Pure Heart: A Women's Guide to Sexual Integrity

Chapter 10 - Purity (Broken Beginnings Made Whole)

"No More Bitterness"

After I read her eulogy, Candice and I spent some time discussing what got us to a place where we were so spiritually schizophrenic when it came to our sexuality. One of the things we both admitted was that our tainted past had a lot to do with it. I won’t speak for Candice, but as for me, it really got me thinking, both about my sexual abuse and sexual misuse.

How we are going to end this chapter is a bit di!erent from the other ones. This will actually require your participation, more than your monetary donation to the book (thanks again) and your reading it. When I finally got to a place where I was saying, “God, I want your best for me. I don’t want to live a compromised life anymore,” I was startled by what he led me to do. He called me to a Past Fast.

What’s that? Well, I’ll explain in a minute, but for now, let me quickly express just how powerful it is if you remain open to really wanting to get free from the sins that bind you. From personal experience, I know that it can be really dificult to move into your future when you haven’t fully dealt with your past. Part of the reason I was “insane” (doing the same thing while expecting a di!erent result) is because I didn’t take a time-out to really see what I was doing. The Past Fast helped me put some of the ghosts that were haunting me to rest. For me, the top three were:

1. the person who molested me

2. a guy who told me that I was too unattractive to be in his family (although for years he told me he loved me and didn’t mind sleeping with me)

3. a girl who introduced me to lesbianism—probably because someone had done the same thing to her—and who was also not the nicest person I’ve known

For years I harbored bitterness, almost to the point of malice, against these people, but God continued to gently yet firmly reveal to me that malice is not a characteristic of a follower of Christ (1 Cor. 14:20; Eph. 4:31; Col. 3:8; 1 Peter 2:1). Yes, a part of the reason is because we are called to love even our enemies (Matt. 5:43–44), but an even greater part of the reason is because when we don’t forgive, when we don’t choose to release the past, it keeps us bound to the spirit of those people and what they did to us—like a sick prison sentence.

Order your copy of Pure Heart: A Women's Guide to Sexual Integrity , please visit Amazon.com and get your copy today. You may also download a copy now at www.eyesofintegrity.com

Here we are with an excerpt from Chapter 2: "Sex: In and Out of Purpose". Each chapter opens up with a poem, or a prose, or a comment from someone I know...or letter from a xxxchurch.com reader. To be honest, when you get the book (and you are going to get the book, right?!?), you'll see that I really could've just enclosed the "praise report of waiting until marriage" vs. the "what did I do to myself?!?" letter from a reader for this blog. Truly, God is not the author of confusion...and sin causes A LOT of it. But, I decided to use this part instead. Something tells me it just might intercept some plans this weekend (wink). Here's to hopin'...and prayin':

Sex: In and Out of Purpose...Pg. 38

Not too long ago I watched a movie on Lifetime about women and sexual addiction. (I don’t know why Lifetime is called “Television for Women” when most of the characters in their films appear to be, uh, psycho.) Surprisingly, this movie
was actually pretty good. When the main character finally went in for treatment after sleeping with hundreds of men, her counselor told her that sexual addiction was a form of self-loathing. According to the therapist, sex addicts hate doing
it—the kind of sex that includes random partners for random reasons, not the sex act itself. And because of how doing it makes them feel, even if it is just a temporary fix, it helps them escape the guilt and selfcondemnation. And the cycle continues.

You’re not an addict, right? You can count the number of partners you’ve had on less than two hands. All of the guys you’ve been with had the title of boyfriend. Shoot, you may even be a virgin who doesn’t do that . . . just the other
stuff. Yeah, I hear you, and all I have to say to that is, if you are engaging in sex, any kind of sex, outside of God’s will for your life, I wouldn’t be so sure about labeling yourself a virgin.

I recall a famous television therapist saying that an “addiction” is anything that takes us away from our normal way of life. John 10:10 says that Christ came so that we could live life in abundance. Romans 6:23 tells us that the wages of sin is death. First Corinthians 6:9–10 assures us that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of heaven. Do you know who’s included on that “righteous-less” list? Fornica-

Pg.39

tors, adulterers, and homosexuals (v. 10). Are you willing to risk an abundant life on earth and eternal life in heaven just to “get some”? If the answer is yes—and it’s not just your words but your actions on this earth that will determine that—then an addict is exactly what you are. You are willing to risk your
eternal life for a quick fix.

Unfortunately, so many of us are using sex to . . . well, let’s stop right there for just a moment because that is a message in itself. So many of us are using sex. We are not (just) enjoying sex, we’re using it to make us feel good about
ourselves. We are using it as a distraction from the inner and external issues in our daily life. We are using it to get or “keep” a man (heads-up: sex will not keep a man. I’ve tried numerous times!). But that’s just it. In God’s perfect design,
sex was never meant to be used in an abusive sense. It is to be embraced, celebrated, shared between two committed, covenant partners. A husband and a wife.

When we do what we want, when we want, without going to God about why he wanted us to do or not do something, we find ourselves in a compromised state at best, and at worst, a very dangerous one. The reason sex exists is to bring a
husband and wife together as one mind, one body, and one spirit.

The second purpose of sex is to replenish the Earth through this act (Gen. 1:28). And because it was an instruction given to mankind in the Garden, I will go one step further by saying that the third purpose of sex—which, when you really
think about it is probably the first—is to honor and worship God. God told us how we should have sex, and any time that we follow his instruction, it is an act of obedience to him. First Samuel 15:22 tells us that it is better to obey than to
sacrifice.

Have sex within covenant? You are being obedient.

Have sex outside of it? Yes, one way or another, you will have to pay a sacrifice.

Sometimes Craig gives us homework. It trips me out too (LOL). It seems that for the next several weeks, I will be posting excerpts from chapters of my new book, my "second born": "Pure Heart: A Woman's Guide to Sexual Integrity".

If there's anyone who's been reading these for awhile, then you know that title is soooooooooooo not my style/personality/choice. Personally, I wanted it to be named, "Eyes Opened. Legs Closed" (and I'm waiting on Craig to make some shirts with that on it...HINT...HINT). Yet, before I copy and paste a couple of paragraphs from the first chapter, let me show you how God operates...a lot of the time; how, indeed, his ways are not like ours...most of the time (Isaiah 55:8).

Timing is something. Today, I received a book review of my "firstborn", "Inside of Me: Lessons of Lust, Love & Redemption". That was a book written six years ago. When I public speak, I sometimes share that when I got the first copy of the book in the mail, my boyfriend, at the time, had just been...intimate with me that day. Hmph. A book about the lessons I've learned on lust, love and redemption and clearly, I was still learning them.

During the time between the two books, I knew there was some stuff I needed to work on. Abstinence, for more than 10 months, was on top of the list. A prayer request that I had, after celebrating my first year of abstinence, now, almost three years ago (it'll be four years of no sex in January and one year of no masturbation in October) was that the Lord, even after all that I've done, would make me PURE and that I would become a woman of INTEGRITY.

And again, what's the title of the book? One that I had absolutely no say in?!? Yeah. God is indeed hilarious, at times. (LOL)

So, there's my James 5:16 for the week. A little background on why I am sharing a few of the paragraphs that I am today. There is a songwriter that I have a lot of respect for by the name of Hallerin Hill. He once penned a verse that said, "He didn't solve the problem the way you thought he would. He chose a different answer, but it was twice as good." Sometimes, life doesn't go the way we planned...but the plan is still a good one. Here's a teaser of the first chapter. All of the excerpts won't be this long, but I wanted to give you the gist of where my head was...years after "Inside of Me". I hope you dig it...oh, and will buy it. Thanks. ;-)

In the Beginning...Pg.16

This book? Prayerfully, it will pick up where Inside of Me left off—for both the writer and the reader—because the funny thing (not in the “ha-ha” but the “aha” kind of way) is that in the intro of my first book, I listed all of the reasons why sex outside of marriage was not a good idea. And all of them were dead-on. But it wasn’t until 2007—that’s right, three years later—that I actually stopped having sex for good. Well, until I get married, that is. Hey, I’m obedient, but I’m not a nun. Not by any stretch of the imagination (and I have a big imagination!). I mean, I got mad respect for the apostle Paul, but I have no desire to be like him when it comes to his quest for singleness (1 Cor. 7:8). I love the single life, but not enough to be single (and celibate) forever.

So yes, that means I desire to be married. And when I do, I hope to remain so until death parts me from my mate. While sex is not the be-all of marriage (believe me, I’ve heard enough war stories to know), I did once hear a wise married man say that good marital sex is 10 percent of a marriage and bad marital sex is 90 percent of a marriage. The bedroom tends to set the tone for the rest of the house, whether married or single.

Pg.17

The Beginning . . . of It All

Sex isn’t just about what we see on so-called reality television shows or our favorite romantic dramedies (thank the Lord!). Sex is about joining two human minds, bodies, and spirits together. It is one of the ultimate forms of communication between a man and a woman—ideally, husband and wife. The truth is, whomever you have sex with, you become joined to . . .forever. I once heard a man say that they don’t pay prostitutes for sex; they pay them to leave. According to 1 Corinthians 6:15–16, that man was delusional. It may be by floss
or it may be by tightly woven rope, but every single individual you have sex with, you become linked to from that moment forward. That is the main role sex plays: connector.

Like so many women (and while I think men can benefit from reading this, I am writing to my spiritual sisters), I didn’t really understand the true role of sex in life. My mom told me about the birds and the bees at a fairly young age, and my
Christian educational upbringing pretty much beat into my head that sex outside of marriage is not something that “good girls” do. Looking back, I guess they meant single good girls, because aren’t married women “good girls” too? (That was not a rhetorical question; we’ll get to that in another chapter!) But even with all of the “book knowledge” I had on the issue, I still didn’t really get the purpose of why God created sex or what he desired for his daughters to experience in that area.

And so, on my current quest for sexual fulfillment—from spiritual perspective first—I figured why not go to the first woman documented in the Good Book? The Woman (she wasn’t called “Eve” until after sin—Gen. 3:20). The Woman
was brought to Adam. See that? As much as we quote this section of Scripture and say many a man may find a good wife (see Prov. 18:22), Adam didn’t actually find his; he slept, while God planned his future (Gen. 2:21–22). Wonder what
the experience was like for the Woman? How did she feel being created from a man and then seeing him for the first time? Well, I won’t speak for her because I hate it when people speak for me, but if I were to put myself in her shoes, as a
Words of Affirmation person (because you have read Gary Chapman’s The Five Languages of Love, right?), if Adam had been my husband, he would have earned major points for praising me on seeing me: “And the man said, ‘Now, this
is someone whose bones came from my bones, whose body came from my body. I will call her “woman,” because she was taken out of man’” (v. 23).

Pure Heart: A Women's Guide to Sexual Integrity

Chapter 6 - Confusion

"The Misuse of Sex"

About three years before I penned Inside of Me, God gave me  a term to describe the kind of lifestyle I was engaging in when it came to my sexuality. It’s “sexual misuse.” My original definition was “sex outside of God’s intention.” However, I remember doing an interview on a local television show and the host said, “So, when you separate the di!erence between sexual abuse and sexual misuse, would it be that one is what’s done to you while the other is what you do to yourself?” Ding, ding, ding. That is perfect.

This chapter is going to address sexual misuse in a way that Inside of Me couldn’t, because, to be honest, I was still caught up in it at the time. Up until 2007, the longest I had been abstinent since becoming sexually active in 1993 was ten months. All that Word . . . all that wisdom . . . and I still couldn’t get the sex monkey o! my back. What was that about?

Well, the thing is, when it comes to obeying God, we have to do it 100 percent. You can be living 99.9 percent truth, and that fraction of a lie can destroy your life. The lie that tripped me up more than anything was my cyclic state of self-manipulation and rationalization, the crazed voice inside me that said, “Well, since we all make mistakes, tripping over my discernment and into a man’s arms and ultimately his sheets, every once in a while, isn’t all that bad.” Especially if I loved him . . . especially if he was my boyfriend. Whatever. The devil is a liar.

I recall not too long ago hearing a sermon in which the pastor said that even partial or incomplete obedience is total disobedience, and he’s right. When it came to my getting freed from my sexual misuse cycle, every few years or so, when I would find myself with another broken heart or unplanned pregnancy, the Holy Spirit would gently lead me to the following Scripture:

He also spoke this parable: “A certain man had a fig tree planted in his vineyard, and he came seeking fruit on it and found none. Then he said to the keeper of his vineyard, ‘Look, for three years I have come seeking fruit on this fig tree and find none. Cut it down; why does it use up the ground?’ But he answered and said to him, ‘Sir, let it alone this year also, until I dig around it and fertilize it. And if it bears fruit, well.
But if not, after that you can cut it down." Luke 13:6–9 NKJV

I knew what God wanted of me: one year. I needed to be abstinent for one solid year. Like Esther, who spent a year getting ready for her king (Esther 2:12–13), for me to reach my destiny, I needed to purge fornication from my system for twelve solid months.

