Question of the Week: What Would You Tell a Single Girl About Married Sex?

by Shellie R. Warren on March 10th, 2012 in Women


I’m currently doing a little bit of a project on “On Fire” about what married women would do over as a single woman knowing what they know now…um, as a married woman. There are some *really enlightening* bits of information coming forth. For example, this one below is from RPS that I haven’t posted onto the blog site yet:

1) Discuss, I mean REALLY discuss religion before you walk down the aisle:  If your beliefs are important to you and something you want to share with a future family, know what your partner’s beliefs are and make sure they run parallel to yours.  What seems like not a big deal can DEFINITELY turn into one, especially when children enter the picture.

2) Before getting married, live on your own if you can afford it: I am so thankful that I lived on my own for almost 7 years before I got married, I learned a lot about who I was, how to run a household (paying bills, budgeting, etc.), got to practice cooking (lol), learned how to create boundaries, and can appreciate having a partner.

3) Know that his family is your family once you get married so choose accordingly:  Had I known the extent of my new family’s, um, interaction, I definitely would have discussed boundaries and waited out our trip down the aisle until significant changes were made rather than trying to deal with them while also navigating our first year of marriage.  Although I believe that we are stronger today because of all that we’ve been through, I don’t wish those trials on anyone.

4) What’s mine is yours and what yours is mine, FOR REAL:  This is where “For richer or for poorer” comes into play.  If you are in debt when you get married, you both are in debt.  If he has financial obligations, you both have financial obligations.  After almost 2 years of marriage I am a big advocate for getting your house in order before getting married if you are able.  One less stress to worry about…

5) Know when to hold back and when to let go:  I am still in the process of perfecting this one.  Not every argument is worth getting into.  Sometimes its best to just let it go, especially if its not a big issue.  Nagging and passive aggressive comments build up and turn into blow ups so choose your battles as well as choose your tone.  I’ve had to learn to save some of my reactions for a minute or two so that I can harness my initial anger and think and respond reasonably.  Let’s be honest, when you’re together 24/7, things will make you mad, that’s just how it is.  You can keep things civil by thinking before you act, admitting and apologizing when you’re wrong, and not holding a grudge…

Good stuff, right? And then there was one that brings me to the Question of the Week:

“I wish I had trusted God and waited on the Lord to deal with unresolved sin in both my life and the life of my spouse before we entered in instead of manipulating Scripture to my advantage like: ‘two are better than one’.  I wish I had known the consequences of entering in sexually broken and sexually sinful.  I wish I had known that what I believed in my mind of how it was going to be was something I created and was not substantiated by the Word of God. Dreams and visions are great but only dreams and visions that can be measured by Scripture will stand and bear fruit.”—Michelle

I think one of the most powerful ministries that there is within the Body of Christ is marriage ministry and being that sex is a gift that was given within it, I also think there is a *mission* that married people should be on to educate singles on the *purpose* AND *responsibility* that comes with marital intimacy (a lot of us already know about the benefits and unfortunately, that’s all a lot of us seem to even care about).

I’m thankful for websites like, “The Intimate Couple” that are willing to dive into this topic, and I’m personally a *huge* believer in the fact that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure (or suffering or regret) and so, in thinking about how vocal the commenters on this site can be, my question for this week is this:

“If you are married or divorced, male or female, in thinking about marital sex vs. single sex, in preparing singles for the marriage bed and reflecting upon your own journey, what advice would you give them in preparation for married sex?”

Sound off…



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