<![CDATA[Teens - XXXchurch]]> http://xxxchurch.com en-us Mon, 15 Mar 2010 03:37:21 -0700 <![CDATA[Before You Do That]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/beforeyoudothat.html Life is really lived moment by moment. As I sit back and look at my children sometimes I realize that this generation has a hard time with one thing: silence. I am the same way more often than I want to admit. Just think about it: how much time do we spend on Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, YouTube, and the internet in general? How many times do we look at our phones to check and see who has sent us a text?  How much TV do we look at? When was the last time we shut everything down and enjoyed peace and quiet?

Why does it matter? Because we program ourselves to run from one thing to the next without thinking much about it. We are seeking constant mental stimulation because sometimes the silence is scarier than the noise.  I mean after all what would we do…..if we had nothing to do?  But here is the key to facing down the temptation to look at porn. The enemy gets us tripped up when we act on our impulses, urges, and temptations without pausing to consider what we are thinking of doing.  When we don’t pause and consider, we forget the times that we did make the right choice and turned away from porn.

Prayer is powerful because it is the way to maintain a real and true relationship with God through Jesus Christ. Not pausing to consider means that we are not asking the one who has the power to help us…to help us.  Satan’s power lies in his ability to make us believe lies about ourselves, God, and our circumstances. By pausing to consider, pausing to pray, and pausing to remember past victories we access God’s power to overcome the urges that come. Remember the temptations and urges are not wrong; giving in to them is where we get into trouble. So before you do that, pause and ask God to help you right then and there.  I have full confidence that he will!
“For I hold you by your right hand—I, the LORD your God. And I say to you,‘Don’t be afraid. I am here to help you.” Isaiah 41:13

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/beforeyoudothat.html Mon, 15 Mar 2010 03:37:21 -0700 <![CDATA[Sound Familiar?]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/soundfamiliar1.html It’s 3 AM. You can’t sleep. You did it again. That thing…. That thing you swore you would never do again. You can’t believe it. You really thought you were past this. You really thought you could control yourself. You got lazy. You stopped “bouncing your eyes,” you stopped taking with your accountability partner, you stopped all the safe guards. Not because you were trying to mess up, but because you THOUGHT you were over it. You thought you had moved on. You haven’t. Now you are back to square one. You are back in bed, asking God to forgive once again because you broke the promise you have made 10,000 times. This sound familiar?

We have all been here. This is a common place to be. Not because it is okay to mess up, but because often times as Christians we look at sexual sin as being something we can just “cure.” This is not the truth. There is no magical moment when sexual sin is just GONE FOREVER. Sorry. That would be nice though. It would be nice if there were a 12 -step process that just made us “better.”

The truth is there is no once and for all answer. There is only work to be done. What I mean by that is, sexual purity is not for the lazy. Sexual purity takes work and dedication. Sometimes that dedication means getting back on the horse when we fall off. It means ALWAYS working with your accountability partner. I have had accountability in my life for years now, and I must say, at times it is the only thing that keeps me going. But it is ALWAYS there to keep me in line.Sexual purity takes constant prayer. I don’t mean that in Christianese, I mean that in saying, without relying on Christ, life gets tough. Not just with purity but in everything. Rely on Him, talk to Him, His grace is here for us all.

My point here is that this takes work. I get literally hundreds of e -mails of people asking how can they stop looking at porn? How can they stop masturbating? When I tell them the truth, that there is no magic answer. That there is real work to be done, that it will not be easy, they seem kind of stunned. That since we have a ministry for this problem that we must have found the solution to a problem that has been around since the beginning of time. That simply is not true. We have only one answer and that is: Christ Jesus loves you and His grace is given unto you freely. The rest of what we have are suggestions. Things to get you on the road to recovery. You must take them and put the time and sweat into it.

The road is hard, it takes work. That is the truth. But I am here to tell you it is possible. I am living proof that accountability and relying on Jesus Christ works. It is possible. You can beat this. You will prevail. You are worth more than the lie that is on the screen in front of you.

Grace and peace from Christ our Lord,

Jordy

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/soundfamiliar1.html Wed, 10 Mar 2010 18:13:38 -0800 <![CDATA[Why {Porn≠Art}.]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/whypornart.html Yeah, I know - - we already know that, right? But really, how often does it pass as such? All the time I imagine, in the form of magazine, television, movie, and so much more. It's not like this is new information, but as our culture progresses, the barriers, or boundaries become blurred and the cross over not only becomes more likely, but almost common place.

Coming from the no cal bay area, I grew up with this trend in culture. Perhaps no where else in the world is expressionism pushed as it is in San Francisco. Under the guise of self-expression, the limits have been pushed and even erased. Today in an article out of The Washing Post, the writer discussed the latest push in the form of a group photo in Australia. Gathered in front of the Opera House stood hundreds of naked people, all for the sake of art. Now I try to be open-minded and willing to listen, but when I saw this, it triggered an almost unfortunate response. You see, things like this sadden me. I know that slowly yet steadily, we are pushing back the lines of accepted artistic expression.

Some say, "don't look then". I would love to buy into that, but when it daily crosses your path, that's not really an option, right? That's one of the reasons we are all here- because things cross our path, we're human, and sometimes we can't help but stumble. 

So what do you think? Is this just another way to express yourself? Is it right or wrong? Is that the correct question to be asking? Do things as subtle as this encroach on all of us, pushing the boundaries back?Really, what's a person to do?

-   -   -   -   Updated, March 8 - 9:47am   -   -   -   -

Who is really in control?

Several posters have stated that it is natural to give into desires, or lustings, that since this is the way God has made us, this can’t be helped; shouldn’t be helped. But really- who is in control then? A while back, handing out condoms in school was a hot button issue. That plays into this too. In it, it is saying that students don’t have the ability or will to control themselves, and again, they shouldn’t. Essentially, there are those out there that think we can’t control ourselves. This puts us right there with the rest of creation, and we are much more than that. We are made in God’s image, to have dominion over creation (and when I say dominion, this is down with loving kindness, not through harsh interaction). No where are we supposed to be equal with beasts, and saying that we can’t control our own actions, puts us all on the same playing field as them.

So really, I guess what I am asking is, can we not accept responsibility of our actions and master our actions, thought processes and the like, or should we just give up and indulge, because really, we can’t help ourselves?

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/whypornart.html Mon, 01 Mar 2010 10:03:22 -0800 <![CDATA[Anatomy; Porn Filled Eyes]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/anatomypornfilledeyes.html Albert Einstein once said ‘Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts”.

We have heard that the “Eyes are the gateway to the soul’. I sometimes believe and marvel at how so very easily the eyes can drag us down a path, our heart and soul never truly desired to go. Now you can argue that if you actually went down that road in the first place, it’s your heart that desired to go in the first place, and “that” is really where it all lies.

You would be correct. In a sense! In another sense you can never truly de-value the part the eyes play in the big picture of lust/porn etc etc. For instance. Let’s say you’re immersed in porn, it has never had more control of you then it does right now. A beautiful woman walks in the room. Your eyes have become that super-porn highway to every imaginable thought you could think of. The vision of said particular young lady. The eyes began the process to pollute the soul. The eyes began the process to pollute the heart. YES, porn is a matter of the heart, porn pollutes the soul, yet the eyes are the negotiator. It goes kind of like this.

-The eyes bring you to the door and introduce you perversion.
-The heart takes over from there, and begins the justification process.
(You know what I’m saying men. The whole “at least I’m not sleeping around / having an affair / etc etc. We are immediately justifying our pre-actions of masturbation)  
-The unfortunately, the soul is left with the after affect of it all (and in our guilt, begins the process of heaviness).

