Eyes of Integrity: The Porn Pandemic and How It Affects You
Chapter 7 - A Safe Work Place

"Brazen Use"

Porn use at work is now so widespread that just about every company has a monitoring system in place. According to a 2008 Nielsen online study, 25 percent of employees with internet connections use them to visit porn sites, which is up 23 percent from the previous year.1 A recent survey found that employees spend an average of 1.86 hours per eight-hour workday on something other than their job, not including lunch and scheduled breaks. Based on those averages, employee time-wasting actions cost U.S. employers an estimated 544 billion dollars in lost productivity each year.

More than half (52 percent) of the 2,706 people surveyed admitted that their biggest distraction during work hours is surfing the internet for personal use. For the record, other distractions cited by respondents included socializing with co-workers (26.3 percent), running errands outside the office (7.6 percent), and simply spacing out (6.6 percent).

A national survey of U.S. employees who have internet access at work found that 24 percent said they’d used a company computer for romantic/sexual purposes. Twelve percent said they’d accessed sexual content from a workplace computer, and 12 percent had forwarded sexual content to other employees while at work. Six percent had engaged in sexual instant message sessions while at work, while 10 percent
had used an o"ce computer for online dating.

Some unsuspecting internet users get lulled into a sense of security and confess that, because they have never been warned or gotten caught, they think they are okay. Nothing could be further from the truth. You may feel safe surfing at work, but the truth is, if your company
is monitoring your internet access, you’re putting yourself and your job at risk. All online traffic, both incoming and outgoing, is monitored, a “firewall” is in place for security purposes, and all traffic is registered. Created to prevent hackers, firewall logs list all connections and actions.

Here are some reasons you may not have been caught yet: many IT directors don’t feel that it is their job to “out” people who violate company policy. Either they have not been empowered to blow the whistle, or the person they have to out is their supervisor or superior. Imagine having to let the cat out of the bag that the CFO is dabbling in porn. They know but aren’t telling anybody. Other IT directors and system administrators don’t have the time to review individual usage reports.

Each day—or in some cases, each week—reports are run and directed to the administrators, who review them either electronically or manually, looking first for hacking attempts. This is when porn websites that have been visited may be discovered. An accidental discovery of an employee’s secret use of porn sites may result in the loss of his or her job.

Porn online is not the only thing to avoid. Spending time on gambling sites, chat rooms, social networking sites like MySpace and Facebook, and blogs unrelated to work content can all be considered a lack of productivity, which is grounds for termination.

To Order your copy of Eyes of Integrity: The Porn Pandemic and How It Affects You, please visit Amazon.com and get your copy today. You may also download a copy now at www.eyesofintegrity.com

First off, let me just say this: Confronting the elephant in the pew is easier than you think. It may be soul torturing if you are struggling with it yourself, but it is something you need to do - for your own personal health and for the health of the church. 

With this in mind, the Word: "As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received," Ephesians 4:1. 

Some of us are just plain not living up to the calling we have received. I know some of you may be hearing from me that I am being too rigid or am too conservative; that I am not voicing this with a heart. Please hear this: It is because I have a heart that I am saying these things - we pastors need to own up to what we have been called to be. Not flimsy on the tough stuff in life. Not soft on tackling our own garbage. Not shy from the things that make others blush. 

Maybe this is a gripe. Perhaps it's a call to action. Either way you look at it, this is the Word of God spoken into the hearts of man: "Live a life worthy of the calling you have received."

Eyes of Integrity: The Porn Pandemic and How It Affects You
Chapter 2 - Pornified Church - How Christians Have Failed to EscapeHonorable Men

"The Neglected Elephant in the Evangelical Room"

Just before the summer of 2006, everything was going Ted Haggard’s way. He was the lead pastor of New Life Church in Colorado Springs, Colorado, as well as the founder of the Association of Life-Giving Churches. He had been the president of the National Association of Evangelicals (NAE) since 2003. He was the go-to guy for Christianity, the public face of evangelicalism.

But Haggard’s public facade crumbled when allegations surfaced about his involvement with drugs and a homosexual relationship with a male prostitute named Mike Jones. Initially Haggard denied even knowing Mike Jones.

In the midst of the madness, trusted and well-known voices from Haggard’s evangelical world rallied on his behalf and defended him. As they did, Haggard must have known it was just a matter of time before it backfired and his trusted confidants would be cut o! at the knees and overextended, having walked the plank for him.

It was all true. As the media investigated and turned up the facts, Ted Haggard, the family man and pastor, who had used his platform to bark at homosexuals and crusade for family values, acknowledged that he had indeed purchased methamphetamine and had been sexually immoral with Jones.

