“They will never find out”

“I am not hurting anyone”

“What I do with myself is no one’s business”

“My spouse doesn’t do it for me”

“I can stop watching anytime I want”

“There is nothing wrong with it”

“It’s normal”

These were the lies I actually believed. These lies robbed me of having real relationships, and kept my mind and body imprisoned to porn. I got tired of being lied to and sought help.

Are you tired of being lied to? 

When you get honest and open about your addiction and seek help, you find out that there are so many people that struggle with the same thing and that they found hope that things could, and do, change. Have you ever thought it could just take you being open about YOUR struggle with a friend that helps THEM get honest. Is there someone you know is struggling and could benefit from you letting them know about the resources available to them? Like the resources HERE?

WHO do you need to talk to this week?

The proof comes from the University of Montreal, where recent research showed that connoisseurs easily parse fantasy from reality, shudder at the idea of dating a porn star (what would Maman think?) and wholeheartedly support gender equality. "Research contradicts anti-pornography zealots," gloated a column's headline in the Calgary Sun.

So, I've been contradicted. Presumably, I'm one of the zealots in question. My anti-porn fanaticism took the form of a 2005 book, "Pornified," in which I dared to offer evidence that all is not well in the era of Internet porn. Today, 20-somethings, teenagers and even -- sorry to break it to you, parents -- tweens are exposed to the full monty of hard-core pornography.

Wasn't it time someone asked some obvious questions? What will happen now that the first generation of men raised on Internet porn is making its way onto the marriage market? What influence does the constant background blare of insta-porn have on their ideas about women and monogamous relationships?

The answers I found to those questions were less than cheering. In dozens of interviews with casual and habitual porn users, I heard things such as: "Real sex has lost some of its magic." "If I'm looking like eight or 10 times a day, I realize I need to do something to build my confidence back up." "My wife would probably think I was perverted and oversexed if she knew how much I looked at it every day."

In the years since I wrote the book, I have heard from dozens of readers who described the negative effects of porn. One was a student at Berkeley, who observed that "ever more deplorable acts needed to be satiated" and noted: "As a child, we are exposed to things that we may not realize have formative effects. As adults, many times we simply continue without questioning." (Women, it seems, also turn to iVillage.com, where a board devoted to "relationships damaged by pornography" contains more than 32,280 messages to date.)

Yet there's still so much we don't know. Perhaps we can learn from the skintillating news out of Montreal. Let's have a closer look at that -- oops! -- turns out there is no study. Simon Louis Lajeunesse, a postdoctoral student and associate professor at the university's School of Social Work, has yet to publish a report. His findings, such as they exist, were based on interviews with 20 undergraduate males who detailed their views on sex, gender and pornography in one to two lickety-split hours.

Granted, it's qualitative, not quantitative, research, but the brevity of the interviews is concerning. While reporting "Pornified," I felt the need for more than four hours with many of my 100 interviewees. Of course, my guys could talk anonymously to a disembodied voice on the phone; the poor fellows in Montreal had to sit down and look a male social worker in the eye before confessing a penchant for three-ways. Lajeunesse asked 2,000 men before he found 20 willing subjects. Most of them, he said, were referred by women in their lives. Hmm.

And just how did Lajeunesse learn that pornography hadn't affected their views of said women? Why, he asked and they said so! "My guys want to have equal relationships, equal income, equal responsibility domestically," Lajeunesse told me. Color me dubious, but I hardly think most men would own up to discriminating against women, spurred on by porn or not.

To be fair, researching the relationship between men and pornography isn't easy. My methods had flaws, too. The most methodologically sound study would involve gathering a sample of men, scheduling regular sessions to view online porn, and comparing their subsequent sexual attitudes and behaviors with those of a control group that did not use pornography. Through a series of measures -- interviews, questionnaires, observations -- the data would be collected and analyzed by a team of objective academics.

That's not going to happen now, though it once did. Back in 1979, Jennings Bryant, a professor of communications at the University of Alabama, conducted one of the most powerful peer-reviewed lab studies of the effects of porn viewing on men. Summary of results: not good. Men who consumed large amounts of pornography were less likely to want daughters, less likely to support women's equality and more forgiving of criminal rape. They also grossly overestimated Americans' likelihood to engage in group sex and bestiality.