The eyes are the catalyst to the actions. The actions pollute the soul. Jesus did an amazing thing in Mark chapter 8. People brought a blind man to him for healing. Jesus (though he could have) did not stretch his hand right there and then. It says he took the man outside of the village (for no distractions, or fanfare). Then it says he spit on the mans eyes and put his hands on him. He asks him “Do you see anything?” The guy looks at him and says “I see people; they look like trees walking around”.  It then says, once more Jesus put his hands on the man's eyes. Then his eyes were opened, his sight restored, and he saw everything clearly.

The man needed a double touch of Jesus to see clearly. The eyes were not opened the first time. I find it amazing that Jesus wanted alone time (outside) the village with this man, to open his eyes. He didn’t want to do it in front of everyone. It was a 2 step process of healing.

My point: God wants to purify your eyes to see clearly, to not pollute the soul. Get alone with God. Let HIS process be THE process that helps you see clearly with your eyes, and keeps the heart pure. Feel with your own eyes, and feel with your own heart. Let nothing pollute either of them.

Keep fighting
Jimmy
   

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/anatomypornfilledeyes.html Mon, 15 Feb 2010 15:39:55 -0800 <![CDATA[It Just Isn't Real!]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/itjustisntreal.html I have an ongoing habit every morning of the normal type- wake up, shower, business, dress, eat, teeth, drive, work... First thing I normally do when I get to work is check the top news stories of the day- you never know what has the potential to influence your workplace. Normally it's just a scan here and there on Google news and then back to work. 

This morning, I see this as a headline: SEX BOT INITIALLY DESIGNED AS A HEALTH AID. I bit; i read the article. It's not like I haven't heard or seen of this thing before, but now, it's actually garnering quite a bit of press. I guess in a way I am adding to the hype. Because for $7000-$9000, you can customize your very own play thing robot online and have it shipped right to your front door. Kind of wonder if it comes in a plain brown box too. Have a problem- plug in the USB and fix it. Don't like the robot's personality; change it. So much is going into this thing, that it just reeks of sin, deception and a whole bunch of other junk. 

Think about the implications of such an invention, and how it relates to your everyday human relationships- though things on the outside may very well be quite fake, the emotions, the psychology; everything that goes into it deceives us into a fake sense of belonging (and a range of other things). 

If we can, let's start our conversation on this note: Knowing the difference between what is real and fake. 

There are often different reasons why teenagers start relationships- status quo, sense of belonging, common interests, and so on the list goes. If you've ever had a relationship before, you know what I am talking about. Sometimes though, we get into a fake relationship, where we aren't really who we say we are to the other person; we lack integrity in that. And so this relationship progresses until you both reach a point to where the fake overcomes the real- the fake you is now who you have become. I know; been there, done that. It happens. It happens in relationships all the time; everyday. 

It also happens in our thought life, with something so simple as what we do online or what we watch on the television or the magazine we just picked up. But that stuff just isn't real. The people on there/in there aren't real. Sure, they real people, but they have a job to do and they're doing a wonderful job at at. 

You have been deceived. We all have. Perhaps you're one of the many teens who are in a dark place right now, because when you first started, you knew it wasn't real, but somehow along the way, it became all you knew. Truth. Maybe you just messed up again, and you just can't seem to stop. That's ok. No one is going to judge you for what's happened. But please, don't buy the lie that people are selling, that this thing is as real as real can be. 

It's only as real as you make it. Yeah- this started off about a man and his robot girl, but it moved on to relationships and personal purity. I guess in the end, we are the ones who truly know what is real and what is not by the way things affect us. This I know for sure, the relationships that we start here, on xxxchurch and beyond, are real. So many stories have been shared that have inspired true change. There is a growing community of accountability that continually lifts one another up. Most importantly, we have been honest with one another, in the dark and in the light, and it can't get much more real than that. 

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/itjustisntreal.html Tue, 09 Feb 2010 10:22:50 -0800 <![CDATA[Oh How He Loves Us]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/ohhowhelovesus.html I was recently sharing with a friend about my struggles with pornography and she asked me a pretty basic question but it rocked me. She asked, “What is the biggest lesson you have learned since starting on this healing journey?” It took me a while to really pinpoint anything I have learned because it has been so easy for me to be blinded by the here and now and the fact that I still struggle. It is easier to look at my shortcomings and the fact that I continue to fall rather than what God is doing through my shortcomings and how He is redeeming it.

A little while later, I was talking to another friend about my struggle with self-worth that I have had ever since I can remember and how I have always tried to earn God’s love. Through this conversation, I learned the answer to the first question. The biggest lesson God has taught me through this all is that He loves me no matter what, even on the really crummy days. I can honestly say that I believe this. Yes, there are times that I can doubt it but I ultimately know that He loves me. This realization encouraged me so much and I had a new appreciation for this road I have been on over the last year and a half. God does not waste a hurt or a struggle and He is always there to provide a way out. Now, it is up to us to choose His way out but often times it is hard.

I have struggled for so long truly believing God loves, forgives and forgets but it has been through this painful, ugly process of my addiction that I have learned and started to believe the truth. This is fascinating to me as this is part of the reason my addiction started; I was searching for love and acceptance but in a very wrong way! One of my favorite scriptures is Jeremiah 31:3,
“…I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness”.

No matter what you have done or where you are at, God is lovingly and passionately pursuing you. He knows what is best for you and will do anything it takes to get you back. There is only so much hiding that can be done. Believe me, I have tried hiding from God and it does not work. He loves us too much and cares so deeply for us that He is not going to stop at anything to get to us.

Knowing and believing this has helped me on the journey toward healing. Knowing that God loves me no matter what has challenged me to stand firm and ‘just say no’. God has something so much better for me to fill my life and mind with. I have to trust that He has my best interest in heart because He loves me so much that He knows the intimate parts of me that I may not even be aware of.

I don’t know where you are on your journey but my prayer is that you would truly meditate on how much God loves you. His love is not based on what you have or haven’t done. He is a simple breath away and waiting for you. Reach out, even if you don’t feel worthy, and see what happens. I dare you. God has something so much bigger and better for you and your journey will take on a whole new meaning.

Adelaide Brown

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/ohhowhelovesus.html Mon, 25 Jan 2010 14:38:51 -0800 <![CDATA[Why Be Real?]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/whybereal.html Such a simple statement is not always such an easy answer. The fear of judgment, ridicule; even the idea of being vulnerable is sometimes downright scary. Without a doubt, all of us have been confronted with this, and at times have chosen the easy way out and to put up the fake face. Again, it's scary to be real.

As we trend across this current generation and culture, the value I see being held by teens and their peers is the value of authenticity. Teens are fed up with fake people. They have been betrayed and tossed aside all too often by those they thought were being real with them. Teens have been dismissed, whether by a loved one or someone they thought they were close to. Coming from a broken home, I get this. 

There is a choice then that we have to make: do we choose the path or authenticity, thus sharing the real me with those we know and love, or choose the path most traveled, and put up the facade? 

If we are surrounding ourselves with those who love us, value us; share common interests and goals, should we not be completely transparent with them? Should we not open our entire lives to them? Sure, this has implications beyond what we share on this site, and perhaps even in our own spiritual journeys. But let's focus in on what goes on here: if we are in the gutter, would we not want someone to reach their hand out and pull us out? I have to say, if I was getting dirty, I would reach back for that hand. 

Maybe I am off here, but something tells me I am on point. If the value is authenticity is held highest above all, then this should be a focus of ours. Imagine your relationships becoming more full every day, as you share your whole life with one another. Not just the stuff that looks good, but the stuff that shakes your soul to the core. Yeah, I know; it's scary... but it's real. 

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/whybereal.html Sun, 17 Jan 2010 23:24:09 -0800 <![CDATA[Blessed Is....]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/blessedis.html Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord does not count against him"
I have not looked at pornography or masturbated since before college started. But I do not boast for this being my victory. I hope that my testimony can encourage you all, and this week I want to offer an encouragement.

