source of power and it gives us proof that we are masculine. When we are sitting at our computers watching the women on the screen we don't have to take time to interact with them, find out their needs. Do you really want to know a womens needs and take the time to meet them? I read an article recently and the author said this talking about sex "women need a reason, men just need a place." How true is that! Our places tend to be in front of the TV, computer, or at the strip clubs and brothels. Why? Because we are taking the our self worth and validating ourselves with some stranger who has no emotional ties to us. They don't care if you had a bad day at work or your child just failed the 7th grade. They are with you as long as you have a dollar. In short we don't have to worry about communication. We are afraid of what we may hear and have to deal with. It kills us to hear our failures or our shortcomings. This is why the porn industry is as big as it is. Guys, we are letting our need for sex validate us as men. You all know this. If you have ever been to a strip club you know you can be the ugliest and smelliest guy on the plant but when you enter the club you are "studly Dudley" as long as you have the money you are the hottest thing sense Matt Damon (side note I don't think guys are hot). You get my drift.They make you feel that it is all about you and nothing else matters.

Self validation is dangerous! Our validation should come from Christ. I want MORE than God's love. Everybody has that. I want God's FAVOR. I want to be and do the things that will please God SO much, He will find favor with me! I know He loves me and no one can ever take that away, but to REALLY touch His heart by what I do! That's the ultimate joy and treasure to me. You can get the same from every aspect of your life. Take time to find out your wife's needs and meet them. Let your wife know you love and cherish her. When it comes to your kids the same applies.This will take sacrifice of maybe your time and things you want to do. When it came to David, in 2 Samuel 24:24-25, David wanted to offer the LORD a burnt offering, but he wanted to make sure it was a true sacrifice on his part. So, he bought an entire threshing floor and offered many offerings there. This action caused God to favor David, and hold back a plague on the land.

Last , hold your self to a higher standard. Have integrity. "The LORD has rewarded me according to my righteousness; according to the cleanness of my hands He has recompensed me." Living with integrity is easier than living a deceitful life. While making unethical decisions is often easier in the short term, it eventually takes its toll. There’s no real happiness to be found in struggling to remember your lies, living in fear of getting caught, and not feeling like you truly earned your reward. Living with integrity brings wholeness and peace. Your conscience can rest easy, and you can look at yourself in the mirror with pride.

The journey towards an accomplishment or decision is just as important as the destination itself. Even if you are richly rewarded at the end, if you cannot look back on the means used to get there with anything but shame, your victory will be hollow indeed.

I want to leave you with one of my favorite verses "Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around you like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. RESIST HIM, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers are undergoing the same kind of sufferings." 1 Peter 5: 8-9

Steve Oh

Love Jesus.Love People

Porn and Purity's Promise(s)

Jimmy Smuda — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 19:35:17 -0800

There are many things pornography promises. Pornography can promise a temporary satisfaction. Pornography can promise fantasy. Pornography can even promise an escape from realism. It can promise for that one very moment you can leave all your cares behind, and concentrate on that one distraction. The kids screaming? Gone! The wife nagging? Gone! All in one instant, pornography can promise these things. Job sucks? Not at that very moment, why? Because porn has held true to it’s promise. It has given you the escape you were looking for.

However there’s a flip side. There is another promise. Purity’s promise. Purity’s promise is beautiful. Purity in all its intent and purpose can also promise satisfaction, but the difference is purity’s promise is not temporal, it is not fleeting. Purity’s promise remains! It’s consistent, concise, and beautiful. Where the promises of porn are self serving, the promises of purity are self disciplining. The promises of porn are reactionary, and the promises of purity are proactive. There is no control of your own what so ever in the promises of porn. The promises of porn hold zero value.

Every time I make a promise to one of my children they hound me about that promise. Why? Because they know the value in the commitment of a promise from daddy. They understand if dad promised it to us, it holds its weight in gold. We all live by particular promises. What promises are you committing to? Here’s the deal breaker. The promises of porn are easy, the promises of purity are very difficult.