Yet Bryant's research (conducted with colleague Dolf Zillmann) was carried out long before the Internet brought on-demand porn to a computer screen near you. So why no update? Other than a spate of research in the '80s and '90s that attempted to link pornography with violence (results: inconclusive), nobody has looked at the everyday impact of hard-core porn. "That's a catch-22 with most studies about media effects," Bryant told me. "If you can't demonstrate that what you're doing to research participants is ultimately beneficial and not detrimental, and you can't eradicate any harm, you're required not to do that thing again."

Every university has a review board for the protection of human subjects that determines whether a study is ethically up to snuff. "It is commonly the case that when you get studies as clear as ours, human subjects committees make it difficult to continue to do research in that area," Bryant explained. "Several graduate students at the time wanted to follow up, but couldn't get permission." In other words, the deleterious effects were so convincing, ethics boards wouldn't let researchers dip human subjects back into the muck.

No matter -- people will take care of that on their own. As one young man explained, after mentioning that "porn may have destroyed my relationship with my girlfriend" in an e-mail: "I always feel that I'm over porn, but I find myself keep coming back to it. There seems to be an infinite number of porn sites with limitless variations, one never becomes bored with it. . . . It's a very difficult habit to break."

Or as one 27-year-old female lawyer noted recently: "All of my girlfriends and I expect to find histories of pornographic Web sites on our computers after our boyfriends use it. They don't bother erasing the history if you don't give them a lot of hell." The implications troubled her. "I fear we are losing something very important -- a healthy sexual worldview. I think, however, that we are using old ideas of pornography to understand its function in a much more complex modern world."

Of the many stories I've heard revealing the ways in which young men struggle with porn, I offer here just one, distilled, from a self-described "25 year old recovering porn-addict" who wrote to me in October. "Marc" began looking at his father's magazines at age 11, but soon, he wrote, he "turned to the Internet to see what else I could find." This "started off as simply looking at pictures of naked women. From there, it turned into pictures of couples having sex and lesbian couples. When I got into watching videos on the Internet, my use of porn skyrocketed." At 23, he began dating a woman he called "Ashley." "However, since Ashley's last boyfriend had been a sex/porn addict, I was quick to lie about my use of porn. I told her that I never looked at it. But after 5-6 months, Ashley discovered a hidden folder on my computer containing almost a hundred porn clips. She was devastated."

Marc and Ashley broke up, got back together and spent several months traveling in India. He continued to look at porn behind her back, and on a trip to Las Vegas, he got lap dances despite promising not to. Ashley broke up with him again. "I had never thought about the adverse effects of my use of porn. . . . I want to change. I want to be a respectful human being towards all human beings, male and female. I want to be a committed and loving boyfriend to Ashley."

This is hardly solid lab research. But it is one of many signs of pornography's hidden impact. And flimsy "if only it were true!" research isn't an acceptable substitute for thorough study. An entire generation is being kept in the dark about pornography's effects because previous generations can't grapple with the new reality. Whether by approaching me (at the risk of peer scorn) after I've spoken at a university or via anonymous e-mails, young people continue to pass along an unpopular message: Growing up on porn is terrible. One 17-year-old who had given up his habit told me that reading about porn addicts "was like reading a horrifying old diary, symptoms, downward spirals, guilt, hypocrisy, lack of control, and the constant question of to what degree fantasy is really so different from reality. I felt like a criminal, or at the very least, a person who would objectively disgust me."

Let's not ignore people like him, even if it's tempting to say, as one headline did, "All men watch porn, and it is not bad for them: study."

That's just one more fantasy warping how we live our real lives.

Pamela Paul is the author of "Pornified: How Pornography Is Damaging Our Lives, Our Relationships, and Our Families."

X3watch iPhone update will be submitted this week to the iTunes store. We have made some huge improvements. You will now be able to have tab browsing, bookmarks and a special feature where you will automatically be able to go to the url of whatever is pasted in your clipboard. Look for the update in the iTunes store real soon.

Last week we did our first ever Porn and Pancakes with some friends from the NFL. This was amazing. We plan to do a few more of these with Jon Kitna and friends. Email michelle@fireproofministries.com if you are interested in this event for your church. We will be holding a Porn and Pancakes at the LA County Jail in April. Please pray for this event.