To Pre-Order your copy of Pure Heart: A Women's Guide to Sexual Integrity , please visit Amazon.com and get your copy today. You may also download a copy now at www.eyesofintegrity.com

I know it's not the usual for me (LOL), but I won't be before you (too) long. Two links speak for themselves and the other, well, it's nowhere near appropriate to post on the site so I'll just briefly reference it.

I actually do a devotional series and I was mentioning today that sex deserves our respect. I'm not sure how many people, whether in or out of the Church, actually feel that way, yet it's the truth. It seems like more and more, the sanctity of two people, in covenant, physically expressing the oneness of their union (I Corinthians 6:16-Message) is degraded to nothing more than...well, again, I'll let the links speak for themselves.

First up: Montana Fishburne (yeah Craig, I peeped that you shouted her out as well. I guess...we'll see):

http://www.dimewars.com/Video/Montana-Fishburne-s-Little-Porno-Publicity-Stunt-Is-Working---She-s-Already-Made-It-From-The-Hood-To-CNN.aspx?bcmediaid=5fde4c01-bdaa-44e9-ac8c-0c8a5b631959

The interviewer? Um, yeah. You don't mind nudity as long as it's art? Is that like putting a joint in your mouth and not inhaling it? ANYWAY, I sat and watched the interview of this young, attractive woman and how HAPPY she seemed to be about being on CNN...for porn. It broke my heart. A friend of mine often says, "When something is done outside of the will of God, it's gonna end. It just won't end well." If there's one thing that I can agree with Montana about is that there seems to be sex tapes "popping up"...EVERYWHERE. How far we've come from how embarrassed Adam and Eve were for just the Lord to notice they were naked (Genesis 3:7-13). And to hear her say that because another person is now famous due to a sex tape, she figured she'd give it a shot...and to admire that?!?

Which brings me to the second video:

http://bossip.com/274960/smh-little-girl-gives-details-on-mommy-and-daddy-sex-noises-daddy-goes-uh-uh-like-a-girl-video69691/

OK. This CHILD couldn't be more than four or five years old and yet...HER DAD is interviewing her about the sounds he makes with HER MOM while they're having sex? He actually videotaped this?!? So when the Bible says, "Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6-NKJV) what are his plans for her exactly? Over and over (and over and over) again he asks the little girl what he sounded like and what her mom sounded like. To be honest, for all intent and purposes (and really, what just what is his true intent and purpose), this child received her first sex lesson on YouTube. She's taught that it's "OK" to watch her parents and imitate them and that it's funny. That sex is a joke. What makes them think she will care 10 years from now? Or even 20?

And then, Ms. Gaga. OK, Daniel Cole...yeah, that link was something else. Recently, while at Lollapooloza, she with her breasts only covered with paste-ties and fishnet and panties, jumps into a crowd of people and actually lets people bite her...um, everywhere. WHY? I'm sure a big part of the reason is because she knew it would be on media links...and possibly even that people (like me) would write about it.

What people are doing right now for the purpose of fame, whether it's millions of dollars worth or fifteen minutes, is really blowing my mind. Like I said, the links pretty much speak for themselves, but I am sending this out as a PSA. When the Lord told us that we were fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), I wonder why that is not enough for us; that although we are told not to put confidence in man (Psalm 118:8), THAT SEEMS TO BE EXACTLY WHAT WE ARE DOING. Whatever will cause someone to give us some attention, no matter how insane or potentially counterproductive it may be, we do it.

I was just talking to a friend of mine yesterday who is married. She was asking me what I thought about sex counselors. What I think is that the Word says that if we acknowledge the Lord, he will direct us (Proverbs 3:6). What I think is that man is too much of the standard for what is sexy, what is sensual, what is "on and off limits" when it comes to sexual activity. AND THAT IS DANGEROUS...because man is flawed.

When Adonai came up with something as beautiful, as special, as sacred...AS EXCLUSIVE AS SEX (Genesis 2:24-25), you can best believe his intentions were not for young women to use it to get on television, for fathers to make their children the laughing (or cringing) stock of the Internet...or for celebrites to have random strangers pawing (to say the least) them. Is this where we are? Is this how little with think of our bodies...our lives...even, yes, our sex lives? Are we at a point where people knowing us is better than being known by our covenant partners?

It would appear that with just this week's media "sightings" alone, the answer would be a resounding "yes". But at what price? Present-day humilation? Future regret? Sin is senseless. Consequences are coming.

Fame is one heck of a drug. Drugs can kill you.

A slow and painful death, too.

Just as the Liar (John 8:44) wants it to be (John 10:10).

I'm sure he's saving his applause til the end. Literally.

“Then the Lord God said, ‘It’s not good that man should be alone; I will make a helper who is like him.’”---Genesis 2:18 (GMLT)

Hey Ministers-in-Training,

Are you waiting to be called to a fast? ME TOO.  I thought it would’ve happened by now. I simply haven’t felt a release from the Comforter (John 14:26-AMP) yet. HOWEVER, I do have a bit of an assignment for us. You’ll need a fresh journal for it.

In my own personal quest, curiosity, desire to have a “Back to the Garden of Eden Covenant”, I have been spending quite a bit of time researching the origin of things; the original translations of Scripture…what may have been lost over time as people play, what I call, the “Scripture Gossip Game”: one person tells one thing about a verse, someone else tells another and so forth…until we end up losing clarity of what the verses of the Bible really meant.

This week, the two words that the Comforter has been having me focus on are “make” and “helper”. This is why the message is entitled in the way that it is. EZER KENEGDO (pronounced Ee-zur Ken-egg-doe/dough) are the two words in the Hebrew Language for HELP MEET; yet, my research has shown me that it’s pretty hard to directly translate. And because of that, I believe, a lot of wives (and wives in training) are not fully cognizant of the miraculous role that they are to play in their marriages.

An ‘ezer is something we all need. Yahweh ‘Ezer is Hebrew for “Lord our Helper”. That, right there, should give us a lot of peace…and clarity of purpose because the Lord basically said he would make someone, not just comparable to Adam, but also someone like the Lord himself…someone to do something similar to what he does. Have you ever looked up the kind of help that Yahweh ‘Ezer provides? You might want to do a study on it some time. I know something that I have been “on pause” about this week is how the Lord is referenced in Psalm 33:20 and 115:9-11: A HELP AND SHIELD. A shield protects, eh? Other studies stated that ‘ezer can also mean “to rescue” or “to save”. TO RESCUE AND SAVE.

Moving on…

Kenegdo? My research tells me that it basically means to be equal, counterpart or alongside.      

Put these two would together and if there was a simplified way of explaining the role, it would be LIFESAVER; someone who can be alongside Adam in the role of protecting, rescuing, saving…HELPING. That would be a lifesaver, indeed.

OK. Now, we all know (or at least should) that no one is a person’s Savior but Christ. Any kind of implication of being a “human savior” is not what these two words are trying to convey…nor am I. However, based on all of this information, I do want you to take note of how POWERFUL a wife is. How PIVOTAL her role is. The PURPOSE for why she was created in the first place.

And why you need a new journal.

As I’ve been dialoguing with a lot of women, both married and single, regarding marriage, one thing that doesn’t seem to be focused on nearly as much as it should is the SPIRITUAL RESPONSIBILITY that a female covenant partner is to have. Yet, I think Ezer Kenegdo explains it brilliantly. When the Lord gave us dominion over the earth (Genesis 1:26-31), that was not just a role for Adam; that was an instruction for mankind: MAN AND WOMAN. The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, decided that it’s not “morally excellent”, “right”, “honorable”, “favorable”, “RESPONSIBLE”, “healthful”, “BENEFICIAL”, “advantageous”, “CLEVER”, “sufficient”, “financially sound or safe” (hmph), “in good standing” for a man to be alone. However, to be good for a man, you must be good for yourself (eh hem).

Hmph. No wonder King Solomon reminded us that when a man finds a wife, he finds a good thing (Proverbs 18:22). No wonder covenant marriage, the bond between a MAN and a WOMAN (Matthew 19:6) is attacked in the relentless manner that it is. Anything that’s “good” in the site of the Lord, the Liar (John 8:44) works overtime to defile. And so, with all of that said, here’s the journal project for this week:

1)  Seek the Lord on what areas you can improve as an Ezer Kenegdo. Cause the truth is, whether married or not, you are a woman. The Lord can use you to rescue, to save, to help, right now. Also, take a moment to see how you’re helping. I often say that because we’re created to help man, we’re either helping him to heaven or helping him to hell. Love is godly help. Lust is demonically-based assistance. In this life, there are wives and there are prostitutes (I Corinthians 6). Which are you?

2)  Focus on the word “make” for awhile. Some of us long to be joined to our covenant partner. Yet, because things are done decently and in order (I Corinthians 14:40), we must understand that before things can be given, they must be made. In context to this message, one definition is “preparing in a certain way”. Another (and I love this one!)? TO BE ASSURED OR CONFIDENT OF SUCCESS. One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Ecclesiastes 3:14 (NKJV): “I know that whatever God does, it shall be forever. Nothing can be added to it, and nothing taken from it. God does it, that men should fear before Him.” A covenant is certainly El Berith, the God of Covenant’s, doing. For some of us, the “delay” is that he is not yet confident of the union’s success…yet. There’s some more “making” that has to be done. Yes, I’m sure this is the case when it comes to the man and the woman, but to be honest with you, lately, at least as it relates to me, because the Bible says that the unmarried woman cares for the things of the Lord so that she can be holy in body and spirit (I Corinthians 7:34), I’m not too concerned about what my future partner is doing. That’s not to be my priority right now. I want the Lord to be confident that I will be a successful woman…a successful wife will follow.

I want you to know that you all remain in my prayers. If there is something you have as a specific request, feel free to let me know. In the meantime, be anxious for nothing (Philippians 4:6-7). More and more, I’m coming to see that Elohim has things far more under control than I tend to give him credit for AND that he has more faith in me than I tend to give him credit for.

After all, he created me to be an Ezer Kenegdo. Who wouldn’t be proud of that?!?

Sometimes I run across a Scripture that I know I should probably blog on...but I end up, what I call, "bookmarking it" until I can figure out totally why.

Today, I got my "why".

You know, Chris Rock can be...let's say, "open" with his dialogue (LOL) and so while I will refrain from quoting him verbatim, I do recall him once saying that he didn't understand why you would dress for a job you didn't work. And, brilliantly (because it supports the message that I am wanting to convey today), he was referring to women who dress, let's say...immodestly. Actually, he articulated more like so:

Prostitutes. Hookers. Harlots. Whores. Hos.

They dress to make money, right? At least traditionally, that's what their attire was for. The clothes that they picked showed off their, eh hem, merchandise.

Yet, as I think about some of the things that I used to put on, on this side of abstinence, I can't help but to wonder if I did it for very similar reasons. I mean, I never had sex for money...but sometimes, I wonder who's better off: hookers or fornicators. They both are sinful (Proverbs 5, Hebrews 13:4) but at least hookers get SOMETHING for their trouble. A lot of the time, I was the one who ended up losing money (no joke) due to taking care of grown men. Head's up: any single woman who let's a man think that having sex with you for your birthday is a "birthday present" (crickets), IT'S NOT SUFFICIENT. He's a cheapskate. Get out now (no joke!).

You also might want to check out one of my other blogs to see all of the synonyms of "childish", too. It's quite revelatory...if I do say so myself:

http://onfirefastmovement.blogspot.com/2010/07/on-fire-man-of-god.html

OK, but back to the point of THIS message. So the whole "dress for the job" thing...I've been really giving it some thought. The longer I am abstinent, the more I value my body and the less I want people gawking at it. I mean, WHY do I need YOU to know every curve of my body in my jeans. You ain't gonna get what's in 'em, so what's the point? For you or for me?

That's when this Scripture really began to illuminate in my psyche. Actually, it's more like a couple of lines in a series of verses in Scripture that references false teachers:

"They are spots and blemishes, carousing in their own deceptions while they feast with you, having eyes full of adultery and that cannot cease from sin, enticing unstable souls."---2 Peter 2:13 (NKJV)

While Christ was on the earth, he said that if a man even looks at a woman lustfully, he has committed adultery in his heart (Matthew 5:27-28)...in his innermost central being...in the center of his emotion...at the center of his total personality. THAT SHOULD BRING THE WHOLE "WATCHING PORN IS NOT AS BAD AS HAVING SEX" THEORY TO A SCREECHING HALT RIGHT THERE.

Yet, what really caught me about the 2 Peter Scripture was, "If someone's eyes are full of adultery", someone must be giving them something to look at. What would the world be like if we all thought about it from this perspective before walking out the door every morning?

Oh, but what really put the "robe on the lingerie" was when I read an article today about a woman by the name of Sheyla Hershey, who is currently considered to have the world's largest breasts (38KKK) and is also experiencing a series of staph infections due to her multiple plastic surgeries.