It’s easy to commit to something that will allow you a temporary escape. However real men don’t take the easy way out. They commit to a promise that not only benefits them, but the loved ones they are surrounded by. Purity’s promise is a promise of a better life for not only you, but to those loved ones around you.

Get Well Soon

Steve-Oh — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 18:33:37 -0800

Over the past several months my blogs have been about getting help and gaining control of porn addiction. I felt that it was time to address the men who are working hard at beating this addiction, give a word of encouragement. I was going to use something my pastor had said about his time in the hospital recently but the Lord with his sense of humor said Steve-Oh I'm gonna let you live it first hand. Last week I was in the hospital diagnosed with A-fib which simply means an irregular heartbeat. I was in the ER part of the day then ended up in ICU for the night and half the next day. I was told somethings that I didn't want to hear. I have to make some changes in my lifestyle. I have to take medication to keep my heart in a normal rhythm and I also have to shed some pounds. I now have a daily routine and diet I have to follow or I will not succeed with keeping a normal heart rhythm and end up with more problems than I want. I am going to have to focus on the plan the doctors have laid out for me and stick to it.

If you are in some kind of program or taking a course like X3 Pure. Stay at it! I am sure sometimes it gets boring and there are other things you want to do. I know after a week I am already getting tired of the diet food. But it is what I have to do to keep me functioning. You also need to make sure your accountability partner is holding you accountable. Are they asking you the tough questions? If not, find some one who will and keep the accountability lines open. Last keep your boundaries. You know what they are. You know ahead of time if something is going to cause you to stumble. Don't let it get the best of you! You are on the right track to recovery. Its like the song by Billy Ocean "when the going gets tough the tough get going". Keep your head up and your spirits high. It says in the book of Psalms "God is our refuge and strength" if you depend on him he will see you through. I have a good friend and accountability partner who is going through some of the same things you are. I am happy to say he has been PORN FREE for 73 days now. He will tell you its not easy. But he says I have made it this far and I am not going to screw up my 73 days for a few minutes of selfless pleasure. I believe in you and know that you can do this! Here are a few of my favorite quotes that help me when I some encouragement...

"When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place." Unknown Author

"If you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down. " Mary Pickford

and my very favorite...

"If you're going through hell, keep going. " Winston Churchill

Just keep going!!

Steve-Oh

Love Jesus/Love People

Keep It Real

J. Michael Smith — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 19:35:53 -0800

I want to be honest with you guys. We like to deal with things on a surface level. It’s like washing the outside of the car, but knowing that there is food all between the seats, and trash everywhere inside. There is nothing more embarrassing than being caught in the act of something. Picking your nose, pulling out a wedgie, or scrambling to change the radio or TV when someone has barged in on you can be very uncomfortable. We are very quick to say we are sorry. We make promises as often as the sun rises and sets. But nothing changes. Why? Because we don’t think that whatever we were caught doing was really that bad. Until we try to stop and find that we have lost control.

Supporting a porn habit can be very costly. It is easy to become disgusted with yourself because it’s not like this is something you do out in the open. It is behind closed doors, closed curtains, secret, secret, secret, hush, hush, hush. It makes you paranoid, always looking over your shoulders, trying to cover your tracks. You can’t look at women properly because you see them as objects instead of flesh and blood human beings with souls and feelings and meaning and purpose.

I remember taking all of my porn (at that time) and burning it in the fireplace as a symbolic gesture to signal a fresh start. I hoped that the ashes that lay in the fireplace were the remainder of my addiction. Sadly, I would open my wallet shortly after that and purchase some new material. The problem was that I only dealt with the surface. I was totally unable to deal with the root problem. I had lost control over this “thing.”