We have a few intern spots still available for the summer and the fall. Click here to find out more.

The latest X3 podcast is out. #39 is a bit different from the rest of the bunch. We ask people visiting Vegas what do they want to do by the end of the night? Some great responses. Click here to watch.

We have some upcoming porn shows in Miami, Jersey and Chicago that we are in need of some help with. Check out the SERVE site to find out about joining us on a trip.

Thanks for the support and prayers.

Craig

I was looking at how much time I actually spent on porn in a day. Thinking about it, planning how to get it, covering it up and defending in my mind how I wasn’t hurting anyone in the middle of it. Making arguments with myself and with people around me that it was normal, I just had strong sexual urges.

I really had no idea that my addiction was affecting people around me. I was so consumed with satisfying myself, I didn’t see the pain I was causing others. Either directly hurting them or just distancing myself from people that loved me by not being in a real authentic relationship with them. Everything in my life was manipulation, white lies, and how to get to a place where I could be alone.

Do you think PORN has affected the people around you?

Do you mind if I call you John?  I know we’ve never met, it’s just that you seem like the type who’d rather be called “John” than “Mr. Mayer”.  We’re not friends, but I really dig your music.  In fact, I listened to your latest album, Battle Studies, twice on my flight back to California from the East Coast yesterday.  Right now I’m listening to a “John Mayer” mix on iTunes while I write this at my favorite coffee shop.

I read part of the interview you did with Playboy.  I’m not gonna say anything at all about the racial stuff – besides, you’ve recanted all that, and I respect you for doing so.  I’ll keep buying every album you release, as I’ve done in the past.  I hope what I write here actually helps you, John – and I think it’s very possible the words that follow can do just that.

I want to discuss the part where you said you’d like to produce pornography.  I know a bit about this:  I was a porn producer for 9 years.  In fact, Playboy was one of my clients.  I produced for their ICS department and also traveled the country for a bit as part of the team recruiting for Special Editions.  One of the girls I’ve photographed even made Miss February in the main magazine, and another of my first timers was featured as well, but I don’t remember which month anymore.  I could go ask, I suppose, as she owns a business less than two miles from where I sit right now.  But that really doesn’t matter.  You said in that same interview that you probably see 300 vaginas a day while looking at porn before satisfying yourself.  That being the case, you’ve undoubtedly run across my work at some point:  I released more than 2 million pornographic photographs and hours of video footage into the world during my career. Since porn’s such a strong interest, you may have seen the debate I participated in at Yale University with Ron Jeremy, Monique Alexander and Craig Gross when it aired on Nightline ABC (click the link and scroll down to where it says “Nightline Face-Off: America Addicted to Porn?“).

That brings me to what I wanted to share with you: What is it like to produce porn? You might notice from my website title that I’m now a Christian.  I have no idea how you feel about that, but just in case you don’t look favorably on such things I’ll try to keep the Jesus stuff out of this.  Let’s just have a conversation about what goes on behind the scenes in porn world.  With or without “Jesus Stuff”, I think I can share a few things with you that you’ve never before considered… and that’s my goal: to educate.  Who knows, you might even read something that will free up your time a bit.  Porn just might not seem so attractive if you finish reading this article.

John, don’t get me wrong… I definitely had some fun times producing porn.  The money was good, the freedom was great, most of the people I knew in the business were fun to party with, and even being the overweight opposite-of-eye-candy that I am, I slept with more than my share of models.  But, honestly, the naked girls part got old very quickly.  Sex related work does weird things to people, John.  I watched college girls come through my doors with bright eyes, then watched that light fade over the coming weeks.  It’s kinda like seeing someone die inside.  I dunno about you, but I didn’t find that very sexy.

One of the things I’m often asked is whether or not I’m attracted to porn anymore.  I usually respond to that question with a few of my own.  You ready?  Here they are, John:

What’s attractive about a model curled up in the fetal position in a corner between takes, sucking her thumb because her mind is so blown by what she’s just done to herself?   Do the porn companies share, in the credits, a line similar to this one:  ”this girl had to have surgery to repair the damage done to her body by the scene you just found so enticing”?   Of course not!  That’s just not sexy, is it John?  Nobody’d be spankin’ their monkey if stuff like that was thrown on screen, would they?