On Sunday, November 5, 2006, a New Life Church pastor read a letter from Haggard that stated:
I am so sorry for the circumstances that have caused shame and embarrassment for all of you. . . . The fact is I am guilty of sexual immorality, and I take responsibility for the entire problem. I am a deceiver and a liar. There is a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I’ve been warring against it all of my adult life. . . . The accusations that have been leveled against me are not all true, but enough of them are true
that I have been appropriately and lovingly removed from ministry.

Two years later, after tearful appearances on The Oprah Winfrey Show and Larry King Live and a documentary about his fall, Haggard was caught in another scandal/cover-up. This time, a college student from Haggard’s church talked about his night spent in a hotel room with Haggard as he observed the pastor masturbate while watching pornography.

How could this happen? How could a man speak out so vocally against something in public while secretly indulging in the same thing in private? There are many layers to Ted Haggard’s fall, but most notable is the psychological phenomenon reaction formation. In Sigmund Freud’s psychoanalytic theory, reaction formation is a defense mechanism in which anxiety-producing or unacceptable emotions are replaced by their direct opposites. For Haggard, who struggled with homosexuality, reaction formation led to his vehement opposition to homosexuality.

To Pre-Order your copy of Eyes of Integrity: The Porn Pandemic and How It Affects You, please visit Amazon.com and get your copy today. You may also download a copy now at www.eyesofintegrity.com

1. Find one, two or a small group of trusted friends to be a part of your team.
2. Set up regular times of discussion.
3. Be transparent.

Life happens naturally; being completely open (I like to use the word transparent) does not. This will have to be something you work on. It's hard stuff. Let's face it- no one likes talking about the filth of their lives. We call it filth for a reason, right?

Use these steps to give yourself a good start, and watch what God does with you... and your team, as He takes you through the process of living a transparent life. God bless you in your journey as you seek Him. 

Pure Eyes: A Men's Guide to Sexual Integrity
Chapter 4 - It’s Not What You Think; Defining Normal Sexuality

"What The Bible Says"

(Gen. 38:9), Lot and his daughters (Gen. 19:30–38), David and Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11), the Corinthians, and others. From these stories, and the Levitical law, we could develop our own version of what is right and wrong regarding sex. Let there be no mistake about it, this would be our own version of what is right and wrong. Every single Christian community from the resurrection on down has devised their own rules—based on the Bible, mind you—of what sex is for and how it should be used: “sex is only between a man and his wife”; “sex is only between a man and his wives”; “sex is wrong for both men and women”; “sex is only for procreation”; “sex is to be enjoyed”; “sex is an abomination.” The list goes on and on.

To devise and list a set of rules and regulations to be followed regarding sex would not only be the easy way out, it would not help you in any way achieve the freedom and
sobriety you are looking for. We’ve said this before and we’ll say it again, Jesus doesn’t just want you to look good from the outside; he wants you to feel good from the inside because if you feel good from the inside, your outsides will glow with his light and glory. Throughout the years, both of us have been asked many questions regarding what is right and wrong in terms of sex.

The big questions are:
Is it okay to masturbate?
Is it okay to have oral sex?
Is it okay for me and my fiancée to have sex before marriage if we plan on being married anyway?
Is it okay to look at porn if I am married and my wife knows about it?
Is it okay if my wife and I look at porn together?
Is it okay if my wife and I use sexual aids?
Is it okay if I masturbate to R-rated movies?
Is it okay to slap my wife when we have sex?
Is it okay for my wife to slap me when we have sex?
Is it okay to have sexual fantasies about men but not actually have sex with them?
Is it okay to have homosexual sex?

Hopefully one can see by this list of questions how absurd it would be for anyone to simply answer yes or no to any of these questions. Sure, we could point to Scripture to explain the reasons for answering either yes or no, but it is more important to determine why we do what we do. Instead of asking what is “right” and what is “wrong” regarding certain sexual practices, the better question to ask is, Why do I want to do it?

To Pre-Order your copy of Pure Eyes: A Men's Guide to Sexual Integraty, please visit Amazon.com and get your copy today.

Biblically I don't believe it is grounds for divorce, and therefore to pursue a divorce based on the fact that a spouse had an online "affair" would be inappropriate (unbiblical). Having said that, I would reiterate that it is still a sin to act out with porn, and carry on a virtual affair. Is it possible this online affair could lead to an actual physical encounter? Yes for sure! It is also possible that even the virtual, affair if carried on can lead to abuse, severe neglect, and emotional, even physical abandonment which I believe would be grounds for divorce.