I've seen a picture of her, and although she has a pretty face, that is not what I spent much time looking at, even as a heterosexual woman. I can't speak for what her motive was in getting them (she seems to compare plastic surgery to working out?!?), but I do know that breasts are all I really noticed...and will probably be all that I really remember. If she wasn't advertising her breasts, why get some that are so obnoxious in size and why dress to where virtually all of them are showing? Why put yourself in the position to be used by the kind of people whose "eyes are full of adultery" AND why would you cater to people with that kind of weakness? How is that helping anyone?

Oh, but the real "hook, line and sinker" is that her infections could end up costing her...not only the fake breasts, but the ones that the Lord gave her as well. In her not being at peace with being enough (lust), she could end up losing what the Lord felt was just enough (love). The legacy of having the largest breasts in the world...could end up costing Sheyla her life.

I feel her pain. The same...but differently.

How many times have I made "sexy" a priority over been "virtuous"? How many times have I "false advertised" by saying I'm a disciple, when I dress like a hooker? How many times have I wanted a MAN to approve of me more than his CREATOR? Does my flesh properly represent my spirit?

In times past, more times than not...it hasn't. And yeah, it cost me.

Yesterday, I saw this chick with great legs. And thighs. *sigh* I can't figure out for the life of me why parents let their daughters rock those shorts that look like panties. Nothing but her lower half caught the attention of those she walked past (IT WAS OBVIOUS) and as physically beautiful as many women are, when the Lord said that we were fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), being that God is a Spirit (John 4:24) and we are made in his image (Genesis 2:24-25), you can best believe he takes greater note (and delight) of us showing off our character than our clothes...or lack thereof.

So what motivates your wardrobe decisions? Do you dress to make money? Or do you dress to accentuate your beauty...the one that has nothing to do with bedroom activity?

Advertising is about making a buck. False advertising also comes with a price.

In what (why and where) you do it, choose wisely.

Just ask Sheyla what happens when you don't.

Every once in awhile, I'll come across something that's so ridiculous that I want to comment on it (mostly because it's not always packaged as ridiculous and people will actually be tempted to fall for it). Today is one of those times. I won't be mentioning the name of the book or the author (cause I don't want to help his book sales), but I do want to address some "slick deceit" (John 8:44) that seems to be going on....whether you watch porn or not.

There's a porn star who, according to him, has been in over 1000 flicks to date. That saddened me right there, although, from the review that I read, he seems to be pretty proud of himself (pride will do that to a person-Proverbs 16:18). Anyway, because of his, um, skills, he has now written a how-to so that we can be just as, um, good as he is. Here's an excerpt from the author's introduction:

"I listened, learned, and made changes that made a lasting impression on my co-stars, directors, and the public. I became a better lover and performer not only because gave my lovers what they wanted, but because when I failed it only drove me harder to succeed…"

And here is an excerpt from the person who reviewed the book:

"But no, _____________ reveals a sensitive side in this comprehensive opus which touches on every area of human sexuality you could think of, and then some. The book is broken up into 16 chapters ranging from conventional behavior like kissing and the missionary position all the way to bizarre practices including group sex and sadomasochism."

Now anyone who knows me knows that I enjoy a good debate. But when it comes to spiritual matters (and sex would most certainly qualify), I am learning that the Word needs no defending. With that said, "Do not answer a fool according to his folly, lest you also be like him. Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes. He who sends a message by the hand of a fool cuts off his own feet and drinks violence." (Proverbs 26:4-6) Calling this man a "fool" is not really my agenda...but what he's doing, yeah, it's quite foolish. Not just participating in sexual sin (Hebrews 13:4) but then encouraging others to do the same under the guise of learning how to be a "better lover".

A wise man once said, "A great lover is a man who romances the same woman for a lifetime." And yes, while I am aware that one definition of "lover" is "a person who has a sexual relationship with another" (whether in marriage or not), I want to encourage you to not be a better lover but the RIGHT LOVER; the kind who is actually in love with another person. The kind that honors what the Lord says about sexual relations:

"Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband."---I Corinthians 7:1-3 (NKJV)

I get into this discussion with my sexually-active male friends often. Now, I'm 36 not 23 and so the topic of marriage comes up quite a bit in my social circles. When I ask my friends why they are not married, they respond with, "I'm not ready" and yet, they are often rushing me off of the phone to spend the night with some girl. IF YOU'RE NOT READY FOR MARRIAGE, YOU'RE NOT READY FOR SEX and yes, it's just that simple (not easy, but simple).

I often joke around and tell people that I don't need a manual on how to be a great lover to my future husband. Proverbs 3:6 says that if I acknowledge the Lord in all of my ways, he will direct me. Yes, yes. There is truth in all humor. The Lord knows you and your (future) mate between than even the two of you do. You think he is ignorant to what pleases you both?

Being that our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit (I Corinthians 6:19), that means we are holy ground; a sacred place. A man who desecrates his temple and the bodies of countless others cannot show you how to be a good lover; he's actually showing you how to set yourself up for a few bouts of self-hatred because, although it's not spoken of nearly as much as it should be, an orgasm is not the PURPOSE of sex. It's a BENEFIT. His book is focusing on the flesh when, again, more than anything, sex is to be a spiritual (the Spirit of God) experience.

Walk in the Spirit and you will not fulfill the lust of the flesh, right? (Galatians 5:16). "The lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life" is of the world not of our Father...the Creator of us and sex, correct? (I John 2:16)

Almost four years into not having sex (of any kind), and as someone who really enjoyed the "counterfeit model" while I was having it (cause sex, outside of God's will, is not really the real deal), I'll tell you what: you see being loved in an entirely different light when a man has to hold your attention in non-sexual ways. Don't be so consumed with your performance that you lose sight on how to be a good person. I'm speaking to the married people, too.

Besides, you can ask people both in and out of the Church what the key is to great sex and most will tell you that "trust" is paramount. How much can you trust a man who has group sex...for money...with strangers? He doesn't care about you pleasing someone. He cares about you paying his bills.

JUST LIKE PORN DOES.

Porn is not great sex. It's just a great lie.

Don't fall for it.

©Shellie R. Warren/2010

Wouldn’t that have been horrible not to have learned anything after that year in the jungle? I hope I am who I am supposed to be.”

Wow, after a year of literally going through hell, this woman is concerned with what she can take from her experience and hoping that she has grown and changed because of it. This got me thinking of my own jungle journey that doesn’t even pale in comparison to Gracia’s journey.

Like Gracia’s journey, my journey through this addiction has been painful, long, hopeless at times, caused me to question my own strength and has caused me to question God’s purposes. I have found myself so frustrated at the fact that the more I try to change my circumstances and become free of this addiction, the more frustrating and unsuccessful I become. Why is that? I literally find myself crying out to God in hopes that He will rescue me and yet I still find myself in the jungle, feeling so thirsty and alone.

Here is what I am finding as I search for an answer to that question: I cannot do anything on my own will power. I am not the one who controls my life. The good news is that I know the One who has control and who wants to help. I am finding that in my moments of complete weakness and wanting to give in, God invites me in to experience His grace and to rest in the fact that it truly is going to be okay.

The Message paraphrases 2 Corinthians 12:9 so perfectly, “My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.”
God has all the grace and strength we need to get out of our jungles and successfully say that we are all we are supposed to be and that we have learned and been refined through the fire.

What can you say that you have learned through your own struggle? What lessons can you take with you that will last a lifetime? What is God teaching you? I am finding that in the most painful and challenging times, I learn the most. If this journey was an easy one, we wouldn’t be learning and growing as we go on. I am thankful that God doesn’t waste my own brokenness. The one thing that I have learned in the last few years is that God doesn’t lie and He shows up to rescue me when I am in the need of Him the most. It may not seem like He cares or that He wants to help but that is a lie from the pit of hell. If He didn’t want to help you and I through our journeys, we would be way more broken than we already are.

Even if you feel like you are in the worst, lowest spot possible in this fight please know that God and His grace are right there waiting for you to respond. Jesus is anxiously waiting to hear you say, “Help, come now”. He may not completely remove you from your jungle but He will help. Only He knows the perfect timing of your journey and when your rescue will happen.

And the evil spirit answered and said, ‘Jesus I know, and Paul I know; but who are you?’

Then the man in whom the evil spirit was leaped on them, overpowered them, and prevailed against them, so that they fled out of that house naked and wounded. This became known both to all Jews and Greeks dwelling in Ephesus; and fear fell on them all, and the name of the Lord Jesus was magnified. And many who had believed came confessing and telling their deeds. Also, many of those who had practiced magic brought their books together and burned them in the sight of all. And they counted up the value of them, and it totaled fifty thousand pieces of silver. So the word of the Lord grew mightily and prevailed.”---Acts 19:11-20 (NKJV)

“The expense of spirit in a waste of shame is lust in action.”---William Shakespeare

“Hell has three gates: lust, anger and greed.”---Bhagavad Gita

Psalm 119:34 (NKJV) says, “Give me understanding, and I shall keep Your law; Indeed, I shall observe it with my whole heart.” Boy, am I getting, more and more, what David meant by that!

Do you ever have moments where you’re almost in shock that you’re still alive? When you really see some of your past sins for what they really are…and then wonder how you made it out…sane? That’s how I’m feeling…right now…at this very moment. Even with writing “Inside of Me: Lessons of Lust, Love and Redemption” and “Pure Heart: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Integrity”. Even with speaking with/writing for X3Church.com, a ministry for porn addiction. Even with mentoring young women regularly on the dangers of sexual sin…today still marked something new for me. Today, I got yet another revelation as to why the Message Version of I Corinthians 6:16-20 says:

“There's more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, ‘The two become one.’ Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never ‘become one.’ There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for ‘becoming one’ with another. Or didn't you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don't you see that you can't live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.”

I’ve said it before. I’ll say it again. In the Bible, if you claim to be a Bible believer (and what you believe, you should strive to live), when it comes to sexual activity, you are either considered a “wife” (or husband) or a “prostitute” (or pimp). There is no in-between. There is no mercy extended to girlfriends/boyfriends or fiancés/fiancées. Hebrews 13:4 tells us that the marriage bed is pure, yet fornicators and adulterers, God will judge. Period. There’s no bartering our way out of that. As if that is not enough reason to not partake of the forbidden fruit, because the Holy Spirit dwells in us, the following verse is one that we really should take very seriously:

“Surely you know that your bodies are parts of Christ himself. So I must never take the parts of Christ and join them to a prostitute!”---I Corinthians 6:15 (NKJV)

Your Savior. The man who died for your sins. Join him to a hooker? That’s pretty bold. I know. I used to do it…fairly often. That’s what I mean by I’m in shock.  Indeed, it is his mercy that saves us (Titus 3:5). Yet the angle of this message is a bit different than in times past. It’s not like y’all haven’t heard me talk about sex…before…a lot of times. But, it was after receiving a particular email on yesterday that the mind wheels began to turn in a slightly different direction.

A friend of mine sent out a PSA spiritual smoke signal for a mutual loved one who is currently in an adulterous relationship. Boldly so. But that’s how sin is. Proverbs 6:26 (NKJV) warns men that, “A prostitute will treat you like a loaf of bread, and a woman who takes part in adultery may cost you your life” and yet, like a crack head on his last dollar looking for his next fix, billions of men are risking, at the very least, their spiritual lives, for billions of women who are so low in their self-worth that they don’t realize that even if they are not streetwalkers, by doing ANYTHING SEXUAL OUTSIDE OF COVENANT, they are “a person who willingly uses his or her talent or ability in a base and unworthy way”…they are defining prostitution, live and in living color, to whomever they are involved with.

Sex, in all of its forms---the ones that are based in purity, that is---is for marriage only. FOR MARRIAGE ONLY:

“Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment. For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that. But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”---I Corinthians 7:1-9 (NKJV)

That said, due to the title of this message, there is only one time, in the biblical record, where two people were naked and not ashamed. That was when the Lord handed out the instruction of what a husband and wife were to do…and be:

“So a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two will become one body. The man and his wife were naked, but they were not ashamed.”---Genesis 2:24-25 (NCV)

In this case, there was/is no shame to be had. There is no reason for guilt, fear, embarrassment, sneaking around, deceiving, lying, denying, defensiveness…when you are obedient…when you follow the directions (Proverbs 3:6)…when you submit to God’s will for your life. Proverbs 11:2 (NKJV) says, “When pride comes, then comes shame.”  Every past sexual encounter I’ve had, every last one of them, there has been some level of shame (the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc., done by oneself or another) that followed. GOD NEVER INTENDED FOR THAT TO BE SO. My body is beautiful. Every person’s is (Psalm 139:14) and the covenant partner God custom-designed for you, you can best believe will embrace it as such (stop trying to get every man or woman to find you attractive…you ain’t created for all of them…just one).

This is what El Berith, the God of Covenant, says about sex (the very thing he created that we seem to think we came up with). But pride doesn’t care about what God thinks. Pride is only interested in what it wants. So much so that it will even be so bold as to “dare God” on his own Word (2 Timothy 3:16-17) re: the consequences. Proverbs 13:10 (NCV) tells us that pride leads to arguments. Proverbs 16:18 (NCV) says that pride leads to destruction. Proverbs 29:23 (NCV) warns us that pride leads to ruin. TO RUIN. Pride will actually leave “a person as the wreck of his or her former self; [a] ravaged individual” and yet people will still arrogantly ignore God’s Word for their own will. Whew! We as humans…we’re really something else.