Lots of my former models are dreamin’ with broken hearts now, John. And the wakin’ up?  That’s the hardest part for sure… because every morning when she does wake up, the stuff she shot for me is still there, as it will be for life.  It isn’t ever, ever, ever going away.  When she’s old and grey, when she has grandkids running around the house, that content is still going to be out there circulating somewhere, John.

Don’t get me wrong… I’m ALL FOR free speech.  But just because we HAVE freedom to do something doesn’t mean that we HAVE TO DO IT or that it’s a GOOD IDEA to do so.

Funny thing, John… I just took off my Beats by Dr Dre headphones, through which I was listening to my John Mayer iTunes playlist, only to hear you playing over the radio here at the coffee shop.  We love your music, man.

Here on my website I’ve shared with my readers a few stories about some of the things these girls have gone through.  You can find them by scrolling through the porn stories category.  But be warned, my friend… they just might remove some of the fantasy of pornography and replace it with a little un-sexy reality.  I don’t know about you, but if I was looking at some photos or solo-video of the very attractive girl who wrote this email to me it might be a little bit harder to masturbate to those things knowing that, in her words, she is now “freakin suicidal!!! freakin sick over this….throwing up, cannot sleep at all…” It just doesn’t seem as sexy as it used to be when she tells me that (pasting her words again) “I know I did those pics and yes it was my fault, I want to get them OFF the internet. Is there anyway possible to do that ASAP? I will pay you the money back, whatever it takes. This will and is ruining my life.”

When I received a round of emails and phone calls from a beautiful girl who was begging me, in tears while sobbing so hard I could barely understand her, to get her content off the Internet as it had ruined the relationship she had with her father… that wasn’t a very lust-inducing experience either.  See, what happened in her case was this:  daddy was leaving his office with his buddies.  They were planning to go grab a beer together.  But when daddy and his buddies got to his car it was covered with photos of his daughter in various explicit poses.  Dad was rather humiliated, John.  He was instantly ashamed of his little girl.  When he shared this incident with her, she was rather ashamed herself.  I shot the photos that ended up on daddy’s car, and when I did so it didn’t cross my mind that she wasn’t someone to visualize while chokin’ the chicken – that she was actually somebody’s baby girl, somebody’s future wife, somebody’s sister… a beautiful person who was born to be loved, not lusted over by millions of men.

In the past three and a half years I’ve attempted to apologize to former models/actresses I recruited into the business.  When I tried to befriend one on myspace I received this email as her response:

“Hello Donny,

I’m sorry, but I can’t be your friend.  People found out about the pictures I did and I came really close to killing myself over it.  I need to forget about it and move on.  That does not mean I blame you or anything, but that does mean I have to cut ties involving it, and that does involve you.  You’re more than welcome to write me, etc… I just can’t have you on my friends list.  I’m very sorry and hope you understand.”

Let me tell you, John… I’d fantasized for months about that girl following the photo shoots I had with her way back in my early porn producing days.  She really got me going.  But hearing that she, too, almost killed herself over PICTURES?  Knowing that, a person would have to be rather emotionless to be able to still look at those photos and be aroused by them.

Are you picking up what I’m laying down, John?  Producing porn pretty much killed my sex drive DEAD, John.  Between me and you, I’m kind of afraid that when I’m finally married again I’ll be so screwed up in the head over what I’ve witnessed that my sex life with my wife will suffer.  I’ve spoken to counselors about that, actually.  I’ve seen how fake porn is, my friend, and after shooting it for so long I can’t seem to help associating anything sexual with it.  That shouldn’t be the case, John:  God created sex to be beautiful and fun, and He had reasons for asking us to confine it to committed relationships – I swear to you, He didn’t ask that of us in order to take our fun away or so He’d have a reason to send us to hell if we didn’t follow His plan.  It was more like this:  ”I know how you’re wired.  Wouldn’t it be better if you didn’t have other people in your head when you’re making love to your wife?  Wouldn’t it be better if you didn’t have to worry about who was in your her head when she’s with you?  You can do whatever you want, but I wish you’d trust me.  I really do want the best for you.”