I know this is somewhat controversial but here's a comment from my book, Breaking the Silence where I give further explanation about this issue:

"While the devastation from an online addiction and a physical affair may be equally damaging, that doesn't mean that looking at porn or having a cyber-affair is biblical grounds for divorce. In Matthew 5:28 Jesus provided a clear distinction between adultery of the heart (internal) and a physical affair (literal) when He said: "If anyone looks at a woman lustfully he has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Clearly both are sinful activities, but the consequences are different, and how we deal with the sin should be different. It would be the same as suggesting that 1 John 3:15 is implying that the person who hates his brother is just as guilty of murder as the person who actually physically committed that act of violence. Do we impose a prison sentence upon a person for having internal hatred toward someone? We have to conclude, then, that pornography, while a serious and damaging sin, does not constitute physical adultery and therefore does not provide biblical grounds for divorce. I would add, however, that over time a man or woman's refusal to deal with the sin problem might require a separation for the sake of children and the purpose of working toward reconciliation. Ultimately, if there is no change, then the relationship could end in divorce." (Breaking the Silence, page 103, 104)

posted previously on 1-23-09

When Jesus had the woman caught in adultery thrown at his feet (John 8), it wasn't some clean time and place. She was literally caught in the act- messy stuff. Jesus confronted the sin without passing judgment- and restored the woman to where she deserved to be. How is our calling any different?

If we are to truly root out the issue, deal with it and help in the healing process, we're going to have to be willing to get a little bit dirty, even if that includes ourselves.

Kevin Outland just wrote a great piece in our parent's section about teens and porn; how prevalent the influence of sexuality is in their lives. Yet this issue is not just a teen issue; we know that. It affects everyone. There are certain demographics that are more apt to speak on such things. It just so happens that pastors aren't in one of those demographics. For the most part, pastors remain silent. Why?

• 51% of pastors say porn is a temptation.
• 69% of pastors started looking at porn out of curiosity.
• 37% of pastors say it's currently a struggle.
• 53% of pastors have visited porn sites in the past year.
• 18% percent of pastors look at porn a couple times a month.
• 30% of pastors do not talk to anyone about your dirty little secret.
• 4 in 10 of pastors looked at porn today.

Sources: Christianity Today, Promise Keepers, Barna Research Group, World Magazine

As a pastor, I can think of a few reasons we won't touch this issue. Though I can't for the life of me find one that would be reasonable. Here are some things I have heard along the way:

1. Our congregation just doesn't want to hear about sex and the ilk.
2. Our congregation is not affected by pornography.
3. Our congregation would not be benefitting in talking about this issue.

Here are some reasons I think pastors don't want to talk about this issue:

1. They are afraid of what will happen when the light shines in a dark place.
2. They are ill-prepared to talk about the issue.
3. They themselves are struggling with sexual deviancy.

So maybe pastors aren't sharing their life out in the open because they are afraid of the consequences. Let's face it- all we have in ministry is our integrity. Once that is gone, it's gone. Most likely, if you're caught viewing porn or are caught in your addiction, you're toast at your job. This is what we face. Transparent living is crazy scary, but it's the life we have been called to lead. 

This issue is so "in our faces" that we can't ignore it anymore, no matter how it affects us personally. And it will affect us personally. It's all personal. When you uncover something that was buried for years, it hurts. When it's a loved one, it hurts.

The elephant still remains. The elephant is getting fatter... and it's easier to see. When/if pastor's start talking about this more in the open, with their close friends and congregation, we will get beyond the awkwardness and start dealing with problem head on.  

Will you?

Are you?

(Phil. 4:8) Paul says that if we think or focus on these things then we will have the peace of God. My prayer for each of us is that we focus on the good things in life and the loving God we serve. My prayer is that we all have the peace of God.

So... what gets me unstuck? What unclogs the pipes? What are the keys to getting rid of that extra load you're carrying around? Well I'm no nutritionist, but I do have a few keys you can use to help churn things out, and make sure you're regular; super regular.

1. Eat your vegetables - That extra fiber really does a body good.
2. Quit the junk food - Not only are the millions of calories adding to your waistline, they're adding to your waistline. 
3. Eat a balanced meal - Don't overload on the carbs; too much salad turns you into a shooter - meats are tasty, but every day consumption = high BP+Cholesterol. 
4. Share the meal - enjoy food with family and friends.

In layman's terms: {Focus}+{Refuse}+{Refuel}+{Transparency}=Regularity

1. Develop daily habits that lead you to the cross. 
2. Whatever is taking you away from the cross, STOP.
3. Seek out old and start new ways that lead you to... you guessed it: the cross. 
4. Spend time at the cross with your friends, family and those who hold you to that higher standard in your life.