I know how terrible it feels after you fail time and time again from resisting the temptation of porn and masturbation. I know how hard it is to look a person in the eye sometimes. But it is crucial that we do not let our shame rule us.

We must understand how real and how powerful grace is, we must be able to see ourselves through God's eyes. Christ died so that we don't have to. He suffered so that we can live without fear. He was put to shame so that we could be cleansed and lifted up with him in his resurrection. If we do not see ourselves through God's eyes, then we will see a low image of ourselves. And it is much easier to fail with a low self image.

So even as you give in, even as you falter, even as you realize that the spiritual battle around you is real and terrible, you must be able to see the you that God sees. The you that is made pure in the blood of Christ. My brothers in Christ, you are forgiven in everything that you have done wrong if only you would present it to God and repent. Satan is powerless over the blood of Christ.

I want to offer some scripture, Ephesians 2: 1-5 "As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God who is rich in mercy made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions - it is by grace you have been saved." Romans 4: 7-8 (also found in Psalm 32: 1,2) "Blessed are they whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord will never count against him." I would recommend reading the whole Psalm 32, it's not very long.

In Christ, Ben

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/blessedis.html Mon, 11 Jan 2010 19:43:52 -0800 <![CDATA[Sin Is Fun]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/sinisfun.html Sin is fun; for a season.  So many sins that we commit are at one point fun to us.  Just like at one point pornography was fun to so many visiting this site.  The only thing is that many of those same people can tell you what a nightmare this sin can be as well.  Wez puts it to the point very effectively with this blog.  Thank you Wez for your input to this blog.  - Brian Mac

Who likes a scandal or a spicy story? The Bible is full of them, especially the Old Testament. The story I found is from 2 Samuel 13. The reason it got my attention wasn’t that it has deception, sex and murder, (although that did assist my interest), it was because of the way it revealed the truth about a process that occurs when passion and desire become our guides or are let off the leash to play with our life.

King David had a son, Amnon, and a beautiful daughter named Tamar. Unfortunately, Amnon became infatuated and desired his sister, and this came to the attention of his friend Jonadab. Jonadab thought Amnon should have what he wanted so he devised a shrewd plan which Amnon listened to and decided to carry out. He pretended to be ill and when David came to see him Amnon asked if Tamar could prepare some food and serve it to him. David granted his wish. As she was preparing the food Amnon asked that everyone ‘go out’. When she came near to serve him he ‘took hold of her’ and said, ‘Come, lie with me’. She refused and asked him not to ‘do this disgraceful thing’. ‘However, he would not listen to her: since he was stronger than she, he violated her and lay with her.’

‘Then Amnon hated her with a very great hatred… and Amnon said to her, “Get up, go away!” But she said to him, “No, because this wrong in sending me away is greater than the other that you have done to me!”‘ After he had thrown her out she cried aloud, tore her garments and put ashes on her head.

All this came to the attention of her brother Absalom who hated Amnon for what he had done. ‘But Absalom did not speak to Amnon either good or bad.’ Two years later Absalom organised a big party and invited everybody including Amnon. ‘And Absalom commanded his servants, saying, “See now, when Amnon’s heart is merry with wine… put him to death”. And the servants of Absalom did to Amnon just as Absalom has commanded.’

This story reveals the process of sin and death, a process we need to pay careful attention to. Amnon’s death was no accident. It was the direct result of an untamed thought life. He didn’t take his thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5). When we neglect to control our thoughts they will develop into sinful passions.

The second mistake Amnon made was listening to bad advice. Whenever we are battling a sinful passion it will always attract Satan’s advice. If we are prepared to listen, it’s as good as done. We will start putting things in place to carry out our desire. His third mistake was getting alone with his desire. Amnon ordered everyone to ‘go out’. Being alone and unaccountable is a fatal situation for any Christian.

Sin is fun. And Christians shouldn’t be so naive about it. Many aspects of ‘the sinner’s life’ are a rush, fun and exciting. That’s why people do it! People start using drugs because they get a rush. People get drunk because it’s fun. People have affairs because it’s exciting. But there is a catch - it’s only for a season. It will not last.

I have no doubt Amnon was having a rush when he ‘lay’ with Tamar but as soon as it was over he hated it. Everything he wanted, the passion of his heart, gave him no fulfilment. The opposite occurred. Amnon’s experience is the same as so many, and not just from a sexual encounter either. I’ve heard people who ‘did drugs’ say the same thing. It’s a universal principle - sin is fun, but only for a season

What I find most interesting in this story is Tamar’s response to Amnon after he throws her out, ‘…this wrong in sending me away is greater than the other you have done to me!’ What did she mean by that statement? I believe it was all to do with owning up. In other words, ‘The fact that you won’t take responsibility for what you’ve just done is worse than the fact you raped me’. She was the evidence of his sin now and he refused to take responsibility.

What Tamar was searching for from Amnon was the same thing God was looking for in the garden after Adam and Eve sinned - ownership. God asked the question, ‘Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to?’ He didn’t ask this because He wanted to know; He had watched them do it! He wanted to see if they would take responsibility, which was now a bigger issue than the sin itself.

Two years later Amnon is at a party, and as his passion demands, he’s having fun. He must have thought all was forgotten but unknown to him, the process of sin and death was just about to complete its course. He was ‘merry with wine’ when payday unexpectedly arrived. His sin finally took responsibility for him. Here another principle emerges regarding sin - own it before it owns you.

It’s important that we take notice of the process and principles this story reveals. It all starts with a single thought. Untamed thoughts develop into sinful passions which are closely followed by sinful actions. Sin plays for keeps and always ends in death (physical and/or spiritual).

The human race is in a hopeless situation as the process of sin and death is irreversible. But God, Who is rich in mercy, has intervened. Jesus completed the process on our behalf by dying on the cross. The wondrous cross of Christ broke the power of sin and death both physically and spiritually. The complete victory of the cross has been forwarded on to us with one condition - we must own up. We must humbly confess our sin and repent. God cannot resist humble people and He always forgives those who turn from their sinful ways.

Wez Hitzke of Reasonablefaith.com.au

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/sinisfun.html Mon, 04 Jan 2010 20:22:05 -0800 <![CDATA[Boundaries]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/boundries.html I was talking today about relationships, and more specifically boundaries within relationships.   I think that without boundaries (physical, emotional, and spiritual) a relationship will likely fail, and if not, there will be regrets in that relationship.   Focusing on physical boundaries, these regrets could be that you held hands before you wanted to, that you kissed before you thought appropriate, or that you had sex when you didn't want to.   And I have seen from my own experience, that relationships with boundaries simply function better.   When you have no regrets with the physical aspect of the relationship, there is much less stress on the rest of the relationship.

Then I thought about the conversation in a different light.   If relationships need boundaries, then don't I need boundaries as an individual?   Boundaries are set in place, ideally, so that you never have to take a specific temptation head on.   And boundaries are different for different people.   Some people shouldn't be kissing their significant other, where as for others, kissing might be entirely appropriate.   For affective boundaries you have to know your strengths and weaknesses, you have to acknowledge them.   So I suggest, since we all fall to temptation so much, we ought to look at where we have fallen, and set boundaries there.

One example could be this: if you find that you look at porn when you are on your computer at night, then don't let yourself get on the computer at night.   Commit yourself to whatever boundaries, pray over them, and do what it takes to make it happen.   I noticed that I would often find myself lusting while watching TV, now I do not have TV.   When I first decided to get rid of TV it was a very difficult decision to make (and convincing the parents wasn't easy either), but now I find that I don't miss TV in the least (neither do the parents).   