The reality of what porn has done to real-life people isn’t pretty.  No amount of justification removes what I’ve seen.  It doesn’t matter how often people say things like, “they were adults making their own adult decisions” and “well, if our puritanical society didn’t make such a big deal out of sex this sort of thing wouldn’t happen!”  Those words are so shallow and meaningless after seeing so many lives personally affected.  There is a letter in the Bible where Paul writes to the people of Corinth that sexual things affected us on a deeper level than anything else.  John, I believe Paul on that one.  I have personal experience that gives evidence he’s right.  From my model Karma, who has a baby who will never know his father (because men decided to rape here while she was passed out at a party – after all, she’s a “porn star” so why not take what they want, right?) to the girl who called me in humiliated tears after going to her college campus one day only to find photos of herself stapled on trees all across campus, I have seen the fallout from sexual “sin”.  It makes me ashamed to be a man sometimes, John.  Indeed, the female body is a wonderland, my friend, and so many of us use our hands… and lose our heads and hearts… over it.

Trust me, John… you don’t want to produce porn.  You don’t want to be responsible for devastating lives.  And no matter how good your intentions might be, that’s exactly what you’d be doing.

1. Have you engaged in sexual behaviors that you wish you could stop?

2. Do you feel abnormally driven by your sexual drive?

3. Have you been in relationships just for sex?

4. Has masturbation been ongoing even after marriage?

5. Have you continued to use pornography after entering a long term committed sexual relationship?

6. Does your sexuality seem to be dragging down your personal potential?

7. Do you find that you spend a significant amount of time viewing pornography or grooming others for sexual encounters?

8. Have you experienced an unwanted sexual encounter during childhood or adolescence?

9. Has monogamous sex grown to be boring?

________

To score yourself give yourself one point for each yes indicating symptoms of  addiction and read the recommendations below.

1-3 points: It does not seem that you are presently an active sexual addict. If your concern continues, we recommend that you get more information from the recommended books, media, and organization links on this site.

 Download www.x3watch.com today to get accountable at least.

4-6 points: It seems that you may be struggling in the area of sexual addiction. Your first step would be to gather further information. Get books from our recommendations. If you want more practical techniques for your behavior, check out www.x3watch.com and www.x3pure.com.

7-9 points: You are probably sexually addicted. It's recommended that you:
    a) Start X3pure today or enroll in the Every Mans's Battle weekend workshop.
    b)  Seek professional help; here are some counseling resources.

This test was developed by Jayson Graves, M. MFT., Sexual Addiction Specialist and Therapist. For more help and information, visit his website (Healing for the Soul)

March 1st we will hold our second installment of X3LIVE. A time to chat and watch some stuff from us LIVE. We are talking to PARENTS. Yes, we said parents. Gather around the computer and watch. Lots to talk about. Parents you want to watch. Visit XXXchurch.com at 6pm PST on Monday, March 1st.

Bowlfest is coming up before you know it. We need people who believe in this ministry to come bowl 100 frames in Vegas and raise some money for the ministry. Find out more HERE. 

Want to start a ministry? Have an idea for something out of the box and don't know your next steps. Consider joining us at LAUNCH501c3 in May.  A few spots left.

The X3watch iPhone update has arrived. The new version will have tabs, history, bookmarks and so much more. Coming real soon. Our friends at Safe Eyes just released Safe Eyes 6. This is amazing. Check it out.

So this used to be my day. Almost every minute consumed by how to get to porn, how to cover up what I was doing, justifying in my mind why I was doing it, and actively seeking it out.

It isn’t just the time in front of the TV or computer or DVD. It’s also how much time you spend thinking, planning, covering up and defending.

So, how much time do you actually spend on porn?

Once we look at it just that very first time we begin to look for it again and again. Why? It could be as simple as the chemicals that are released in our head or as complex as we want something that we can't have. We crave intimacy - and try to fill it with substitutes. A fake experience that we can hide behind instead of developing real relationships.

The truth is that we are at war on the inside for ourselves to pick anything other than self and self- fulfillment. Us getting to a point of recognizing that porn has a power over us, and taking steps to get help, get accountability and start recovery is necessary.