Admit it. Go ahead. You are in over your head. You want out but can’t stop. It is scary. I mean after all we are supposed to be strong and able to do anything we put our minds to. But THIS is the beginning of your breakthrough. No one knows a building better than the architect. Who knows a creation better than the inventor? God has made a way out of this horrible mess through his son Jesus Christ. Forget about all of your bad images of God, church, Jesus etc.

Here is the reality: If you look for God with your whole heart you will find him! He is inviting you to start the path to freedom by trusting him. Hear what He says in the Bible: …..Anyone who wants to approach God must believe both that he exists and that he cares enough to respond to those who seek him (Hebrews 11:6 The Message).

God will respond to a sincere desire to seek him and be set free from this awful habit.
So the first step is? Be honest about where you are. Then ask God to help. He will! “Ask the Savior to help you. Comfort, strengthen, and keep you. He is willing to aid you. He will carry you through!”

Peeling The Onion

Benjamin — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 21:26:13 -0800

I have tried so many things to get rid of a porn addiction. I’ve read countless books, listened to sermons, used online programs, and read hundreds of stories from others that have struggled with the same issues. Every time I try something new, I expect a culminating moment where all desires and memories will be gone for good.

It hasn’t happened. Instead, I have learned that a sexual addiction is like an onion. When you peel off a layer of an onion, there is going to be another layer underneath it that you’re going to have to peel off as well. Studying all of the methods for overcoming this addiction has brought many issues about my self to the surface that I have had to deal with in order to be free. Once I began to work on an issue, I learned something new about my self and my addiction - each time getting one step closer to freedom. This is important to know because I have learned that an addiction to porn really has nothing to do with pornography.

I’ll say it again. An addiction to porn has nothing to do with pornography.

Where there is a fruit, there is a root. Pornography is just the fruit, which means that somewhere there is a root, and often times it has nothing to do with naked bodies or sex. I’ll use my story to try to explain.

My parents weren’t around much when I was growing up. My mother worked a lot, and my father was always working or off pursuing his own demons. Because of that, I developed issues with rejection, feeling like I wasn’t important enough for my parents to spend time with me. Soon I was introduced to pornography, and all of that pain of rejection left. It didn’t matter that my parents didn’t want to pay attention to me or show interest in my life because I had naked women to look at.

Pornography became my way of dealing with rejection. When kids didn’t want to be friends with me at school, porn would make me feel better. When good friends decided to ditch me, porn never left. When girls wouldn’t go out with me, porn was always willing. Because of porn, I was able to ignore the painful feeling of being rejected by everyone.

I’ve taken all the necessary steps to avoid porn. I’ve got filters and accountability. But when something happens to me and I feel rejected, there is still a big piece of me that is desperate for porn to make me feel better. Just like Pavlov’s dog, seeking porn is my conditioned response to pain. I have to allow myself to feel the pain, and to deal with it in a healthy way. When I try to hide my pain, I often create more problems for myself than when I started. The original problem is still there, and now there is additional stuff to deal with because of the unhealthy ways I tried to cover it up.

As I continue to deal with the rejection issues, more and more stuff comes up for me to deal with. I’ve learned that rejection isn’t the only issue that causes me to run to porn. Nobody is perfect, nobody had a perfect childhood and I know that many have had significantly more traumatic experiences than I have. No matter the circumstances, we search for a way to make everything feel okay. Satan looks for the opportunity to sneak in and offer us a counterfeit version of security. For me, and many others, he offered a false sense of freedom through pornography. When I was young I wasn’t aware of this process, only when I took time to dig deep into my addiction and issues did it start to make sense.

The good thing is we have the ability to trace the fruit back to the root and make changes but we can’t do it alone. We have to ask God to replace the feelings of loneliness, rejection, pain, depression, etc… with His truth for our lives. For me, I have believed a lie that I am not really worth liking. Porn temporarily hid the pain of that lie. Today I have to learn God’s truth that says I am loved, that I am chosen, that He knit me in my mothers’ womb, and His thoughts towards me outnumber the many grains of sand or stars in the sky.