We all know our weaknesses, whether or not we will admit it, we all know where we fall time and time again.   James 1: 23-25 says "Those who listen to the word but do not do what it says are like people who look at their faces in a mirror and, after looking at themselves, go away and immediately forget what they look like.   But those who look intently into the perfect law that gives freedom and continue in it - not forgetting what they have heard but doing it - they will be blessed in what they do."

Perhaps this isn't the direct meaning that this verse was written to say, but it is what it says to me.   If I look in the mirror, if I see my weakness and do nothing...   BUT, if I look in the mirror, see my weakness, and I set up boundaries (among other things), then I will be blessed in what I do.   

So I challenge you, examine yourself.   Look intently at where you have fallen, and put up boundaries.   Make walls that you cannot break so that you are free to run within them.

In Christ,

Ben

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/boundries.html Mon, 28 Dec 2009 21:30:59 -0800 <![CDATA[Even Superman Had Kryptonite]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/evensupermanhadkryptonite.html In the spring, when the kings normally went out to war, David sent out Joab, his servants, and all the Israelites. They destroyed the Ammonites and attacked the city of Rabbah. But David stayed in Jerusalem.2 One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of his palace. While he was on the roof, he saw a woman bathing. She was very beautiful.3 So David sent his servants to find out who she was. A servant answered, "That woman is Bathsheba daughter of Eliam. She is the wife of Uriah the Hittite."4 So David sent messengers to bring Bathsheba to him. When she came to him, he had sexual relations with her. (Now Bathsheba had purified herself from her monthly period.) Then she went back to her house. (2 Samuel 11:1-4 NCV)

We live in a day and age where we are constantly being told of our personal greatness.  Many of the hip-hop artists today spend time boasting about how great they are, what they have, what they can do, and so on.  When we have conversations with our friends, we can fall into the trap of speaking highly of our abilities, possessions, and accomplishments.  It is good to celebrate success. It is good to acknowledge a job that is well done.  But all of us are subject to something that if left unchecked, will ruin us all.  Pride: everyone’s Kryptonite.

Pride causes us to overestimate our talents and strengths, and underestimate our weaknesses.  We become careless and even reckless because of pride.  Life is filled with stories of people that had drug relapses, alcoholic binges, and setbacks of all sorts because they felt that they had achieved a certain level of living that no longer required the same effort as before to maintain a clean existence.  So it is with us. And so it was with King David.  

David was the greatest king of Israel. He was a war hero, songwriter, husband, father, and worshipper of God.  In this passage, David took time off when it was time to work.  It was no coincidence that Bathsheba was bathing at this time.  Our temptations take place when we are tired, when we are not focused, when we are idle, and when we let our guard down.  They take place after times of great success and after times of crushing defeat.  Until we leave this world we will always have temptations to contend with.  That is not the problem.  The problem is when we follow the temptation into action.  David saw the woman, asked who she was, made arrangements for her to come to him, and had sex with her.  His pride entered in because he a) behaved as if he was above temptation by not going to war and; b) behaved like a big shot in calling for Bathsheba to come to him.  He acted like “Hey! I AM the king. If I say have sex with me, you have sex with me!”  

In this battle against pornography there is no room for pride.  We live in a society that is over-saturated with sexual images.  I just went into a store today and was surprised at the anatomical emphasis that the store mannequins had.  When we flirt with pornography it will burn us.  Acknowledge the fact that it is a struggle, that at times it has overwhelmed you, and at times it has been out of control.  You can be set free and live a porn-free life.  However you must never forget what it was like to have your life ruled by porn.  There is a common saying that goes “Those who don’t remember their past are doomed to repeat it.”   So the question is will you remember, or will you forget?

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/evensupermanhadkryptonite.html Mon, 21 Dec 2009 21:49:48 -0800 <![CDATA[Don’t Believe The Hype]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/dontbelievethehype.html During my freshman orientation at college I had the opportunity to participate in the Dating Game.  I was on one side of the stage while a partition separated me from three college coeds.  I asked questions of each young lady to determine who I would select for a date.  Decision time arrived and I had to choose.

As I looked out into the crowd many people had an opinion and yelled out their choice. “Pick number 2! Pick number 1!”  Finally I made my decision. “Number 3” I said after “consulting” the audience.  As soon as my choice was announced there was a roar from the crowd. I looked out to see what the uproar was and they were laughing at me and pointing their fingers at me. They had lured me into picking the choice that they felt was the least desirable of the three. I thought that I was making a good choice, but the payoff was not good. In fact it did not live up to my expectations.

We will always experience some type of temptation in life.  Being tempted is not wrong. It’s when we give in to it that we have problems.  Pornography is like a promise that never comes true.  The temptation to give in and look at it can be strong.  There is that initial rush of excitement. However when you give in you know what’s coming next.  Guilt.  Shame.  Feelings of helplessness.  The realization that you’ve been tricked again. 
When the thoughts come, remind yourself that no matter what it’s not worth it.  Remind yourself that just one look is a lie. Remind yourself that a few minutes can turn into a few hours.  You can win this battle.  Others have and so can you.  God bless you.

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/dontbelievethehype.html Mon, 14 Dec 2009 06:41:40 -0800 <![CDATA[Santa Claus... He's So Creepy!!!]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/santaclaushessocreepy.html Anyone else just entirely creeped out by Santa Claus? I have two kids and we take them down to the mall every year to see Santa- to sit on his lap, take a quick picture and pay an exorbitant amount for them and leave. A lot of the season oddly encompasses this Santa. But the guy really creeps me out. 

I love the Beach Boys, and perhaps they have the best Christmas album of all time, but every time that song Santa Claus is Coming to Town starts playing, I get totally weirded out. The lyrics are just like nails on a chalkboard:

You better watch out
You better not cry
Better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town
He's making a list
And checking it twice;
Gonna find out Who's naughty and nice
Santa Claus is coming to town
He sees you when you're sleeping
He knows when you're awake
He knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake!
O! You better watch out!
You better not cry
Better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town
Santa Claus is coming to town

Just key in with me here: "He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake".

Seriously, you have got to be getting chills by now. I know this is a bit far stretched, truly, I do. But the essence of what I am writing here should make us think for at least a half a minute or two. Hopefully longer. 

Taking a different perspective on this now, what would it look like if this Santa guy was real (don't mean to spoil it for you out there; sorry), and he saw everything we did, good or bad? What would our "Christmas" look like? I have to tell you- in some respects, I think I might get some pretty sweet swag for Christmas; in other respects, I would be fortunate to even get coal. 

I have heard Santa, especially the Santa in this song compared to God many times (thanks to all those wonderfully illustrative preachers out there and completely misinformed people too). That in and of itself gives me chills too. But instead of focusing in on the what? of that statement, key in on the fact that God is all-knowing; omnipresent (anywhere and everywhere at the same time). And while God desires for us to do good in this world, he cares more about our relationship with Him and other people. Man, if there's anyone who knows we have seriously screwed up and missed the mark, it's Him. But the coolest thing is, is that He never holds it against us. That's where the greatest gift of all, Jesus, comes in. While we were still sinners, God sent His only Son for us. ALL OF US. Forgiveness; the greatest gift of all. 

So don't be good for goodness sake this Christmas season; or ever really. Be good because that's what has been done to you. And don't look over your shoulder with a creepy thought that someone is watching you all the time, but rather embrace the fact that God is with you in your darkest times, and your most joyful experiences.

He came to town, and He never left. 

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/santaclaushessocreepy.html Tue, 08 Dec 2009 13:21:23 -0800 <![CDATA[A Response]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/aresponse.html I am so encouraged to see everyone's responses, and I hope that those who have questions would find answers here.   I appreciate very much everyone who agrees with me, and just as much I appreciate anyone who, with a good heart, would try to rebuke what I say.   My heart is broken by the struggle that we all share, and I hope that I can speak to your hearts.