You can start HERE 

*** A High Resolution Video is avail for MEDIA HERE.

It's the first public appearance by Woods since he decided to take an indefinite leave of absence in December.

According to Woods' agent Mark Steinberg, the world's No. 1 golfer plans to "discuss his past and his future and he intends to apologize for his behavior."

Woods will be speaking to "friends, associates and colleagues" at the TPC Sawgrass clubhouse, according to Steinberg.

PGA TOUR Commissioner Tim Finchem said Wednesday, "I'm pleased that he's going to make some comments and do what the statement says he's going to do, so that's good news.

Finchem, speaking from the press room at the World Golf Championships-Accenture Match Play Championship, said he will be in attendance when Woods reads his statement.

"I don't know what his plans are in terms of what he's going to say," the commissioner said. "I don't know what he's going to do after he finishes his rehab."

Players participating at the Accenture Match Play Championship were asked about the impending Woods statement.

"He's got to come out at some point," said Rory McIlroy. "I mean, it's just went on for so long."

We look to people who seemingly have everything and when you look deeper they are still searching for something that will make them happy long term, while never being satisfied with what they have. It's an endless search for the thing you want to obtain, and all our attention goes to trying to get it. The next thing that will give us the most pleasure. 

It's the same with porn. You can search through endless pages and videos and it will never satisfy - you just end up wanting more and are left with a sense of guilt.

So what if your focused your attention on being selfless instead of self-satisfying? Shifting your attention to what you do have and not what you crave?

What if you focused 30 days on getting help?

Click HERE for help.

Just got sent a  John Mayer Playboy article that comes out Friday. I got the article not the magazine. I am a fan of his music. Stephen Rose in our office is a Mayer SUPPPPPPPER FAN.

Funny, I ran into John Mayer one night in Hollywood with Ron Jeremy and he seemed to be quiet familiar with Ron's work. Here is what he has to say about porn. Here is a blurb.

MAYER: I’m a self-soother. The Internet, DVR, Netflix, Twitter—all these things are moments in time throughout your day when you’re able to soothe yourself. We have an autonomy of comfort and pleasure. By the way, pornography? It’s a new synaptic pathway. You wake up in the morning, open a thumbnail page, and it leads to a Pandora’s box of visuals. There have probably been days when I saw 300 [naked girls] before I got out of bed.

PLAYBOY: What’s your point about porn and relationships?

MAYER: Internet pornography has absolutely changed my generation’s expectations. How could you be constantly synthesizing an orgasm based on dozens of shots? You’re looking for the one photo out of 100 you swear is going to be the one you finish to, and you still don’t finish. Twenty seconds ago you thought that photo was the hottest thing you ever saw, but you throw it back and continue your shot hunt and continue to make yourself late for work. How does that (porn) not affect the psychology of having a relationship with somebody? It’s got to.

PLAYBOY: You seem very fond of pornography.

MAYER: When I watch porn, if it’s not hot enough, I’ll make up backstories in my mind. My biggest dream is to write pornography.

PLAYBOY: Masturbation for you is as good as sex?

MAYER: Absolutely, because during sex, I’m just going to run a filmstrip. I’m still masturbating. That’s what you do when you’re 30, 31, 32. This is my problem now: Rather than meet somebody new, I would rather go home and replay the amazing experiences I’ve already had.

PLAYBOY: You’d rather jerk off to an ex-girlfriend than meet someone new?

MAYER: Yeah. What that explains is that I’m more comfortable in my imagination than I am in actual human discovery. The best days of my life are when I’ve dreamed about a sexual encounter with someone I’ve already been with. When that happens, I cannot lay off myself.

We have a coupon for X3pure that will get you $15 off the program that is good between now and Sunday. The coupon for $15 off is "vday". What are you waiting for? One of the signs of addiction is that you can't stop. Get started on the road to recovery today.

There is $3,075 spent every second on adult material, according to CNBC. Each second, 28,000 Internet users are viewing porn; and every 39 minutes, a new adult video is being produced. Not only is porn being made for DVDs and the Internet but also for your iPhone or Blackberry.

Fact : The pornography industry is larger than the revenues of the top technology companies combined: Microsoft, Google, Amazon, eBay, Yahoo!, Apple, Netflix and EarthLink.