There you go. Four keys that will get you unstuck. Unclog the pipes. Keys that will get rid of that extra load you're ever so burdened by. Can't seem to regular on your own? Well, you've come to the right place. We're all about regularity here, and if there's ever a way we can hold your hand (so to speak) through this process, we're all over it. 

When I left, there were a few thoughts going through my mind.

1. Why was I qualified to make porn house calls?

I think it is important as Pastor's to remember that we are only one bad decision away from needing a porn house call ourselves. We are no better off or even that much further down the road than most people we counsel. This humble attitude is key to maintaing personal purity. The moment you believe you are not capable of moral failure is the day Satan sends out an all out assault in the form of lies. They sound like this: go out of your way to talk to "some attractive woman" she thinks you are amazing. It won't be any big deal to meet her for lunch today, don't tell your wife. Girls gone wi*d is not porn. A little porn is not that big of a deal. At least you're not having an affair with a real woman. Believe these lies and you will be calling for a porn house call.

2. Relationship with Jesus must never be second

A pastor must constantly seek Jesus. The combination of stress and self-dependence produces fertile ground for moral failure. I personally practice the habit of praying through the great Shema daily along with Romans 12. "God, today may I put nothing else before you. Give me the ability to love you with everything I am. I surrender my day to you for kingdom work."

3. Open communication is key to victory

Whether it is my child or my church I must continue to promote open communication around the issues of purity. If I am open with my congregation about the daily struggle to live rightly with my body before God then I keep the door open for others to share. In the scriptures we are called to live in the light (1 John 1:7) This is not a command to spread light through good deeds and acts of love, but to live in transparency with others, sharing your sins. I must have people in my life I am sharing my struggles with regularly. As a Pastor we must choose those people wisely, however, it is not wise to go at it alone. Who is that person in your life today? Are you being truthful and transparent with that person right now?

Thank you to all of you who continue to love those in the midst of struggle. A great way to continue loving those who struggle is through your personal commitment and journey in purity. Keep fighting.

The real story is that the practice has grown so common, that the SEC story shouldn’t really have been news to anyone, even if it had occurred yesterday. The latest Nielsen survey on porn at work shows that 21 million Americans accessed pornography from their work computers in March. That’s 29 percent of the total workforce.

The previous Nielsen poll conducted in November of 2008 showed that roughly 25 percent of the workforce sought out pornography on work computers, which is a 16 percent increase in a period of 16 months.

While the SEC story is getting big play because of the financial reform bill working its way through Congress and the Goldman hearings on Capitol Hill, this is the story that employers need to be paying attention to. These statistics show that not only is the problem already widespread enough to cause severe productivity and liability problems, it’s rapidly getting worse. If the trend continues at its current rate, roughly one-third of the American workforce will be regularly accessing pornography at work by June of next year.

So why is this such a big problem for employers?

* If an employee sees a colleague viewing pornography on a company computer, then that company has just created a hostile work environment, and made itself liable to a sexual harassment lawsuit. Such lawsuits average $250,000 in cost before legal fees.

* If a quarter to a third of your employees are viewing porn videos, then you are likely using over half your company’s expensive bandwidth to allow that activity. Add in other common activities like playing games and watching YouTube videos, and you’ve got a full-on bandwidth bottleneck that can slow down the productivity of your entire network.

* Obviously if people are looking at porn they are not working.

To say nothing of the bad press that such malfeasance can cast on your company or organization, damaging its reputation and costing it opportunities.

Fortunately, there are solutions out there for businesses of all sizes.

Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church, Seatle, WA isn't one to beat around the bush and that's certainly the case with his latest booklet on porn and masturbation being released in an ebook via The Resurgence website www.theresurgence.org. I like Mark and while I don't agree with everything he says I find myself nodding in agreement with quite a bit of what he preaches and teaches. He certainly isn't the most tactful guy but he's straight up and you don't have to wonder where he stands on anything.

Let me encourage you to check out what Mark has written on porn and masturbation, and let it stir you a bit. He doesn't put any sugar on it at all! I think sometimes we've been a little too flowery with our talk on this issue and the truth of the matter is as guys we need to hear it straight. Mark does that, and let me warn you he doesn't pull any punches. I was challenged and pray that you are as well.

Justin H.

As you search scripture, we are told to stay away from all things sexually immoral. The apostle Paul even says to flee from it. Though often, we are confronted with the sexually immoral, and there are times when we don't flee. I guess that's where the confession comes in. In the confession, the son describes how he found out about his father's addiction to pornography, how it developed into something more, how his family will be affected and even how the church members will be. 