On my last post there was an inquiry brought up about the health of masturbation.   To be honest, I did not know that the world of science thought that masturbation was healthy.   But I am not ashamed in my ignorance.   I will not research this topic in worldly sources, I will only look to the Bible for the answer to this question.   I raise 1 Corinthians 1:18 "For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God."   Then in verse 20 "Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?"   Verses 22-25  "Jews demand signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified: as a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God.   For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength."

So I say this.   Masturbation and pornography have been a stumbling block for me pursuing my relationship with Christ.   It is like a spiritual sickness.   And if I could trade that spiritual sickness for a physical one, if I could stop masturbating by the grace of God, but I would have to take on this terrible disease, I say bring it on.

I am not trying to lessen the trial of a physical ailment, I know many who struggle with things, and I praise God for my health.   But a physical ailment is not something that hurts us spiritually.   Bitterness because of the ailment can hurt us, but the physical ailment itself cannot.

I would also like to address another question raised in the comments on my last post.   Is it lust when you are lusting for your wife?   I am not married, but I offer an insight I believe to be true.   The reason lust is a bad thing is because of what we are lusting for.   We are lusting for the naked girl on the screen, we are lusting for an unhealthy sexual relationship.   And in that lust we will be hurt, because that girl on the screen will never be anything more then that girl on the screen.   We are going through a very sexual (in the relational sense) experience with that girl, and we will never have anything else.   Sex is supposed to be a part of a relationship.   God created sex to be had between a man and a woman in marriage, a "next step" in the relationship.

If you are having sex with your wife (in a Godly relationship), then you are fulfilling God's image of sex, which is perfect, and you ultimately should lust for that.   I look forward to the sex I am going to have if I marry.   And once I'm married, I'm sure I will look forward to it day to day.   I think this is a healthy Godly lust.


In Christ,

Ben

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/aresponse.html Mon, 30 Nov 2009 19:12:23 -0800 <![CDATA[Temptation]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/temptation3.html "When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each of you is tempted when you are dragged away by your own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death."

When I first read this, it stuck out to me. I underlined it and moved on. But in returning to it a few times, it really spoke to me about what temptation is. First, it is very clear that temptation does not come from God. Second, it says "but each of you is tempted when you are dragged away by your own evil desire and enticed."

You are tempted when you are dragged away by your own evil desire. So, to me, that says that we are not tempted, then we lose the fight and decide to give in. But we first drag ourselves away from God, away from his protection, because we want to give in, then we are tempted.

This what the thought I had, but then I thought, "wait a second, this can't be true. what about when Jesus was "tempted" in the desert?"

So I looked at the passage. And the greek that we have always heard as tempted is actually translated as tested. The Devil is only testing Jesus, not tempting him. It also says at the beginning of that passage that Jesus went into the desert full of the holy spirit. He went into the desert under the protection of the Lord.

So what does this mean for us? Well, think about it this way. Someone can offer you something in exchange for some money. A shoe, a telephone, whatever. And if this was something you wanted, you would be tempted to make the deal. But if this was something you had absolutely no desire for, then you would not be tempted in the least.

So if we are being tempted to masturbate or look at porn, it is because we want to.

You could say that this is natural, that we are sexual beings, therefore programmed to want this. And that would be true on some level. We are programmed to want sex. But masturbation and pornography are not what sex is. They are destructive, not only to you but to those around you. If you masturbate with someone in your mind, what does that do to the way you see them? I know that I have had a fair share of people who I could not look at the same way. They were just another means for me to get off.

But if we truly saw these people through God's eyes, then it would be impossible to masturbate to the thought of them. It would be impossible to be turned on from porn for love of the porn star. We would never be tempted because we would not want it.

So pray that God gives you his heart for these people. Be real. Think to yourself, who is that person in my mind that I get off to? Think to yourself, who is that porn star. Really, on a deep level. How sucky is her life because of porn? And pray that God gives His heart for that porn star, or that person you masturbate to.

I know this is heavy, and I don't want to sound like I'm preaching. But God laid this on my heart and I know it has helped me a ton (no no all of college), and I really think it could help all of you.

It won't happen overnight. But pray for these people, constantly, and God will show you his heart.

In Christ,

Ben

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/temptation3.html Mon, 23 Nov 2009 22:00:09 -0800 <![CDATA[YOUR Story: The Next Step.]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/thenextstepyourstory.html These are truly dark and pervasive times we all live in. Yesterday on the news we heard that the body of a young girl (5) was found dead off the side of the road, apparently ditched after her mother (who recently was granted custody after kicking her addictions) had sold her into child prostitution. No other story envelops our dark nature that so pervades our very existence (see media here). 

We know that these are dark times. But we also know that these are bright times. This is in incredible time in history to be alive in. Presently, we all have a chance to help shape our world and influence cultural shifts. Being a writer on here allows me to be a part of your everyday lives, as I lift you up in prayer, counsel you and share your stories (confidentiality intact). But here's the thing- I notice a lot of times we only share half the story when we come on here. This half being the first half of our journey- our great struggle. What about the other half? I wanted to take the time and use this as an opportunity to share the rest of our story- how we have been pulled up out of the darkness and into the light, by our friends, family; confidants and most importantly, by God. 

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another- and all the more as you see the Day approaching. - Hebrews 1:23-25

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. - Proverbs 27:17

So use this forum to share YOUR story. Your story of tragedy and triumph. Encourage one another and pray. Join in a church and cause that is bigger than yourself. Be the change your world so desperately needs, and use this day to affect change throughout your life, wherever you may go. 

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/thenextstepyourstory.html Tue, 17 Nov 2009 13:05:12 -0800 <![CDATA[Grace]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/grace.html I have been thinking a lot about my faith lately and what I perceive it to be. I am finding that there are a lot of rules and regulations that I was taught growing up in the church that are still very much a part of me. As much as I have tried to stray from them, they are still rooted deep within me and hard to release.  Thankfully I have moved away from the legalistic talk that says we have to be perfect and follow all of these guidelines in order for Jesus to truly love me.

I know, in my head, how much grace God extends and that He loves me unconditionally but I need to move that to my heart now.  God’s grace and love is something that is so hard to fathom and truly believe. When God is telling us He loves us often times we want to answer with, “but….” or “why?”. We are just called to accept it though. There are no strings attached and no hidden agenda, God just loves me for me.

I have to be honest and say that my battle with this addiction has not been easy these last few weeks. I am dealing with a broken friendship and stress with my master’s classes. It is so easy to want to medicate from this by viewing porn because that is the easiest escape. Thankfully, about five minutes into falling God reminds me that this is not helping and that He has other things for me and ultimately He loves me enough to help me get through this stress and hurt without having to resort to pornography.  Even though I have fallen more than I would like, I have found it easier to get up and harder to stay in the shame and guilt and I am so thankful for that. It is encouraging to see progress and see that when I fall, it doesn’t last a long time and I am able to truly believe and accept God’s grace and forgiveness.

God does not continue to look at my sin and failures, all He sees is His precious daughter that He loves very much and wants to see move on to bigger and better things. Because of this, I am challenged to continue on this journey of healing and as each day goes by, I see God and His faithfulness more and more.

A verse I have been clinging to lately is found in Daniel chapter 6, verse 23. “The king was overjoyed and gave orders to lift Daniel out of the den. And when Daniel was lifted from the den, no wound was found on him, because he had trusted in his God.”. Daniel was thrown into this den of lions; I cannot imagine what kind of emotions and feelings he must have been going through. I love the last part of this verse. There was not a single wound or scratch found on Daniel because He trusted that God would take care of Him and would not let anything happen. The key word here is trust. I have been challenged because as an addict I find myself in my own den of lions often, trying to fight off the temptations and things that try to bring me down. I am challenged to trust God more, to trust that He will protect me and when He sees that it is too much for me to handle, He will take over. I am also challenged to trust that His grace, love and forgiveness truly are unconditional and unending.