As I sat and “paused and pondered” on nakedness, I thought back to the email I got from my friend re: the situation she wanted us to pray about. Within her personal copy, she sent warning signs of a person who is involved in demonic oppression/possession.  If you would like to check it out, I posted it on the “On Fire” blog that I write (http://onfirefastmovement.blogspot.com/2010/06/ounce-of-prevention-signs-symptoms-and.html). You might be surprised that sexual activity was on the list…quite a bit. Sexual immorality and porn were listed as causes of demonic oppression, along with dating people or having close friendships with those who are demon possessed. Bucking authority, having a sense of low self-worth, stubbornness and ignoring God’s truth were listed as well.

After I read through the list, I did a bit more research. I came up on a good article (it’s featured on the link I enclosed above) on how to cast out demons. I was grateful that the pastor, Tom Brown, spoke on the fact that speaking the Word of God, with power and authority, was all that one really needed to exorcise a demon…something that Christ told us we, as his disciples, were to do (Matthew 10:8). However, it was a story that he told on the YouTube video on the link that really serves as the backdrop for this message. He spoke of a man who claimed he was trying to exorcise a demon out of a three-year-old child. He was so intent on it that he set up a barricade in his home. When the police arrived, they found him choking the child half to death with the child’s mother, the man’s own daughter, standing next to him…naked and covered in blood.

OK…and who had the demon in him?  Which is just what Mr. Brown brought to the forefront. What really is godly about trying to kill a child? What’s really “decent and in order” about a grown woman being “comfortable” standing next to her father…butt naked? Yet, it was this sentence that really tripped me out:

“The only time I find someone [inappropriately] naked in the Bible are the ones who actually have the demons.”

That has stayed with me since I heard him say it. I got his point. He was talking about a lot of those who were actually mentioned as being demon-possessed in the Scriptures. But as I thought about the list of demonic oppression signs that I read…as I thought about what the Word says about fornication and adultery (Matthew 15:19, 2 Corinthians 12:20-21, Ephesians 5:3-4, Colossians 3:5)…as I thought about my own sexual past and the kind of person I was then as opposed to the kind of woman I am now…yeah…it would seem like the only time I’ve encountered inappropriately naked people even today are those who have demons, too. I mean, check the definitions of the word:

Demon: an evil spirit; devil or fiend; an evil passion or influence; a person considered extremely wicked, evil, or cruel; a persistently tormenting person, force, or passion; [when it comes to a wicked agenda] one who is extremely zealous, skillful, or diligent

Proverbs 5:4-5 (NKJV) reminds us, “For You are not a God who takes pleasure in wickedness, nor shall evil dwell with You. The boastful shall not stand in Your sight; You hate all workers of iniquity.”  Sexual sin…of any kind…is wicked, is evil and is considered a work of iniquity. In short, it’s demonic because it disobeys the total purpose of sexual relations: to bring a husband and his wife closer together. It’s a physical act symbolizing a spiritual bond. If you roll up in someone’s temple that does not belong to you (and only marriage makes that so), you are desecrating them, period. If you are having sex with yourself, you also are abusing your temple. Sex is not for you and yourself anymore than it is for you and someone you are not married to. It’s for you and your covenant partner. Period. Anything less than that is from the Liar (John 8:44) and he’s using your lust to devour you (I Peter 5:8). Yeah. Well…it’s not a popular message, but it’s one that is full of truth and as the Message Version of Luke 6:26 tells us, “Our task is to be true, not popular.”

Yet I still couldn’t help but think how “popular” nakedness is. In the mail, I received this month’s issue of a well-known magazine and on the cover, a wife and mother is naked. Most music videos I see now, the women are, at least half-naked. When I hear a lot of people chastise young children for how they dress, the logic is, “You’re not grown enough”…to be naked?!?  Again, only in the confines of the marital bed, are two people to be naked without shame. Any other time (other than the prophet Isaiah?)? Hmph. I’ll let the Scriptures speak for themselves:

With the humiliation of Babylon: “Your nakedness shall be uncovered, yes, your shame will be seen…”---Isaiah 47:3 (NKJV)

With Jerusalem and its affliction: “Jerusalem has sinned gravely, therefore she has become vile. All who honored her despise her because they have seen her nakedness; Yes, she sighs and turns away.”---Lamentations 1:8 (NKJV)

With the degradation of Zion: “Rejoice and be glad, O daughter of Edom, you who dwell in the land of Uz! The cup shall also pass over to you and you shall become drunk and make yourself naked. The punishment of your iniquity is accomplished, O daughter of Zion; He will no longer send you into captivity. He will punish your iniquity, O daughter of Edom; He will uncover your sins!”---Lamentations 4:21-22 (NKJV)

With the abuse from Jerusalem’s lovers: “‘Now then, O harlot, hear the word of the Lord! Thus says the Lord God: ‘Because your filthiness was poured out and your nakedness uncovered in your harlotry with your lovers, and with all your abominable idols, and because of the blood of your children which you gave to them, surely, therefore, I will gather all your lovers with whom you took pleasure, all those you loved, and all those you hated; I will gather them from all around against you and will uncover your nakedness to them, that they may see all your nakedness. And I will judge you as women who break wedlock or shed blood are judged; I will bring blood upon you in fury and jealousy. I will also give you into their hand, and they shall throw down your shrines and break down your high places. They shall also strip you of your clothes, take your beautiful jewelry, and leave you naked and bare.’”---Ezekiel 16:35-39 (NKJV)

With the tale of the two harlot sisters: “She revealed her harlotry and uncovered her nakedness. Then I alienated Myself from her…”---Ezekiel 23:18 (NKJV)

With mourning for Israel and Judah: “Pass by in naked shame…”---Micah 1:11 (NKJV)

With the woe of Nineveh: “I will lift your skirts over your face, I will show the nations your nakedness, and the kingdoms your shame. I will cast abominable filth upon you, make you vile, and make you a spectacle. It shall come to pass that all who look upon you will flee from you, and say, ‘Nineveh is laid waste! Who will bemoan her?’ Where shall I seek comforters for you?’”---Nahum 3:5-7 (NKJV)

In each of these instances, in every single one, nakedness was attached to shame. It was either a punishment or a consequence…but it was certainly not something that was to be celebrated. Even in these verses, comparisons to harlotry were made in many of them. A harlot uncovers herself. Yet, what is a harlot? A woman who has sex for money, right? A woman who debases herself for ill gain. What is the purpose of sex? To make a wife one with her husband. Proverbs 5:5-6 says that an immoral woman is bitter as wormwood, her feet lead to death and her ways are unstable. Proverbs 12:4 tells us that an excellent wife is the crown of her husband and Proverbs 31:10 says that a virtuous wife is more valuable than rubies. Amazing how the very same act can bring about very different results. One is based in love. One in lust. One is real. One is counterfeit. One will last. One will not. One is of God. One is of Satan. One brings forth life. The other? Death.

I sat and thought about why nakedness is such a big deal in the Bible. Certainly, we are all aware that we are reading words from a different time…and culture. However, we also know that Malachi 3:6 (NKJV) tells us, “For I am the Lord, I do not change…” That said, I decided to look up some definitions of “naked” to gain a greater understanding of why it’s such a sacred thing…and why the Liar is trying his hardest to convince us of otherwise:

Naked: being without clothing or covering; nude; without adequate clothing; without the customary covering, container, or protection; defenseless; unprotected; exposed; being without addition, concealment, disguise, or embellishment; not accompanied or supplemented by anything else; exposed to view or plainly revealed; plain-spoken; blunt

Synonyms: bare, barren, candid, defenseless, disclosed, discovered, exposed, helpless, in the raw, manifest, natural, open, out on a limb, unarmed, unconcealed, uncovered, vulnerable, weak

Yeah…I get it. I finally really get it.

In the Word (John 1:1), when it speaks of loving someone, it also speaks of COVERING THEM. Proverbs 10:12 tells us that love covers all sin and Proverbs 17:9 states that he who covers a transgression, seeks love. One example provided in ministering to others is clothing them when they’re naked (Matthew 25:36). When the Lord is speaking to the Laodicean Church, he also speaks of clothing them so that their nakedness will not be revealed (Revelation 3:18). IF YOU ARE NOT IN MARITAL COVENANT WITH SOMEONE, COVERING THEM IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU SHOULD BE DOING. This means not having sex with them, not looking at them unclothed, not exposing their vulnerabilities, not using (or defending) their nakedness (whether you know them or not) for your own amusement. When you do those things, you are operating in the counterfeit of love, which is lust.  Proverbs 11:6 tells us that the unfaithful will be caught by their lust. Romans 13:14 instructs us not to make provisions for the flesh by fulfilling its lust.  Ephesians 4:22 calls lust “deceitful” and I Thessalonians 4:5 associates people who fall for their passion and lusts with those who don’t know God. 2 Timothy 3:6 says that it’s gullible (easily deceived or cheated) women who are loaded down with their own sins who end up led away by various lusts and Titus 3:3 (NKJV) tells us that it’s the foolish, disobedient and deceived who not only serve various lusts and pleasures but (many) end up, “living in malice and envy, hateful and hating one another.” Lust can lead to hate. Love leads us to God (I John 4:16).

No wonder the Enemy wants folks parading around naked. It’s a physical representation of where our hearts are. If we have no shame in being unclothed or unclothing someone else…if we choose to remain unconscious of the fact that we are called to COVER one another…if we don’t realize and revere that it’s only in a marital covenant that two people can even begin to trust being “helpless”, “natural” or “weak” in the presence of another flawed human being, then he has us where he wants us: so prideful that humility is not a priority; so caught up in our lusts (I John 2:16) that humiliation may be the only thing to bring us to a place of biblical and spiritual submission. Those biblical examples of nakedness? Those were examples of humiliation. That is not our Father’s perfect will for us.

This week, as you do your own processing of this message, it is my prayer that if you have been caught up in nakedness outside of covenant that you will really see the seriousness of what you are doing. The lead verse said that the particular demon in that story left people naked and wounded. Fornication, adultery, masturbation, porn, oral sex…anything that is sex outside of God’s original intent and design does the exact same thing. If you are naked with anyone other than your covenant partner, the Bible speaks to it being shameful.

I’ve shared the story before and I’ll share it again. A friend of mine, a male friend, who was once addicted to porn said that he had a dream one time that while he was watching a flick and masturbating, the heads of the women on the tape came out of the television and killed him. If ever there was a warning about consequences coming due to sexual sin…family, this would be it:

“Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him. Let no one say when he is tempted, ‘I am tempted by God’; for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He Himself tempt anyone. But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death. Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren.”---James 1:12-16 (NKJV)

Sex, outside of covenant, is a sin. God’s Word does not return void (Isaiah 55:11). He said that ungodly desires lead to death…of some sort. Adam and Eve didn’t physically die immediately following eating the fruit…that tasted good. Oh, but they did die. And remember, they weren’t supposed to die at all.  I have a few friends, who, as we speak, are contemplating divorce. Do you know what all of them have told me? Sex before marriage was a huge regret because it served as a smoke screen. “Good sex” does not a healthy relationship make. As I often say, because the wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23), although it is my personal take that when you have sex in covenant, you are not “making love”, but celebrating it, you can best believe that when you are ignoring God’s Word, you are not making or celebrating love. What you are making is death.

The Liar doesn’t love you. He doesn’t like you. He’s not encouraging you to do anything for your best interest. Anything that the Lord set into motion, he plots to make a mockery of. If marital sex is what causes people to be naked and not ashamed…he will find a way, obviously, to get people to be naked and full of shame…whether they realize it yet…or not. If there ever was a time that I was begging for you to take a message seriously, the time would be now. The Lord will not be mocked (Galatians 6:9). Extreme reaping is coming. He is in the process of taking the sanctity of sex back:

“So, since Christ suffered in the flesh for us, for you, arm yourselves with the same thought and purpose [patiently to suffer rather than fail to please God]. For whoever has suffered in the flesh [having the mind of Christ] is done with [intentional] sin [has stopped pleasing himself and the world, and pleases God], so that he can no longer spend the rest of his natural life living by [his] human appetites and desires, but [he lives] for what God wills. For the time that is past already suffices for doing what the Gentiles like to do--living [as you have done] in shameless, insolent wantonness, in lustful desires, drunkenness, reveling, drinking bouts and abominable, lawless idolatries. They are astonished and think it very queer that you do not now run hand in hand with them in the same excesses of dissipation, and they abuse [you]. But they will have to give an account to Him Who is ready to judge and pass sentence on the living and the dead.”---I Peter 4:1-5 (AMP)

Don’t “confuse” mercy with a lack of judgment. The Word says that the Lord will render each one according to his deeds. God says what he means. He means what he says (Romans 2:1-10). Sex, within covenant, ministers to two people. Sex, outside of covenant, separates two people from their Creator’s will for their lives. Amazing. In marriage, it brings two closer together (the Enemy does his best to keep a husband and wife from having sex). Outside of marriage, it tears people apart (the Enemy tries his hardest to keep single people sexually active…until it kills them-I Corinthians 10:8).