Along with any other addiction there is a need to consume more to achieve the desired results. You become unsatisfied with what you see, how often you get to see it, when is the next time you can get it. What starts as something that could be considered harmless, turns into something you can't seem to be satisfied with...

WHY do you think PORN is addictive? 

If you believe you have a problem with porn, click HERE to start getting help.

What Would Jesus Do? That's been a popular question in Christiandom  that has all to often become just another Christian cliche, I'm  afraid; to all to many Christian people.  I however, have found an  exception to that in XXXchurch.  When I came to them to ask them to  help me get out of the sex industry they said, "We'll do everything  we can to help you."  The first thing they did was call me right  
away after I filled out an initial inquiry on their web site.  A  friend of mine knew I wanted to get out of the sex industry and she  told me about XXXchurch and suggested I contact them, so I did.  

After my initial phone conversation with one of their leaders they  put me in touch with a guy that is a part of their organization in my area.  This guy is a volunteer, has a family and a job and lives an hour or two away from where I live but he set aside time to come to my area and meet with me over breakfast to find out how best to help me. After meeting over breakfast I was confident that there was  someone in the Christian world that really walked the walk instead  of just talking the talk.  These guys really wanted to help me and I haven't felt judged by them not one time. To be honest with you I  was real leery about contacting a "Christian" organization for help as I have been involved in the church and in "Christian" Ministry only to be very let down and disillusioned in the end when I really needed the love and support of Christians the most. You see I was a married man with children and a minister in a Christian organization and a member of the church for many years but struggled with my sexuality for all those years as well.  After years of battling with my sexual identity I finally decided to end my marriage and come to  terms with the fact that I was a gay man. 

Once I did so, the ministry I was involved in asked me to leave bringing my long and  fulfilling career to an end.  What would I do now?  I have no degree and ministry is pretty much all I've ever done.   Believe it or not, I turned to the sex industry after trying to work in the corporate world and just not feeling like I could survive in it. 

For the past  4 years I have been involved in the sex industry in various forms to  
make a living.  The money was fast and easy but what I didn't take  in to consideration was the fact that I was going to reach a breaking point emotionally with this life.  It has begun to take a tremendous toll on me psychologically, emotionally and yes, spiritually.  I just can't do it any more.  I want out of it  completely and XXXchurch has extended a helping hand to me. I have a regular job with a good company but the hours have been low and the pay isn't the best but it's good honest work.  Although I love the company I now work for and love my job, my current financial situation dictates that I look for a better paying job with more  
hours unless I get a promotion within the company I'm now with.  God knows how much I would love that.  If I do get promoted within the current job I'm on I will get better pay, full time hours and full benefits.  But I continue to look in to other jobs as

I hope and pray for a promotion where I am now. XXXchurch has graciously helped  
me with my rent over the past two months as I was in danger of losing my apartment.  If I lose my place I won't have any place for my kids to come to see me when I get them every other weekend.  Yes, I'm a father of two lovely children.  They are the two main reasons I have to end this life in the sex industry for good.xxxChurch never said to me, "How could you....?"  They only said, "How can we help you?"....and they have done just that, with financial support as well as emotional support and prayer support.  All I can say is that if you are supporting this organization with your financial support, time, talents or in any other way; it's going to good use and they are doing what they have set out to do. Thank you XXXchurch!  I'm not out of the woods yet, but thanks for helping me this far.

In Love,

A Fellow Pilgrim in The Journey

If you missed out on the X3LIVE event you can catch a rebroadcast of the first LIVE event we did on February 18th at 6pm PST.

If you have not checked out X3pure. What are you waiting for. Start your road to recovery today. Check out X3pure now.

Last year, we told you about Joe. Joe needed some help leaving the sex industry. Here is an incredible update on his journey. When you make a donation to this ministry, you are a part of changing lives.

What Would Jesus Do? That's been a popular question in Christiandom  that has all to often become just another Christian cliche, I'm  afraid; to all to many Christian people.  I however, have found an  exception to that in XXXchurch.  When I came to them to ask them to  help me get out of the sex industry they said, "We'll do everything  we can to help you."  The first thing they did was call me right away after I filled out an initial inquiry on their web site.  A  friend of mine knew I wanted to get out of the sex industry and she  told me about XXXchurch and suggested I contact them, so I did. 