I challenge you to look at your journey differently and see that God really wants to lead and will never leave you, no matter how hard you fall. He is not one to give up. I have found that the more I fall, the more I can hear Him cheering for me. This is grace and I challenge you to just swim in it and let God hold your hand as you get back up and try again.

Adelaide Brown

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/grace.html Mon, 09 Nov 2009 21:42:02 -0800 <![CDATA[Can Not Do It Alone]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/cannotdoitalone.html Four years ago I finally got real with myself and admitted that I wasn’t going to kick this porn thing alone. I realized that I could not rely on myself to kick this junk to the curb. I finally admitted that I needed someone else. This step in the healing process is not always easy. You see, naturally we think that we are strong enough to do things on our own. We think this is a problem that we can overcome if we just have enough faith and determination, or if we only pray enough. While, yes, you will not get passed this without your faith in Christ, the one thing missing is that human connection encouraging you and, more importantly, calling you out on your crap. Someone to ask the tough questions. Someone who will actually come out and ask the question, “Dude, you been lookin at porn?” or, “Dude, how you been doing with masturbation?” This is called accountability, and I am telling you right now that you will not get clean without it.

Porn is different from many other addictions. It is such an internal addiction that can so easily be hidden. It is something that no one can even know you battle with. I know for myself, until I came clean to the dude that eventually became my accountability partner, not a soul knew I was struggling with porn. I even was on the leadership board for different ministries on my campus, and no one had a clue. This is because it was my dirty little secret that I kept all to myself because I thought I could beat it. I thought I could overcome it on my own. Man, was I wrong. Not until I opened up to my best friend, Tim, did the healing begin to take place. It felt like a million pounds had been lifted off my shoulders. It was like I was free for the first time in years.

Tim wasn’t afraid to ask me the tough questions, and I asked him the same questions. We kept each other in check. Sometimes weekly. Sometimes daily. Sometimes hourly. It was something we were both committed to. We knew this was something we had to get out of our lives. We knew that eventually there was going to be a future Mrs. in our lives and that every time we indulged in this crap that we were only cheapening what we would one day have. Our accountability is something that we even continue today. We are also both getting married soon and will be each other’s best man. It’s been a pretty cool ride praying the past four years together for the future and to be living it out together.

I give you this little piece of my story because I want you to know that accountability is where it’s at-- real accountability, that is. Real accountability is not being afraid to ask the tough questions. Not being scared to call your friend out on their crap. It builds life long friendships. It is the most effective road to recovery.

Jordy

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/cannotdoitalone.html Mon, 26 Oct 2009 20:47:47 -0700 <![CDATA[Blurring the Line Between Fantasy... and Reality.]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/blurringthelinebetweenfantasyandreality.html I love fantasy football. It is one of life's greatest joys for me. The time we share destroying one another week in and week out, the brotherly (and sisterly) love that is shared through the constant smack talk, and the eventual crowning of a fantasy football winner. Truly, these are good times.

Recently, there was a big fuss in a league I am in. According to a few of the "managers" (people who administer the teams), there are two managers who are trading with the expressed intent of collusion, simply put: cheating. Now this could have been dealt with right away with a quick phone call or email, but it blew up. I have to tell you, I am not a big fan of drama, but once it starts going, it can be a little funny, though sad, especially between grown men and women. I always thought going the Matthew 18 way, and confronting a person was the way to do things. In this circumstance, it blew up on messages, smack talk notes and posts on the league bulletin board. Bottom line, there was no collusion, but now there is an air of distrust between a few people. Somehow, somewhere, the lines between reality and fantasy became blurry.

When we are dealing with our struggles, this is often the common denominator- we struggle through things, most often because our lines have become blurry. What is the difference between right and wrong, and how are we going to confront this?

If you have eyesight issues, much like my wife and her contacts will tell you, then you most likely have blurry vision without a little help. On the flip side, you can say you have a focus issue. Think about it: blurriness is not the issue; it is merely the consequence of a lack of focus on behalf of your eyes. What a huge statement: We have "a lack of focus".

There are all these scriptures that talk about this, such as keeping your eyes on the prize, or how to keep guard over what you have been taught, and to avoid even the slightest appearance of evil, but the main focus in this is to keep and stay focused. There will always be things that cause us to take our eyes off the prize; to forget what we have been taught and sure, we will fall into temptation. But we should never stay there. The more time we spend there, the more our blurriness becomes more obvious, and in fact, commonplace.

In light of this, go back and read or reread what Brian had to say here last week. Even more so, and I think Brian would agree to this: flee from what is holding you back, keeping you a prisoner.

"But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses," 1 Timothy 6:11-12.

May you see clearly that which is of God. May you flee from the desires of youth and live in the fullness God has to offer. May you bring what what is dark into the light, in the presence of your friends, family and God. And may you, in His strength, live the call to which He has called you. A call that is more important than we will ever know. Have faith in yourself- because He has faith in you.

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/blurringthelinebetweenfantasyandreality.html Mon, 19 Oct 2009 12:53:36 -0700 <![CDATA[11 Tips To Help Avoid Sexual Immorality]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/11tipstohelpavoidsexualimmorality.html From time to time we get information from other ministries about how they like what we do.  Many have posted blogs of their own about sexual struggles and purity.  Here is one of those moments; the folks at Fervr have a great blog and we would like to share it with you and their site.

-Brian Mac

God commands and demands that there shouldn't even be a hint of sexual immorality among us as his saved people (Ephesians 5:3). Which, of course, we all find incredibly easy to do, right? WRONG! This feels completely impossible most (maybe all) of the time. If there is one area of life where it feels like Satan is winning the battle, its in the area of sex. And if there is one area where our bodies are screaming out for us to disobey God, its in the area of sex. So I want to give you my top 11 tips to help you avoid sexual immorality.

1) The battle begins in the mind. You need to know what God says about sex and trust what God says about sex. You need to be careful what you fill your minds with. Imagination is often the hotbed where sin is often hatched. Here's another Fervr article that will help with some good parts of the Bible to read.

2) Pray daily. Depend on God, on the power of His Holy Spirit to strengthen you in this battle.

3) Don't put yourself in situations where you will be easily tempted.

4) Remember God is watching. You are never completely out of sight. Someone can always see you.

5) Wield the axe. Jesus says in Matt 5 that if your eye or hand causes you to sin, gouge them out and throw them away, because eternal life is at stake. So if the internet, magazines, TV, or peer group are causing you to sin; wield the axe.

6) Talk about sex. (Accountability). You can't fight this alone. You need God's help and you need God's people's help too. Find someone you trust & share your struggle.

7) Be careful what you wear. Modesty is good for you and good for others too.

8) Remember the cross. Jesus died for our sins, including our sexual sins.

9) Remember Jesus is coming back. We all will have to give an account for our lives, even our sex life.

10) Struggling is a good sign. Keep fighting and don't give in.

11) Forgiveness is available. If you sin sexually you can still be forgiven, such is the power of the cross of Christ. So repent, turn back to God and live for Him.

I hope and pray that these tips will help you in this fight. Remember, 'not even a hint of sexual immorality' is God's loving standard for you.

http://fervr.net/articles/ideas/11-tips-help-you-avoid-sexual-immorality-1146/

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/11tipstohelpavoidsexualimmorality.html Thu, 15 Oct 2009 20:35:07 -0700 <![CDATA[Sharpen Your Iron]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/sharpenyouriron.html I personally believe that it is almost impossible to get free from your sexual addictions without strong accountability.

Almost as soon as God made man, he declared that it wasn’t good for him to be alone, and I believe that truth is critical to us today. In my own life I know that when left to my own strength I often fall and have trouble getting back up again on my own. Which is why I know it is Gods design that I have an earthly brother to pick me up.