In sex, you have two choices and two choices only: You can be naked and not ashamed. (GET MARRIED). Or…you can be naked…clothed only with the presence of a demon.

Here’s to getting to or remaining in a state of the former…of being the head and not the tail…literally. Take it from me, I’ve been the butt of the Enemy’s jokes. Ain’t nothin’ funny about it.  Stay away from naked demons. Of all of the things they do bring you, in the end, none of it is good…or safe…or profitable…or godly.

Just the opposite. As all counterfeits are…and do.

Here’s to giving and receiving a love that truly covers.

Selah. And amen.

©Shellie R. Warren/2010

Today, unlike usual (yeah...I know), I won't be before you long. Trust me, there is enough of the content on the blog I will be referring you to, to keep you occupied for days (and days...and days...LOL).

Earlier this year, the Lord led me to a verse of Scripture. It was Psalm 104:4 (NKJV): "Who makes His angels spirits, His ministers a flame of fire."

Marriage is a ministry. It's an act of service. And from what I've seen and heard, if there's any kind of relationship that is going to send a person's character through "a refiner's fire", this would be the one (wink). And so, on Facebook, I started somethng called the "On Fire Fast Movement" for single women who desire...not just marriage...but a covenant. A covenant is something between man and God. It's the threefold cord that is not easily broken (Ecclesiastes 4:12). You see how much divorce is happening, right (Malachi 2:14)? Sounds like there are not a lot of covenants being honored.

And so, I'm actually on Facebook hiatus through Rosh Hashanah (one of the BEST decisions I've ever been led to make!), but I wanted to extend the invitation to any woman who would like to join the 50 women who "crossed over" from Facebook to the blog. It's been a lot of fun...and a lot of work. You can go to the link below to join and after checking it out, if you have any questions, shoot me an email at missnosipho@gmail.com. I don't answer immediately, BUT I DO ANSWER.

http://onfirefastmovement.blogspot.com/

Praying for you all as you continue on the journey to purity,

Shellie

“No one is a firmer believer in the power of prayer than the devil; not that he practices it, but he suffers from it.”---Guy H. King

Whew! Just four days into a new year (I am 36 now) and I have already seen some major changes…in my life…in how Adonai is calling me to live it. More and more I understand (Proverbs 4:7) what 2 Peter 3:8 (NKJV) really means: “But, beloved, do not forget this one thing, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.”  Upon Christ’s return, the Word says that we will be changed in a moment…in a twinkling of an eye (I Corinthians 15:51-53). That is but a millisecond when it comes to how we perceive time. My point? It doesn’t take “forever” for your breakthrough. From us, it only requires mustard-seed faith (Matthew 17:20, Hebrews 11:1 & 6) and total surrender. Psalm 62:8 instructs us to trust God at all times. Every second of our day, we should entrust to him because just like the five foolish bridesmaids who were not prepared when the bridegroom came (Matthew 25:1-13) and just as the Word forewarns us that Christ will return like a “thief in the night” (I Thessalonians 5:2), we don’t always know when or even how the Lord will appear to us with the answer to our prayers. We just need to be prepared to receive him when he does. WE MUST BE PREPARED TO RECEIVE HIM WHEN HE DOES:

Prepare: to put in proper condition or readiness

“Lord, You have heard the desire of the humble; You will prepare their heart; You will cause Your ear to hear…”---Psalm 10:17 (NKJV)

Some of us are so consumed with “getting” what we desire (Psalm 37:4) when what we really need to focus on is getting into a state of preparation. The five foolish bridesmaids missed out ONLY because they were not ready for the bridegroom’s arrival. Things come unexpectedly…only when you don’t expect it. One thing that I read, differently, about an all too familiar passage is that when we are not anxious (uneasy, eager) about our prayer requests…when we really do come with a spirit of praise and thanksgiving, the result is that we have peace (Philippians 4:6-7). If you have made a petition to the Father and you have no peace, you may need to revisit the request. Where God is, peace is. Where peace is, God’s will is. Where God’s will is…that is where your requests should be; there is where you should leave them. Catch this:

“Assuredly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.  Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.”---Matthew 18:18-20 (NKJV)

Now remember, even when we are faithless, our God is faithful. He cannot deny himself (2 Timothy 2:13). This promise in Matthew says that if two people agree (have the same views, emotions, etc.; harmonize in opinion or feeling) on something, they can ask for anything and it will be done by Abba. Now there are two things we must take note of, though. First, a lot of us do not get into agreement about our desires. Being in agreement is a pretty deep thing. You must not just have the same views…but have the same emotions towards the request. Neither can doubt (Romans 4:19-21). Neither can bring forth any negative energy. Neither can speak against the request…in or out of the presence of the person they are “touching and agreeing” with. To agree about something is to stand as a united front on an issue. Be careful who you take your prayer requests to. Be cautious before assuming they are in full and total agreement…the only kind of agreement that there really ever is.

But the other thing to take heed of is that the Word says, right before this promise, that what we bind on earth will be bound in heaven. John 8:32 tells us that the truth makes us free.  What God gives us is based in biblical truth. What he honors is based in faithfulness. What he grants must be representative of the Fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). What I have realized, especially as of late, is that some of my prayer requests have been asked in a way that has been “out of order” (preparation will teach you that---I Corinthians 14:40). Christ told us that FIRST things must be BOUND and THEN we can touch, agree and ASK. When you bind something, you “limit” something…you “confine” something…you “restrain” something. A good example of something being bound is Satan when it comes to what he can, and cannot, do to God’s children. Do you recall what the Liar (John 8:44) said to Adonai in reference to Job?

“One day the angels came to show themselves before the Lord, and Satan was with them. The Lord said to Satan, ‘Where have you come from?’

Satan answered the Lord, ‘I have been wandering around the earth, going back and forth in it.’

Then the Lord said to Satan, ‘Have you noticed my servant Job? No one else on earth is like him. He is an honest and innocent man, honoring God and staying away from evil.’

But Satan answered the Lord, ‘Job honors God for a good reason. You have put a wall around him, his family, and everything he owns. You have blessed the things he has done. His flocks and herds are so large they almost cover the land. But reach out your hand and destroy everything he has, and he will curse you to your face.’

The Lord said to Satan, ‘All right, then. Everything Job has is in your power, but you must not touch Job himself.’ Then Satan left the Lord's presence.”---Job 1:6-12 (NCV)

Although this is a bit off subject, the Comforter (John 14:26-AMP) wants me to say it and so I will. Do you see that Adonai was bragging on Job? He said that there was no one on earth like him. On the entire planet? Yeah, coming from God, that is pretty high praise. Whatever you are going through right now, don’t let the Enemy tempt you into “cursing God to his face”. It has been a hard lesson for me to realize that whatever the Enemy tries to do to me, it’s not about me…it’s about God. He uses us to try and get to God. We are God’s children, not the devil’s pawns. He’s gonna lose this game, anyway (check Revelation). Don’t go out with him.

Yet the bigger point is that sometimes, oftentimes, trials come because the Lord entrusts us with them (James 1:3-4). Right now, in what you are going through, your Father may just be bragging on you. He may be showing the Enemy that you are strong enough in your faith to handle a challenging health report. Or that you’re committed enough to your marriage to forgive your spouse (yet again). Or that you’re loving enough to serve your enemies. Don’t look at it as what is being done to you…but how the Lord is operating through you.

However, the original reason for referencing Job is because the Lord had Satan bound from tempting him until an appointed (and purposeful) time. We are made in the Godhead’s image (Genesis 1:26-27). What I realize, in my own walk, is that because the Enemy is the prince of the air (Ephesians 2:2), what I need to do before asking for something good is that I need to bind up all of that bad. Quite honestly, I don’t know if I’ve ever done that before. If I’ve gone to my “touch and agree partner” and said, “You know, I would like God to expand my ministry and so would you help me to bind up fear…lack…envy…darkness, first?” Remember that it’s the Enemy’s job to try and steal, kill and destroy the good in our lives (John 10:10). Petitioning the Father to bind him from our requests, that is a good thing…a purposeful thing…a biblically-directed thing to do. I wonder how many marriages would have been spared a tearing away (Malachi 2:16) or how many children would have been protected from some of the attacks they’ve experienced if there had been a prayer for “binding up” evil way before there was a prayer to receive a covenant partner or to become pregnant. Or to loose the full will of the Father so that goodness and mercy would immediately follow the manifestation of such requests.

And this is one of the lessons that I received this week from the Lord. That just as the lead Scripture for today tells us, that when we ask anything according to God’s will (and please make sure that is the case), not only does he hear us, but he will grant us what we ask. Something that is within God’s will is something that is a part of his ultimate purpose. I was just talking to a girlfriend of mine last night about how people often use and abuse Romans 8:28 (NKJV):

“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”

First of all, things work together for the good of those who love God. The Bible says that if you love God, you will keep his commandments (all 10 of them---John 14:21). I John 3:22 (NKJV) tells us, “And whatever we ask we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do those things that are pleasing in His sight” and Psalm 103:17-18 (NKJV) assures, “But the mercy of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him, and His righteousness to children’s children, to such as keep His covenant, and to those who remember His commandments to do them.”  If ever the Lord was pleading, “Help me help you”, it would be with Romans 8:28. It’s the faithful who can rest in the assurance that all things will work out for the best. It’s those who surrender to his will that can trust in his purpose manifesting in their lives.

Yet it’s what comes right before Romans 8:28 that I think we should quote far more often:

“For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance. Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God.”---Romans 8:24-27 (NKJV)

Hope that is seen is not hope. Without faith, it is impossible to please God (Hebrews 11:6). Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen (Hebrews 1:1). If you can see it, you are not operating in hope and if you don’t have hope, you don’t have faith and if you don’t have faith, you are not pleasing God. Hope is hard (oh, trust me, I know!), but the thing about hope is that it doesn’t disappoint (Romans 5:5). That’s why the Enemy tries to break our spirit and discourage us from having it. He knows it’s the “not-so-secret-ingredient” to having what we desire in this life.

However, the final lesson that I am led to share on prayer requests is what follows the words on hope. Aside from getting in true agreement, aside from binding Satan and his agendas, aside from making sure we are pleasing God by keeping his commandments, we must surrender to the fact that we don’t always, we don’t usually, know what to pray for to begin with. Once we make our request, we have to trust the Comforter to intercede on our behalf. This means he serves as our mediator. Kinda like, “Father, I know Shellie said ‘this’…but what she really meant was ‘this’.” (LOL)

And do you know what the light bulb moment for me with that was? Often my impatience with God is because I don’t even take into account that the Comforter has “ran a red marker”…that he has edited my requests on the way up. For years, I’ve been praying for a husband. I now see that the Comforter has been saying, “Lord, this child is BROK-EN. Please heal her heart and bind her wounds (Psalm 147:3) before granting her prince. She will not be a suitable helpmate to him. She won’t bring him favor (Proverbs 18:22); she will be a problem.” At the same time, “And Lord, you know that man is not ready for all that we have downloaded into Shellie. Teach her patience (I Corinthians 13:4) as we prepare him to be her provider and protector.”

Christ said in Matthew 19:11-12 (Message), “Not everyone is mature enough to live a married life. It requires a certain aptitude and grace. Marriage isn't for everyone. Some, from birth seemingly, never give marriage a thought. Others never get asked—or accepted. And some decide not to get married for kingdom reasons. But if you're capable of growing into the largeness of marriage, do it."

Marriage? Covenant? That is within God’s will. But there is an order in which God does things. I have come to realize that even in my praying, the flesh and spirit lust against one another (Galatians 5:16-17). The flesh says, “I want it now.” The spirit says, “I want it when it’s right.” The Father says, “Only I know when that is…but each day, I am getting you closer. Only I know when the two of you are ready. Stay in a state of readiness. Stay prepared.”

Recently, I also had to surrender to the fact that I can’t assume that what I prayed is what God heard. What God heard is what the Comforter prayed on my behalf…and that’s always what’s best for me. You must be willing to surrender to this fact as well.

And so, as we enter into another week, I encourage you to not let the Enemy discourage you from making your prayer requests known. We are encouraged by God to do so. But in going to El Shaddai, we must have faith, we must hold on to the hope (remember hope is what you can’t see) that he really is All-Sufficient. Jehovah-Jireh will provide. Jehovah-Rophe will heal. Jehovah-M’Kaddesh will sanctify. El Roi sees all. And he sees, hears and moves in the way he deems fit.

Make your requests known. And then leave them there…knowing that he knows them better than you do.

And that he answers. To our spirits. Not our flesh.

Purpose to listen…and receive. Differently.

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”---Psalm 51:10 (NKJV)

Selah. Amen. So be it.