You can have Internet filters and the best accountability in the world, but unless you begin to deal with the root issues of why you turned to pornography in the first place, there is always going to be a void in your life - and you will always try to fill it with something else until you fill it with truth.

When was your first experience with pornography? What was going on in your life at the time? Try to remember the how your circumstances, how you felt and where those feelings came from. Look at patterns in your life related to the use of pornography. Is there something familiar about the times when you run towards it? When you slip, what are the common thoughts and feelings you have?

Sometimes the onion is really big and figuring out and dealing with the real heart issues is like pulling off layer after layer and layer. Don’t be surprised by or concerned about how many layers there are - be thankful each time that you are one layer closer to being completely free!

My Own Prison

Steve-Oh — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 19:52:27 -0800

A prisoner is defined as a person confined by any of various restraints, a person deprived of liberty and kept in prison or some other form of custody. Other terms used for prisoner are captive or hostage.Many men become addicted to pornography and lose their freedom. We feel trapped, out of control, and in despair. We literally become slaves to our own lust.

Porn is purely selfish-it gives nothing to anyone but the viewer and the porn producer. Porn for the male viewer has a singular purpose: It is a process that leads to climax. In marriage, the process leading to climax at least has the potential to be a binding, loving, giving experience for both the man and the woman. No such benefits exist with porn. And, in fact, when a husband is locked into the porn process leading to his private orgasms, this selfish attitude will nearly always spill over to his marriage. Over time, he will be less of a soul mate and more of an isolationist. Plus, sooner or later he will begin seeing his wife as an object similar to the porn images he views in order to achieve climax. Thus, pornography often turns intimacy in marriage into a totally selfish and narrow experience.

As a man gets lured into pornography's dark prison, he begins to lose his ability to see and appreciate women for who they truly are. He becomes blinded to women as valuable, gifted and contributing human beings. The more a man views pornography, the more he loses his sight, until finally he is, figuratively, completely blind. Not that he can no longer see with his physical eyes, but he becomes blinded emotionally and spiritually.

Don't be a prisoner to porn. Porn can capture and isolate you before you know it. Have an escape planned. I know in real life escaping from prison is a no-no but when it comes to pornography or masturbation (they both go hand in hand,no pun intended) we need something in place. For starters we need to go to the Lord. It says in Jeremiah 29 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. Then we need to get some accountability. I know you hear this all the time but accountability is key to recovery and help. Make sure you have someone who is willing to have that conversation with you. Someone who is not scared to call you out ask you the tough questions. Next step is to get software on your PC to keep you from accessing any questionable sites and putting limits on the areas of your life where you struggle. Don't let porn hold you captive. Always have escape routes. Until next week...

Psalm 146:7

He upholds the cause of the oppressed
and gives food to the hungry.
The LORD sets prisoners free

Steve Oh

Love Jesus/Love People

Hide & Seek

Ron R — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 07:25:54 -0700

As children we have all played the game Hide & Seek, as you know the object is to hide from the one trying to find you. Common sense says go to a dark area, don't move and don't say a word.

Viewing porn is kinda like that in the sense that you hide your useage from your family, friends and it if your married your spouse. You are also hiding from yourself and not seeing what you are doing is slowly tearing away at the fiber of your being.

I am talking to you from 40 years of playing this game and I have become very good at it, so I can say I have walked in your shoes and I know how you feel. About 5 years ago my wife found out about my hiding games and forced me to get help of which I am so glad that she did, her love is that strong for me.

Hiding in dark places is not good for your emotions and it will catch up to you believe me I know. You can not hide from your Heavenly Father and His love for you is stronger than you can ever imagine.
The world may view you as a pervert at times, but your Heavenly Father views you as His child and He only wants the best for you. His word says in Romans... "that you are more than a conqueror", and in Ephesians "...that you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you" The longer that you hide the deeper you will fall.

If you need someone to talk and someone who has been in your shoes let's talk.