Proverbs says that “as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”

I have lived in intense accountability ever since I started the journey to overcome my own sexual addiction. Currently, I send 3 text messages a day to one person letting him know how I am doing. To some, 3 times a day may seem like a lot, but I know my patterns, weaknesses, and triggers, and have adopted a method that I feel keeps me on track. And when I do start to go off track, I am not able to stay there very long since the texts are spaced out within certain hours.

There aren’t any surefire rules for accountability, but I do have some advice for anyone seeking (or currently living in) accountability.

- Find someone you trust.
It’s much easier to bare your deepest secrets to someone you know isn’t going to run out and tell your mother, your friends, the mailman or the waitress taking your order.

- Find someone who isn’t currently struggling with the same issue as deeply as you are.
If you are looking at porn and masturbating once a day, finding someone who is also looking at porn and masturbating twice a day will not help you in the long run. I’m not saying they need to be perfect, but you can’t ask someone to help you win this war if they haven’t won a few battles themselves.

- Find someone who is spiritually mature.
People who have a strong spiritual perspective on life and a mature relationship with God will be better equipped to speak into your life and give you the support you need.

- Find someone you respect.
If you don’t respect your accountability partner, their opinions/perspective won't make any difference to you when it matters most. I hate having to confess stuff to people I care about and respect and therefore, I am less likely to do things that I will eventually have to confess to them.

Sometimes I hate accountability. I know those feelings are just coming from my flesh that wants to resist any kind of change (death). Deep down, I am passionate about changing my life and seeing others change theirs, and I know for a fact that it is so much easier when you have someone looking out for you. If you don’t have someone that you are meeting with on a regular basis and going over your issues - take the step and go find someone.

I once heard someone say that “when you are in a pit, you can’t get out unless someone pulls you out.”

I’m sick of seeing so many people, myself included, missing out on life because they are stuck in the pit. Lets grab on to someone and start the climb out. It’s worth it, trust me.

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/sharpenyouriron.html Thu, 08 Oct 2009 20:05:40 -0700 <![CDATA[Finding Comfort]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/findingcomfort.html I remember being shy as a teenager. I mean really shy. I was outgoing and funny, and usually the loudest person in the room. However when it came to “making a move” I would get petrified. I would break out in cold sweats; it was a horrible sight to behold.

I went on a lot of dates, had sex and messed around with girls (before I knew it as sin) yet held onto the title that I never asked a girl out on a date or made a first move. In the moments of searching for companionship (dates) when the well was dry, there was porn. I had a plethora of girlfriends who in my mind pursued me. Being so paralyzing shy this was a great escape for me. When I became a follower of Christ, porn was even more of a convenience. “At least I wasn’t having sex anymore, or messing around” was my common excuse.

The problem was it was all a lie. I found comfort for a moment. Yet I found nothing satisfying. The momentary comfort of my heart was at the expense of the discomfort of my soul. It began to make sense to me why Jesus said “anyone who looks at a woman lustfully, has already committed adultery with her in his heart”.

Categorically it blows my mind that this is in the gospel of Matthew right after the beatitudes. He gives out all of these blessings, then immediately puts the focus on major heart matters.  The sin is not in the act viewing porn, or masturbation. We forget the sin, is a heart matter. A soul matter. We look so many times to “comfort” our souls, or our hearts with so many things that are not of God. Yet we forget that God is the greatest comforter we would ever have.

David wrote “May your unfailing love be my comfort”. Just because you may be shy, or struggle with feelings of loneliness. Remember momentary comfort is not comfort. Where porn may feel as if it’s comforting a desire, God comforts the soul.

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/findingcomfort.html Mon, 05 Oct 2009 23:19:47 -0700 <![CDATA[Guys Better Step Up]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/guysbetterstepup.html I recieved this email the other day that had this attached to it.  I love the message it has and thought it would be good to share with the rest of our teen adiuance.  It is a portian from a book called 97: Random Thoughts About LIfe, Love, & Relationships by Justin Lookadoo.

This section is called "Guys Better Step Up"

One of my best friends has a daughter who is super-yum-delight.  She’s tall, beautiful, athletic, intelligent, not psycho, and has an incredible relationship with Jesus.  She is a dude’s dream girl.  So of course she has had guys chasing her around her whole life… uh, not so much.  In fact, she has never had anyone ask her out.  She went her entire high school career sitting at home with her parents every Friday and Saturday night.  Hey, I love my folks, but they are not the excitement I want to relive every Monday morning when everyone asks, “Whaddya do this weekend?”

She stuck it out and people lied to her all the time and said, “Oh, there are so many good guys out there.”  *News flash* No, there aren’t.  And then they would say, “Just wait until you get to college; there will be so many more guys to choose from.”  True.  And there will also be so many more losers.

When she went to college, guess what she did every Friday and Saturday?  Yep, sat at home.  Yeah, she had some guys ask her out, but they didn’t get to far because she refused to lower who she was.  Physically, intellectually, spiritually, emotionally, socially, she had it all together, and she wouldn’t lower her standards just so that a guy would seem like he had it all together.

In January this dude asked her out.  And man was he… whoa!  He was tall, almost 6 foot 4.  Built!  Not some steroid ranger, but he had a great bod.  He was smart, like pre-law smart.  He had a solid fam.  He was in a Bible study.  He was the package!  Oh, and guess what else he was, ladies? No, not gay… RICH! Hottie!

Well, he asked her out and she said no.  I was like, you gotta be joking.  Hey, I’m secure in my manhood and I would go out with this dude.

She said he had just broken up with his girlfriend, and she wasn’t going to be the rebound.  Hey, that’s cool.  Be he really wanted to go out with her and asked when he could ask her out.  She said, “Hmmm… May.”

Stupid!  No dude is going to wait until May.

May 1 came around and she got a phone call.  He said, “You said I could ask you out in May.  It’s May, and I want to go out with you.”  This time she said yes!  A year later they had a fairy-tale wedding complete with white horses, a chariot, and dancing under the stars [insert collective sigh from every girl reading this].

A lot of you are even sitting there going, “Omigosh, I want that to be me.”  Listen ladies, it can be.  This isn’t some fictitious story that only happens in fantasy land.  It can be you.  But girls, hear me loud.  I’ll even put it in bold letters for you.  Never, ever lower yourself so that a guy seems like he’s better than he really is.  This is an epidemic in your culture.  Girls, you try to tone down your good stuff.  You become not so beautiful.  Not so smart.  Not so spiritual.  Not so… whatever.  And you do it so that today’s slacker guys don’t feel intimidated, like you are out of their league.  Face it, girls, you ARE out of their league.

That’s what was happening in Joshua 23:7-8.  The Israelites were in the middle of a bunch of people who didn’t live up to their standards – to God’s standards.  And Joshua told them, “Do not associate with these nations that remain among you; do not invoke the names of their gods or swear by them.  You must not serve them or bow down to them.  But you are to hold fast to the Lord your God, as you have until now.”  Do not compromise.

It will be hard.  I’m not gonna lie and say that it won’t.  But don’t lower yourself to someone else’s level so they appear to be a better fit.  You make them step up to yours.  And you know what, if you stay solid and keep growing physically, intellectually, spiritually, emotionally, and socially, there will be a lot fewer guys to choose from… and all of them will be a lot better choices. 

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/guysbetterstepup.html Thu, 01 Oct 2009 07:17:23 -0700 <![CDATA[No Going Back]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/nogoingback.html Here is a part of a book called "The Dirt on Sex" by Justin Lookadoo.  I think that this will speak volumes to many of you that visit here.

A Real Question from a Real E-mail:

“I’ve already messed up and had sex.  Does that mean my life is ruined? Help!”