©Shellie R. Warren/2010

So a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two will become one body. The man and his wife were naked, but they were not ashamed.”---Genesis 2:23-25 (NCV)

“The greatest thing God ever made was a woman.”---Shannon Sanders

I’m not real sure how this gonna go, but I believe this will be kind of like a spiritual PSA (Public Service Announcement) from the Creator to every woman reading this. Meaning, if you were created with the genitals of the female species, if you came into this earth with a womb (Psalm 22:9), this message goes out to you. Especially.

I often wake up with songs on my mind. When it’s one that I haven’t thought of in some time, I know the Comforter (Luke 12:12) is trying to relay a message to me. Well, there is a modern-soul artist by the name of Raheem DeVaughn who released a song a couple of years ago entitled, “Woman”. It’s his melodic perspective on what a woman is/does and it was playing on repeat in my psyche.

Woman.

As I was about to pen a message to a group of women on Facebook who are joining me in marriage preparation, I thought again about the name the Creator gave me for it: “On Fire”, with this Scripture as its support: “Who makes His angels spirits, His ministers a flame of fire.” (Psalm 104:4-NKJV)

One definition of “minister” is “a person authorized to conduct religious worship; member of the clergy; pastor”. Oh, but another (noun): “a person acting as the agent or instrument of another”. And another (verb): “to give service, care, or aid; attend, as to wants or necessities”. And another (verb): “to contribute, as to comfort or happiness”.

Woman.

When we came on to the scene, don’t forget it was because GOD, the CREATOR, decided that we needed to be here. We didn’t come up with the concept. Adam, the man, didn’t, either (something the single fellas should be in prayer about…not your timing, but Adonai’s):

“Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is right for him.’ From the ground God formed every wild animal and every bird in the sky, and he brought them to the man so the man could name them. Whatever the man called each living thing, that became its name. The man gave names to all the tame animals, to the birds in the sky, and to all the wild animals. But Adam did not find a helper that was right for him. So the Lord God caused the man to sleep very deeply, and while he was asleep, God removed one of the man's ribs. Then God closed up the man's skin at the place where he took the rib. The Lord God used the rib from the man to make a woman, and then he brought the woman to the man.”---Genesis 2:18-22 (NCV)

Even with all that Adam had, the Lord decided that he needed some help. Some support. Someone to MINISTER to him. Yeah. No wonder the serpent came her way, first (Genesis 3:1-6).

But that part of the story I think we all are familiar with. It’s this that I want to share today: There is power in a name. In biblical times and even in many modern cultures across the world today, when someone names a child, it speaks loudly into the atmosphere to what they are going to do and who they are going to be. It speaks to their purpose: “the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc.”; “an intended or desired result; end; aim; goal”.

Now read back over Genesis 2:18-22. The parts in bold. It was GOD who said he would make a helper for Adam.  It was MAN (Adam) who was given the right, the privilege, the blessing to name the living things that God made. The woman came from the man.  The lead verse says that the name she was given was “Woman” because she came from man.  And what is a woman to do? Under God, she’s to be the main support, the helpmate, the minister to the man.

Yes, the Enemy was gonna jump all up in that! (John 10:10)

Yet, this is where I about fell out while thinking all of this through. It was when I told a friend of mine, this morning, while listening to Raheem’s song, that “Woman” was our “pre-sin-slavery” name and that we needed to get back to it. I laughed at first; then I internally screamed! I thought about the novel/movie, “Roots” (Alex Haley) and how it was the slave master’s intention to beat Kunta Kinte’s name out of him. The slave master knew the power, the pride, the purpose that Kunta Kinte and his family found in the name that was given to him…at birth.  After doing a bit of research: “Kinte’s arrival in Annapolis is symbolic of the slave trade era when millions of African men, woman and children were captured and sent to the New World. They endured the horrors of the ‘Middle Passage’ — the Atlantic crossing in which Africans were packed into the holds of ships for months, many dying en route.” (www.kintehaley.org/rootskintebio.html)

If you’ve never seen the movie series, I’ve enclosed the brutal clip of this scene here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_A2o8ICcIQ

Yeah, well, if you think that is harsh, believe me, this is what sin has done to women…for years. I have always found it profoundly odd that pre-sin, Adam’s name for his helpmate was “Woman”; but post-sin it was “Eve”. “Eve”, according to the Scriptures, because she was the mother of all living (Genesis 3:20). Is it just me or do you immediately see a divide between them? First she’s acknowledged as being a part of Adam (mind/body/soul) and then she’s referenced, by him, for what she physically does: birth children.

“Woman” before sin. “Eve” after.

Woman.

We know that our fight is not against flesh and blood, but the spirit world (Ephesians 6:12).  I wasn’t there, but I believe the Lord has placed my spirit into some kind of spiritual time travel to, at least sense, at this moment, that after sin, a spirit came into Adam. He was hurt. He was angry. He was…detached. And to a certain degree, he had the right to be (whole ‘nother message, though). And because his Woman came out of him, with him being that way, she too felt hurt, angry, detached. What was she to do with that kind of separation? How was she to help now?

Biblical history tells us that they remained married and even had children. Any thorough health specialist will tell you that how you carry a child in pregnancy will reflect in the baby upon birth. I can’t help but wonder if the struggle between “love” and “anger” explains the extreme differences between Cain and Abel (Genesis 4); the first son, representing flesh and the second representing the spirit (Genesis 5:16-17).

Yeah. We could explore all of this for days, but for now, to every woman reading this, I just want to say with our Father’s permission: “Please don’t lose sight of your purpose. No matter what the slave master, Satan, has been trying to get you to be, YOU ARE A WOMAN. That is your name. That is your purpose. That is your destiny.” I know, because I have personally experienced it, that some of you have been so beaten down that you think your name is “Prostitute”, “Adulteress”, “Fornicator”, “Gossiper”, “Manipulator”, “Abuser”, “Harsh”, “Cyclic”, “Old Maid”, “Lesbian”, “Bisexual”, “Gold Digger”, “Loner”, “Desperate”, “Fearful”, “Messy”, “Needy”, “Bitter”, “Male Basher”, “Addict”, “Nagger”, “Codependent”, “Envious”, “Broken, Battered, Bruised”…and whatever other names your lifestyle is representing you to be at this time.  But that was not your original purpose. That is not what you were created to be. Today, the Lord is desiring to free some of you from sin’s slavery and restore you back to his intention for your life:

“Then Jesus said to those Jews who believed Him, ‘If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.’

They answered Him, ‘We are Abraham’s descendants, and have never been in bondage to anyone. How can You say, ‘You will be made free’?’

Jesus answered them, ‘Most assuredly, I say to you, whoever commits sin is a slave of sin.  And a slave does not abide in the house forever, but a son abides forever. Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.’”---John 8:31-36 (NKJV)

As a black woman in America, the older I get, the more I see how slavery here affected African-Americans…even now. In our diet, our choices, our self-esteem. Post Traumatic Stress, even in the spirit realm, is very real, y’all.  The Bible says that we are a ROYAL PRIESTHOOD, a HOLY NATION, God’s SPECIAL PEOPLE (I Peter 2:9). Today, God is calling you out of that darkness that contradicts your inheritance. Today, you have obtained mercy.  Don’t you see? “You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men.” (I Corinthians 7:23-NKJV) ANYMORE.

Years and years of sin has got us believing that eating the sinner’s diet, thinking the sinner’s way, doing what the sinner’s do, is the right thing. I look at my young black brothers (some of my non-black ones too) and think, “Your pants around your knees. Really, prince? They used to do that to your forefathers as a way of emasculating them during a lynching. Oh, if you only knew your history.” But I look at some of my spiritual sisters too and I’m like, “What do you mean you want to be with another woman? (Romans 1) How hurt are you that the thought of being joined to a man, of being in spiritual covenant, of creating more of your own kind (naturally), sickens you?” You weren’t “made” to do that? The Bible says the complete and total opposite and being a generational descendant of slavery doesn’t mean you have to think like a slave. Joseph is a great biblical example of that (Genesis 37-42).

Daughters of the Most High, no matter what you’ve been calling yourself and no matter what you have been allowing people to call you, your name is “WOMAN”. Get back to being a WOMAN. It’s a beautiful thing to be. Anything that does what it’s created to do, that lives out its life purpose…therein is fulfillment. Therein is completion. Therein dwells the Creator of the creation:

“What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? Certainly not! Do you not know that to whom you present yourselves slaves to obey, you are that one’s slaves whom you obey, whether of sin leading to death, or of obedience leading to righteousness? But God be thanked that though you were slaves of sin, yet you obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine to which you were delivered. And having been set free from sin, you became slaves of righteousness. I speak in human terms because of the weakness of your flesh. For just as you presented your members as slaves of uncleanness, and of lawlessness leading to more lawlessness, so now present your members as slaves of righteousness for holiness.  For when you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. What fruit did you have then in the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death. But now having been set free from sin, and having become slaves of God, you have your fruit to holiness, and the end, everlasting life. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”---Romans 6:15-23 (NKJV)

For some of you…actually for all of us (I John 1:10), it’s gonna be a process: emotionally exchanging our “sin label” for our birthright. But that’s what I love about the title of this message. Getting back to the ROOT of things brings some assurances:

Root: a part of the body of a plant that develops, typically, from the radicle and grows downward into the soil, anchoring the plant and absorbing nutriment and moisture; the fundamental or essential part; the source or origin of a thing; a person or family as the source of offspring or descendants

“A man is not established by wickedness, but the root of the righteous cannot be moved.”---Proverbs 12:3 (NKJV)

“The wicked covet the catch of evil men, but the root of the righteous yields fruit.”---Proverbs 12:12 (NKJV)

“For if the firstfruit is holy, the lump is also holy; and if the root is holy, so are the branches... but if you do boast, remember that you do not support the root, but the root supports you.”---Romans 11:16 & 18 (NKJV)

“For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height— to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.”---Ephesians 3:14-20 (NKJV)

““I, Jesus, have sent My angel to testify to you these things in the churches. I am the Root and the Offspring of David, the Bright and Morning Star.”---Revelation 22:16 (NKJV)

Christ is the root. We are the branches. Woman, it’s time to bloom!

“My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blooms in the vineyards of En Gedi.”---Song of Solomon 1:14 (NKJV)

This was a MAN speaking of his WOMAN. His help. His support. His beloved.

Today, please be free of the sin that besets you.  When President Abraham Lincoln spoke to Congress about the purpose of freeing slaves, he said, “In giving freedom to the slave, we assure freedom to the free -- honorable alike in what we give, and what we preserve. We shall nobly save, or meanly lose, the last best, hope of earth.”

And today, as the Lord speaks about the purpose of freeing you, he says, “I could wish that those who trouble you would even cut themselves off! For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’”---Galatians 5:12-14 (NKJV)

WOMAN, who the Son sets free is free, indeed (John 8:36)! Walk in your freedom. Dance in your liberty. Celebrate your birthright. Loose those chains that had you bound.

BE A WOMAN.

TODAY.

©Shellie R. Warren/2010 

So, I was watching this clip of an interview featuring actress, Elise Neal, right? She was talking about some sex tips she got from a woman who worked in a brothel.  If you want to check out a portion of the interview, here you go:

http://www.dimewars.com/Video/Elise-Neal-Talks-About-How-A-Brothel-Sex-Worker-Taught-Her-How-To--Put-The-Sugar-On-It---Sistas-Need-To-Hear-This-.aspx?bcmediaid=43e89ad5-3b85-4ee5-9cd6-edff35d86853

OK...now here's the thing. I recall what one of my male friends said about why men sleep---well, have sex with---prostitutes in the first place: "We don't pay them for the sex. We pay them to leave."

We pay them to leave.

I'm pretty confident that Ms. Neal wasn't doing a PSA on why it would be a good thing to be a part of a brothel, but the reason why I'm doing on my own PSA on this is that one of the things that I'm realizing more and more is that there are not enough HAPPY, HEALTHY (and yes, what would include sexually active) MARRIED COUPLES who are speaking on the issues of intimacy.

I don't mean putting your sex life on "front street", but educating people appropriately about 1) why you should wait until marriage and 2) what PURITY means after marriage. Cause after all, when Hebrews 13:4 says that the marriage bed is "undefiled"...that would mean that it's pure.

And yes, before some of you sigh at that tid bit, I find it to be a shame that a lot of people think that purity means that they have to go without pleasure, and on many levels, "custom-made to fit your specific marriage" pleasure. That couldn't be further from the truth!

Earlier this year, I came across a website that was quite an eye-opener (yes even for me):

http://christiannymphos.org/

If you've never heard of it before, I'm sure for some of you, you may be freaking out just from the title alone. After all...can you really be a Christian...and a NYMPHO? Don't be alarmed. The Bible says that people perish for a lack of knowledge (Hosea 4:6) and I don't know why we do (or should) think that makes wisdom about marital intimacy exempt...and indeed this site leaves no sheet, er, stone unturned (LOL).