Sidelines

Steve-Oh — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 19:15:47 -0700

I started my weekend Friday with a high school football game. To me there is nothing better than a cold night, the smell of popcorn and hot dogs, the sound of the bands percussion section hammering out a grooving beat, and catching up with old friends over a cup of coffee, and my favorite the sounds of pads banging against each other as the offense and defense try to gain the win.

This particular night while I was watching the game I noticed this young man standing on the sidelines (we will call him #11) He was all decked out in his blue and red uniform all neatly pressed. He was holding what appeared to be a brand new shiny helmet. He was ready to play! Around the second quarter I noticed this guy not paying any attention to the game. He was standing there with his back to the field watching the crowd. He would turn around occasionally to see what his team was doing but was focused more on something or someone in the crowd.

During halftime we all watched as the homecoming court took their places on the field. I looked over at the end zone where the home team was huddled up going over the game plan for the second half. Number 8 was not paying any attention to his coaches and teammates. He was focused across the field at the homecoming court. One of the coaches noticed he wasn’t paying attention and pulled him in with the rest of the team. Soon after the homecoming king and queen were announced the teams took the field. For about the first five minutes of the third quarter Number 11 was focused on his team and the game. It wasn’t long before he was back at it! Walking the sidelines staring into the crowd as if he had no interest in the team or the outcome of the game.

I cant tell you how many men I have talked to who have their focus on porn much like Number 11s focus on the crowd. These are men who turned their backs on family, friends, work and even Christ. All this for a cheap thrill that gets you absolutely nowhere. Porn is a huge distraction and attraction for many men. We need to stay focused on the goal and accountable to someone. We have to remember that nothing productive comes from pornography. Just like Number 11 who was walking the sidelines aimlessly as his team works to win. Your family is a team who needs your guidance and support. If porn is your priority your family loses. What direction are you facing? Are you facing the game, learning from the coaches and applying what they say to your game? Or are you facing the crowd searching for that next thrill ?

Take time today to evaluate your situation. If you are struggling with porn there are areas on this site where you can find help and assistance for the road to recovery. Remember always put Christ first, for he is the great physician and healer. Until next week...

Steve Oh

Love Jesus/Love People

The Best Counter Attack For Lust

Wez Hitzke — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 20:28:01 -0700

Sexual lust is a formidable foe that seeks complete domination. It is not content to stay within our mind and thought life; it invades our soul and flesh with a passion few sins can rival. But not even our physical reality is enough; it is just as comfortable in the world of fantasy.

It’s becoming clear from porn statistics on this site that sexual lust may even prefer the fake world. Unrestricted by reality, lust can completely express itself in all its depravity.
Sexual lust is proactive and quickly becomes a preoccupation. Other sins, lying for example,
require a situation where lying is an option. After lying or exaggerating I’ve never heard someone say, ‘I want to lie again so bad!’ or ‘When will I get the chance to exaggerate again?’ Not so with sexual lust.

It will create the situation where it can express and feed itself. Time will be put aside,
schedules will be changed, risks will be taken, and money will be spent. Lust will get its meal. Its appetite can never be satisfied.

God’s Word, the Bible, is not ignorant of lust’s power. James 4:7 says to ‘Resist the devil, and he will flee…’ but when it comes to sexual lust, 1 Corinthians 6 implores us to do the opposite. Verse 18 commands us to ‘flee’. Scripture seems to suggest that it’s better to go head to head with the devil than to tempt yourself with sexual lust.

Lust may be powerful and proactive, but so is fleeing. Fleeing is the most effective counter-attack for sexual lust. The effectiveness of fleeing is well demonstrated in Genesis 39:11-12. When Joseph was faced with the temptation to have an affair with Potiphar’s wife he ‘fled and got out of the house’. To stay and resist was not an option for this wise man who became the Prime Minister of Egypt.