After my initial phone conversation with one of their leaders they  put me in touch with a guy that is a part of their organization in my area.  This guy is a volunteer, has a family and a job and lives an hour or two away from where I live but he set aside time to come to my area and meet with me over breakfast to find out how best to help me. After meeting over breakfast I was confident that there was  someone in the Christian world that really walked the walk instead  of just talking the talk.  These guys really wanted to help me and I haven't felt judged by them not one time. To be honest with you I  was real leery about contacting a "Christian" organization for help as I have been involved in the church and in "Christian" Ministry only to be very let down and disillusioned in the end when I really needed the love and support of Christians the most. READ MORE.

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People readily accept alcohol as an addiction – it’s a substance taken into the body with a physical and chemical reaction. All of us are familiar with altering our moods, yet some of the ways we alter our moods that we believe will make us feel better in the end make it far worse than we began. A cycle spins out of control and we get caught feeling like we can never escape.

The first major study of sexual addiction was published by Patrick Carnes in 1991. In Carnes' survey, 97% responded that their sexual activity led to loss of self-esteem. Other reported emotional costs were strong feelings of guilt or shame, 96%; strong feelings of isolation and loneliness, 94%; feelings of extreme hopelessness or despair, 91%; acting against personal values and beliefs, 90%; feeling like two people, 88%; emotional exhaustion, 83%; strong fears about own future, 82%; and emotional instability, 78%.

Does any of this sound like you? Loss of self – esteem? Guilt, shame, isolation, loneliness, hopeless, double minded, fearful…etc, etc…

There really actually is hope for recovery, grace in failures, and a place where freedom can be found. Start here… Talk about it… X3pure 

The term “sexual addiction” is used to describe the behavior of a person who has an unusually intense sex drive or an obsession with sex. Sex and the thought of sex tend to dominate the sex addict's thinking, making it difficult to work or engage in healthy personal relationships.

Sex addicts engage in distorted thinking, often rationalizing and justifying their behavior and blaming others for problems. They generally deny they have a problem and make excuses for their actions.

Sexual addiction also is associated with risk-taking. A person with a sex addiction engages in various forms of sexual activity, despite the potential for negative and/or dangerous consequences. In addition to damaging the addict's relationships and interfering with his or her work and social life, a sexual addiction also puts the person at risk for emotional and physical injury.

For some people, the sex addiction progresses to involve illegal activities, such as exhibitionism (exposing oneself in public), making obscene phone calls, or molestation. However, it should be noted that sex addicts do not necessarily become sex offenders.

Behaviors associated with sexual addiction include:

• Compulsive masturbation (self-stimulation)
• Multiple affairs (extra-marital affairs)
• Multiple or anonymous sexual partners and/or one-night stands
• Consistent use of pornography
• Unsafe sex
• Phone or computer sex (cybersex)
• Prostitution or use of prostitutes
• Exhibitionism
• Obsessive dating through personal ads
• Voyeurism (watching others) and/or stalking
• Sexual harassment
• Molestation/rape

Generally, a person with a sex addiction gains little satisfaction from the sexual activity and forms no emotional bond with his or her sex partners. In addition, the problem of sex addiction often leads to feelings of guilt and shame. A sex addict also feels a lack of control over the behavior, despite negative consequences (financial, health, social, and emotional).

How Is Sexual Addiction Treated?

Most sex addicts live in denial of their addiction, and treating an addiction is dependent on the person accepting and admitting that he or she has a problem. In many cases, it takes a significant event -- such as the loss of a job, the break-up of a marriage, an arrest, or health crisis -- to force the addict to admit to his or her problem.

Treatment of sexual addiction focuses on controlling the addictive behavior and helping the person develop a healthy sexuality. Treatment includes education about healthy sexuality, individual counseling, and marital and/or family therapy. Support groups and 12 step recovery programs for people with sexual addictions (like Sex Addicts Anonymous) also are available. In some cases, medications used to treat obsessive-compulsive disorder may be used to curb the compulsive nature of the sex addiction. These medications include Prozac and Anafranil.