Four years took place from "original sin" in this matter and son did nothing. It's a scary thing for a child to be confronted with. A hero to him is taking a long and hard fall, and he is the only one who knows. Tough stuff, do doubt.

So what to do? Matthew 18 has a passage in it that details what to do. This is especially difficult to handle, especially since the sinner caught in sin is the father. Again, rough stuff. Still though- it needs to be addressed, immediately. You see, lives are being affected negatively already. The dad is falling further and further from grace, the wife is living a married lie; the church is being brought along with him. To say that no one knows but the son is covering up the fact that the father is unaware of his charge to care for his family and faith; church. Lead the kids the way they should go, right? How about caring for the little ones? The sins of the father will be judged more harshly that one who is not in care of others. 

But perhaps the sin is not the main issue here, at least not to me. It's about giving an opportunity for restoration- to faith, family; Jesus. No way are these relationships healthy. No way they're going to be, without first confronting them head on.

I commented on the confession blog about what I think should happen. But no way is this problem isolated to that specific confession. It's huge, really. Marriages are living lies every where we turn. Pastors are still pulling the wool over their parishioners eyes every day. The problem remains and we must be the guiding force behind helping others make the next right decision.

I am sure people will defend this site explaining that it is simply fun and that it is not intended for sexual explicit material or gratification, but we all know that is not true. The reality is that this site is filled with boys, men, pastors, and male senior citizens who are looking for some sexual pleasure. My tech guy told me in the 5 minutes he was looking at the site his webcam landed on a middle age man masturbating. The next web cam participant that ended up on his screen was a young child. This is absurd.

Here's the point. Many pastor's are talking a lot about fighting the battle against lust and pornography and yet are indulging themselves. With so many tempting avenues to choose, men with solid families and visible relationships with God are advocating purity on one hand and abusing pornography with another (literally). This should not and cannot be. James 3:10 in reference to the hypocrisy of our tongues says,

"And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right!"

When we advocate purity from the pulpit and practice immorality in secret we are blessing and cursing God with the same heart. Make a stand, be an honest advocate, live a lifestyle of genuine authenticity, get support, love Jesus, and conquer the battle.

What is great about God is that he is always ready to deal with my sin. He is ready to tear down the wall that I have built between the two of us. If I admit that I have put myself first and that I have built the wall, he is there destroying the wall that I have built. He takes my sin and our sin away brick by brick.

God never builds a wall between us and him. He desires to have a relationship with us with nothing standing in the way. The challenge is to not put my will before God’s will in my life. The challenge for me and for us is not to build the wall.

Justin H.

Observation #1 - These leaders will be forever remembered for their sex life decisions before they will be remembered for the positive changes brought about by their leadership and abilities.

Observation #2 - The pain these leaders experienced and caused to others is greater the the fun that they had while they were screwing around.

Observation #3 - Everyone wrestles with something, even high capacity leaders. Everyone has a personal demon to slay daily or temptation to overcome. Too often we place leaders on pedestals. And too often we as leaders place ourselves there.

Observation #4 - Position, power, money and influence will naturally lead towards entitlement. It is only through reliance upon God, personal discipline, humility AND allowance for authentic accountability that a leader will avoid great these great falls.

Bonus Observation: If you ever find that you have made a bad decision in this arena, follow the "come fully clean the first time" strategy.

For the record I am a big fan & advocate of forgiveness for those who are truly seek it because of course I am VERY fallible myself.

A group of guys and I meet via the phone every Thursday morning at 5:30 am to talk about the week and hold each other accountable to our stated goals. This has made a huge impact in my personal life because each and everyday those 5 goals are pasted before me. I have committed with these guys to do these 5 things each and every day. Every day this is on my mind and because of that I have been more consistent and successful at these issues.

Today is your day to pursue Jesus and experience His grace. What is on your daily short list? Are all your goals for the year so big that they don't consume your daily life?

Set some goals and make some commitments today that will become the focus of your daily life.

I was at a friends house for dinner the other night and his wife was giving us a tour of their house. We walked into their bathroom and pasted on her husband's mirror was a list of 5 daily commitments he was making. I asked her about the short list and she said this. "Ever since we have been married he has had that list on the mirror. And everyday I can see those 5 commitments in his life."

I don't know about the rest of you, but as a Pastor it is extremely important for me that my wife, who truly knows me (the good, bad, and ugly), can see in my life the words that I speak to others.

Let this be a year where your commitments to character are clearly identified and seen daily in your life.

This is your year!

Hebrews 12:1-3, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. 2 We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. 3 Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up."