We need to be like Joseph and practise the ancient technique of fleeing from lust. Some of us need to see our private computers and mobile devices as ‘Potiphar’s wife’ and leave them. Don’t believe the lie that running from lust at any cost is cowardly. Fleeing takes guts; just ask anyone who has been tempted in front of a computer screen how hard it is to leave.
Fleeing will cost us. Joseph lost his coat, job, and for a time his freedom (see verses 13-20).

But he kept his character and conscience, which are infinitely more important than temporary
pleasures. The price Joseph paid makes the inconvenience of having no computer in the privacy of our room or installing a strict internet filter hardly worth mentioning. There is a cost. And by paying it we can rest assured there is reward. Verse 23 tells us that even
while Joseph was in prison before he was PM ‘the LORD was with him. And whatever he did, the LORD made it succeed’.

It’s time to take 1 Corinthians 6 seriously. Verse 18 is more than good advice, it’s a command. ‘Flee from sexual immorality.’

www.reasonablefaith.com.au

Men, Purity, & a Sexually Charged Society

Wez Hitzke — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 20:49:50 -0700

‘If one part suffers, every part suffers with it…’ (1 Corinthians 12:26 NIV) This scripture has huge implications when it comes to sexual purity in the church. It is not possible for half of the body to be free and not the other. Police don’t have to bind the whole body to take someone into custody. Cuff the hands and they can usually control the rest. While lust has some of us in custody, it has all of us in custody. Sexual purity is everybody’s business.

It is important to realise that only grace can save us. We haven’t got it within ourselves to win this battle. All society is against us: movies, TV, advertisements, music, videos... We receive grace for sexual purity when we pray for someone else’s freedom with the same concern and fervency we have for our own. When this type of prayer is accompanied by responsible accountability God’s grace abounds. Responsible accountability fosters an atmosphere of holiness and approaches failure with genuine concern. Accountability is ineffective when the people involved casually swap weekly lust stories without alarm or unease.

Good definitions also play an important part in the fight for sexual purity. The ambiguity of
pornography has allowed it to sneak into many lives. Porn is not ‘out there’, it’s within. Our heart and mind are where porn lives, not in the Playboy Mansion or xxx websites. Sexual imagery and associated acts are simply food for the pornographic mind. Consider a man being tempted in front of a computer screen. Do the images desire him or does he desire the images? Who is doing the consuming? His desire is where the issue is.

It’s no secret that a man can mentally undress a woman, therefore, porn can be any image. The pornographic mind is not restricted by clothing or conscience. Titus 1:15 tells us, ‘To the pure all things are pure’. The opposite is also true, ‘To the impure all things are impure’. The pornographic mind can gather images from church on Sunday as easily as from the beach on Saturday. The whole aim of lust is to consume. There is no ‘other’ in lust; there is only itself and the object it seeks to devour. Once lust has started to feed it will ask for more. It is unable to be satisfied. And this is where things get serious. Left to run its course, lust will eventually consume everything: your respect, your dignity, your time, your job, your money, your marriage and family relationships, maybe even your life.

Lust isn’t always obvious. It can subtly hide in ‘clicking on’ stories about certain models and
celebrities, reading the ‘Body and soul’ section of the newspaper, ‘keeping an eye out for specials’ in the Saturday clothing catalogues, that ‘second look’ while walking through the shopping centre, attention to certain TV commercials, and that all-time favourite, ‘I’m just appreciating the female form’. We must see lust as any sexual gratification taken from anything or anyone other than your wife.

Honest people know their limits. They know what situations will make them stumble and avoid them with the seriousness Christ demands of us. ‘If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out… if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off…’ (Matthew 5:29-30). – Christopher West, Theology of the Body for Beginners, p. 51

Sexual purity requires Matthew 5:29-30 obedience. We must ‘pluck out’ and avoid the things that cause us to lust. If we have to remove the internet cable, then we must do it. If we have to cancel pay TV or get rid of our TV altogether, then we must do it. If we have to stop going to water fun parks, then we must do it. We must learn to ‘bounce the eyes’ every time. If all this seems a bit extreme we need to realise these are extreme times. The must-read book Every Young Man’s Battle says it well: ‘A search for the comfortable middle ground is an inadequate approach to God.