As I am in my own season of "wife preparation" (and if you're a single woman who desires to be married someday, I would advise you look at yourself in a similar fashion), the Proverbs 5 (warning about the immoral) woman has crossed my mind just as much, if not more, than the Proverbs 31 (guidelines for being virtuous) woman.  See the thing about what Elise was saying and the thing that is causing a lot of people to fall VICTIM to sexual immorality even now, is that people often see sex as just a physical act. I have quoted it on this site many times that one of my favorite Scriptures, hands down, is the Message Version of I Corinthians 6:16: "There's more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact."

The Bible tells us that we are the temples of the Holy Spirit (I Corinthians 6:19). THIS MEANS THAT WE ARE HOLY. THIS MEANS THAT WHAT WE DO SHOULD BE IN THE SPIRIT OF HOLINESS. One definition of "holiness" is blessedness. A series of lines in Proverbs 5 that tends to stop me in my tracts are verses 3-5:

"For the lips of an immoral woman drip honey, and her mouth is smoother than oil; But in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death, her steps lay hold of hell. Lest you ponder her path of life—her ways are unstable; You do not know them."

Shoot, I don't know about you, but this gal sounds CRAZY to me. She may do all of the tricks of a brothel chick, but shouldn't it cause a man to "pause" that the sexual skills of a prostitute is called "trick", anyway? TRICK OR TREAT? Is that how God wanted sex to be? Disception?

No, not at all.  I often tell the teens that I mentor that an orgasm is not the *purpose* of sex, but a *benefit*. THE PURPOSE IS ONENESS (Genesis 2:24-25) and a husband and wife should be able to enjoy the pureness of that oneness...they should both be able to walk away from sexual intimacy believing that it was a holy experience. Believing that it was a blessing.

OK. I'm done. For now (LOL). I just really get tired of the world's foolishness speaking louder than the Lord's wisdom (I Corinthians 3:19). Some of us get on TV...some of us speak on a blog...but we all need to use our platforms responsibly, right? RIGHT.

Oh...and by the way, if you are needing some "sexual knowledge", you don't need any prositute telling you how to please your man. Just ask the one who created him:

"In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."---Proverbs 3:6 (NKJV)

I don't see any kind of "unless it's about sex" disclaimer on there, do you?

:-)

The great thing about my two friends is the fact that while we all love the Lord, we also know that we are struggling with, at least, one commandment. The awareness (and admittance) of that is what keeps us humble and tolerant of one another. (James 5:16) Again, God is not giving the virgin props who covets her co-worker or the clergyman props who puts anything, including his congregation, before his Creator. SIN IS SIN...it's all infectious...and it all needs to come to a head and be released from our lives. But, getting rid of the sin is not our job; that's God's. This is what our job is:

“And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will.”---2 Timothy 2:24-26 (NKJV)

My friends have been laughing at me all week because when they bring something/someone up that irritates them, I have found myself saying, “Girl, don't be trying to pop her/his pimple. It will come to a head in due time.” Whew! That is so freeing. I no longer want to be so consumed with other people's drama that I find myself not helping the situation but hurting them because the truth is, if people stay in mess, I'm with Dr. Phil: "They must have some kind of a pay off. People don't stay in mess for nothing." That kind of revelation/resolve people have to come to in their own time. No sense in me hurting them more by trying to force them into it before they are ready. Their stuff is their business.

This revelation has also shown me how to take more preventative measures with my own self. The three scars on my face are evidence of what happens when I try and move ahead of God's timing, even for my own life. If a problem is on the horizon, being anxious for nothing and taking it to God also applies to me. When it comes to my own mess, I need to learn how to take my hands off of it and let God lead.

I'll give you an example. Week before last was a hormonal week from hell. Don't be offended when I say that because I mean that it was literally from the bowels of Satan! I prayed and said to God, “OK, I'm gonna need some incentive to stay abstinent here, God.” A few days later, I got a phone call. Long story short, I will be speaking at a 4,000+ youth rally on January 10. What's amazing about that is that it speaks volumes to how God cares about every detail of our lives. The two-year anniversary of my abstinence is January 9!

I could have picked and picked trying to work out a solution in my own strength, but in LEAVING IT ALONE, staying faithful and giving it to Christ, no damage was done. (I John 5:14) What came to a head is that the Enemy tends to tempt me most right before something big is supposed to happen to me. (John 10:10) If I had been so consumed with handling the issue my way, I may have missed what God was trying to show me in his time...in his way---the right way...the best way.

This week, why don't you try taking your hands off of a few things? If you discern something is wrong, there's a great chance that you are probably right, but picking, nagging, forcing yourself, your views, your insights in is not going to do anyone any good. Take it to prayer. Let humility remind you that you've got your own stuff. Be a good example. Speak truth. Stay patient. And, mind your own business.

The sin that they are in, trust me, is wound enough. Don't further irritate it. In time, with the help of experience, maturity and conviction, it---whatever “it” is, will come to a head. It's nature's way...without our picking at it.

©Shellie R. Warren/2008

4:7 (NKJV)


Yeah...

The Comforter (John 14:26) already gave me a head's up that this week was gonna be a trip. I'm just kinda rollin' with it. If you're currently struggling in the area of "relational impatience", this is a good time to claim Proverbs 34:17 (NKJV): "The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, and delivers them out of all their troubles." Hold on to that. You can trust him.

Now this message won't be for everyone...necessarily. But I know that there are some of you who have been speaking to the concerns about why it's taking so long to get to "your one". I prayed and El Berith, the God of Covenant, led me to two articles that I would encourage you to check out. Both are about marriage but before I begin, I want to share the definition of one word. A common word we use on a regular basis, but I'm not totally sure that we are certain of what it means...in its entirety:

Understanding: mental process of a person who comprehends; comprehension; personal interpretation; superior power of discernment; enlightened intelligence; knowledge of or familiarity with a particular thing; skill in dealing with or handling something; a state of cooperative or mutually tolerant relations between people; a mutual agreement, esp. of a private, unannounced, or tacit kind; an agreement regulating joint activity or settling differences, often informal or preliminary in character; LOGICAL POWER

Yeah. Somebody's gonna get free up in here today! (LOL) After all, that's what truth does, right (John 8:32)?

It's funny. I remember the R&B group, Xscape's song from back in the day. The chorus? "What I need from you is understanding. How can we communicate if you don't hear what I say?" And I think that is where the Lord is with some of us right now. In various ways, through many avenues, a lot of us are receiving *wisdom* (knowledge of what is true or right coupled with just judgment as to action; sagacity, discernment, or insight), but we are still unsettled, we are still fearful, we are still impatient...we are still complaining. Even though the Word says that in ALL THINGS we should operate without complaining (Philippians 2:14). When I asked God (James 1:5) what the deal was, he simply said, "Because a lot of you don't *understand* what is being told to you. You're like the student who memorizes something just to pass a test...but doesn't retain a thing. My 'school' doesn't operate that way. WISDOM and UNDERSTANDING work TOGETHER. It's when you have both that you will get a 'progress report' from me."

<ding> I get it!

And so, because this "movement of women" has evolved into addressing so many issues, I do want to remind us that the main focus is preparation for being a wife. Adonai called this and so he has not forgotten. But, to minister as a "flame of fire" to others (Psalm 104:4), we must be refined *first*. If you feel like things are "heating up", they probably are. Hang tight. It's all for a purpose. When I asked the Lord what it is that some of us don't understand (and in some way, I'm sure what I am about to share will be a light bulb...actually, "light flame" moments for all of us), there was some pertinent information that he led me to (I will bullet point the bottom lines but links to both will be attached in the comment section). We'll start with this:

TEN BIBLICAL PRINCIPLES of MARRIAGE

#1. Man needs a Wife.
#2. Marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman, initiated by the exchange of vows.
#3. The Husband is the head of the house and responsible for the marriage.
#4. The Husband is commanded by God to love his wife.
#5. The Wife is commanded by God to respect her husband.
#6. The Husband and Wife are joint heirs to life.
#7. A Wife is God’s grace to the Husband.
#8. The Wife is the most powerful influence over her Husband.
#9. Marriage is a sexually intimate and passionate relationship.
#10. Marriage is the mystery of the Messiah’s relationship with us.

OK. I think a lot of us have the *knowledge* about these things...but I'm not so sure about how many have the *understanding*. That a man NEEDS us. That there is no marriage until there are vows exchanged. That a man is *responsible* for how the house runs. That he is commanded by God to love us. That we are commanded by God to respect him. That we are to work together, as one, to fulfill God's will in the earth. That we bring our husbands *unmerited favor*. That we have a powerful influence over our husbands. That sex is only for marriage. That marriage gives us a glimpse into Christ's relationship with the Church (that too would be us).

Yeah. I'm not so sure how many of us really understand this. How many of us "accept" it; "discern" it; "get the picture" of it; "identify with" it; "make sense of" it; "realize" it...because if we did, I'm not sure we would be so impatient. First of all, based on the biblical principles of marriage, what are we so flustered about? THEY NEED US. And if we are to be in a godly covenant (Malachi 2:14), why would you want to rush God's handiwork? Shoot...with each passing day, I'm coming to understand my value more and more. If you're gonna be "running this" (metaphorically speaking), YOU'D BETTER HAVE YOUR STUFF IN ORDER, MISTER (LOL)! And please, take all of the time you need. I'm not waiting on YOU so much as I'm waiting on God's best for ME. It's not *wisdom* that brings me to this place of peace. It's *understanding*.

Oh, but we're not done.

Another article I read was on a new site that I "dug up" and I now "dig". It's a Jewish website called, Aish.com and there I discovered the following feature article:

TEN WAYS TO MARRY THE WRONG PERSON

#1. You pick the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after you're married.
#2. You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than on character.
#3. You pick the wrong person because the man doesn't understand what a woman needs most.
#4. You choose the wrong person because you do not share a common life goals and priorities.
#5. You choose the wrong person because you get intimately involved too quickly.
#6. You pick the wrong person because you do not have a deeper emotional connection with this person.
#7. You pick the wrong person because you choose someone with whom you don't feel emotionally safe.
#8. You pick the wrong person because you don't put everything on the table.
#9. You pick the wrong person because you use the relationship to escape from personal problems and unhappiness.
#10. You pick the wrong person because he/she is involved in a triangle.

Uh-huh. Cause you see, here's the thing: An excerpt from this article is *dead on*: "If you are unhappy and single, you'll probably be unhappy and married, too. Marriage does not fix personal, psychological and emotional problems. If anything, marriage will exacerbate them."

So let's define two other "highly-used" words right quick:

Right: in accordance with what is good, proper, or just; in conformity with fact, reason, truth, or some standard or principle; correct; most convenient, desirable, or favorable; in good order; sound, sane, or normal; in good health or spirits

Wrong: not in accordance with what is morally right or good; deviating from truth or fact; erroneous; not correct in action, judgment, opinion, method, etc., as a person; in error; not proper or usual; not in accordance with requirements or recommended practice; out of order; awry; amiss; not suitable or appropriate; that which is wrong, or not in accordance with morality, goodness, or truth; evil; an injustice; *an invasion of another's right, to his damage*; to pursue an immoral course; become depraved; *to cause to come into disfavor*

James 4:17 (NCV) says, "Anyone who knows the right thing to do, but does not do it, is sinning."

So, if you're in a relationship, are you doing it the RIGHT way? Or the WRONG way? If you desire to be in a relationship, is it for the RIGHT reasons? Or for the WRONG reasons? If you are impatient about marriage, are you sure you have the RIGHT perspective on its purpose? Or the WRONG one?

If you are not courting based on what the Lord says is biblically right, it's wrong.
If you are not doing things in order, it's wrong.
If you are invading someone else's rights (that would include "spiritually stalking" him), that's wrong.
If you are partaking in ANY KIND OF IMMORAL ACTIVITY, that's wrong.
If you are not adhering to the Lord's requirements and recommended practices, THAT'S WRONG.

And the Word says that if you know the right thing to do...but don't do it, it's sin. The Word also says that the wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23). Two definitions of death are "extinction" and "destruction". What are you so prideful about right now that you have ignorance re: your arrogance that is actually the demise of your own desire (Proverbs 16:18)? That has you actually believing that "he", whoever/wherever he is, is the hold up and *not you*? A Scripture that I hold very closely to me at this time is Ecclesiastes 3:11(NKJV): "He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end." And a Scripture (that I quote *all of the time*) that complements it beautifully is Acts 1:7 (Message): "You don't get to know the time. Timing is the Father's business. What you'll get is the Holy Spirit."

I wonder how many of us *really understand* this. WE DON'T GET TO FIND OUT ALL THAT GOD IS DOING FROM BEGINNING TO END. It's time that we *mutually agreed* with Adonai that he knows best. WE DON'T GET TO KNOW THE TIME. What we'll get is the Holy Spirit. We need to focus more on *becoming familiar* with how he communicates to us. Because when we really start to HONOR how God does things, amazing things happen. Honor doesn't just bring about a level of honesty, integrity and respect. But as women, another definition of the word is "chastity or purity in a woman". What does the New King James Version say in Hebrews 13:4? That marriage is HONORABLE among all? What is the husband instructed to do to his wife? HONOR her as the weaker vessel, right (I Peter 3:7)? Sistahs, ministers-in-training, we have to become HONORABLE so that we can be honored. We have to operate as a woman of greatness *now* by doing what's right, not in our eyes, but in the sight of God. We have to prove ourselves worthy of reverence and trust by how we treat men *now*, married or not. And Lord have mercy (literally)...some of us need to sprint to the throne of grace (Hebrews 4:16) to get our ESTEEM (a synonym of "honor", BTW) in check, quick, fast and in a hurry!