                                                                                      – Rachel B., 16

Absolutely not!  Your life is not ruined.  You’ll never be able to undo what you did, that’s for sure.  It would be like if you went skydiving.  Once you did it, you would never be able to undo it.  But this is one thing in your life.  Just like skydiving will not totally change or trash your life (unless you crash), this one incident will not be your every thought and control your life unless you crashed (pregnancy or disease).  If you were fortunate enough to walk away relatively, unharmed, it’s time to keep walking.

Realize that you are probably going to have some issues to get through.  You’re going to have to face God.  You’re going to have to get the forgiveness vibe flowing.  You’re going to have to remember that virginity is more about spiritual emotional than the physical.  Run to God.

…Okay, wait.  I was about to give you several little feel-good churchy clichés that would sound good but wouldn’t really do anything for you.  Instead, let’s get to the dirt of how to get through this. 

Break it down.  You had sex.  Now it has clicked in that you’re messed up.  How are you gonna deal?

Pray.  This is the part between you and God.  Tell Him all about it.  Paul the apostle let us know that with temptation, God gives us a way out, and all we have to do is take it.  So admit to God where you totally ignored your way out.  Take a deep breath, shut your eyes, and tell him exactly what you feel.  Or if you connect better by writing, write out your prayer.  Tell God you are truly sorry and you need him to forgive you.  If you’ve never prayed before or are not sure you’re on good terms with God, go read “God God?” (from “The Dirt on Sex”) and make sure you’re set.

Jesus died for this stuff.  You need to understand that.  So here’s what you are going to do.  You are going to use your imagination.  You are going to close your eyes and walk up to the cross.  You can see Jesus on it or just the cross, whatever works for you.  I want you to walk up to it with a piece of paper in your hand.  On that piece of paper is all the stuff you feel awful about.  All the things that you did to let yourself down, to let God down, everything.  Walk up to the cross and nail that piece of paper to the cross.  That’s what Jesus died for.  So do it.  It won’t take long.

Now leave it there.  I say that ‘cause the Enemy is going to try to tell you that you are damaged goods and that’s the way God sees you.  When these thoughts come, say out loud, “No! I nailed that to the cross.”  And see in your mind the paper nailed to the cross.

Accept forgiveness.  Yeah, God has forgiven you, so it’s time for you to accept it.  When you refuse to accept it and say, “I just can’t forgive myself,” you are holding yourself to a higher standard than God holds you to, as if he isn’t good enough for you.  Don’t get all martyr-dramatic here.  It won’t make him forgive you any more, ‘cause he’s already forgiven it all.  It’s done.

You may think you deserve to be punished or that you are worthless.  And in a sense you probably are, because we all are.  Hey, I’m not calling you out, that’s what it says in Romans six:twenty-three, “For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.”  None of us deserves to be alive because we are so sinful.  But don’t make light of Christ’s death on the cross, as if it wasn’t enough to cover your sins.  That’s what he died for.  You’re not such a horrible, tragic case that you just can’t be forgiven by God.  Don’t act as if He isn’t big enough.  He is.  Accept it.

Let go of the blame.  If you are spreading blame and holding bitterness for what happened, then guess what – it’s time to let it go.  First thing you have to do is figure out who you need to forgive.  Who is it?  The person you had sex with?  Your parents? I don’t know, maybe you blame them for letting you do it.  God?  Jot down all the people you are ticked off at or upset with.  Anyone you think you need to stop blaming.

Okay, you are about to pray to get rid of the junk that you’re holding on to.  You have to stop blaming everyone on your list immediately, or the pain will turn to bitterness and destroy you.  You don’t have to feel tons better; this isn’t about feelings, it’s about choosing to release them from any debt you might think they owe you.  So here we go.  This is what you are going to pray for everyone you need to forgive.  Even yourself.

Heavenly Father, I am sorry that I have held a grudge against (name of person).  Right now I choose to forgive (name of person) from my heart for all the things he/she did to me.  I let them go free.  They do not owe me anything; they are debt free.  I release them to your hands.  Now release your love through me.  I know I can’t do this on my own, so let your forgiveness and love flow through me to him/her.  Now, like your Word tells me to, I pray for them to receive your blessings in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

Now go back and do that for each person you have been blaming.  Get that business cleared up so we can get down to the business of starting over. 

Tell it.  No, I don’t want you to run off and blab it to your buds.  Find someone you trust.  An adult who you think has a great relationship with God.  Sit down with tem and tell it.  Confess it.  James, the brother of Jesus who is the Christ, wrote in his letter (5:16) that we should confess our sins to each other and pray for each other so that we may be healed.

Telling God is about forgiveness.  Telling others is about being healed.  See, Christ doesn’t just want you forgiven, he wants you healed.  Complete.  So tell it to this person you trust, and let them pray for you.  That will get you on the road to total completeness.  Your physical virginity is gone, but God wants to restore your emotional and spiritual virginity.

Fill the cup.  Your life is a cup.  You fill it up with all kinds of stuff.  What just happened is, through grace from the Savior, God gave you a do-over.  He just emptied all the junk out of your cup, washed it clean, and dried it out.  Now your life is going to be whatever you choose to put in your cup.

Some salty suggestions are pray, read the Bible, get hooked up with a church, get Scripture in your head.  And the question is How?  Well, there are bunches of ways to find out about these things.  Books, tapes, a pastor – keep digging and asking about how to do this stuff.  All you have to do is search for it.  And, like the truth we have all heard, “Seek and ye shall find.”

You had sex.  You can’t do anything about that.

It’s up to you whether you do it again.

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/nogoingback.html Thu, 24 Sep 2009 07:09:37 -0700 <![CDATA[Life {Without} Boundaries]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/lifewithoutboundaries.html

This past weekend I had the opportunity to speak at the High School Youth Leadership Conference at William Jessup University (of which I am an alumni at). In a room meant for less than twenty, we crammed fifty-nine into the first session and thirty into the second. Besides the body heat and evident aroma of high schoolers and their pastors confined to a tight space, the event was a complete success. 

I spoke on the topic of “Ministry Without Boundaries”, something of which I am passionate about, as I do my best to emulate this principle and have that pour out into the lives of my students and adult youth workers (and therefore my church). As I began the session, we dove deep into what a life, what a ministry looks like that is “out of bounds”. We’re talking about doing things different, in fresh, real and relevant ways. 

Diving deeper, we discussed cutting edge ministries that are approaching their landscape in new and exciting formats, such as Hookers for Jesus, XXXChurch and and more locally (where I am at) with the homeless programs and our “Have a Need? Meet a Need.” program that meets the tangible needs of our community (specifically families in and around our immediate community) in order to bridge the gap to more eternal needs. 

In our time of discussion, it became apparent that within this room, there was a huge need for what I was bringing them, what God has placed upon my heart. The above ministries (Hookers for Jesus, XXXChurch, the ministries I am currently in the thick of) are things that have barely been heard of, if at all. Things that aren’t being done in their churches and communities. So this brings me to the heart of this short blog: Where are we at? What are we doing? Where are we going? Is this really what is going on?

I write this here in the teens section because I because that this is the frontline to the battle. Teens are at the very heart of the discussion because more often than not, they are the most easily influenced, attracted to and the least paid attention to. Sure, there are student ministries out there and youth help programs, but what I am hearing and see around the country is there is a huge cry out for help. Somewhere, there is a huge disconnect. 

So I ask you teens, are you really getting everything you need?

  • Do you feel like we (the Church) are drawing alongside you in support of your life?
  • Is the Church reaching out to you in ways you never thought possible, embracing you with the love of Jesus?
  • Are you getting what you need?
  • How can we better serve you?

 

Your response? 

]]> http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/teens/index/blog/lifewithoutboundaries.html Tue, 15 Sep 2009 00:13:12 -0700