We must count the cost of purity – and pay it. If we don’t kill every hint of immorality, we’ll be captured by our tendency as males to draw sexual gratification and chemical highs through our eyes.’ (WaterBrook Press, p. 52-53) Sexual purity has a deep connection with worship. Sexual purity, especially in our culture, is probably the greatest act of worship a man can offer. According to Genesis 22, the core of worship is obedience and sacrifice, not music. ‘Worship’ is the word verse 5 uses to describe Abraham’s costly decision to obey God and sacrifice his son Isaac. It’s important to note: if it’s easy to do, it’s not a sacrifice.

Something can only be a sacrifice if it costs us; the word is meaningless otherwise. Think of sexual purity in the context of Abraham’s worship. Does it require radical obedience? Is it
difficult? Sexual purity fits the criteria for worship big time! James 1:14 warns that each one of us will be ‘dragged away and enticed’. Emotional altar calls, concerts and conferences will not stop James 1:14 from happening. Using Abraham’s definition of worship can help us immensely in times of temptation. When we see our enticement as an opportunity for serious worship we will find the strength to sacrifice our desires.

Sexual purity is a grand opportunity to worship God. Our sexually charged society is seeking to take us captive. More than ever, it’s time to close ranks and pray for each other. It’s time to practise responsible accountability. It’s time to worship.

Wez Hitzke
www.reasonablefaith.com.au

Is It OK For Christians To Masturbate?

Steve G — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 20:17:40 -0700

I hear this one all the time and my response strictly from a biblical point is that I do not feel the Bible clearly addresses this. Some will point you to Leviticus, some Genius, but all require an interpretation which I feel is a far reach. I know, I know, so please save the law arguments because that is not what we deal with here.

For the next argument we will address the "human need" statements. My thought on this is the human body needs air, water and food or it will die. Sex or masturbation is not a need; it is a want, plain and simple, addicts have a problem separating “Wants” and “Needs”.

We deal on this site with addiction, the inability to stop something which is ruining my life, a compulsive behavior. There are people who can have one beer and quit, I can't. I can watch a drug addict shoot heroin and wonder how someone can do that, because I do not struggle with drug addiction.

The question is can I masturbate and keep a clean mind? No, my mind wanders to things (lust) which I cannot have as a part of my life because it leads to other addictive behaviors. Can I masturbate and still honor God? No, I cannot.

This is a drug for me, it triggers responses which my mind was programmed to accept at one point in my life as acceptable. A smoker will never quit smoking by only smoking one cigarette a day. A drug addict cannot cut back on their drug use, they must quit. I had to quit.

Single people will say "Well you have a wife”. This is true, but in addiction I had many outlets and I found no satisfaction at all, in fact, I found the opposite; I became angry and lonely, I lost everything which was truly important to me.

It is like the great movie The Wizard of Oz…this is actually a Christian movie about God (ok, ok, just kidding). But really think about it and think about your own journey. We go through life looking for happiness in all kinds of places…many of them in the life of an addict will be dangerous places (flying monkeys). We will always think if I only had a brain (or a wife, or a girlfriend, or if I masturbate) I would be happy…In reality if we will stop all this nonsense we can then listen to God and He will tell us…You have had it with you all the time…the ability to find happiness, the ability to stop addiction, the ability love yourself has been with you all the time…it resides inside of each of us when we find the relationship with God…then you will know that you are happy with the person God created…you really have had it with you all the time.

"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. I will ease and relieve and refresh your soul." (Matthew 11:28 AMP)

Remember, your life will go in the direction of your thoughts.

"Look straight ahead..." (Proverbs 4:25 TLB)

God loves you and so do I...

Steve G