All of this wisdom. Now it's time to retain what we have learned. Now it's time to understand it.

Praise God for his mercy, though. Hmph. It does kind of feel like getting a test paper back and hearing the teacher say, "Do over."

Shoot, but praise God for the "DO OVER". (LOL)

Praying for your understanding, my friends.

It's the honorable thing to have.

Wisdom says so.

Love to you,

SRW

©Shellie R. Warren/2010

Well. It's 5:45am and the Lord has awakened me with an answer to a prayer that I have been praying for many of single men. I am fully aware that the Word says that a WIFE brings a man favor; not a "woman" or a "girlfriend" (Proverbs 18:22). Yet also, because the Bible speaks so fondly about the power of covenant (Matthew 19-Message), I am cognizant of the fact that the world is trying to present marriage as "a passing curiosity" rather than *a spiritual necessity*; the kind (of spiritual tool) that many of you will need to get to the next level in this life. God told Adam that it was not good for him to be alone (Genesis 2:18)...that he needed some help and yes, God uses messengers today to confirm this same revelation to his sons.

If any of you have read anything that I have written, then you know that a sistah can get a bit...well...lengthy (LOL). Another confirmation that this is El Berith's (the God of Covenant) doing and not my own is that this will be comprised as a bullet point list and not an article. As I consulted to Comforter (John 14:26) on how a godly man can "weed out" the wives (Ephesians 5) from the harlots (Proverbs 5), I was led (Luke 12:12) to men---Old Testament, "Old School" men---in the Bible and their wives. Feel free to share this as led and know that I am not just praying that you will receive (further) wisdom, but that with this wisdom you will have a greater understanding (Proverbs 4:7); that there are many ways to "find a wife" (look up the definition of "find"), yet it is my prayer is that you will open your heart, mind and spirit to seeing ONE WOMAN, "YOUR WOMAN" (I loved that Adam called his covenant partner that!)...more clearly. In God's time...but for *some of you*...that time...yes...is *now* (I know, right? I tried to edit that. "Now" is how it's supposed to be left. Go figure-LOL).

1) ADAM had the Woman *brought to him* and he recognized her as a part of him. Genesis 2:22-23 (NCV) says, "The LORD God used the rib from the man to make a woman, and then he brought the woman to the man. And the man said, 'Now, this is someone whose bones came from my bones, whose body came from my body. I will call her 'woman,' because she was taken out of man." In God's *perfect plan for covenant* (something we only see reflected in the Garden of Eden), the Lord decided when it is time for a man to have a helpmate. I believe his perfect will can still be done today. Sometimes, the man is "asleep" (unconscious) to the beginning stages of this process but at the right moment, the Lord will awaken you to someone who oddly does seem to be a lot like you; to be a part of you. Perhaps almost like a sister...but different (LOL). Gifts are things that are given without strenuous effort on the receiver's end. I know this "bucks the system" of what a lot of you have been taught, but a wife is a gift. Preparing yourself for the responsibility of covenant is one thing. But killing yourself for something that is good and perfect from God (and a wife would be that-James 1:17)? That's not biblical. Watch the women that come into your space. Are they helping you...or hurting you? In the physical and spiritual sense. Is she killing your spirit or reviving it? Are you physically prospering or being broken down?

2) NOAH had a "ride or die" chick by his side. Genesis 8:15 speaks of the instruction that God gave Noah: to take his wife, sons and their wives and put them on an ark that Noah was to build...to protect them from rains they hadn't even seen before. A godly wife trusts her husband because if she was at all worth her weight in gold, she chose a godly man. Therefore, it doesn't matter what things *look* like; she supports what "thus saith the Lord". If a woman is more concerned with comfort than conviction, pump the breaks and take heed.

3) ISAAC had a woman from "his camp". A woman with a heart of servitude. Genesis 24 speaks of the care and concern that Abraham had for Isaac; the desire he had for him to be married to an "equally yoked" (2 Corinthians 6:14) woman. I often joke with my male friends about staying out of the "Philistine camp" (shout out to Samson-Judges 16). A godly woman believes in the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Not only that, but because of that, she has a heart of compassion, service and generosity. Just like Isaac's wife, Rebekah. A stingy, selfish, opportunistic woman, does not a good wife make.

4) JACOB was overcome with emotion about Rachel. I love how Genesis 29:11 (NCV) says, "So Jacob kissed Rachel and cried." Something within him, upon seeing her, knew that he was "home". We know that he was so overcome with his love for her that he was willing to work years to have her as his wife and the Word says that it seemed like days to him (verse 20). Every story is different, but being overwhelmed with emotion about a woman is not a bad thing. I believe that Rachel had Jacob in a vulnerable state. You should be willing to share all of who you are with a godly wife. Time with her, even if it's hours long, should seem to fly by. That's a really good sign.

5) MOSES had a wife who covered him. In my opinion, one of the most untold stories of love was the action that Moses's wife Zipporah took to protect her man: "As Moses was on his way to Egypt, he stopped at a resting place for the night. The Lord met him there and tried to kill him. But Zipporah took a flint knife and circumcised her son. Taking the skin, she touched Moses' feet with it and said to him, 'You are a bridegroom of blood to me.' She said, 'You are a bridegroom of blood,' because she had to circumcise her son. So the Lord let Moses alone." (Exodus 4:24-26-NCV) A godly wife is keen to the needs of her husband. Her love covers (Proverbs 10:12) and protects. She remains prayerful about meeting his needs...AND MEETS THEM. Her husband is not just "some dude"...but her "bridegroom of blood". After God, he is most important in her life (even over her own children). And, because James 5:16 tells us that the prayers of the righteous has power, a godly man should be able to see the effects of a godly woman's prayers. He should be empowered by her presence in his life.

6) BOAZ honored Ruth's character. Even before marriage. I love the entire story of Ruth, but when it comes to wife selection, a woman you respect now, you will honor as a weaker vessel now (I Peter 3:7): "So Ruth stayed near his feet until morning but got up while it was still too dark to recognize anyone. Boaz thought, 'People in town must not know that the woman came here to the threshing floor.' So Boaz said to Ruth, 'Bring me your shawl and hold it open.' So Ruth held her shawl open, and Boaz poured six portions of barley into it. Boaz then put it on her head and went back to the city.'" (Ruth 3:14-15-NCV) You will defend her reputation. A step further...you will do nothing (in the dark or light) to tarnish it. A woman you love, you provide for...you protect...you take a proactive interest in. For example, there's no such thing as "making love" before marriage. That's not love. That's lust (Hebrews 13:4). A godly man loves his wife.

7) ELKANAH's wife released him from "Savior syndrome". A godly wife will know that her husband cannot do things that only God can do. She will relieve him of the expectation of otherwise. A lot of people are not immediately familiar with Elkanah, but most people know his wife, Hannah. The woman who he deeply loved but could not give her what *only God could*: a son (I Samuel 1). Be leery of the pressure a woman puts on you while courting to fill voids that are not your job, responsibility or calling from your Creator to fill. If she's not a worshiping woman, she's not the right woman. If you are who she considers to be her source, you are not her lover, but her idol. You can't live up to that...and shouldn't.

8) KING XERSES didn't have a gold digger. True, this man was considered "unsaved" initially...but this story reminds me of what the Word says about how a woman's conduct can change her husband's behavior (I Peter 3:1-4). But the main point I am led to make is that when Esther was offered up to half of his kingdom (Esther 5:3), she was more concerned with protecting her people. SHE REMAINED FOCUSED ON HER PURPOSE. A godly wife knows that a part of her responsibility is to respect you (Ephesians 5:33), but also to serve God. *Nothing will distract her from that.* Not money, not status, not fame, not you...nothing.

9) SOLOMON was inspired by the Shulamite woman. In doing a bit of research about the Song of Solomon, I read that "'Shulamite' in Hebrew is the feminine noun for 'Solomon.'" Your godly wife should not drain you, but revive you; should not bore you but enthuse you; should not leave you stagnate but cause you to grow. There was a lot of passion in the story of the Song of Solomon but I am learning that passion isn't just sexual. It's a strong love and desire. It evokes a level of fondness and excitement that's incomparable. A godly wife will have a passion for life: your lives...both separately and together. Both in the bedroom (after marriage) and out. Both as a bride (only a day) and a wife (until death parts you).

10) HOSEA was not as concerned as what people thought as what God said (Hosea 3:1-4). This may seem to contradict all of the former "head's up" but not really. Here's the thing. I was once in a relationship with someone (my late fiance') and I often compared it to Hosea and Gomer. Love sees people as they are meant to be...not necessarily as they currently are and the way that man loved me plays a big role in the woman that I am today. But here's the thing as well: a godly man is not going to have a broken woman overpower him. He will be the influencer, not the "influencee". Man doesn't see the future like God does so make sure you hear from the Lord...first. But also make sure that if you are called to a broken woman, that you are whole. Otherwise...yeah..."Gomer" is not for you (again, read Proverbs 5).

I know that all of us have heard that there is nothing new under the sun (Ecclesiastes 1:9) and I think that is kind of the point. As my mother, Gail Masondo, often says, "Discernment prevents experience from being your teacher." I believe that each of you has something very special to bring to this world...just as the ten men above in their "God appointed time line" did. But now more than ever, covenant (Malachi 2:14) needs to be represented in this world. Families need to be spiritually strong. And, what God has joined together, truly, NO MAN should separate (Mark 10:9). Divorce is not God's will for your life. Sexual promiscuity is not God's will for your life. Struggling is not God's will for your life. Joining to the spirit of a prostitute (I Corinthians 6:16) is not God's will for your life. Please know that I am praying for, and hopefully with you, that you will be open to God bringing his ABSOLUTE BEST. You are a man of God. You deserve to be HIGHLY FAVORED:

"He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains *favor* from the Lord."---Proverbs 18:22 (NKJV)

This is a critical season. Please. Choose wisely. Legacies are attached to your decision.

Love to you,

Shellie

©Shellie R. Warren/2010

I write today about secrets because as a recovering addict I have a past of many secrets. Not that my past is still a secret today, but when I was walking in sin and addiction, my life was full of secrets… too many to keep up with… secrets stacked upon lies and lies stacked upon secrets. It was a veritable house of cards that when finally collapsed was actually a relief.

If you're a woman who struggles with any addiction you know the burden of secrets.

Satan, our enemy, knows the power of those secrets. His job is to keep us from uncovering our secrets. As long as the secret is hidden it has power over us. The enemy will tell us we shouldn't tell anyone our secret because they will hate us. He'll try to tell us that even God hates us because of our secret.

The longer we keep the secret the worse it gets. In fact, nothing will get better until the secret is out in the open.

The key is to find a trusted friend or counselor with whom we can share our secret; go to her for prayer and support. Confessing our secret starts the healing process and removes the power of darkness over our lives. You'd be surprised how understanding others will be once you begin to share with them your struggle.

Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. -- James 5:13-16 NIV

The power of hidden behaviors and secrets can work for us as well as against us.
David said, "I have hidden your [God's] word in my heart that I might not sin against you."

If we hide God's Word in our hearts by meditating on it and memorizing it, we will find a new transforming power that will keep our minds and hearts pure.
Jesus taught, "But when you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father secretly. Then your Father, who knows all secrets, will reward you."

Secrets have a way of being exposed.
Let's use our ability to keep secrets for prayer and meditation. Unlike the game show contestants where the panel is guessing the secret, we will see an unbelievable new power, a power of Light, being exposed in our lives drawing ourselves and others to The Source of our secret.

My nephew came and visited me at my job this week and as he was waking up from his nap, he reached his hands out for me to hold him. As I held him, he rested his head on my shoulder and patted my back. This was such a great picture for me as to what God wants me to do. Just rest in His arms and let Him take care of everything else.

I have clung to many verses this week but the ones that I have practically memorized are found in 1 Peter.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. “ I Peter 1:3-10

Our faith is so important and invaluable. We have many things to look forward to and everything on this earth is temporary. My faith has grown leaps and bounds this week, it is far from being perfect or where I want to be but I can say that I truly know that God loves and cares for me as that has been shown to me over and over again.

A friend shared this quote with me this week, “The only way to know a winner is how they act when they appear to be losing.” I have clung to this and it has given me strength to fight hard for myself and what God has for me. I truly believe that God has something much bigger and better in store for my life and I need to trust that.
May this be an encouragement to you that the strength you have craved during your addiction journey will come and perhaps when you least expect it. God knows your heart more than you do and knows what you can and cannot handle. May you rest in the fact that a living God who knows more about you than yourself and dearly loves you.